Unplanned Paternity
by TwinTrouble
Summary: Indefinite babysitting duty was so not on Kakashi's list of things he wanted to do with his life.
1. Not My Style

Twin1: Recently, we've noticed that we have a _lot_ of much loved, multi-chapter stories just sitting on our computers, being ignored because we didn't know how they'd be received. So, we've decided to put up a pilot chapter, just to test the waters and judge if the stories are worth putting up in their entireties. Your feedback will help us decide the most important question –

Twin2: To update or not to update. To write or not to write. To flog brother with a barbed whip for stealing notebook or not to flog brother with a-

Twin1: Yes, thank you, sister. Hush. So, the deal is, you tell us if you like this, we respond as you ask. This only works if you review, but whatev. If you don't, we'll just take your vote as a 'don't like it'.

**

* * *

**

**Three Months Old**

Sarutobi sighed heavily, leaning back in his worn padded chair. He loved the old thing. He'd chosen it especially when he'd first made Hokage as a teenager, back when he was too short for his feet to touch the floor if he sat back in the cushy, fluffy thing. In this chair, he'd faced many troublemakers and passed many laws. Here he'd cuddled his three children and one grandson, and played both aggravator and peacekeeper. From here, he'd ruled a kingdom.

Today, his faithful chair was the place he had chosen to sit as he rocked the plaintively crying infant in his arms gently, trying to soothe it.

The boy was barely three months old, but he already had vivid blonde hair and a wide smile. Of course, he wasn't smiling now. No, he was screaming, sobbing, his blue eyes clenched tightly closed against the world.

"Shh, shh, it's okay, little one," Sarutobi said calmly, unruffled by the loud noises. "You're safe now. Hush."

Eventually, the baby's wailing ebbed, until he was snuffling slightly against Sarutobi's chest, face buried in the old man's neck, breath catching in a sob occasionally.

Sarutobi waited patiently, rocking the infant to sleep, some distant part of him amused to see the ANBU who had brought him here still standing stiff and unmoving at attention in the middle of his office, and wondered vaguely how long he could keep it up…

"Dog," the Sandaime said eventually, shifting the now-sleeping baby to lie in his arms the conventional way instead of propped up against his chest in a hug. "Tell me what happened."

The ANBU bowed his head and began to speak in a brisk, clipped tone. "A group of intoxicated civilians broke into the house the boy has been inhabiting, and proceeded to attack as he lay on a rug on the living room floor," he said formally. "I intercepted and apprehended them, and with the help of my partner, Owl, subdued and arrested them. The infant was highly distressed but appeared unhurt."

Sarutobi nodded, tracing the little boy's soft cheek. "And what of Aya-san?" he asked. "Was she injured?"

Dog hesitated a beat before saying tonelessly, "The child's guardian was not present. She had left the house several hours before the attack."

The old man's hand clenched, gripping the soft blanket Dog had thought to wrap the child in before he'd brought him here. Aya, the woman he had charged with caring for the baby, had abandoned him, and then a group of drunken villagers attacked him.

"How much longer can hatred for this innocent child fester in my village?" he said sadly, almost to himself. The ANBU shifted slightly.

"Permission to speak freely, sir?" he asked. Sarutobi nodded once and waved his hand, gesturing Dog to continue. "This is getting ridiculous!" he burst forth. "Every other day, someone attacks him! The village wants him _dead_, Hokage-sama! It… he needs to be protected better than this," the masked man finished lamely.

The Hokage shook his head.

"I understand you, Dog, I really do," he said to the rather short ANBU standing before him. "But the problem is, what do we do with him? I can find no better way to deal with this situation than to leave things as is and hope and pray the villagers will grow to accept him."

Dog snorted derisively. "That's never going to happen," he said flatly. "People are far too good at holding grudges."

"Do you have a solution to offer?" Sarutobi questioned, sincerely curious and with a sneaking suspicion that the entire purpose of Dog's visit was to tell him one such solution.

As expected, Dog nodded. "I do, sir," he said. "I propose the child is taken into ANBU custody. There are sects that specialise in the raising and training of children. He could disappear into ANBU, at least until he is strong enough to defend himself from angry drunks."

Sarutobi frowned, unconsciously tightening his grip on the baby. "I had hoped to give him a childhood as close to normal as possible," he reminded the ANBU. "He needs to be among people, needs a chance to get to know children his own age and participate in a community."

"Sir, if things keep on the way they are, he won't get that," Dog replied. "People hate him. There's no way they're ever going to let their children play with him. It's not going to happen. And frankly, better isolated in ANBU than dead before his first birthday. However, if he disappears, in a few years' time, you can re-introduce him into the village under a different name, and he is sure to be better received."

Sarutobi considered, re-arranging the blanket around the sleeping bundle in his arms.

Finally, he sighed and nodded.

"Very well, Dog. I will accept your solution. Take the boy: give him to ANBU agent Mouse. She can be charged with his care for the first few months."

Dog nodded. Mouse had been pulled off active duty due to a severe leg injury, and had been cooped up in ANBU HQ since then. It was a good choice.

"Yes, sir."

"The boy is to be addressed as… Pup, I think, in any and all reports, requests, memos and notes sent from ANBU regarding him," Sarutobi continued. "If he is to disappear, he will disappear completely. His given name, however, should be used to his face. I will not take the name his father gave him away. He has no surname while in ANBU."

"Yes, sir." Dog bowed before carefully taking the baby in his arms. He held the infant gingerly, as if frightened the kid would break. A moment later, he was gone in a twist of smoke.

Sarutobi dug in his pocket for his pipe and leaned back in his well-loved chair. "Lemur," he called, and another ANBU – one of his guards – flickered into the visible spectrum.

"Sir."

"Go into the village," Sarutobi ordered, tapping his pipe to clear it before stuffing fresh tobacco into it. "Spread the news. Uzumaki Naruto was killed this morning."

* * *

ANBU codenamed Owl stood on one side of a two-way mirror, watching as the four men on the other side slowly sobered up. These people were little better than dirt in Owl's mind, having spent a month and a half guarding the brat they'd tried to kill and finding him to be nothing more than a baby.

What kind of monster kills a baby? Well, without an order from the Hokage to do so, the elite assassin had to add. These bloody civilians…

So here they were in an ANBU interrogation cell. Owl was desperately hoping for the chance to 'misinterpret' an order and give them a few marks to remember him by before he was forced to (once again) let them go.

The door opened behind him and Dog entered, holding that tell-tale blue bundle to his chest awkwardly. Owl grinned behind his porcelain mask: poor Dog, he had no clue when it came to babies. He was probably scared to put the kid down.

"Hey, Dog," he said casually to his teammate, turning back to the prisoners. "What'd the Hokage say?"

"The child will be raised in ANBU until he can be safely integrated back into the village. He's been officially declared dead."

Owl blinked. "So what'll that mean for them?" he asked, pointing at the four men, two of which were vomiting as their bodies rejected the alcohol they'd consumed. Owl fought a snigger. Civvies, couldn't hold their liquor.

Dog shrugged. "They attacked and killed a civilian child. That's pre-meditated murder of an infant. They'll be tried for treason and, if found guilty, should be executed. Somehow, though, I think they'll get off with a prison sentence."

Owl nodded. "If not a severe warning," he said bitterly. "The public will cry out for their release. But execution would be daft – why make them into martyrs?"

"Hn." Dog considered the men with distinct distaste for a moment, before turning away. "I have to take the kid to Mouse: do you know where she is this time of day?"

"Mouse? Good choice. Um, she's usually over at east wing – training, trying to force her leg to heal quicker and inevitably slowing the process," Owl said casually, leaning back against the mirror and looking down at the shorter-by-a-head ANBU. "Say… if they killed the brat and all… d'you think Head would mind if I roughed 'em up a bit?"

Dog rolled his eyes. "If you must," he sighed, turning away. "Just don't kill them, or make it too obvious; no blood. Don't make them into martyrs."

Owl's hidden grin was feral. "Gotcha," he said, turning back to peer predatorily at his four new victims. Then he thought of something and glanced back at Dog, who was making to leave. "Hey, Dog, what's the kid's name gonna be?"

Dog was halfway out the door, and paused half a beat before saying simply, "Pup," and sweeping away, arms awkwardly clamped around the infant.

Owl raised a brown eyebrow behind his mask. "'Pup'?" he repeated, shaking his head. "A codename already – that kid is destined for high places." Focusing once again on the four prisoners, Owl cracked his knuckles and cackled.

Oh, this was going to be fun.

* * *

That night, there was a celebration in the Village Hidden in the Leaves. Sarutobi watched the milling crowds below from the window of his tower, shaking his head regretfully as their shouts and laughter reached him. The fourth of January would likely become something of an unofficial festival in the years to come – the day the Kyuubi Brat was finally disposed of.

Someone pounded on his door, but he totally ignored it. People had been streaming into his office all day, each demanding the release of the four men who had done the deed. His council members wanted to gather and gloat at him, but he hadn't attended the meeting. Instead, he was enjoying the joys of a newly-installed lock on the door.

Said door rattled for a moment as whoever it was tried to force his or her way in, and then fell silent as he or she gave up.

"You can't ignore us forever, Hokage-sama!" a voice reached through to him, but he totally ignored it.

_So,_ he mused to himself, _what _are_ you going to do with your 'murderers'?_

He hadn't been able to place them with the Uchiha in the public jail, despite the numerous claims that, as they were civilians, they shouldn't be held by ANBU, simply because at the time they'd been getting false memories implanted in their minds so that their story would stand up under questioning.

But that was done now, and half an hour ago he'd given the order to have the men moved to maximum security in jail.

He couldn't execute them. That was for certain. Nor, judging from the crowds dancing and feasting below, could he imprison them for anything near as long as he wanted to.

He could give them a choice, Sarutobi thought. After their trial, once they were found guilty (and by hellfire, they would be) he could give them a choice: say, thirty years in jail (the maximum sentence for pre-meditated murder) or a public lashing. Knowing the men, they'd all choose the quick, painful route, and Sarutobi could feel slightly vindicated as he watched them beaten until they bled.

Ah, corporal punishment. How he loved it.

* * *

Mouse hummed to herself as she limped through her new (and larger) quarters. Agreeing to take in a child that had been officially declared dead had its perks. Reaching into the crib that had been set up for her, she lifted the fussing baby, cooing to him absently.

"There, now. Hush, hush. You're probably hungry, right? Well, we'll deal with that right now."

Propping the baby up against her shoulder with one arm, she walked to the kitchen section of her quarters (she had a _sink_, a _fridge_, and a _dishwasher_! How cool was that?) and digging around for some baby formula and a bottle.

She made it up quickly, double-checking the temperature was right and wouldn't burn the baby's mouth before she offered it to him.

Naruto latched onto the rubber teat instantly, blue eyes staring up at her in amazement before flicking around the room, taking in everything. Mouse smiled: she loved this age. They were just so interested in everything, wiring up their eyes before they learnt how to move anything else.

"Is that better, little Pup?" she asked, sitting down on her bed to feed the blonde infant. Naruto's response was to shift his gaze back to her masked face for a moment, before he went back to looking around. Mouse chuckled a little, running a hand over his little stomach and soft legs.

She was going to enjoy this assignment.

With her free hand, she reached up and pulled off her mask, allowing the boy to see her features and grinning as his eyes widened in surprise. He didn't stop drinking for a moment.

A soft knock on the door caught her attention and she quickly replaced the porcelain before calling, "Enter!"

The door opened slowly and Dog came in, carrying a manila folder.

"I've brought you the boy's file," he said without so much as a hello. "It contains birthday, blood type, allergies and so on. That should be all you need to look after him. The Hokage wants you to contact him directly if there is a problem." The short masked figure placed the folder on the table in the centre of the room (she got a _table_! Squee!), nodded and turned to leave, but Mouse called after him.

"Dog! Wait a moment. Are… do you want to… you know, if you want to visit the baby, you're welcome to-"

"I have no interest in the child," Dog cut in acidly. "I am merely following orders, and now my obligations have been fulfilled. Good day."

Mouse frowned at his back. "Kakashi!" she snapped. "You know you're being unfair. His father-"

"Is dead," Dog interrupted again without turning. "Let him rest. Either way, I want nothing more to do with _his_ son."

Mouse winced as he left, closing the door with a little more force than necessary.

"Don't worry," she said to the baby in her arms. "He'll come around. He's just… hurting, you know? Grieving. And he really does care what happens to you. He saved you from those nasty men, didn't he? And he brought you here. Just give him time. I mean, he's really just a kid as well, isn't he? He's only fourteen…"

Shaking her head, the injured ANBU woman lift the baby higher and continued to feed him, firmly pushing her dog-masked comrade out of her mind.

**

* * *

**

Eighteen months old

Now eighteen months old, Naruto didn't need to be watched every second. He was sitting on a rug in the centre of a locked, child-safe room, surrounded by a great many educational toys.

Currently, he was sucking his left thumb, his favourite stuffed toy animal tucked into his left elbow, while his right hand worked to fit a square block through a triangular hole in the side of a box. After a few moments, he stopped and examined the block, then very carefully moved it to the square hole a few inches away from the triangular one. It fit in with minimal effort, and Naruto grinned widely.

Now that all the blocks were safe in the box, Naruto moved onto a weird device that frequently made noises and sounds when he pushed random buttons on it.

Tentatively, he pressed down on the red button. A siren sounded, and he grinned, happily banging the button again. Next, he pushed against the blue one, and a weird little chamber of the plastic device began to spin, showing him several pictures in quick succession.

A set of blue eyes lit up as the child spied the ultimate temptation: an orange button. Instantly, he hit it as hard as he could, and the device promptly seemed to explode, several noises going off at once as other buttons were bumped and a small compartment bursting open. Out popped a small, soft plastic toy – a pig with a huge grin, and a recorded voice said, "Oink, oink!" before the pig was retracted and the hinged door snapped shut.

"Oink, oink!" Naruto repeated happily, banging the button again. He loved this toy.

The door opened with a pressurised _whoosh_, and Naruto turned his stout upper body in time to see a small, brown animal trot into the room, pause, and sniff him.

"Well, you don't need to be changed," he said in a low, gravely voice. "KAKASHI! It's safe!"

Naruto frowned and cocked his head. He vaguely recognised this creature. "Doggie?" he questioned slowly, and the brown creature glanced at him. Naruto was sure now: this furry animal was a doggie, which meant that –

"DOGGIE!" he shouted as a growed-up entered the room, holding a brown paper bag. The man stopped and winced, but Naruto didn't notice as he climbed to his feet and made his wobbly way over to the silver-haired man.

"Hello, Pup," the man began, but yelped and snapped out his hands to catch the child as he stumbled and fell.

"Doggie," Naruto repeated seriously, looking up at the white-and-red patterned face. "Ook! Doggie!"

He held out his favourite plush toy. Kakashi stared at it for a second, then sighed. "Dammit, Mouse has a sick sense of humour. Yes, Pup, it's a dog. Well done."

Naruto was frowning in confusion at this speech, his head cocked as he tried to follow.

"…Doggie," he said eventually.

Kakashi stared at him for a long second. Growing up in ANBU, where the adults rarely spoke, meant that Naruto had a very limited vocabulary. The sum of all the words he could speak only amounted to seven words, three of which he couldn't say properly. He also had various baby words and half-sounds, but in the end, all he said was ook – meaning look, oink, brrring, 'ungry – instead of hungry, dat – 'that', un and, of course, doggie.

_Why am I here_? Kakashi asked himself. He looked down at his hands, still holding the toddler up, and remembered the paper bag. _Oh yeah… Mouse is on a mission… someone had to feed him… Hummingbird asked me to pass it along… damn females._

"Doggie?" Naruto pressed, big, wide, _familiar_ eyes looking hurt and confused. Kakashi sighed heavily.

"That's a nice toy," he said grudgingly. "What's its name?"

"Oink!" Naruto said brightly. Kakashi rolled his eyes. _Figures_.

"I need to go now," he said in a monotone. "Here is lunch. Are you hungry?"

"Ungry?" Naruto repeated the word he recognised. Kakashi offered him the paper bag, and his eyes lit up. "Un!"

Letting both the child and the bag go, Kakashi retreated quickly, pausing outside the door to take a shaky breath.

He _hated_ seeing the kid. It reminded him too much of…

Of Sensei.

It was easier for the fifteen year old to stay away.

**

* * *

**

****

Twenty-eight months old

The old Hokage was sitting on the floor of the playroom, looking singularly undignified, smiling at the two-foot-high blonde bundle of energy that had recently turned two and four months old.

The child was sitting opposite him, and between them was a child's puzzle with only eight pieces. Naruto was just fitting the last piece in and he smiled widely.

"Doggie!" he announced. Sarutobi sighed and shook his head.

"No, Naruto, this is a frog," he said gently, pointing to the picture. "Froggie."

Naruto frowned. "Froggie?" he repeated cautiously. Sarutobi nodded, and his grin came back. "Doggie froggie!" he chanted, and giggled happily.

The Sandaime shook his head, smiling as he laughed. "Good enough," he said. Naruto didn't reply, instead hoisting himself onto his chubby legs and toddling away.

He had mastered the art of walking with scarcely a wobble, and Sarutobi knew that Ox and Bee had taken to taking him to the underground training area ANBU had and beginning basic exercises with him, incidentally going directly against orders but getting away with it by arguing that they'd been playing, not training.

Either way, Naruto seemed to enjoy it, so Sarutobi saw no need to interfere. And he was learning to talk better, too, which was a relief.

The child was unnaturally small for his age, so much so that Sarutobi would be concerned that he was being neglected and thus his growth being stunted if he didn't have it on good authority that Dog had terrified his various carers into feeding him at least four times a day.

The Hokage cracked a smile again at the thought. Despite the fact that Kakashi couldn't stand to be around the child, he still cared greatly for what happened to Minato's son. It was this distant protectiveness that let Sarutobi feel at ease with the child's current situation: no harm would ever befall Naruto on Kakashi's watch.

Unfortunately, Mouse had been killed on a mission eight months ago, so Naruto had no specific carer, but he seemed to be coping well when he was left generally to his own devices, not minding if different people came to change, feed and occasionally play with him.

Something that fascinated Sarutobi was the way Naruto seemed able to distinguish between the masks of the ANBU – even those he had never seen before – with the ease that many could distinguish between people's real faces. After speaking to a psychologist, he had learnt that a child's facial recognition system was wired up at a very young age and based on the people around him, so Naruto would always be able to distinguish different ANBU masks, but would have a hard time (at least at first, until his facial recognition system rewired) telling apart real human faces.

"What are you looking for, Naruto?" Sarutobi asked when Naruto began rooting through the drawers lining the side of the playroom.

"Oink," the boy said firmly. Sarutobi smiled and pulled himself to his feet, wincing as he felt his old bones creaking.

"Oink," he repeated, amusement tinging his voice. "Okay. Let's find him."

It took approximately eight minutes to find Oink stashed firmly behind the chest of drawers, and Naruto instantly latched onto the fuzzy canine, his legs giving out to land him with a _plop_ on his sound behind on the floor.

Sarutobi joined the child a moment later, and soon he had Naruto (and Oink) curled up in his lap while he read the child a story.

As he read, Sarutobi mentally mused that it was probably getting near the time when Naruto would have to be reintegrated with society as a whole. He needed to be young enough not to tell anyone what had happened in his life, which meant under four, or else the Hokage would have to wait until he was old enough not to say anything, which would mean fifteen or sixteen. Waiting that long was unfair and unhealthy to the child, so Sarutobi made a mental note to begin arranging for the child to leave the protection of the ANBU.

* * *

****

Two years, ten months old

Sarutobi smiled just a little and stretched, working the kinks out of his aching back. It had taken him six hours of mind-numbing paperwork, but it was finally all arranged. Everything was in place, ready for Naruto to reappear in his village.

Just one thing left to do.

The Hokage hummed a little as he carefully emptied the third drawer in his desk and placed a stack of folders, files and papers half a foot high into it, locking it securely. They would be safe there until he was ready to begin Naruto's reintegration. Hopefully, things would go better this time.

With this pressing matter out of the way, he reached for a red scroll about the size of a cigar, quickly unsealing it and unrolling it across his desk, reading it swiftly.

It was an update from Kakashi, who had been on a long-term mission for the last six months, and was getting bored with stakeout duty, apparently. Sarutobi chuckled as he read the report, which was laced with a jaded undertone and contained many pleas for mercy. The Hokage shook his head – Kakashi would be done soon, anyway. He just had to survive another two months.

Dipping his brush into his inkwell, he quickly signed the scroll to say he had read it and placed it in his 'out' tray, ready to be logged and stored by his Hokage-slaves – uh, chuunin.

No, wait, Hokage-slaves.

With a triumphant grin, the Sandaime realised he had finished his paperwork. Maybe now he could go home and actually eat dinner with his family for once, catch up with his youngest son – who was just touching eighteen now and was the only one still living at home.

"Hokage-sama?" The door had been opened about three inches, and the brown eyes of one of the very Hokage-slaves he'd been musing over just a second ago appeared in the crack.

"Hiroko-san. Come in," Sarutobi invited. The chuunin nodded and pushed the door open, revealing herself to be holding a stack of papers.

"Um, these came from Suna just now," she said, placing them on his desk and retreating quickly. Sarutobi saw the red band over them, marking them 'urgent', and sighed heavily.

"So much for dinner," he mused aloud, reaching for the top paper.

* * *

**Three years old, exactly**

Kakashi hesitated a brief moment before opening the door leading to the small room Naruto slept in (not to be confused with his play room). It was eight o'clock: more than two hours past the kid's bedtime, and accordingly Naruto was curled in bed, fast asleep and sucking his thumb.

Today was his birthday. Today, three years ago, Sensei had given his life and condemned his son to save a village which, to date, had proved highly ungrateful.

_Three years is a long time, Kashi_, swirled the voice of his teacher in his mind. Kakashi shook his head, banishing it.

He _knew_ his teacher would be horrified at how his son was being forced to live. He _knew _his teacher would want him to let him go enough to hold on to the boy who was still here, alive.

But it was hard.

Very carefully, unwilling to wake the toddler, Kakashi took a few steps forward and looked at him, tilting his head just a little.

…_He looks fine,_ the ANBU thought to himself, before turning and leaving silently, closing the door securely behind him.

In an instant, the boy was forced from his mind as he met up with the rest of his squad. He was a captain now, and he along with every ANBU not on a mission was slated to spend tonight policing the festival that was thrown in honour of the Yondaime's defeat of the dreaded Kyuubi.

Joy.

Leading his subordinates to the festival grounds, Kakashi couldn't hold back a sigh, feeling particularly world-weary. He hated this festival…

* * *

**Three years, two months old**

"Somebody's in trouble!" sang Rabbit, the female member of Kakashi's team, the moment the silver-haired man walked into the room that morning. He paused and looked at her, confused even though his mask.

"What are you talking about?" he asked. She was grinning, he just knew it.

"Hokage wants you," she said airily. "Better hurry. Don't want to be late. You have nearly-" She checked the clock hanging on the wall, "-seven whole minutes to get there."

For a moment, Kakashi stared at her. Then, he deflated and shrugged.

"Eh. I'll be late, then."

He laughed as Rabbit's jaw dropped until her chin peeked out below her mask.

After dallying a few minutes with his team, checking in with each of them, Kakashi headed off to the Hokage Tower. Once he arrived, he was waved in to see the Hokage without having to wait at all, so it was with a slight (hidden) smirk that he knocked on the Hokage's office door.

Maybe there was method in Obito's madness, after all. It was murder standing at attention for the typical forty minutes it took the Hokage to get around to seeing you.

"Ah, Dog," Sarutobi said as the Hatake entered the office when prompted. A slight flicker of confusion passed over the old face. "You're late…"

"Only just," Kakashi said mildly. "I hear you wanted to see me, Hokage-sama?"

Sarutobi hesitated. He wasn't looking forward to this conversation. Not. At. All.

"Close the door, Kakashi," he said seriously. Kakashi paused when his name was spoken, and very slowly pushed the door until it clicked shut behind him. Then he reached up and removed his porcelain mask, coming further into the room. "Sit down," the Hokage said, gesturing the chair across the desk from Sarutobi.

Warily, Kakashi sat down, frowning at the old man. This couldn't be good.

After an awkward pause, Sarutobi leant forwards, steepled his fingers, and began to speak.

"Kakashi, I wonder if you are aware of the average life expectancy of an ANBU agent?"

The Hatake frowned at the odd way of beginning, but replied anyway, "Six months, sir."

"And you have been in the force how long now?" Sarutobi asked.

"Three years, sir. Give or take a few weeks," Kakashi answered in turn. The Hokage nodded at him.

"Why did you join, Kakashi?" he asked suddenly. Kakashi stiffened.

"My reasons are my own," he snapped, then winced. "Sir," he added, trying to make it sound more polite. The Sandaime just surveyed him seriously, unmoving. Kakashi felt himself grow hot and uncomfortable under the intensity of the look, and eventually shifted and said, "Is there a problem, sir? Has something happened? Did my last psych evaluation come back below-par, or have my superiors reported any problems with my conduct?"

After a moment, Sarutobi shook his head. "No, Kakashi. You are, as always, in top form. All I have heard about you are praises, in various states of crudeness, by the way." Kakashi winced, but the old man didn't call him on it. "Kakashi… you have now been in ANBU six times the expected length of active duty," he began uncomfortably. "As such, I believe the time has come for you to explore other opportunities."

Kakashi froze. He knew what this was. This was the dreaded moment when he would be forcibly discharged from ANBU. It was inevitable: hang around too long and refuse to either voluntarily retire or die, and the Hokage would pull you from the force. Something about 'protecting mentality' or similar.

Either way, Kakashi was stunned, unsettled and… frightened?

He wasn't ready to face the world again. He hadn't _seen_ any non-ANBU comrades since he'd joined ANBU three years ago. Well, not out of uniform. Not when they recognised him, too.

"You're discharging me?" he blurted, interrupting the Hokage mid-sentence. Sarutobi stopped and considered him.

"Yes," he said simply. "I think it is time for you to take a break from ANBU, Kakashi."

"But I can't leave!" Kakashi insisted. "I can't! I… I don't think I can go back to being a jounin, sir!"

"You would be given special-jounin rank," Sarutobi commented. "Specialising in assassination."

"But what would I _do_?" Kakashi demanded. "Teach?" He barked out a laugh. "No. I don't teach. Nuh-uh. I'd destroy the brats, first training session."

"I will find something to keep you busy," Sarutobi said. Kakashi raked his hand through his hair, the look on his mostly-hidden face almost desperate.

"Please," he said. "Don't cut me from the force. I… I need it. I need to be… busy. Pressured. Otherwise… otherwise, I get nightmares… the _memories_… I… I need it," he said lamely.

Sarutobi watched him with concern. "This very dependence is what makes me think you need a break," he said. "And I insist. This is not negotiable. Just a break," he added, holding up a hand to stem the protests that had begun to burst forth. "In a few years' time, you may re-submit your application to re-join ANBU. Agreed?"

Kakashi considered. Honestly, it seemed fair – logical, even. A good way to keep ANBU agents sane would be to rotate them, three years in ANBU, three years out, giving their minds time to recover.

"Very well," he said eventually. "But the question still remains: what am I to do? _Don't _say teaching."

The Hokage took a deep breath. Now the real fight began. "Not teaching – yet," he agreed. "I already have a mission I wish to assign you. Unranked."

Kakashi stared. 'Unranked' usually meant it was too dangerous and unpredictable to be ranked and frequently ended up being more deadly than S-ranks. One could begin pulling weeds and end assassinating small children on an Unranked mission.

That was fine. Kakashi was good. He wasn't worried. But he _was_ confused.

Why would the Hokage forcibly drag him (kicking and screaming) out of ANBU, only to give him an ANBU-esque mission?

"This mission extends indefinitely," Sarutobi continued. Kakashi felt his gut clench. He'd _just_ gotten back from an eight-month long-term mission. Being back for two months had only begun to take the edge off the relief he had felt to being back in Konoha, and he wasn't sure he was ready to leave again, this time indefinitely.

"This mission will take place in Konoha," Sarutobi continued, almost missing the way Kakashi's shoulders slumped slightly in relief, and then twitched in annoyance at the thought of being stuck in the village _indefinitely_. "It is not a mission you may refuse."

Kakashi sighed and placed the porcelain mask he still held in his hand gently down on the desk with a soft _chink_. "What does this mission entail?" he asked in a low voice. Sarutobi hesitated.

"…I suppose you could say it is, on the surface, a bodyguard detail," he said eventually. Kakashi's eye narrowed.

"If your next sentence contains the Daimyo's wife, with or without that damnable kitten Tora, I _will_ leave. Better a missing-nin than that hell."

Sarutobi chuckled. "No, no," he said, waving a hand to calm the (much) younger man. Kakashi's relief was obvious.

Hesitating again, Sarutobi decided to just brace and say it, and do his best to railroad Kakashi into doing his bidding.

"Kakashi, the child we will refer to as Pup is three years old now. It has been a little less than three full years since he was first taken into the custody of ANBU. I think the time has come to re-introduce him to Konoha."

Kakashi had gone stiff. "Sir, I think that is a _very bad idea_," he stressed. "Oh, Kami… you want _me_ to guard him…? Sir, if it comes out that Uzumaki Naruto wasn't in fact killed three years ago, and was in fact living in the _very nerve centre _of our defences, the villagers will riot. I'm skilled, yes, but I'm not _that_ skilled. Nobody's that skilled. The kid'll be slaughtered."

Sarutobi surveyed him with some amusement. "Kakashi, when you first came to me with the idea of hiding him three years ago, you said that he should be placed back in the general community after an appropriate amount of time."

"I meant after ten or fifteen years!" Kakashi exclaimed. "You can't honestly think that people won't start to connect the dots if a boy exactly Naruto's age looking exactly like Naruto turns up in the orphanage and inevitably begins to show signs of being rather abnormal?"

"That won't be an issue. He will be hidden in plain sight. No-one will suspect anything," Sarutobi said confidently. Kakashi stared at him.

"Have you been drinking?" he asked frankly. Sarutobi shot him an annoyed look.

"You, Kakashi, haven't been seen by any non-ANBU person since you joined Black-Ops. I have, as you know, answered every question pertaining to your whereabouts by saying that you are on a long-term mission and vaguely alluding to the fact that you won't be back for some time. Now, I have arranged for your honourable discharge from ANBU, and you are free to return to the village. No doubt your homecoming from that _long_ mission away will be a cause for celebration among your peers – Maito Gai especially seems eager for your return."

Kakashi winced. Sarutobi pressed on.

"Also, it provides a unique opportunity to exploit. After all, who would question it if you were to come home with a child after a three-year absence? The so-dubbed 'mission babies' are very common among ninja in this situation."

The Hatake froze up. He was smart enough to put the pieces together.

"No!" he exploded instantly. "I won't do that! _No_!" He banged his fist down on the desk and Sarutobi quickly lifted his teacup out of harm's way.

"Kakashi-" he began, but the newly-reinstated jounin was talking over him.

"Even ignoring how utterly _insane_ this idea is, he looks _nothing_ like me! How are you going to explain _that_?"

"He takes after his mother," Sarutobi said dignifiedly. Bending down, he tugged open the third drawer and lifted out one of the files – the green one, offering it to Kakashi. The teen didn't take it, so he opened it for him and placed it in front of him.

Unwillingly, the man skimmed the paper before him, eye resting on the photograph of a beautiful, smiling woman who very clearly resembled Naruto – right down to the whisker marks. Below was a profile.

"Fuun Kita," he read out. "Unlucky North. How… appropriate. Deceased. Seventeen. Died in childbirth… ouch, Hokage-sama. That counts as my fault, you know. Whisker marks tattoos, a symbol of her clan, similar to the Inuzuka triangles. This is patently ridiculous." This whole monologue was said in the same unimpressed monotone. Sarutobi met his single grey eye seriously.

"Why is it ridiculous?" he asked.

"This will never work!" Kakashi exclaimed. "Never! I'm not the 'daddy' type, okay!"

"Kakashi, if you _had_ caused a child to be conceived while on a long mission, what would you do?" the Sandaime questioned pointedly.

Kakashi didn't answer. He couldn't. He knew – _knew _– that if he really had through some horrifying mistake created a child, he would bring it home to Konoha and be the best father he could to it. But that didn't mean… he could swear someone was laughing at him. It sounded eerily like Obito.

"No," he protested weakly. "I… I can't do it. I'm not… _ready_ to be a father. I… do you really hate the kid that much? Surely there are better candidates than me?" He tried to pretend he wasn't pleading. Sarutobi raised an eyebrow.

"Kakashi, you _are _the best candidate. You know everything about the child, where he comes from and who and what he is, and yet you do not hate him. And, like it or not, you're the closest thing to family the boy has. If you want, think of it as paying off a debt."

Kakashi bit back a groan. Of course, the Hokage _had_ to bring that up. It was true that when his father had died, Minato had taken the newly-orphaned Kakashi in and all-but adopted him – _would _have adopted him if not for Kakashi's childish pride. If Minato had survived, he and Naruto would have been raised as brothers. The silver-haired man buried his face in his hands, guilt curling in his stomach.

"Hell," he mumbled into his hands. "Hokage-sama, please. There has to be another option…"

"Kakashi," Sarutobi's voice was firm. "This is non-negotiable. This is a direct order from your Hokage. You _will_ take this mission."

"But his age!" Kakashi burst forth. "He's too old! It won't work, sir! People will know!"

"Uzumaki Naruto was born three years, two months ago," Sarutobi said seriously. "He died two years, eleven months ago. _Hatake_ Naruto was born eighteen months ago."

Kakashi stared at the old man, mentally calculating. That would mean he'd been conceived when Kakashi was about half a month into his sixteenth year.

"It'll never work," he protested. "You can't pass Pup off as half his age. It's impossible."

Sarutobi shook his head. "Tell me, what is the difference, proportion-wise, between an eighteen month old and a three year old child?"

Kakashi mumbled, but Sarutobi caught it.

"That's right. Not much. And Naruto is very small for his age. He could easily pass as a big almost-two year old. It will work, Kakashi. I have already arranged for it. It's also backstopped: there are people in Lighting Country – which is where you were, by the way – who will swear to knowing Fuun Kita their whole lives, and will mutter darkly about the bastard undercover ninja – you – who she ended up falling for."

"Thanks," Kakashi said, highly sarcastic. He seemed to be wilting, his resolve crumbling when faced with Sarutobi's onslaught.

"Come on, Kakashi," Sarutobi said coaxingly. "Do it for Minato, if nothing else. Ensure that his son has a home and someone who cares about him."

There was a long, tense pause, before the last of Kakashi's resolve evaporated and he slumped forwards, resting his head on the desk.

"Fine," he groaned. Sarutobi's face lit up.

"Excellent!" he said, forcing Kakashi to lift his head by shoving the rest of the folders ferreted away in the third desk drawer at him. "In here, you will find everything you need to know about the last three years of your life, the girl you were involved with and the child you created together."

"There is something fundamentally wrong with this," Kakashi remarked, his composure recovered, now reading with morbid fascination a series of extensive facts about a woman he had apparently been involved with for more than a year until she tragically died.

They'd been the same age. She'd been the daughter of the local innkeeper – a good person to befriend if he wanted the local news and gossip, not to mention a reliable source on who was entering and leaving the town. Her father had threatened to kill him when he'd found out his daughter was pregnant.

Kakashi had to feel impressed. It was an extensive cover story. There was even a mission report, nicely forged in his handwriting.

Opening a new file, Kakashi found baby pictures and a birth certificate, as well as a profile for his 'son'. Hatake Naruto, eighteen months old, born April third, allergic to bee stings and the pollen of a tree that only grew in the far northern reaches of Lightning Country. Weighing eighteen kilograms, he stood seventy-two centimetres tall. Favourite colour, orange.

"Any problems? Suggestions? Questions?" Sarutobi prompted. Kakashi, still flicking through papers, hummed contemplatively.

"What will we tell Pup?" he asked.

"_Naruto_ will be told the same as everyone else, until he is old enough to understand," Sarutobi said simply. Kakashi nodded, not looking up from his perusal.

"How do you propose I make it seem as though we have just returned from a long journey?" he asked. Sarutobi tapped another sheet of paper, and Kakashi picked it up.

And laughed.

"Ah," he said, nodding. "The obvious approach. Of course."

On the paper was a map, a travel path mapped out on it in red ink that would be easy enough for a child to navigate with a little help and would still make it appear as though whoever was walking it was coming from the general direction of Lightning Country.

"I want you and Naruto to go on a little journey for me," Sarutobi said. "That will give the child – and you – time to adjust. He needs to address and react to you in a manner that depicts that you are his father, not some stranger he's just met, and you need a little time to get used to caring for a child before you hit the public eye, as well. I guarantee that the moment you step through Konoha's gates when you return you'll be scrutinised, so it would be best to be convincing. The whole trip should take around two weeks, and by the end I imagine both of you will look as though you have just made a difficult, tiring journey from a foreign country."

Kakashi rolled his eyes. _Well_, _duh_.

"When do I leave?" he asked resignedly. Sarutobi checked his watch, and Kakashi groaned loudly. Sarutobi laughed.

"Kidding," he said. "Tomorrow. Take tonight to memorise those files. You need to know them perfectly. And I'd suggest you put some of the photographs in your pack. You know. In case. Oh, and don't forget when packing that you have to have room for all Naruto's gear, too!"

Grumbling under his breath, Kakashi gathered the files into his arms and stood, moving away before the old man could say anything to further rip his world to pieces and rearrange it into something frightening.

Outside, he stopped to lean against the hallway wall, breathing irregularly as it hit him exactly what he'd just agreed to.

He was a father.

Back in his office, Sarutobi smiled at the ceiling and waited. After a pause of maybe seven minutes, the door opened and Kakashi appeared again, glaring something awful. Wordlessly, without even looking down from a suddenly fascinating crack in the ceiling, Sarutobi held out Kakashi's porcelain mask that had been forgotten.

He had to fight a laugh as Kakashi snatched it and shunshined away.

Three months old


	2. You Want Me To What?

This chapter is dedicated to Sanz0girl and brokensparrow28, the first and last of... wow. Seventy-three votes for this story to be continued. We figure that's a decent showing.

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* * *

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Eighteen months old… again

The next morning, Kakashi woke up as usual exactly three minutes before his alarm went off and swung himself off his bunk, instantly alert. Upon confirming that he was indeed still safe (relatively) in his quarters in the ANBU HQ, he sat down and stared blankly at the whitewashed wall until his alarm went off, jerking him out of his stupor.

He jumped, and blearily rubbed his hand over his face, before beginning his morning rituals of washing, shaving, dressing and breakfasting.

By the time he was done, it was five a.m. Here, Kakashi deviated from his normal pattern. Instead of grabbing his mask and moseying on down to meet up with his squad, collect a mission and leave, he swung his pack up onto his back, where it settled over his white standard-issue armour, his cloak tied to the outside of it in a neat roll. He hesitated over his mask, eventually deciding to place it over his face for the hell of it, and, after checking that he had left none of his personal effects in the room, strode out of his quarters for the last time.

Walking slowly, he made his way through HQ, heading unwillingly but unerringly towards Naruto's bedroom.

When he reached there, he pressed his hand onto the seal on the outside of the door, which was there to ensure only certain personnel could unlock the entrance to the kid's room, and as a way to keep the brat in _one place dammit!_

The seal accepted him, and he pressed the door open, unaccountably nervous.

It was early: the blonde toddler was still fast asleep in his cot. Kakashi took a few steps into the room and turned the light on.

The sudden brightness woke the child, and he began to move, his face screwing up in protest at the light and a hand coming up to grind into his eye, his other hand and legs moving, stuck, beneath his soft blanket.

"Uhwah?" he said blearily, looking around as he was lying down. He caught sight of Kakashi standing nearby and frowned at his upside-down view of the man. "Doggie?" he said questioningly.

Kakashi hesitated one last time. This was his last chance to make a break for it…

"Good morning, Pup – uh, Naruto," Kakashi stumbled. Had to get used to calling the brat by his name. Would look weird otherwise.

Naruto sat up, still scrubbing at his eye. The blanket fell down to reveal his right arm clamped around that ragged toy dog Mouse had gotten him two and a bit years ago.

"Wha… Doggie?"

"Yes, Pu- _Naruto_, it's… me. Come on, we need to leave. You're going to live with me from now on, okay? So we're going to have to leave now. We need to pack up your things, okay?"

The blonde stared at him throughout this uncomfortable speech, and the only reply he gave was to raise his free arm in the universal child-signal for 'pick me up'. Kakashi obliged awkwardly, but it wasn't nearly as difficult as it had been last time he'd tried it, when he was fourteen. Now, Naruto put a remarkably strong arm around his neck and sort of clung there himself, and all Kakashi needed to do was prop him up with his left forearm hooked under the boy's short, chubby thighs.

Letting his pack slip to the ground, Kakashi nudged it open with his foot and withdrew several storage scrolls, and set about sorting through the boy's belongings. Really, he didn't have much, compared to many devil spawnings – uh, children – Kakashi knew, and he reasoned he'd be able to bring just about all of it.

Soon, it was done. Naruto was all but asleep on his shoulder. Kakashi was highly uncomfortable.

"Okay. We're going to leave now, Naruto," he said softly. "You just sleep. We're going on a little trip. You won't be coming back here."

He turned to leave the room, but a small voice below his left ear said, "Wai'. Oo f'ge' bangkie."

Kakashi closed his eye. He honestly had no frickin' _clue_ what the child had just told him. He _had _to teach him to speak better, even if that meant talking to him constantly. Sweeping the room with his gaze, he saw that the only thing he hadn't picked up was the soft blue blanket on the bed.

With a sigh, he lifted it, and, shuffling Naruto carefully, managed to lay it over his shoulder and lay Naruto on top of it, ensuring that it would only fall and get lost if he dropped Naruto, and face it: that just wasn't happening.

Somehow, Kakashi managed to stuff the filled scrolls into his pack and navigate the bag onto his back without dropping the toddler, but by the time he was done, he had a death grip on the small body, convinced he was about to fall, convinced that if he _did_ fall, he'd break his neck and die.

He just felt so fragile. So small, clinging so trustingly to an elite assassin. It almost seemed a crime to hold something so soft and innocent so close to such a blood-saturated soul as Kakashi's.

Naruto wriggled uncomfortably, and Kakashi made a conscious effort to relax his grip just slightly before the blonde woke up completely from his doze.

"Um… we're going to… go… now," the silver-haired man said uncomfortably. He wasn't used to narrating his life for others; he didn't even enjoy telling those he was _directing_ where he was going to be and what he was going to do. And the kid wasn't exactly answering. But he did have to sort of… talk to him… right? Kakashi wasn't good at small talk, so telling the baby everything he was doing was a good way to fill up his word quota.

Readjusting the child in his arms until he was holding him up against his chest with both arms, the boy's legs around his waist and small arms hugging his neck, soft gold hair tickling his ear as Naruto rested his head on his shoulder, Kakashi exited the room, moving swiftly and covertly to escape ANBU headquarters. He _really_ didn't want to run into any ANBU members and be forced to say goodbye. In fact, he had plans to be well out of the village by the time a morning meeting was called and the force as a whole was informed that he had been discharged.

He hated goodbyes. And hellos. And talking in general.

People were annoying.

* * *

Naruto began to wake up and got increasingly more and more squirmy as the day progressed. By about seven o'clock, Kakashi placed him on the ground to walk along beside him, bidding him to stay close and keep up.

Half an hour and five hundred metres later, he realised that a simple command hadn't really gotten through to the three year/eighteen month old boy who had never been outside before (that he could remember, at least).

"Naruto, come on," he said, as the toddler stopped yet again to examine a flower. Those blue eyes flashed up to Kakashi's still-masked face and a pout formed. The boy looked dangerously near refusing to obey, so Kakashi gritted his teeth and took the dreaded step.

He held out his hand to the blonde. Instantly, through part-delight and part-conditioned response, Naruto slipped his much smaller hand trustingly into Kakashi's large one, consenting to being pulled along at a slow walk.

It wasn't long before Naruto started flagging, lagging behind and relying more heavily on Kakashi to pull him along. The jounin cast him mind about, trying to figure out what was wrong, before he realised that the toddler wasn't used to walking very far at all.

But they had a long journey. Kakashi tried to think back to when he'd been three – he had vague memories of trips out-of-village with his father when he'd been very young, before his father had gotten so incredibly busy.

Ignoring the hot shards of pain that always lanced through his heart whenever he thought of his father, Kakashi mentally reviewed the man's strategy for caring with his young son when they were going to be walking for a long time.

Kakashi remembered he would walk in the morning, after breakfast, and then inevitably get tired after an hour or so and be carried by his father, falling asleep on the man's back or shoulder, until he woke up and they ate lunch. Then he would either walk some more or demand a ride on his father's shoulders, and he would be alternately carried or walk until the sun went down, and they stopped to make camp, eat dinner, listen to Tousan and occasionally Jirayia-sama (if he was there) tell stories, and sleep the night.

Right. Kakashi could do this. He nodded decisively. He would follow the same general pattern, he decided, reaching for Naruto to lift him off his tired feet. He would carry him for a while, until…

Wait. Dinner. Lunch. Breakfast.

Kakashi swore aloud when he realised he had completely forgotten to feed the kid. Naruto wasn't one of his ANBU teammates who'd slept in and needed to be roused – he had a responsibility to supply food!

_Well, that makes it break time, I guess,_ Kakashi thought dryly, deciding to stop right there beneath the trees. Without further fuss, he simply folded his legs and sank onto the leaf litter with a certain trained grace, crossing his long legs beneath himself.

Naruto looked at him curiously for a moment, before he mimicked the older man, sitting down with a clumsy thump and crossing his short, stubby legs, wide blue eyes watching the older Konohan for a clue as to what was going on.

"Are you hungry, Naruto?" Kakashi asked, digging in his backpack. It was impossible to miss the way that the toddler's eyes lit up.

"Ungry!" he shouted, clapping his hands. "Eat! Pwease?"

"Yes, you can have breakfast now," Kakashi said absently, still rooting through his pack. Eventually, he came up with a soft-bread sandwich (toddler-friendly) which he handed to the boy making grabby motions at him and edging closer on his bottom eagerly.

Kakashi had to restrain a wince at how enthusiastically the baby began to eat. _Okay… I _have_ to remember to feed him. Important!_

Carefully reaching up, he removed the white and red mask that was fitted over his face with a sigh. He should probably stop wearing it, he admitted to himself. He wasn't in ANBU anymore. He let a finger trace over the pattern of a snarling dog that was painted onto it before quickly tying it onto the outside of his backpack.

A glance told him Naruto as staring at him, mouth open, giving Kakashi a nauseating view of a bite of half-chewed bread and butter.

_Ew…_

"What?" he asked.

Naruto chewed twice and swallowed rapidly, emptying his mouth enough that he could level one finger at Kakashi's nose and say, "Oor face off! Ooks… me."

Kakashi closed his eye, mentally analysing that. What the hell? Was the kid even speaking the same language as him? What was he trying to say?

Well, it probably had something to do with his mask coming off. Come to think of it, the only person Naruto had ever seen without a mask was the Hokage.

"Yes, I took my mask off," he said, taking a guess and hoping he got the kid's meaning right. "This is my face. Well, kinda." He didn't want to remove his hitai-ate and cotton facemask as well. Naruto narrowed blue eyes warily at him.

"Doggie?" he asked suspiciously. Kakashi blinked. Was the kid…?

Either way, it would be best to change the form of address now, to give them both time to get used to it.

"Daddy," Kakashi enunciated clearly, touching his own chest. "Daddy."

Naruto tilted his head, confusion written over his face. "Da…dee?" he repeated uncertainly. Kakashi nodded.

"Daddy," he confirmed. "I'm Daddy."

"Daddy." Naruto sounded marginally more sure. Kakashi nodded.

"Un. Now, eat your food. We need to get moving."

After a long pause, during which Naruto frowned at the man almost sceptically, he turned back to chewing his bread with half a set of teeth – the rest had yet to grow through.

Kakashi sighed with relief. Hurdle one down.

Now, he was up for two fun-fun weeks of father-son bonding.

* * *

A weary teenager heaved a small child a little higher on his hip. Though he could usually carry weights much heavier than eighteen kilograms for much longer than he'd been carrying this one, it was a totally illogical but cruelly true law of the universe that young children got heavier the longer you carried them.

Naruto was resting his cheek against Kakashi's shoulder. His blanket was draped around him like a cloak to keep the evening chill away, and Oink was crushed between his stomach and Kakashi's chest. He was holding a plastic baby's bottle filled with formula that had been mixed with water from Kakashi's flask and heated with a mild katon jutsu. He was sucking on it slowly, his eyes heavy.

He did hope Daddy would find a place to stop soon. He was really tired, but couldn't sleep well when he was being jostled by the man's movements.

They had been out here in this strange place for a long time – more bedtimes than Naruto could count! He liked it out here, with big green-and-brown fresh-smelling things Daddy had told him were called 'trees' and weird things that moved all by themselves but were neither 'doggie's nor 'froggie's, but he liked it most of all because Daddy was with him all the time and he was never left alone.

Dimly, Naruto realised Daddy had stopped and was setting out a sleeping bag with one hand. The first night they'd spent out here, Naruto had had a bad dream, and Daddy had picked him up and hugged him until they fell asleep together. Ever since then, Naruto would always curl up against Daddy and go to sleep right there when they stopped.

He like this bit of the day the best, and he didn't even _like_ bedtime. But Daddy was big and strong and brave and scary and he made the bad-dream monsters stay away, and Naruto loved snuggling up against his chest and feeling his strong arms hug him and knowing that when he woke up Daddy would be right there.

"Mm, Daddy," he said sleepily as he found himself set on the ground and the other man began to unbuckle his small shoes.

"Yes, Naruto?" Daddy answered. Naruto was too sleepy to even really look at him as he said, "Wen ree go-a ge' air?"

Daddy had said they were going somewhere special, to a new home where they were going to live. Over the last few days, he'd told Naruto quite a bit about it, and Naruto wanted to know how long until they reached the mysterious place.

"Long time, Naruto," Daddy grunted, slipping into the sleeping bag and carefully lowering Naruto onto his chest, arranging the boy comfortably. "A week and a half, or more."

Naruto nodded drowsily even though he didn't understand, his eyes closing as he slipped into unconsciousness.

For a while, Kakashi lay and looked down at the soft blonde hair that obscured his vision, even though he was exhausted and couldn't seem to get enough sleep these days.

As bizarre as it was, Naruto had taken to him like a duck to the water. It would be easier than he had supposed to convince Konoha they were a family when they arrived in one or two week's time. There would be no need to explain away Naruto's standoffish behaviour, simply because he didn't display any. No, all that would be needed was an act on Kakashi's part: a show of fatherly affection towards the kid.

It didn't need to be overdone, either. Kakashi winced at the thought of acting like those simpering idiots who fawned over their kids. No. That would fool no one. No, he just needed to pretend he… _loved_ the brat. Ich. He'd been practising for the last couple of days, and he thought he'd gotten pretty good at it.

The ex-ANBU effortlessly squashed the twinge of guilt he felt in his soul at deceiving the child like this, especially since it was obvious the toddler had, through some miracle, bonded with him. But Naruto didn't ever need to know that "Daddy's" affections were false.

He'd even gotten better at interpreting the baby-babble.

Absently, Kakashi raised a hand to smooth and pet the downy soft blonde hair, shifting a little so he could see the boy's face.

Naruto was fast asleep, sucking his thumb unconsciously, his half-full bottle lying forgotten in his other hand. Kakashi frowned a little, one gloved hand moving to tug the thumb out of Naruto's small mouth. He'd have to break that habit…

Instantly, with a rustle of cloth, Oink's fluffy tail took the place of Naruto's thumb in the child's mouth, and Naruto snuggled deeper into his blankets, sucking firmly on the plaything.

Kakashi winced. That definitely explained why the toy was so tattered. Breaking the habit had suddenly become a top priority. Right below toilet-training.

Even if it _was_ kind of… you know… cute.

* * *

Relief coursed through Kakashi. He had just spotted the gates that allowed entrance into Konoha up ahead. They were home. The journey that had easily been the most exhausting and nerve-wracking of his life – including that time he'd had to drag home an unconscious teammate from Iwa whilst nursing a stomach wound and being chased by a small army – was finally over.

It had been a trying two weeks. Were children _supposed_ to leak like that?

Naruto, who was walking on his own this morning, holding Oink, noticed the gates about ten minutes later and stopped short.

"Daddy, iss ur? We air?" he asked, blue eyes turning to his guardian for confirmation.

Kakashi glanced at him and nodded. "Yes, Naruto. This is Konoha – home," he corrected himself. "This is home."

Those familiar eyes lit up and suddenly the toddler transformed into some kind of miniature Yellow Flash as he darted ahead, moving with mind-boggling speed the way only a toddler can.

"No, you don't!" Kakashi muttered, quickly flashing through some handsigns, activating a jutsu a kindly innkeeper had shown him two nights ago. A chakra leash activated and snapped out to catch Naruto, pulling the pouting boy gently back to his father's side.

"No fa'," he whined.

"Yes fair," Kakashi countered. "Remember what I said about running off? Bad Naruto."

Instantly, the baby's expression turned from excited-but-thwarted to horrified-and-contrite. "'M sor'!" he wailed, latching onto Kakashi's leg. Kakashi sighed and patted his head.

"It's alright. Just try to remember next time, okay? You could get hurt, running off alone."

Naruto nodded, a toddler's promise to be good, and together the pair approached the gates.

One of the two chuunin guarding the gate glanced up as they came into his field of vision. Seeing only a young man and a small child (not likely to be threat) he glanced back down, only to do a double take as the man's identity and the fact he was _travelling _with a _toddler _of all things made it through to his head.

"K-Kakashi-san!" yelped chuunin A – Kakashi neither knew nor cared what his name was, tired as he was.

"Y-you're back!" stuttered chuunin B. Kakashi nodded once as he paused at their booth, his single eye sparing them a glance before fixing back on Naruto with parental paranoia.

"The village has missed you," offered chuunin A. Kakashi spared a second in his Naruto-watching to shoot him a dull look. Chuunin A winced.

"Um, who is this?" chuunin B tried, looking at where a small blonde person was trying his utmost to push the heavy gate into the village closed.

"His name is Hatake Naruto," Kakashi said shortly. "He has no passport. However, as an ANBU, I can authorise his entry. So just mark my name on your list and wave us through, okay?"

"Um…"

"Yeah, you can do that," chuunin B agreed quickly, scrawling something down on the nearest scroll. "Go on through! Don't forget to hand in your report, and – it's good to see you back, Kakashi-san."

Kakashi gave a snort of disbelief, but summoned Naruto to his side with a tug on the chakra leash and moved through the gates.

Chuunin A didn't seem able to let it go. "Wait. Hatake Naruto – is he related to you? Like, your kid, or – ouch!"

Kakashi smirked without turning to see what had happened. He knew. Chuunin B had just stomped chuunin A's uncovered toes. Quite hard, from the sound of it.

Beside and below him, Naruto was practically writhing in excitement, and Kakashi idly wondered how long until he exploded. He could practically hear the kid's gears whirring ten times faster than usual, trying to keep up. His head swivelled, obviously attempting to take in everything going on around him as they began their (way too long) walk to the Hokage Tower to 'report', Naruto sliding his small hand into his father's for a measure of reassurance in the new, exciting and slightly frightening place.

They had nearly made it when –

"DYNAMIC ENTRY!"

"Aw, _crap_!" Kakashi said, firmly and loudly. Glancing down, he tugged on the hand in his. "You're never to say that word, you hear?" he said sternly to the kid. Naruto, who had been watching a confrontation between a pigeon and a shopkeeper on the other side of the road, turned his big eyes up to look at Daddy.

"Uh-wah?" he said, thumb in mouth and Oink balanced precariously on his elbow. Kakashi twitched.

_Cute_…

"My youthful rival Kakashi! You have returned! Yosh! Today the springtime of youth are in full bloom! It is Good to see you again, my friend!"

Naruto, suddenly devoid of the adventuring courage he'd possessed until the spandex-wearing creature had appeared before them, tugged his hand out of Kakashi's and suckered himself to the man's left leg like some kind of particularly stubborn barnacle. Wrapping his arm around Kakashi's shin, his cheek rested neatly in the cleft of Kakashi's knee, his other thumb still firmly in his mouth.

"I have Missed you, Rival Kakashi!" Gai was declaring to the rapidly-emptying street. "Do not think I have forgotten our competition! No, you will not escape that easily! The Flames of Youth will triumph over your hip and coolness! The score currently stands at fifteen to sixteen, in my favour! We shall – oh! Who is this Champion of Youth who stands close to you?"

Kakashi debated the pros and cons of several answers, but Naruto saved him the trouble by pulling his thumb out of his mouth with a wet popping noise and slapping the slimy (ew) hand over his left ear, saying, "'E 'ou, Daddy. Owie."

Kakashi bit back a snigger. "Yes, he is," he agreed, patting the blonde head consolingly.

Gai looked from tall to short Hatake and back again. "Kakashi, am I right in thinking that you understand his youthful words?" he asked, slightly confused. Kakashi nodded shortly.

"I do. He said 'He's loud, Daddy. Ouch.' So, please. Inside voices, Gai. You're hurting his ears."

"AAH! I AM SORRY, YOUNG-"

"GAI! _Inside_ voices!"

"I am sorry, my young friend," Gai tried again. "I will keep my voice lowered! And if I can't, I will swim fifty lengths of the river whilst chewing rocks! And then – did you say 'daddy'?"

Kakashi sighed slightly. He was torn between amusement and dread at this conversation. Ah, well. Might as well get it over with.

Squaring his shoulders, he said, "I did. Gai, this is my son. Naruto, this is Gai-san."

For a moment, Gai looked remarkably un-Gai-like. His grin slid off his face, to be replaced with a grim sort of expression Kakashi had rarely seen, which looked rather out of place on Gai's features.

"Your son?" he repeated seriously. "Who is his mother?"

"Girl from the village I was staying in," Kakashi said, meeting the green-clad chuunin's eyes unflinchingly. Gai frowned at him.

"… Kakashi, my friend, while I understand you wishing to keep your son, was it not perhaps unwise to tear a son from his mother?" Gai asked in a low voice, dark concern tinging his question. _After all, what do you know about raising a child?_ hung unsaid but unmistakable in the air between felt himself stiffening and drawing up to stand at his full height in a response to the query, one hand reaching to rest possessively on Naruto's messy head.

"Kita is dead," he said flatly. "It was accept responsibility for the child or abandon him for his village to raise. I believe I took the only option."

Gai closed his eyes for a moment at the news, and Kakashi cringed as was he suddenly enveloped in a hug. "I AM SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS! THE LOSS OF LOVE AT SUCH A YOUNG AGE AS OURS! MY HEART BLEEDS FOR YOU, MY RIVAL!"

This was shouted at the top of Gai's powerful lungs, right into Kakashi's right ear.

"Can't breathe," he muttered, and Gai eventually released him. Tears were streaming down the other man's cheeks.

Kakashi winced. _He cries so easily…_ Again, he swore he heard Obito's hysterical laughter.

"Gai, it's okay. Really. It was eighteen months ago, when Naruto was born. I'm fine. Seriously, Gai. Stop crying. Um… tears are unyouthful?"

_There_ we go. Gai wiped his eyes, the flood of manly sobs dying down rapidly.

In a few moments, he was calm enough to grin again. He knelt before the Hatake pair, putting himself roughly on Naruto's level. The blonde surveyed the weirdo warily.

"Hello, most Excellent and Youthful child of my Rival, Kakashi!" he said brightly. "I am Maito Gai, Konoha's Green Beast!"

Naruto frowned, tilted his head, looked Gai up and down with his bright blue eyes, and then leaned around his father's leg and said clearly, "Froggie."

Then he placed his thumb in his mouth and held up his other hand for his father to lift him.

As Kakashi obeyed, hoisting the child into the air, he couldn't help it. He began to laugh.

* * *

A small shadow crept across the floor, raised up on tiptoes to minimise noise. Sunlight peeked in through the window and bounced off bright golden hair, making the shadow shine a little in the small, one-room apartment.

Grinning, Naruto took two more steps and pounced.

Kakashi jolted awake as something small cannon balled his stomach. "Oof!"

"Daddy Daddy up up up!" Naruto squealed from his midriff. Unfortunately, by the time Kakashi realised who had 'attacked' him, he was halfway through a counter-move and a second later had Naruto pinned beneath him, one arm firmly behind him and a kunai pressed at the back of his neck.

There was a two-second pause before Kakashi snatched the knife away and let Naruto's twisted arm go, pushing himself up to get his weight off the small, fragile body. He felt sick. Naruto was so small, he _must_ have hurt him. He'd attacked him! A baby! He was a _horrible_ guardian! Naruto would be injured, and the Hokage would take him away and give him to someone else and _why was his chest hurting_ and he didn't have time for this and _oh god oh god is Naruto hurt why isn't he moving shit shit shit…_

The boy then did something that threw Kakashi's panicking mind for a loop. He started _giggling_.

Naruto had been stunned when Daddy had flipped him over and pinned him face-down on the mattress, and it had taken a moment to realise what had happened, and then that he'd been let go. Then, he'd started to laugh. Daddy was good at playing! This was a fun game!

Sitting up, he squirmed around until he was facing Daddy once more and dived at him again, head butting his chest and attempting (futilely) to force Daddy back down on the bed. One of Daddy's arms came up around him, pinning him again against the man's chest this time, and Naruto squealed happily, wriggling energetically in his grip.

Kakashi's mind was frozen, unsure of how to respond to this situation. Clearly, the blonde wanted revenge for pinning him down like that – Kakashi's gut clenched guiltily – but he was grinning like a mad thing and his squeals didn't sound angry, scared or frustrated. No, instead he seemed almost… happy?

Kakashi was suddenly seriously concerned there was something very wrong with the boy.

Naruto had managed to squirm out of his grasp, but just leapt right back at his father, this time aiming higher. Kakashi's body reacted automatically before his mind could stop it, grabbing the attacker out of the air, twisting him around and catching him in a headlock.

Kakashi froze.

_Crap! Once was enough, but then I went and did it _again_! Even if he wasn't injured before, he certainly was now! What do I do? I… I can't keep him around if I can't keep myself from attacking him! Crap, I must have heartburn – my chest hurts!_

The train of thought was cut off as once again, Naruto began shrieking with laughter and squirming in his arms.

"Gan!" he shouted at the top of his lungs, in between writhes and shrieks of laughter. "Gan, gan, gan!"

He managed to tear himself out of Kakashi's (loose) grip and instantly launched a new attack. Kakashi grabbed him, mind whirring. Was he saying 'again'? Was he… having _fun_?

He wasn't hurt? He wasn't scared? Could that be real?

Looking down at the grinning blonde, however, Kakashi had to concede that yes, he was having fun. This was all a big game to the toddler.

_Hell… I want to live in Naruto's mind_, he thought to himself, hesitantly reaching to swing the child into the air and then toss him gently down onto the mattress again.

It had been three days since they had returned to Konoha. Kakashi had set up a crib in his small, one-room apartment, but the little brat had recently figured out how to escape from it.

Bloody imaginative children. Child-safe should _mean _child-safe, dammit!

Rolling his eyes and shoving the brat down when he tried to squirm to his knees, Kakashi mused that there were days he could truly appreciate that Naruto was indeed Kushina's son.

* * *

Naruto was happily seated on his blankie, which was spread out on the limited floor space of Daddy's apartment, happily arranging the painted wooden blocks Daddy had given him, occasionally lifting one to chew absently.

There were noises outside the closed door, but he didn't listen to them, too intent on his game.

"Four… five… ah, here we are. This is Kakashi-san's house!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah – number six. C'mon, Kurenai – I wanna see the baby! Dad says it's real cute!"

"I heard it looks nothing like him. I'm not even convinced the baby exists, with all the rumours flying around. Oh! Hey, Genma. Are you visiting Kakashi-san too?"

"Yeah. I'm curious as to how he got the kid in the first place."

"I'd figure the _usual_ way, Genma."

"You think? I just always thought Kakashi was too… I don't know… frigid for any kind of… intimate interaction."

"Che. Please. There's a complete difference between shunning human contact and refusing sex."

"Anko! Why're you here?"

"Same reason you are, dumbass! To see the baby. Well, mostly to see if I can get into Kakashi's pants, but it amounts to the same thing, really."

"WHAT? No, it doesn't!"

"That's sick, Anko."

(Cough, cough, cough.)

"Hey, Yuugao and Hayate! You here to see the kid, too?"

"Duh."

(Cough, cough.) "Yes." (Cough.)

The door swung open and Naruto glanced up from his game to see a _whole_ bunch of people there. But they didn't move, so he ignored them, unaware or uncaring of their conversation.

"That's him?"

"Why is he alone?"

(Cough, cough.)

"Are we sure Kakashi is up to being a dad?"

"He has to be: he doesn't have a choice, Yuugao."

"He doesn't look anything like Kakashi!"

"I don't know… he seems familiar…"

"Well, _I_ don't even think they're related."

(Cough, cough.)

"How old is it, anyway?"

"_He_ is eighteen months old."

"He's big."

"I don't think he's Kakashi's kid!"

(Cough, cough, cough.)

"Yes, we heard, Asuma. Now shut up."

"All I can say is, she must've been hot to finally break down Kakashi!"

"Anko, Kakashi's been sleeping with people for years. Mission-stuff. He just doesn't do it for _recreation_."

"Man, what a tool."

(Cough, cough!)

"Don't be mean!"

Naruto, totally unaware that the strangers were currently discussing his father's sexual exploits, began arranging the blocks so that the katakana characters on each one strung together to make words – he'd been taught the beginnings of reading by one of the white-faced men that used to look after him.

He didn't notice that the watching crowd had gone silent as he spelled out 'doggie', 'froggie', 'yes', 'up', and a funny arrangement he'd been shown by Bear that always got interesting results out of the grown-ups.

When he was done, he had about six blocks left over. He examined them, but couldn't make any more words out of the sounds painted on them, so with a sound of disgust, he lifted one of them and threw it at the bucket they'd been stored in, which was standing at the opposite end of the blankie.

He'd been taught how to throw stuff by a pair of the white-faced men, and had lots of fun practising it, so he quickly threw the remaining five blocks at the bucket, grinning delightedly at the clanging sounds they made when they landed neatly in the metal container.

The watching teenagers had begun whispering again.

(Cough, cough.)

"Did you see that?"

"He's _eighteen months old_!"

"Well, it's definitely Kakashi's kid."

"Bang goes the baby-snatcher theory."

"He's so cute!"

(Cough, cough, cough.)

"Look at the words he spelt! He got shuriken right! How did he do that?"

"Oh, great, another super-freak!"

(Cough.)

"Kakashi will be horrible – there'll be no living with him!"

"Come on, let's go inside. I'm sick of standing in the hallway."

Naruto looked up in alarm as there was a sudden movement and all at once a half-dozen strangers rushed inside, right at him. Instantly, he screamed, flinching backwards as he shrieked at the top of his lungs in the desperate hope that Daddy would come and rescue him.

There was a loud crash and a tinkle, and Daddy burst through the window in a shower of broken glass, landing in front of his son in a battle-ready position, kunai out and a feral father-mode touch-my-son-and-die look in his eye.

Naruto stopped screaming and instead grinned at the suddenly petrified strangers. After a moment, Daddy seemed to relax, lowering the shiny knife-thing Naruto was never allowed to touch.

"Asuma? Kurenai? Genma, Yuugao, Hayate… _Anko_… do I even want to know why you are causing my son to scream in holy terror?" he asked darkly. The others winced in unison. Hayate moved his hand to his mouth and his shoulders shook as he coughed.

"We didn't mean to scare him," Kurenai said softly. "We didn't know he'd be afraid of us."

"He has a good head on his shoulders. Stranger danger, and all that," Kakashi retorted, placing his kunai back in his pouch and turning to lift the toddler making desperate 'up' motions off the glass shard-covered ground. "Asuma, Genma, I'm choosing to blame you, meaning that it's now your job to fix the window I'd _just_ finished repairing when I was forced to crash through it to rescue my son from unknown assailants."

The guests had the grace to look ashamed, and Asuma and Genma began to mutter their agreement while the others sheepishly tried to sweep or gather up the sharp glass pieces.

Within twenty minutes, the apartment was cleaned and child-safeified to Kakashi's satisfaction. He settled on the bed, holding a shy Naruto on his lap, and said, "Okay. Now that he isn't in danger in his own home-" Cue dirty/contrite looks. "-this is my son, Hatake Naruto. Naru, these are a bunch of idiots. Say hello."

Happy now that Daddy was holding him, Naruto flashed a smile around the room and waved a small hand, saying, "Eyo."

"Okay. Why are you all here?" Kakashi asked before his guests could speak. The group of teenagers in his apartment alternately frowned, grinned and coughed.

"To see the baby, silly!" Yuugao said brightly, patting Hayate on the back as he dissolved into a coughing fit. Kakashi frowned at him suspiciously.

"He had better not get Naruto sick," he threatened ominously. "Okay, you've seen him, can you leave now?"

"Aw, Kakashi-kun," pouted Anko, sitting close to him on the bed and sliding her arm around his back.

"Yeah, Kakashi, don't be mean," Genma added.

"We brought presents!" Kurenai announced, offering Kakashi the brightly wrapped package.

"Wouldn't be a baby shower without them!" agreed Asuma, his grin positively evil.

There was a pause as everyone waited for Kakashi's reaction.

"…I hate you all," he said dully. "_Fine_. Have at it."

Naruto's eyes had lit up and he reached for the shiny, bright-coloured box held in the tall-woman-with-red-eyes' hands. "Pwetty!" he cooed as his father allowed him to catch and chew the ribbon it was tied with.

Kakashi seriously considered setting off a bomb just to clear his apartment. If not for the fact that Naruto was _also _in the room, he probably would have.

"Knock knock!" called a cheerful voice from the (open) doorway. Kakashi glanced up and groaned aloud when he saw some of the adults – his Sensei's generation – poking their heads in.

"We heard there was a party going on here," Inoichi said brightly.

"I'm hungry," commented Chouza as he forced his way through teenagers, somehow squeezing into the small room.

"All this baby stuff is so troublesome," Shikaku added, dropping a box onto the gradually-growing pile on the table. "I wouldn't even be here, but my wife _nags_, and when Tsume told her… man, marriage sucks. And the kid _cries_, you know? He's not even properly toilet-trained. Ich."

His blonde friend patted his shoulder sympathetically. "I know what you mean. My daughter's impossible."

"Everyone, make a hole!" Tsume began bodily shoving at the people between her and the teenaged boy cowering on the bed, curled protectively around the baby. People scrambled and banged into each other, trying to tackle the logistical nightmare that was allowing movement in the overly crowded room. Soon, Tsume had made it to the bed, and she quickly shoved Anko aside so she could sit next to their host.

"Give me the baby," she ordered.

Kakashi hesitated, but didn't really dare to disobey, so he cautiously handed a very clingy Naruto over to the wild woman.

Naruto looked at him like he'd been betrayed, and Kakashi cringed, but didn't move to take him back.

"Hm." Tsume was examining him, looking at him with her sharp brown eyes. "He's cute, but he looks nothing like you," she commented. "How old?"

"Eighteen months," Kakashi muttered. Tsume grinned.

"He's big," she remarked. "That's good. Is he a handful? My two 'uns keep me run off my feet, let me tell you. Who was his mother?"

"Her name was Kita," Kakashi ground out, mentally contemplating the pros and cons of suicide.

"Picture?" Tsume said in a clipped voice, arranging a squirming blonde child on her lap so that he couldn't escape. Kakashi dug in his pocket and pulled out the rather battered photograph of the fictitious woman he'd been given.

Tsume took it and clucked.

"Well, he definitely takes after her."

"Let me see!" Anko demanded, grabbing it. "Ooh! She was _hot_! See, Genma?" The photograph was quickly passed around the room.

"Hm, yes, he does definitely take after her," Kurenai said, holding the picture.

"But he has his father's eyes – see?" Yuugao added. "His mother's colour, but his father's shape."

Kakashi suddenly joined Hayate in coughing.

"Yeah, I can see that," Tsume agreed, peering at the kid. "He smells similar too."

(Cough, cough, cough.)

"DYNAMIC ENTRY!" Gai leapt through the empty window pane. "Kakashi! Did you know your window seems to be missing?"

"Yeah, Gai," Kakashi sighed, reclaiming Naruto, who looked like he might cry at the arrival of the Loud and Green One. "The idiots broke it." He jerked his head at his guests.

"YOSH! HOW UNYOUTHFUL! I SHALL FIX YOUR WINDOW, MY FRIEND! IF I CANNOT, I SHALL DO FIVE HUNDRED LAPS OF THE VILLAGE! ON ONE FOOT! I – where did Kakashi-san go?"

Kakashi had used the distraction Gai was to grab the toddler and run, and was now walking calmly down the street three blocks away while in his arms Naruto laughed and hugged him, and then began to suck his thumb again.

Reaching to tug the thumb out of his son's mouth, Kakashi sighed heavily. If everyday was like today, he wasn't sure he'd survive parenthood.

* * *

Okay, so first of all we'd like to start with an apology for the previous chapter's messiness - this site doesn't like Twin2's html coding even at the best of times, and apparently simutaneous centring and bolding was too much for it, because the age titles were royally screwed up. They have been fixed, we think. (We hope, we pray...) If any errors occur in this chapter, age-titling or the word-mash thing we've seen elsewhere, let us know so Twin2 can spaz, curse, and (hopefully) fix it.


	3. Textbook

Dedicated to Anonymous-is-a-pretty-bad-name (I am NOT copying Twin2, dammit, she just left me a really nice review!). Hope this lives up to expections!

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* * *

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Three Years Old… Again

"Naruto! Get that out of your mouth!"

Naruto looked up, all innocent eyes and cute expressions. The effect was somewhat marred, however, by the kunai he was currently chewing the handle of, his hand awkwardly holding the somewhat dull but still sharp enough to cause damage blade.

Kakashi was Not Impressed.

"Naruto," he growled warningly. "Put. That. Down."

The blonde considered, and, wisely, chose to obey, quickly placing the knife back on the table where he'd found it.

"Naruto. You _know_ you're not allowed to touch Daddy's kunai," Kakashi said sternly. "I don't care if you wanted it, I don't care if you could reach it. It's against the rules."

Naruto had the grace to look shamefaced. "Sorry."

Not good enough. "Why aren't you allowed to touch them?" Kakashi pressed. Naruto bit his lip, tears forming in his eyes.

"B'cause… I c'n get… hur'?" he sniffed. "An' you no wan' me hur'?"

"Right," Kakashi agreed. Inwardly, he was wondering how long it would take before Naruto no longer was reduced to tears each time Kakashi showed the slightest bit of displeasure in him or his conduct. "No park today," he said firmly. He felt a bit guilty – really, playing in the park was the only truly childish thing the kid did, but he _couldn't_ keep picking up his kunai like that.

Maybe it was time to start letting him use them rather than the wooden training ones Kakashi had been teaching how to throw and fight with. In that way, he'd certainly get a better appreciation for the deadly items.

Another voice riled at the idea. _He's just a baby, _it argued, _Give him another year or so yet._

Naruto nodded tearfully. "'M sorry, Daddy," he repeated, much more sincerely.

"Okay," Kakashi said, holding out his hand. Naruto toddled over and crawled into his lap, curling up against his chest with a sniff. Leaning back and looking up at the ceiling, Kakashi held the boy for a while, simply waiting for him to realise that the adult wasn't mad at him and he'd been forgiven.

One and a half years into this crazy assignment, Kakashi was much better at acting his part. Having read a great many books on parenting, he had quickly become familiar with such ideas as 'time out', 'clear boundaries', 'providing safe environments', 'frequent praise' and even 'recognising and rewarding good behaviour'.

Kakashi was proud to say he managed to follow the guidelines fairly well, all things considered. He'd been removed from active duty ever since he'd come home and had been given a monthly allowance comprised of pay for both long-service leave and some bastardised version of maternity leave. At least, that's what the others Kakashi's age called it. Really, it was ongoing pay for his mission, but no one was to know that.

As a result, he'd spent a lot, if not all, of his time with the kid. Unable to think of anything better to do, he'd started taking him training, teaching him the basics of being a ninja.

He hoped that this didn't count as pressuring the child or putting unfair expectations on him. All the books agreed that such behaviour was extremely detrimental.

Naruto shifted in his arms and hugged him, a slightly chubby cheek resting on his collar. Kakashi automatically hugged him back.

"Lub you, Daddy," the small child sniffed. "Sorry."

"It's okay, Naruto," Kakashi repeated. "I love you too."

Yes, he was used to speaking the words. He had gotten quite good at the affectionate touches that would reassure and comfort the child. That was another thing the books all said – a child had to feel loved, and there was no way Kakashi would let his – no, Sensei's – son be miserable.

Besides, the words were easy enough, if slightly out of place. Shinobi have no emotions, love included, and Kakashi was certainly no exception to the rule.

But Naruto didn't need to know that.

"Come on," Kakashi said, patting the boy's small back briskly, "Lesson time. I'll tell you what, if you do an extra hour today, I'll let it be your punishment, and you can still go to the park."

"YEAAH!" the three-year-old cheered, spinning and wriggling until he made his way back to his own seat and pulling his workbook towards him. Kakashi took time everyday to teach him reading, writing and numeracy. In a couple of years he was going to move onto history and chakra theories – as a Hatake, he'd need all the help he could get if he was to live up to the Academy's expectations.

Not that Kakashi really minded what the Academy teachers and other students thought of him. He was just astute enough to realise that Naruto _would_.

Dragging his chair closer to Naruto's, he leant over the child and, leaning his arm on the wooden table, began to coach him through his learning.

* * *

Kakashi was settled on a comfortable couch in the dimly-lit living room. He had a book of advanced jutsu open in front of him, and his eye flicked over it lazily.

It was nearly ten o'clock, and Naruto was accordingly fast asleep in his bedroom, his bedtime being five-thirty. Kakashi was just thinking of joining the kid, in fact. He was tired.

Pakkun was lying on his stomach, snoring loudly. Today, he'd summoned the pack to keep Naruto company for a while, mostly to try and get the blonde used to the animals. The other seven dogs had decided to leave a couple of hours ago, but Pakkun had opted to stay.

With a snort, the dog woke up and raised his head jerkily, a floppy ear twitching and his nose quivering.

"Huh?" he grunted in his gravely voice, sounding equal parts sleepy and curious. With a fond expression, Kakashi lowered his book and reached to scratch the pug's ear.

"Dreaming, Pakkun?" he asked. The dog closed his eyes blissfully, leaning into the caress.

"Mm, right there… a little to the left… I just thought I smelled Jiraiya-sama… I was dreaming of that time we…" he trailed off sleepily, and to Kakashi's very great amusement his hind leg started to kick in response to the hand now scratching his neck.

Within two minutes, Pakkun had been reduced to a few sleepy, disjointed mumbles like, "Chasing cats… exploding… we… running… grr…"

Then, he sat up like he'd been electrocuted and stared intently at the front door.

"Pakkun, what is it?" Kakashi asked, instantly on guard.

"I thought I'd just dreamed it, but I'm sure now," the pug growled, "I can smell-"

About then, the front door slammed open and an all-too-familiar voice shouted at the top of his powerful perverted lungs, "Hell-OOO! Kakashi! Oi, where are you, brat? I know you live here – oh, there you are."

Kakashi looked up dully as the Legendary Sannin, the Great Jiraiya, walked into his living room as if he owned it.

"Jiraiya-sama, please," the Hatake said, giving Pakkun one last pat and picking up his book again. The dog snorted in disgust and lay down again. "It's late. You'll wake up the kid. What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you, of course," Jiraiya retorted, sitting in one of the comfortable armchairs nearby. "Wanted to visit, see how you were going, maybe meet this new addition to the Hatake family I heard tell about…"

Kakashi carefully didn't react. Jiraiya was the only other person in the world except for the Hokage who knew Naruto's true origins. The Sandaime had written to him right away when Naruto was 'killed', telling him of the 'death', and Jiraiya had stormed back to Konoha to scream and rage at his old teacher and make a great number of unfair accusations.

Sarutobi had waited patiently until the Sannin had screamed himself hoarse before quietly explaining the truth. Ever since then, Jiraiya had been kept up to date on the boy's status, though this was the first time he'd actually come to visit.

"I had a hard time finding you, actually," Jiraiya was saying conversationally. "I had no idea you were planning to move back into your father's house."

"I wasn't," Kakashi admitted. "But I needed the space, and it didn't seem… right… to sell this place and buy another house. Damn brat, upending my whole life."

"They do that," Jiraiya agreed, grinning. Then he sobered. "Is he… is he happy?"

Kakashi considered the question that was so much heavier than the weight of the words themselves. Eventually, he nodded, once.

"I believe he is. He smiles often, and laughs frequently," he said slowly. Jiraiya looked a little relieved.

"I brought him this," he said, holding out a stuffed toy frog. "His da- um… Minato had one like it, and I thought…" He trailed off awkwardly, hoping he hadn't offended the silver-haired man who for more than a year had been father to the boy.

At length, Kakashi nodded and took the toy. "I will give it to him," he promised shortly. The Sannin nodded, before his face split in a grin.

"Hey! Don't think I've forgotten you, kid!" he added loudly. Kakashi winced – if Naruto woke up, this idiot legend could be the one to settle him again. "As your father's friend and your son's godfather, it is my sacred duty to introduce you to certain aspects of life!" he declared. Kakashi took a moment to wonder when exactly he'd given permission for Jiraiya to become Hatake Naruto's godfather, but shook it off as a lost cause. Something orange and rectangular was shoved into his face.

Blinking, Kakashi cautiously took the object, looking at it with a measure of curiosity.

Then he lobbed it right back at its owner, hissing like a demon, "_There is a child in the house_!"

"He can't read!" Jiraiya protested, snatching the book out of the air. Kakashi raised his chin.

"Can too," he said stubbornly – and childishly. Jiraiya blinked.

"Already?" he said.

"…I've been teaching him," Kakashi admitted. "And I don't want porn in this house!"

"Come on, Kakashi," wheedled Jiraiya. "This new series I've got – Icha Icha! It's already a hit! You're eighteen now – you should have some fun. Think of it as a belated birthday present! What better way to celebrate being a legal adult in _all_ circles than to do something adult-only?"

"There. Is. A. Child. In. This. House." Kakashi said every word slowly and carefully, enunciating as clearly as possible through gritted teeth. "Your godson, by the way. Oh, but if I _ever_ find out he's been exposed to your corrupted teachings of… _birds and bees_… in _any_ form… at _any_ age… _I will kill you_. Got it?"

Jiraiya sniffed and put the book back into his pocket. "Fine, fine," he grumbled. "Such a spoilsport. No fun at all… Well, at least take this one."

Kakashi frowned suspiciously at the soft yellow book that was offered to him, but he quickly recognised it as Jiraiya's first book _Naruto_, which he knew was totally smut-free. He took it carefully.

"I know you already have your own copy from Minato, but I thought Naruto should have a copy, too," Jiraiya explained. "So he can… you know… see who he was named after."

Kakashi nodded sharply, hands tightening around the book at the sharp reminder that _he_ didn't name Naruto, Naruto wasn't _his_, didn't _belong_ to him, this was just an _act_, Naruto would one day find out the _truth_ and want nothing more to do with him… Why did the thought _bother_ him? Why was his chest _aching_ again? Bloody heartburn…

"You're probably right…" he admitted grudgingly. He sighed and rubbed his temple. "Look, not that I'm trying to get rid of you or anything, but I'm _really_ tired, so do you think you could just, you know, _leave_?"

Jiraiya grinned at him and opened his mouth to give a typical Jiraiya response – loud, exaggerated and with a dance routine to match, but a small voice stopped him.

"Daddy?"

The two adults both turned and looked in the direction of the murmured word. Standing at the bottom of the stairs, one hand rubbing his eye and the other holding Oink's tail as the scruffy dog trailed along the floor after him.

"Naruto?" Kakashi said, sitting up and unsettling Pakkun, who yelped and slid to the floor. "What are you doing up this late?"

The blonde hesitated for a moment before his face crumpled and he rushed forwards, meeting Kakashi in the middle of the living room as the older Hatake stood and walked towards him.

"Ha' ba' dweam," he whimpered, holding up his arms. Kakashi didn't hesitate before swinging him up into his arms.

"A bad dream?" Kakashi repeated, walking back to the couch and sitting back down on it. Pakkun jumped up and curled up on the cushion next to them. "What did you dream about?"

He held the trembling boy close as Naruto burst into tears and began to give him a broken description about being chased by big green monsters with huge fangs and red eyes.

"An' coul'n' move an' was _scar_'!" he wailed. Kakashi rubbed his back soothingly, seeming not to notice the snot and tears gradually wetting his chest, soaking through his shirt.

"Shh, shh. You just stay right here with me. I won't let any monsters get you, ever."

"P-pwomi'?" Naruto asked, lungs heaving with the after affects of his tears.

"I promise," Kakashi said seriously. "Any monster that comes after you, I'll kill before he can touch you. And Pakkun can bite their monster ankles."

Pakkun growled on cue, bristling at an invisible monster. "Right! No-one hurts Kakashi's pup! Grr!"

Naruto giggled, sounding much happier, and Kakashi ruffled his hair, holding him close to his chest and letting the sleepy three-year-old fall back into sleep, comforted by his father's warm presence.

Jiraiya took in the peaceful picture the two made, well aware and somewhat amused by the thought that he'd been totally forgotten.

Soon, Naruto was happily sucking his thumb, snuggled against his father, Pakkun had placed his head next to the boy in Kakashi's lap, and Kakashi had one hand on the small dog's head and the other arm hugging the blonde child. Jiraiya cleared his throat, and smirked as Kakashi's eye snapped to him, surprised.

"You still here?" he grumbled after a pause. "I'm going to put Naruto back to bed, okay?"

"No! Don' wanna bed…"

Kakashi sighed. He'd been sure Naruto was asleep, and he'd said the dreaded 'b' word. Crap.

"Naruto," he began, but it was no use. The blonde had sat up, stubbornly forcing his eyes open and dragging Oink up to hug.

"Who dat?" he asked curiously, pointing a damning finger at Jiraiya. After a pause, Kakashi muffled a groan and bowed to the inevitable.

"This is Jiraiya," he said. "He's your godfather, which means that he can help you if you ever need anything, and if anything ever happens to Daddy, or if Daddy is tied up in something and can't come home, he'll look after you."

Silently, Kakashi vowed that he would _never_ be that desperate.

"That's right, brat," Jiraiya said instantly. "You can call me Jiji, huh? I'm your Great and Wonderful Jiraiya!"

Naruto shrunk back into his father as the other man struck a pose. Why did his Daddy like so many weirdos?

"…Kay…" he said at length. Kakashi pulled him back against his broad chest again, putting his arms around him.

"Jiji was just leaving," he said, flawlessly making the adjustment – possibly easier than he usually would have, but after all, _he_ had called Jiraiya 'jiji' right up until his father died. "He just wanted to leave a couple of presents. Here, he brought you a new toy, see?"

He offered the child the stuffed toy frog Jiraiya had brought him. Naruto's blue eyes lit up. "Froggie!" he cheered, reaching for it. "'Ringe froggie!"

Kakashi sighed. Orange and a frog. Of _course_ Naruto would love it.

He carefully avoided Jiraiya's eyes and lifted the yellow book the Sannin had also brought.

"He also gave you this," he said quietly. "It's a book about a ninja named Naruto."

Naruto frowned. "Me nam'?"

"Yes, your name," Jiraiya agreed before Kakashi could say anything. "In fact, you were named after the ninja in this book. Written by me, the Great Jiraiya, Toad Sage, Legendary Toad Sannin of-"

"Daddy?" Here, Naruto proved that he wasn't paying the slightest bit of attention and appealed to his father. "Read? Pwease? 'Fore I seepie?"

Kakashi sighed yet again, but consented to lie back and let Naruto curl up on his chest.

"Alright, but only a little bit, and then you have to go back to bed," he cautioned. Naruto nodded sleepily, and with an amused glance in a miffed Jiraiya's direction, Kakashi opened the book and began to read. "'The Land of Fire was in chaos. War had spread to every corner, and the once-great nation was struggling to find its feet even as disaster ravaged it like a raging fire. Growing in the midst of this mayhem, safe for now in his hidden village, was a boy named Naruto…'"

* * *

Kakashi awoke with a jolt. It was about four a.m. – his internal alarm clock was blaring, waking him in time for… what did he need to do today?

Oh.

The Hatake groaned and debated rolling over and falling back to sleep, but a warm weight on his chest made him freeze. Looking down, he saw Naruto and Pakkun tangled together, fast asleep. A glance around reminded him that he was in the living room, lying on the couch. His hand, dangling off the edge of the couch towards the floor, was resting on the cover of the book _Naruto_, which was open. Jiraiya was snoring in the armchair nearby.

Sighing, Kakashi tapped Pakkun until he woke up and said very quietly, "Hey, you can go. I won't need you today. Thanks for hanging around."

Pakkun yawned widely, showing his fangs, and nodded sleepily. "See ya, K'kashi," he slurred, disappearing with a pop.

Stifling a yawn of his own, Kakashi looped his arms around Naruto and lifted him, cradling the soft body close as he sat up before gently laying him back on the couch and draping the blanket that was hung over the lamp (how'd that get _there_?) over his son to keep him warm.

Within fifteen minutes, he'd toileted, shaved, dressed and returned to the living room ready for the day. Walking quietly past the sleeping parties in the room, he made his way to the kitchen.

Once there, he quickly stacked three pre-made bento boxes, and dug in the fridge for some food for himself. He ate quickly over the sink, ignoring the taste of the three day old cold noodles, and tossed the empty container into the sink once he was done. Next, he pulled together a few sandwiches for Naruto's own breakfast and wrapped them in brown paper, stowing them in a pocket in his jounin vest.

He was still in shock, really. He couldn't believe the Hokage was making him do this. His mind absently wandered back three days.

_It was with some measure of trepidation that Kakashi answered the summons to the Hokage's office._

"_Ah, Kakashi." Sarutobi smiled at him as he walked in. "Come in, come in. How have you been?"_

_Kakashi took a few steps further into the room. "I left Naruto at the park with Tsume to watch over him, sir," he said pointedly. Thankfully, Sarutobi got the message._

"_To business, then," he said. "I would like for you to take a genin team this year."_

_Kakashi was sure he'd misheard._

"_That's funny," he said. "Really."_

"_I'm not joking. I have assigned you squad eleven. They graduate the day after tomorrow." The Hokage's face was serious. Kakashi took a step backwards._

"_But… what do I do with Naruto?" he asked, feeling lost. Sarutobi raised an eyebrow._

"_I'm sure you'll figure out something," he remarked._

"_But sir! I'm not the teaching type!" Kakashi protested._

"_Not a negotiation," Sarutobi said pleasantly. "Be at the Academy, day after tomorrow, to meet your team. Don't be late, now!"_

"_Funny," Kakashi muttered, ignoring the sting as the words reminded him of a certain always-late Uchiha. So what if Kakashi had been a little late to some things recently? It was hard to keep to schedule when you have a toddler in the house._

_What the hell was he in for?_

Three days later, Kakashi repeated the mental query to himself. What the hell was he _in_ for? He'd met the brats yesterday, and compared to them, Naruto in a tantrum was a downright angel. He'd actually had to grab the girl before she was shoved off the edge of the roof by the two boys' wrestling.

Quickly stuffing a few things into his backpack, he filled Naruto's sippy-cup with cold orange juice and moved out to the living room once again.

Unceremoniously, he kicked Jiraiya hard in the shins, and the older man jerked awake with a strangled shout.

"What the hell, brat?" he hissed, squinting at Kakashi. Kakashi smiled innocently.

"I have an early appointment. You have to leave," he informed the Sannin. Jiraiya's eyes lit up.

"I could watch Naruto for a bit, if you're busy…" he offered hopefully.

"Not a chance," Kakashi said flatly. "Out!"

By the time he'd kicked a stumbling and swearing Jiraiya out of his house, it was five am. Kakashi took a deep breath, knowing that he was supposed to be meeting his genin right now.

Ah, well.

"Naruto," he said gently, kneeling next to the couch and rubbing the boy's back. "Time to get up, Pup. Let's go. You and I are going to test a trio of imbeciles."

Naruto moaned a little and tried to curl tighter into a ball. Kakashi chuckled and carefully lifted him.

"Come on. Let's get you dressed."

Half an hour later, Naruto was dressed and sleeping on Kakashi's shoulder while he stalked towards a group of tired, impatient children.

"You're late, Sensei," accused one of the guys… what was his name? Eh. Kakashi really didn't care. From now on, he could be Whiner.

"Sorry about that," Kakashi said, his tone suggesting the opposite. "I got a little held up. _Some_one didn't want to wake up." He felt Naruto slipping and hoisted him higher on his hip.

The other guy spoke up. "Hey, what's that?"

Okay. He could be Moron.

"This is a child. You may have seen one before. Konoha has quite an infestation of them." Kakashi's tone was light but dripped with dark sarcasm that screamed the warning, 'you're going down'.

The kids didn't seem to get it.

"Okay, but why is it here?" the girl asked haughtily. Now, what to call her? Impudent Brat Who Was Questioning Her Superiors. Nah, that was too long. Just 'Brat' would do.

"First of all," he growled with some bite and enough killer intent to make the trio cringe, "If any of you ever calls my son an 'it' again, I'll feed your innards to my dogs and laugh as you scream. I don't care if you're bloody genin-wannabes, no one screws with my family."

There. That seemed to get his point across quite nicely. The children were shivering in their sandals. Whiner looked slightly green, while Brat looked on the verge of saying something dumb. Sure enough, she soon opened her mouth.

"My brother will-" she began hotly, and Kakashi rolled his eyes.

"I outrank him," he interrupted. She looked affronted.

"How do you know?" she demanded. Kakashi raised an eyebrow.

"Does your brother happen to be the Hokage?" he asked. She shook her head. "Then I outrank him."

There was a pause while Kakashi let this sink in, before he let the KI disappear suddenly and made an effort to appear more… human. "Okay, now that that's cleared up," he began, "Let's do this. You see these bells?"

He held up the twin silver objects and began rapidly explaining the basics of a typical bell test, such as he himself had been tested with.

"But… um… what about the kid?" Moron asked when Kakashi gave the order to begin. Kakashi raised a silver eyebrow.

"Oh, don't worry about Naruto," he said lightly. "It won't make any difference. Just pretend he's not here."

Naruto, having heard his name, began to shift, rubbing his eyes sleepily. "Daddy?" he mumbled. "'M seepy. Go hom' now?"

"Soon, Naru, soon," Kakashi assured him. "I know it's early. You just go back to sleep and let Daddy deal with the extras. Are you kids going to attack, or are you planning on just standing there staring like codfish?"

Not unexpectedly, it was Moron who attacked first, with a head-on charge typical of the race of the Moron, and Kakashi rolled his eyes before dodging it with grace, Naruto barely noticing the movement as he buried his face in his father's shoulder and nodded off again.

Whiner was the next to attack, lobbing a series of sharp objects at the jounin. Again, Kakashi simply sidestepped, right into Brat, who was waiting with a glinting silver sword. The adult was pleased to see her holding it reasonably well, but when she attacked him, it was with an obvious, clumsy stroke that he could easily block with a kunai he grabbed from his pouch.

Unfortunately, the movement required to pull out the weapon jostled Naruto into wakefulness rather abruptly. In an instant, the blonde screwed his face up and began to cry, signalling his displeasure in a typical tired-toddler fashion.

"Oh, Naruto," Kakashi said, shoving Brat away with enough force to send her flying backwards. "Did I wake you up? I'm sorry, Pup. Do you want some juice?"

"Juice?" Naruto repeated hopefully, looking up from his tears. Kakashi handed him his brightly coloured sippy-cup, and Naruto took it eagerly.

Kakashi lowered him to sit cross-legged on the grassy ground and patted his back, saying, "You just stay put while I scatter some pansies, okay?" The little gold head bobbed agreeably, totally fixated on his orange juice. Kakashi stepped easily over his head, pulling out another kunai almost lazily and smirking as the two boys took an apprehensive step backwards.

He allowed the smirk to spread throughout his entire body, showing it to the kids, and waited a moment to give Naruto a chance to wake up, in case he wanted to watch. Then he moved.

Ten seconds, four strikes and a mud bath later, all three would-be genin were running for their lives.

Returning to his son, Kakashi observed Naruto's laughter and mused that the kid would go far in this business. "Hey, kid," he said, hunkering down next to the short blonde child. "Hungry? I have sandwiches!"

As Naruto somehow shoved an _entire, whole sandwich _into his mouth at once, Kakashi absently listened for the genin while trying to stop his son from giving himself indigestion. _Hmm… Moron's there, Brat is… under that bush, and Whiner is… hm, up that tree. Mental note, his stealth is better than the others'._

They all seemed to be opting for observation for the time being, and Kakashi decided that they weren't an immediate threat. So, moving on…

"Naruto, today I'm going to teach you about something called tactics," he said. What better place to teach the kid this than here, with a great many examples of what _not_ to do all around him?

Naruto looked up, blue eyes squinting because of how much food was in his mouth, making his cheeks bulge. "Wrngg?" he managed, giving Kakashi a truly nauseating view of an _entire_ half-chewed sandwich.

"Naruto, swallow, then talk," he sighed. "Don't talk when there is food in your mouth, remember? Because it's rude, it's gross and Daddy can't understand you anyway."

Naruto nodded and swallowed with difficulty, then tried again, "Tac-tacs?" he asked. Kakashi nodded.

"Tactics," he repeated, but didn't stress it further. "A tactic is… well, similar to a… plan. It's how you approach something."

Naruto cocked his head, confused, and Kakashi reached into his backpack, pulling out Naruto's wooden blocks. He spread them out on the grass before Naruto.

"Okay," he said, rapidly stacking four of them, one on top of the other to create a small tower. "Say it was your mission to knock this tower over. What would you do?"

Naruto cocked his head adorably. "…Hi' it?" he suggested. Kakashi nodded.

"Yes, hitting it is a good idea. But where would you hit it, remembering you want to make _all_ the blocks fall over? Where would make _all_ the blocks fall?"

He watched as Naruto considered, turning back to the tower to examine it. Eventually, he came up with his answer and said firmly, "Bo'om un."

"The bottom one? So, your _plan_," Kakashi stressed, "Is to hit the bottom block, and so make all of them fall over?" Naruto nodded, and he ruffled his hair. "Good work! Yes, that's a good plan. That is an example of a tactic, see?"

For a second the jounin thought Moron was going to make a move, but the next instant the hint of movement died, and he refocused on Naruto. "What if you wanted to knock the tower over, but you couldn't hit the bottom one? There's something blocking the bottom one so you can't touch it?"

"Um…" Naruto looked over the tower again, taking a little longer this time – Kakashi hoped the exercise wasn't confusing him – but eventually the little head nodded firmly as the child sat back on his bottom again. "Hi' _tha' _un," he said, pointing at the block second from the bottom.

Kakashi nodded, half-kneeling next to him. "Uh-huh; very good. Now, what if–"

He stopped as a twig snapped loudly and someone swore about, oh, ten feet behind him and rolled his eyes – Moron was on the move – and would have continued if not for the way Naruto's eyes snapped to Moron, absolutely livid, and snatched up one of the unused blocks in his right hand.

"SHADDUP! 'M TRYNA LI'EN!" he screamed, throwing the block as hard as his little limb could hurl it. Kakashi blinked when he heard a _thunk-crack_ and a howl of pain as it hit, followed by a thump as Moron tumbled to the ground. He held himself perfectly still, staring at the now-smug expression on Naruto's baby face.

"I'm not going to turn around," he said slowly and loudly enough for Moron to hear him, "because if I do, I'm going to see a wannabe genin who has been downed by a three-year-old."

"That kid has one hell of an arm on him…" Moron grumbled, clothing rustling noisily as he sat up. "Oww…" Kakashi was mildly surprised.

"Oh, you're still awake then? Not one of your best throws, Naruto."

Naruto scowled, first at the genin, then at his father and finally at the blocks on the grass in front of him. "Hi' 'im wiv da side 'stead've da corner."

"You have to learn to compensate for that, remember?" his father reminded him. Naruto's surly look didn't vanish.

"…Stoopid bock…"

Kakashi smiled, not that it could be seen through his mask, and continued, "So, Naruto, I have a challenge for you. Say there's a wall around the tower. How do you get to the bottom block to knock it all over?" He stood up, dusting off his knees. "And on that note, there's a genin or two who have little enough stealth for me to stop ignoring them."

Instantly he turned in time to fend off an attack from both Moron and Whiner, each coming from different sides. Without preamble, he cracked their heads together and they dropped like stones. "You're going to have to try something different if you want to stand even a snowball's chance in hell of getting these bells," he informed their unconscious bodies.

"Daddy, I has idea," Naruto said suddenly, and he turned back to the boy. "'F ya climbed da waw, y'couwd kno' ov'r da bo'om bock. Or, um... you couwd jus' kno' ov'r da waw too, 'f it's only 's big 's da tower."

Kakashi laughed, and nodded. "Yes, that's right," he agreed. "Well done! You're getting the hang of this. Hang on, I have a couple of idiots to drop in the river."

Saying so, he bent and lifted the weakly struggling boys he'd bashed together and ambled happily over to the nearby river, where he proceeded to toss them into the icy water. "I do hope you can swim. Next time, try something new."

"How's this?" Brat asked darkly from… Naruto's direction. Kakashi spun around in time to see her fly at his son, kunai out, ready to slash at the toddler, and a second later he was there, grabbing and twisting her wrists, throwing her away, slamming her against a tree trunk and leaning close to speak in her ear.

"Didn't I already warn you," he said darkly, "What happens to people who attack my son?"

Sitting among his blocks, Naruto grinned. This was going to be interesting…

* * *

That evening, Kakashi was humming to himself as he cut carrots to cook for dinner. A thump made him pause, and he leaned back a little so he could peer into the living room, where he'd placed Naruto in a playpen while he made dinner.

The playpen was empty, its wooden gate open, a wooden mock-kunai abandoned next to the wooden bars. Kakashi sighed. He didn't know why he even bothered…

Putting down his knife, he wiped his hands on his pants as he made his way through the house, searching out the young boy.

Great Ninja Skills be damned, Kakashi stumbled a little as he stepped on something that gave under his weight. Looking down, he saw Oink, Naruto's favourite toy. He bent down and picked it up, frowning a little, and placed it carefully out of harm's way on the couch before continuing through the house.

When he reached the hallway, a yellow flicker above him caught his attention. Ah-_huh_. Naruto was on the second floor landing. Kakashi paused in the corner and watched Naruto trot down the upper-level hallway towards the stairs. He felt a pang in his heart when he realised Naruto was holding the frog Jiraiya had given him tucked under his arm, where Oink had resided for the last two and a half years.

He shoved angrily at the emotion. Of _course_ Naruto would choose toads over dogs – it was in his blood! He was not and never would be Kakashi's son, and Kakashi needed to remember that! He couldn't allow himself to forget that fact. Jiraiya had more right to him as the kid's godfather than Kakashi would _ever_ have. So why – did – his – chest – _hurt_?

It was startlingly painful to watch Naruto stop at the top of the stairs and lift that orange frog-plushie high above his head while Oink had been abandoned carelessly on the floor, but then a feral grin split the boy's face and he threw the toy as hard as he could, throwing so that it flew all the way down the stairs and hit the one third from the bottom with a pitiful squeak.

Naruto laughed, and Kakashi watched, stunned, as he (carefully, holding onto the rail and moving slowly just like Kakashi had taught him) descended the staircase and grabbed the frog harshly, dragging it back up to the top stair to repeat the whole process. This time he managed to hit the bottom stair, and he laughed delightedly.

Kakashi decided to step in and moved into the child's field of view, bending to pick up the toy as Naruto struggled to climb down the stairs as fast as 'slow and careful' would allow.

"I see you're enjoying Jiji's gift," he commented, offering the toy back to the child. Naruto took it and nodded, grinning.

"Yeah! Make fun' squishy soun'!" he declared. Kakashi smiled a little.

"So this is how you play with toys, huh? Interesting. I never noticed you doing this with Oink…" Kakashi was taken aback at the disgust that was instantly written over the boy's face.

"Not frow Oink! He my _fwiend_!" he half-shouted indignantly. "No' 'ike stoopid froggie."

Kakashi had to bite back a shout of amusement as he thought of how Jiraiya would respond to that statement. He shook his head at the pouting child.

"So, what did you name it?" he asked, gesturing the toy. Naruto shot him a look that said, 'Are you stupid or something?'

"'S a _froggie_, Daddy," he told him in a no-duh kind of way. "Froggies don' has names. 'Ey're dumb."

Kakashi laughed.


	4. Kunai

A/N: Okay, I've had a few questions that I feel the need to address here:

A) Kakashi's apartment, if you see it in the anime/manga (a good spot is that time when Kakashi is in a coma from his tussle with Itachi and the jounin gather by his bed to discuss keeping Sasuke safe) is literally one room. That's it. It has a bed with a shelf at the foot of it and a window along its side, and on the other side of the room is a kitchenette. It's probably the size of an average living room, maybe a bit smaller – and I'd assume there is a bathroom attached. So, Naruto's crib crowds the room irreparably, and there's in no way enough space for a growing child and an adult. This is why between chapters two and three he moved back to the house he lived in with his dad when _he _was a kid.

B) Naruto smells like Kakashi because he's been in direct physical contact with him for days. Also, they're looking for similarities, because they expect them to be there – "he has his father's eyes", after all.

C) If you count, he is in fact TWO YEARS, not one, younger than his former age-mates. Think about it – he was three, and he became eighteen months old. So when he's 1.5, and others of the rookie nine are 3 (in fact, most are 3.5.) Hence: Naruto = 1; Others = 3; conclusion is that Naruto = 2 years younger. Make sense?

D) Lastly, the reason Naruto was still speaking like a baby when he was three (or nearly five, technically) is a combination of two reasons: first, he's being treated like his supposed age, the age his papers say he is, and it's actually a fact that kids assimilate – they act the age they're treated. Remember that the next time your classmate throws a two-year-old tantrum, and pity them for the parents _they _must have (haha). Ahem, anyway, the other point is that in order for kids to speak, you have to actually _make _them speak ("How many is this?" "What do you want? Tell me!" "Are you hungry yet?" "What colour is that balloon?" "What's wrong?" "Where did you hurt yourself?") Early childhood is nothing but question after question after question that parents must insist the child answers, or the kid never actually speaks, not until age three or four. Now, Naruto's learning to talk, yes, and Kakashi _does_ talk to him, but face it, he's never going to be one to play 'this piggy went to market' to get his kid to talk back like most doting parents. By this chapter, though, Naruto's got the hang of the most of spoken language, so don't stress too much.

This A/N has gone on _way _too long now, and I do hope that clears up the foggiest details. For those of you who haven't skipped my ramblings, feel free to proceed to the story now.

* * *

**Four years old**

A pair walked towards the training grounds holding hands, one tall and silver-haired, the other short and blonde.

Kakashi listened attentively as the boy told him in great detail about the outing he'd had with his godfather the day before – Kakashi had finally consented to give him two hours with the brat, as Jiraiya was leaving the village today and wouldn't be back for goodness-knew how long. Even two hours seemed to be enough to expose the four year old to some questionable, purely _Jiraiya_ pastimes, and it was just as well Naruto was so innocent.

"…An' then 'e did tha' weird dance thin' he does an' he stood on his hair an' felled over! Ero-jiji's an idiot," Naruto said matter-of-factly. Kakashi started and began to cough at the address.

"Ero – where did you learn that word?" he demanded, thinking it was a good thing Jiraiya was well and truly out of the country by now. Naruto blinked at him.

"The ladies at the hotsprings was yellin' it at him."

Kakashi closed his eye. He was going to regret asking this, but… "…They called him Ero-jiji?"

"No, they called him ero-somethin' else, but I can' 'member the somethin' else, so now he's Ero-jiji." Naruto nodded firmly.

"Uh-_huh_," Kakashi said, tugging Naruto out of the way of a jogging genin team.

Soon, they'd reached the sunny, grassy training field Kakashi favoured when teaching his young companion things. He'd promised Naruto something special today, to reward him for his first day of learning kanji, the more difficult form of writing used in Konoha.

It sort of surprised Kakashi how much the young boy seemed to enjoy physical learning: throwing kunai and taijutsu forms and the like: but as he always took pains to make it into a game of sorts, he supposed it wasn't too unusual. Neither of them knew how to play normally, after all.

"Okay!" he said bright, stopping in the centre of the training grounds, "Today, we're going to do something special."

Naruto nodded eagerly. "Yeah, yeah, yeah! You p'omised! Somethin' cool an' awesome, right? Right!"

"Whoa, hold on," Kakashi laughed, grabbing the flailing small fists. "Today, I'm going to set you throwing kunai at those targets over there."

Instantly, Naruto's face fell. "But that's _borin'_," he whined. "I _know _howta do that! You promised somethin' _new_!"

Kakashi grinned at the small boy. "I did, huh? Well, here I was thinking today I'd teach you how to throw live kunai, but if you'd prefer something different…"

Naruto's eyes were wide. "What's live kunai?" he asked. Kakashi reached into his kunai pouch and drew out one of his kunai – the sort he used in real fights – and knelt to put himself on Naruto's level.

"This is a live kunai," he said, showing it to the child. "A little more dangerous than the wooden mock-ups you've been taught with, ne?"

The awed look on the four year old's face was hysterical as he tentatively reached out a tiny hand to – very, _very_ carefully – touch the flat metal blade. When his hand came into contact with the cool metal, he jumped and jerked the hand backwards, and his eyes snapping up to Kakashi's.

The adult smiled reassuringly, knowing Naruto knew him well enough to read the expression through his mask. "Now, you have to listen to me, Naru," he said firmly. "The rule that you're not allowed to touch Daddy's kunai is still in place. If I am going to teach you to use live kunai, you have to promise me that you will only ever touch them here, in this training ground, with me here to watch you, until I specifically tell you otherwise. If I find out – and I will, I promise you – that you've been touching these without permission, I will stop teaching you this instantly, and you will have to go back to wooden kunai and shuriken until you are taught this in the Academy. Do you understand?"

Naruto nodded instantly, and Kakashi ruffled his hair with his free hand, satisfied.

"Okay, then," he said, stowing his kunai back in his pouch and pulling out another kunai pouch from one of his many pockets. "This is a weapons pouch I assembled for you. Using it, I will teach you how to use and care for the basic shinobi tools. Inside, you have five kunai, five shuriken and a roll of ninja wire." He opened the rather dirty pouch to show him, and Naruto's eyes widened even further at the thought that _these_ _were his now_.

Kakashi reached out to grab his wrist before the boy could plunge his hand into the pouch and explore it.

"Uh-uh. Not just yet. Now, these are some of my old things, and they are blunted, but you still have to treat them as if they are battle-worthy, okay? I want to teach you good habits first, before giving you the deadly stuff. Also, you can still hurt yourself badly with kunai that are blunted, so promise me you will be careful, and not touch these without permission."

"I p'omise, Daddy!" Naruto said earnestly. Kakashi nodded and stood up, brushing grass off his knees absently.

"Okay. Then let's get this show on the road. First of all, hows about I show you what you can do with these weapons, if you learn to use them correctly?"

Without waiting for an answer, he placed Naruto's pouch on the ground and casually slipped his hand into his own pouch, drawing out several shuriken and a kunai.

With a flick of his wrist, he sent the black star shuriken flying in a deadly arch, then caught the kunai firmly in his palm and spun, releasing it with practised timing, allowing it to fly through the air, catching all three shuriken and pinning them to the dead centre of a painted target on one of the posts nearby. After a pause that lasted only a second, the paper bomb wrapped around the handle of the kunai activated and the whole thing blew up.

Kakashi smirked. There. Flashy, but simple, and something Naruto should be able to master within a year, if he worked hard enough. (Well, minus the paper bomb – Kakashi had just thrown that in for effect. There was no way he was letting a four year old with a prankster gene anywhere _near _explosives.) Good enough to impress and motivate the four year old.

"Cool! Wow! Ka-boom! You are soo 'mazing, Daddy!" Naruto turned big blue eyes on his father, an expression of unadulterated hero-worship on his features. Kakashi ruffled his hair again.

"So, shall we start?" he suggested, bending to catch up the starter-pouch he'd compiled for the boy. He knelt behind the three-foot-high bundle of sunshine and put his arms around him, fitting a blunt kunai to his small hand and beginning the long process of teaching him how to use it.

* * *

Kakashi strode through the streets of Konoha, his left hand holding firmly to Naruto's right, tugging him along whenever he got distracted, slowing him down when he tried to race on ahead.

It had been three months since he'd first begun teaching Naruto how to use live kunai, and he was reasonably pleased with the boy's progress. He still wouldn't dare let him practise unsupervised, but he'd gotten much better with the metal weapons. He'd even become rather adept at cleaning them and re-binding the handles. Kakashi was currently mulling over the pros and cons of teaching him how to sharpen the weapons too. So far, cons were winning.

"Kakashi!"

Said Hatake glanced up and nodded as Inuzuka Tsume waved at him, calling him over to her.

She was seated on the grass, leaning back against her big dog Korumaru, and she grinned up at him as he approached.

"Hey, kid," she said. "What's up?"

"Not much. We've come to play in the park," Kakashi said dryly, nodding at Naruto, who had pulled his hand free of his father and was cautiously approaching Korumaru. The large animal was watching him with an amused eye.

Tsume nodded. "Yeah, my youngest one is playing here, too," she said, nodding at the playground fifteen meters in front of them. "And I'm not on duty until tomorrow, so I got time to watch the little monster."

Kakashi nodded absently, watching Naruto tentatively place his hand on Korumaru's side, and then very cautiously begin stroking his fur. Korumaru was clearly trying not to laugh.

"Naruto," the silver-haired jounin said, catching the blonde's attention, "You have half an hour here before we need to leave. Why don't you go play? I'll be right here if you need me."

The four year old nodded enthusiastically, gave the fascinating – _huge_ – dog one last pat and raced off to the playground, leaving Kakashi to sink onto the ground, pull out a romance novel he'd found in his father's study and begin to read.

Naruto loved the park. He _loved_ it. It was so much fun, with seesaws and sandpits and rickety bridges and a big slide that went really _fast_ – but by far, Naruto's favourite was the swing.

He'd been trying to convince Daddy that they _really_ needed a swing in their own backyard, but so far, Daddy had been unconvinced.

All in all, it was little wonder the blonde made a beeline towards the swing set.

"Naruto!"

The youngest Hatake stopped and turned around, and broke into a grin when he saw a brown-haired, brown-eyed boy with red triangles on his cheeks and a green smear on his grubby t-shirt.

His name was Kiba.

He was cool.

Naruto grinned and broke into a run, racing to join the boy who'd called him. "Hey, Kiba!" he cheered. The taller boy grinned down at him.

"Haven't seen you in a while," he commented. Naruto shook his head and grinned sheepishly.

"Daddy said I couldn' come for a whole _week_, 'cause I kinda… um… set the living room on fire…" the blonde trailed off, looking shamefaced, but Kiba just laughed.

"And you only got a week without the park? Man, if I'd done that, my Mum'd tan my hide so bad…"

"I had early bedtime, too, an' a extry _hour_ of maths ev'ry day," Naruto moaned. "My brain _hurts_ fr'm all the sums!"

Kiba grinned at him again, showing off unnaturally – but, in Naruto's opinion, totally _cool_ – sharp canine teeth. "You wanna play with me?" he asked generously: Naruto _was_ a little kid, after all, and it was Kiba's task as a grown-up six year old to be nice.

Naruto looked up at the taller boy hopefully. "Will you push me on the swings?" he asked, blue eyes pleading with the Inuzuka.

Kiba rolled his brown eyes, but was distracted almost instantly when he noticed another boy standing off to the side, silently watching the playing, squealing children in the park.

"Shino!" he said, "Hey, come on," he added to Naruto, and quickly trotted over to the boy he'd noticed, Naruto at his heels. "Hey, Shino!" he said brightly. The new boy looked at Kiba for a moment, and then nodded his head.

"Hello," he said quietly, his eyes turning back to look out over the park. Kiba grinned at him, and then at a confused and shy Naruto.

"This's Shino," he announced. "His dad an' my mum are friends. He's my age. Shino, this is Naruto. He's just little, but he's okay."

"I'm not little!" Naruto instantly protested at a yell. "I'm big too!"

Kiba scoffed. "_I'm_ six. _You're_ four. You _are_ little!"

Naruto scowled. "…Almost five," he grumbled. The new boy, Shino, quickly broke up the building argument by simply stepping between them and saying, "Hello, Naruto," in a soft, calming tone.

Instantly, the argument was forgotten in the way only children can manage. "We're gonna play Ninja," Kiba announced. "Wanna play, Shino?"

Naruto didn't remember agreeing to this, but decided to go along with it anyway. Playing Ninja was fun. Not as fun as when he played Learning to Be a Ninja with Daddy, but still good.

After a pause, Shino nodded once. "That would be acceptable."

Within ten minutes, they were running through the park, desperate to get away from a group of evil enemy missing-nin armed with exploding kunai and fire balls and –

"Bumble bees!" Naruto shouted. The others paused.

"Why bumble bees?" Kiba asked. Naruto crossed his arms and puffed out his cheeks sulkily.

"Bumble bees is scary," he said stubbornly. Kiba considered: it was a fair point.

"Bumble bees!" he screamed at the top of his lungs, "Run!"

Giggling, the three of them ducked under the rickety bridge to hide as a swarm of 'bumble bees' flew overhead.

"We have to do somethin' quick!" Kiba hissed, excitement lighting up his eyes. "Or they'll break through the walls and Konoha'll be _doomed_!"

"I can take care of the bees," offered Shino. Kiba nodded.

"You wait here, Naruto," he instructed. "S'too dangerous for someone as little as you."

"But I'm _not little_!" Naruto protested, dismayed and reluctant to be left behind. "I wanna help!"

Kiba considered. "No, idiot! You get to be backup!" he declared. "But that means you gotta wait here until I calls for you, 'cause you're the hero who comes in last second and surprises the bad guys! Yeah!"

Satisfied, Naruto nodded and huddled under the bridge as the two older warriors bravely left safety to fight off bees and enemy shinobi.

Within two minutes' tense waiting, Naruto heard Kiba shout for him, and ran out to help. On the way, though, he stumbled and tripped over, sprawling over the grassy ground and bumping into someone sitting on the edge of the sandpit.

There was a stunned pause, before the boy he'd bumped turned around, dropping the handful of sand he'd been sifting and _glaring_.

"Watch it!" he snapped. Naruto pulled himself to his knees and shook his head, his lip trembling when he saw he'd grazed his wrist.

"Naruto! Are you okay?" Kiba skidded to a stop next to the fallen child and tried to pull him to his feet. "You needta be careful," he scolded. "You could get hurt. And then Mum'll be mad at me fer not lookin' after you right." Shino jogged up and was watching silently.

"What he _needs_ is to look where he's going," the dark-haired boy Naruto had bumped into put in. "He crashed right into me, an' he hasn't even said sorry!"

Kiba looked annoyed. "Leave him alone, Uchiha! He's just a little kid. He's _four_." Glancing at Naruto, he added, "This's Uchiha Sasuke. He's in my class at the Academy, an' he's a _total _teacher's pet. Gets every answer right."

Naruto looked up at the new boy curiously. "Hi," he said shyly. "Um, sorry… I tripped… didn' meanta hit you…"

Sasuke looked mollified at the explanation, and the fact that it _was_ a kid much younger than him (two _whole years_) who'd bumped him, and nodded back. "Kay. Maybe you shouldn't run as fast," he offered, sounding much more… not _friendly_ exactly, but definitely no longer hostile. "My aniki says that it's best to move a little slower and be safe than to rush and be injured."

"My daddy says ''f it won't kill ya, go nuts'," Naruto quoted clumsily. Sasuke frowned at him, the idea that anyone could think something different to his wonderful aniki rather hard to grasp.

"Naruto."

Naruto looked up. "Daddy!"

Kakashi had seen the tumble and had come to investigate. "Are you alright?"

"M'arm's bleedin'," Naruto reported, holding out the limb. Kakashi took it and examined the slight graze.

"Ouch," he commented, mentally stating that the kid was fine. "Here, I'll wash it off for you. Say goodbye to your friends, Naru, we need to go now."

Naruto nodded. "Bye," he called to the three older boys gathered around him.

"See ya!" Kiba said back.

"Bye," Sasuke added.

Shino inclined his head, but he was weird, so it didn't bother the blonde as he was lifted and carried to the water fountain nearby, where Daddy quickly rinsed off his graze and dried it with a handkerchief, fixing a band-aid in place once he was done.

Kakashi finished quickly and ruffled Naruto's hair, saying, "Daddy needs to do some shopping now, okay? Come on, let's do that quickly, and then we'll go home. And maybe I'll even let us stop off to get some ramen for dinner on the way home…"

The promise in place, he led Naruto towards the marketplace, smiling at the child's cheer.

Weaving through the crowded streets, one hand firmly clasped around Naruto's, Kakashi mused that it was times like this he was truly grateful Sarutobi had chosen him to raise the brat. Naruto was like sunshine incarnate, lighting up his otherwise grim world. He'd never thought having a child would end up being so… fun.

Realising exactly what he was thinking, Kakashi gave himself a mental slap, and then a mental kick in the shins for good measure.

_What am I thinking?_ he asked himself angrily, _This is just temporary. Naruto's not really my son. Don't lose sight of reality, Hatake. Focus! Real parents don't get paid for parenting!_

He let go of Naruto's hand as if he'd been burnt, and instead muttered a "Keep up," to the kid, navigating his way through the marketplace and pausing at a vegetable stall.

Quickly, he made some selections, glancing occasionally at the boy standing patiently (or not-so-patiently) beside him to make sure he hadn't wandered off.

Naruto curled his little fingers into Daddy's pant leg, anchoring himself to the man in an instinctive bid not to lose him, his eyes flitting around the marketplace curiously. It was really _interesting_, this whole place. There was something going on in every direction, and Naruto amused himself trying to observe everything at once, finally settling on watching a pigeon trying to work up the courage to pick up half a crust of bread from near a busy bread stall.

Daddy started to move, a paper bag tucked under his arm, and Naruto allowed himself to be tugged along by his grip on his father's clothing.

They stopped again, and Naruto glanced up to see they were at a stall that sold pasta and rice and stuff like that. Bored with the idea, he looked around again and his eyes lit up when he spotted… it.

An orange balloon, ownerless, dancing along teasingly through the crowds, ignored by everyone as the wind blew it to and fro along the ground.

Naruto was hooked. Without a thought, he let go of his father and left his side, weaving through the crowds and never once taking his eyes of the bright orange bubble.

He'd almost reached it when firm hands clapped around his ribcage and hoisted him up into the air – Daddy must've caught him.

Squirming, Naruto turned to pout at his father, but the expression slid right off as instead of his father's reproving features, he was confronted with the face of a total stranger.

With a shriek of surprise and fear, Naruto began struggling in earnest, the hundreds of warnings his father had given him about going with strangers echoing in his mind. The stranger shifted so that he could bring his hands together to make handseals, quickly flashing through a few and saying a couple of words Naruto didn't understand. Suddenly, the four year old felt exhausted, and his eyes began to fall closed.

Just before he drifted off, he sensed the man carrying him stroking his hair, saying, "There now, shh. That was a good deal easier than I expected it to be, little Hatake. You just be a good boy and sleep now."

Then, Naruto was forced to give in to the strange drowsiness, and fell asleep.

* * *

Dai was getting fed up with this stupid mission. He gritted his teeth as he plunged into an icy cold stream, washing himself as quickly as physically possible before shooting out again, drying himself and dressing rapidly.

Rubbing a towel through his wet hair, he wandered back towards camp, thinking longingly of hot baths and proper beds and mountains instead of these endless trees and _home_ in general. Stupid Konoha…

As he neared camp, he heard Maro and Juro, arguing again. He sighed heavily, but didn't pause on his way back to them, tuning in on the conversation as he plonked down next to the burned-out fire.

"I'm telling you, there is _no way_ that will work!" Maro snapped. "If you think that Hatake is stupid enough to leave his house unwarded-"

"I can bypass any ward!" Juro interrupted. "And it's the only time the bastard takes his eyes off the brat: when he's asleep!"

"I still say we need to gather more information!" Maro argued.

"We've been trailing them for _two weeks_!" Juro retorted. "If we wait much longer, we'll be found out!"

"Perhaps we could lure him out," Dai mused boredly. He rolled his eyes at the twin scoffs he received.

"No way."

"Not going to work."

And then they were back to arguing. Dai dropped his head on his hands and mused that this was in no way worth what he was being paid for it.

Like a silent ghost, a new figure darted into their camp. "Pack it up, boys and girls," it said in a sing-song voice. "We're moving out!"

The other three men looked up in amazement as their team leader Kane stood before them, the objective of their mission held tight and sleeping in his arms.

"You got him!" exclaimed Juro.

"How…?" frowned Dai.

"You better not have raised the alarm, Kane," threatened Maro. Kane shifted the child in his arms and waved the concern away.

"Nah, but I'd advise we move out _before_ his father realises he's gone, hey? Come on, hustle!"

The others all winced at the thought and quickly set about demolishing any trace of the camp. Within five minutes, they were on the move, heading back to their village.

* * *

Kakashi was halfway through buying milk and butter when he glanced down and _didn't_ see Naruto standing obediently beside him.

His heart leapt in his chest, and for a moment, Kakashi fell victim to absolute panic, spinning and scanning the area around him frantically for the sight of the small, yellow-haired child.

He couldn't see him, and for a moment the panic threatened to overwhelm him, but then his ninja training took over and he forced the feeling back.

_Calm down. He can't have gone far_, he reasoned with himself. Without a thought, he set his groceries down right there and striding away though the bustling market, eyes scanning the area rapidly.

He stubbornly fought down the sick feeling in his gut, as well as the horrible what ifs circling in his mind.

When it became apparent he wasn't going to find the kid easily by himself, he bit into his thumb without hesitation and flashed through a series of handsigns before slamming his palm down on the ground firmly. With a flash of chakra and a small cloud of smoke, Pakkun appeared.

"Yo," the pug said. "What's up?" He paused, sniffing the air. "You smell worried, Kakashi. What's happened? Where's the little one?"

"That's the problem, Pakkun," Kakashi said, bristling at the accusation, "He's lost. And I do not smell _worried_. I'm a seasoned shinobi, I don't _worry_."

"Whatever you say, Boss," Pakkun snorted. Then what the man had actually _said_ clicked and his head jerked up, mild panic filling his eyes. "Wait, did you say _missing_? Then why are we just standing here? Let's find him!"

Kakashi nodded and Pakkun scrambled to his paws, shoving his nose down into the dirt to search for the well-known smell of his master's puppy.

"Hmm… hm, hm, hm," the pug hummed to himself as he led Kakashi through the marketplace, unconsciously tracing the shopping route Kakashi had taken. "Yes, okay. So he was still with you here… and here… and then you turned this corner… he's still with you… and then you stopped at this stall here and – uh-_huh_."

"What?" Kakashi demanded, then winced at how anxious he sounded. "What do you smell?" he tried again, managing to sound much more controlled. Pakkun glanced at him and continued tracking, even as he answered.

"Your scent stays there, by the stall, but his wanders over this way – by itself. He must've seen something that caught his interest, or something."

Kakashi nodded – that was likely. Naruto had just wandered away, and was probably even now searching blindly for his Daddy, frightened and tired, but unharmed and in no danger. A small amount of relief spread throughout the Hatake, even as he felt guilty: he hadn't noticed the kid's absence for more than fifteen minutes. Then –

"Uh-oh. Oh, no. _Shit_!" Pakkun snarled, hackles rising. Kakashi twitched.

"What?" he snapped, not caring this time _how_ anxious he sounded. Pakkun looked up at him with serious chocolate eyes.

"Kakashi… he was taken," he said seriously. Kakashi felt his heart freeze.

"What do you mean?" he asked in a low voice. The dog closed his eyes.

"I mean… someone took him, Kakashi. Someone picked him up and carried him away. Foreign scent."

There was a pause as that sunk in. Pakkun looked up to see the visible skin on Kakashi's face was paper-white.

"No," he whispered, and took off top-speed.

* * *

Naruto blinked groggily, shifting slowly. His head hurt, his throat was dry, and above all he missed Daddy.

It took him a moment to figure out why he was feeling so miserable and frightened, before he remembered what had happened before he had fallen asleep.

Instantly, he gave a distressed cry and began to move, writhing in his spot in an attempt to sit up. It took him a long moment to realise that someone had draped a rough blanket over him, and he began to cry plaintively.

Instantly, a shape moved towards him and touched him gently, and Naruto flinched violently. He cracked his eyes open to see a red-haired man with scars criss-crossing his left cheek.

"What's wrong with it?" the red haired man was asking, but he wasn't looking at Naruto – no, he was looking over the small body at the others gathered there. Naruto spun his head, taking in all of them – black hair, brown hair, green hair – and began to cry harder.

"Might be scared," offered Black Hair. "I sure as hell would be."

"Eh, it's probably thirsty. The sleep jutsu does that," Green Hair said dismissively, unscrewing the cap of a bottle. He grabbed Naruto and forced him to sit up, kneeling behind him and weaving his hand through gold hair, tilting the child's head back and forcibly placing the bottle at his lips. "Drink, you brat," he added roughly.

Naruto gagged and spluttered, managing to swallow some but not nearly all of the cool, metal-tasting liquid that flooded his mouth. The rest splashed down over his front, soaking his shirt through. His tears leaked faster and he struggled against the cruel grip on his hair, desperate to be free.

"Hey, Maro, hows about you _don't_ drown the kid?" Brown Hair said, tugging Green Hair away and smiling at Naruto gently. "Hey, your name is Naruto, right? I'm Kane. It's okay now. You just be good, and no one will hurt you."

"I w-want D-D-Dad-dy," Naruto choked, curling into a defensive ball. The adults exchanged glances and leers.

"Do you now?" Black Hair droned.

"Fat chance," Green Hair snapped, "Not after all the trouble we went to to get you _away_ from bloody Hatake…"

"You're not going to be staying with your Daddy anymore," Red Hair said quietly. Naruto froze.

"I… I'm not?" he asked haltingly. Kane shook his head.

"No," he said gently. "Look, this is Dai," he pointed at Red Hair, "Maro," Green Hair, "and Juro." Black Hair. "We're ninja from Kumokagure. We're here to take you home. Don't you see? You were born in Lightning Country – you _belong_ with us."

"Yeah! We _totally _have claim to a _Hatake_!" Juro said enthusiastically. "No _way_ are we giving that up!"

"No matter what bastard wants his baby home with him," Maro added snidely. "Shouldn't've screwed around with a Lightning girl in the first place, should he?"

"Little harsh, Maro," Dai commented dryly.

Naruto stared around at them all, uncomprehending. "But… I don' wanna leave Daddy," he said, his lips trembling as tears threatened to fall again. "I… I love Daddy."

There was an awkward pause.

"He'll forget," Kane said confidently. Then, to Naruto, "Come on, kid. Enough of a break: we need to keep moving."

Naruto watched the man reach out to grab him, and just like that, his fear and uncertainty vanished. In its place was a sort of quivery determination that filled his whole body.

They wouldn't take him. He wouldn't let them. And then Daddy would come and kick their butts!

His blue eyes narrowed and he quickly scrambled to his feet, falling into a taijutsu stance his daddy had taught him. The next second, Kane grabbed for him, and the fight began.

* * *

Kakashi slammed into the Hokage's office, totally bypassing both the secretary in the foyer and the chuunin guards stationed outside the office door, Pakkun hot on his heels.

"Naruto! He's been abducted," he burst out, cutting right across what looked like a briefing for a mission. The jounin squad all looked rather affronted, and then shocked and sympathetic as they realised why exactly their fellow jounin had interrupted.

Sarutobi paused for a moment to gather himself.

"Kakashi, calm down," he said firmly. "What has happened?"

"Naruto has been abducted – taken out of the village!" Kakashi repeated agitatedly. "Don't know who or why, but they were in the marketplace, and I looked away for a _second_, and Pakkun says they grabbed him right there. Please, Hokage-sama, grant me leave to leave the village. I need to find him!"

Sarutobi blinked. "Wait," he said. He turned to the jounin team gathered in his office. "You can go, you have your orders," he said. The four jounin nodded and disappeared, leaving Kakashi and Pakkun alone with the old man. "Kakashi, take a moment to calm yourself. I will gather a chuunin squad to go with you."

"But-" Kakashi began to protest the delay, but a look from Sarutobi silenced him. "Please hurry," he murmured.

The half an hour he was forced to wait while a team was assembled and briefed was easily the most torturous, the most painful he had ever experienced, including that time when he was being interrogated in Iwa and they'd poured acid over his body.

Finally, _finally_, it was time to leave. Kakashi jerked to his feet and swept his eyes over the three chuunin assembled – pretty good for a last-minute thing, but not the ninja he would have chosen if he could have.

Kurenai, one of the kunoichi from his age-group, all set for the jounin exam next month, and two people Kakashi knew only by sight and name – Kamizuki Izumo and Hagane Kotetsu, eighteen, relatively new to being chuunin.

Kakashi fidgeted as the Hokage gave them a few last-minute orders and was out the window before Sarutobi had even completed the word 'go'.

It was a moment before the chuunin realised what had happened, and they exchanged confused looks, but the Sandaime just sighed and waved them after him.

"Catch up if you can," he advised.

Then they were off.

* * *

Naruto sank his teeth into the arm that reached towards him, throwing a punch at the near body of the big man. When he tasted blood, he let go instantly, spitting and gagging, only just computing Kane's cry of pain as he did so.

"Ah! The feral little sonnuva bitch!" he shouted, clapping his hand over the perfect ring of teeth-marks he now had bleeding on his arm. "That's gonna scar, you fucking-"

"Son of a bastard, you mean," Maro corrected, eyes fixed on the panting four year old who was standing slightly clumsily in his best fighting stance. "Of _course_ Hatake would teach ickle bastard a few fighting moves. Dammit."

"Well, wasn't Daddy-Hatake already, like, a genin by the age of this runt?" Dai asked. "We could have a fight on our hands."

"Bah," Juro scoffed. "He's still just a kid. Grab him!"

While they were talking, the four of them had circled around Naruto, forming a four-point ring to hem in the wide-eyed child. Naruto spun his head, searching for an escape route, and just barely managed to dodge out of the way when Maro made a lunge at him.

_Just like wiv Daddy_, the blonde thought to himself grimly, ducking under Kane's arms to deliver a punishing kick to the shins. Somehow, it wasn't even remotely fun, unlike when he played like this with Daddy.

Daddy… Naruto choked on a sob as arms enveloped him, and he began to claw at them, squirming, biting, kicking, elbowing and punching to get loose. Somehow, he slipped through the arms and fell to the ground. _I won' go wiv them! I can'!_

Dai had a hold on him now, hoisting him into the air by his arms and crushing him against his chest, so all the little teeth could find to bite into was a tough jounin vest.

Naruto squirmed desperately, reaching, stretching…

_I jus' has to hold on!_

…He felt his hand brush the coarse material, and jerked, managing to slide that crucial inch and a half closer…

_Daddy will come! He's gonna come get me! He promised!_

…Little fingers curled around a hard cylinder, and Naruto blinked to rid himself of tears before jerking his hand back, inadvertently driving his elbow into Dai's right tricep. Dai didn't even notice, being too preoccupied with a squirming body and flailing legs…

_Daddy, please hurry. I'm frightened_.

This last mental plea echoing in his mind, Naruto gritted his teeth and swung his arm, driving his clenched right fist with all his might against Dai's hip, the only place his short arms could reach in his current position.

It worked: Dai swore loudly and Naruto was once again dropped to the ground, where he dragged himself to his feet and fell back into a wobbly 'ready' stance, stolen kunai held out before him, red blood dripping off it slowly.

"Fucking brat, he _stabbed _me!" whined Dai.

"Kane, that sleep jutsu of yours would be good around about now," Juro prompted, taking a step forwards and jerking back as Naruto slashed at him.

The men looked angry now. Naruto was trembling, more frightened than he'd ever been as he tried desperately to stand tall and be brave.

_Daddy…_

* * *

Pakkun led the retrieval team through the trees at breakneck speed, the scent of the kidnappers fresh enough for him to follow it easily. Kakashi was right on his tail, almost literally, to the point where he was glad he didn't have a long bushy tail like Ryuu or Shiba. If he had, it would have already been trodden on by his frantic master.

Kakashi was himself more frightened than he could ever remember being – the day Obito died, the Kyuubi attack, every single assassination, it all paled in comparison to this feeling.

What would he do if Naruto was gone? Dead, or lost to him forever?

No. Kakashi shoved that thought away. He wouldn't let that happen. No matter what it took, he would get Naruto back. He wouldn't let anyone steal his son from him like this.

The jounin missed a beat as he realised his thoughts, and a second later his mind settled into a sort of grim understanding. Yes, Naruto _was_ his son. Nothing would ever change that. He'd raised, cared for, fed, nursed, _loved_ – yes, he truly loved him. More than anything. And now, paternal instinct was rearing in him, ugly and animalistic.

He would tear apart the ones who dared to take his son from him.

That was a promise.

He just regretted that it took something like this for him to realise it.

Cursing himself for not seeing, not understanding, for never telling the boy – his _son_ – just how much he meant to his daddy, Kakashi gritted his teeth and put on another burst of speed, making Pakkun yelp and begin to pump harder, trying to keep pace.

"Keep up!" the Hatake snarled back at the winded chuunin following him, not caring one jot that they were growing tired.

"Not far now," Pakkun panted at him, glancing at him long enough for Kakashi to spot the fire in his usually gentle eyes. The pug was as angry as he… well, _almost_ as angry as he was. It was impossible to be as angry as a scared father.

But Pakkun loved Naruto, too. His pack-leader's puppy.

"Just up ahead!" the small animal barked. "They're on the ground, not moving! We should be there – right – now!"

Kakashi forced himself to stop in a tree a hundred metres back when Pakkun did and observe the situation. Below them, four tall figures circled a fifth, smaller one. Kakashi's eyes, used to spotting such details, quickly spotted and logged their Kumo hitai-ate and their defensive stances, before flicking to Naruto and seeing the bloody kunai in his hand. From this angle, he couldn't see the child's face, but he could see that he was shivering. Several of the men were bleeding, and Kakashi felt a stab of pride despite everything.

_That's my boy_.

The man with brown hair was flicking through handsigns, and suddenly there was a flare of chakra and Naruto gave a distressed cry before crumpling. The man with green hair caught him and lifted him roughly, slinging the limp body over his shoulder carelessly.

Kakashi leant forwards and _snarled_, sounding more like a dog than _Pakkun_ did, and launched himself right into the midst of the kidnappers, hitai-ate up, sharingan glowing an angry red, a deadly, demonic fury written across Kakashi's whole stance.

There was just enough time for one of the fucking _deadmen_ who _dared_ to touch his _son_ to say in a slow okay-what-do-we-do-now tone, "Shiiiit," before, for the first time since Obito had died, Kakashi lost himself to anger.

* * *

Kotetsu was running, trying to catch up with his crazy squad-leader, when suddenly the beautiful woman – Kurenai, wasn't it? – that was on their squad caught him around the shoulders and sent them both crashing to a stop on a tree branch. Izumo banged into them from behind.

"What-?" Kotetsu began, but Kurenai just pointed ahead and below them. One glance, and both teenagers were suddenly highly relieved she _had_ stopped them.

The carnage was unbelievable.

Within ten minutes, the horrible sounds below them stopped, and Kotetsu felt it was safe to uncover his eyes and look again.

Kakashi-senpai was kneeling in the middle of the bodies of the men he'd fought – no, _slaughtered_, cradling the limp body of the kid they'd been sent to recover tight to his chest, his face buried in the boy's blonde hair.

Kurenai was the first one who dared to move. She knew Kakashi, so she felt a measure of reassurance in the thought that he _probably _would recognise her before he attacked her. She had seen ninja in this state before, and knew that it would take very little to set him off again.

Cautiously, she jumped down from her tree branch, landing lightly before him. Kotetsu and Izumo watched her as if she were crazy.

"Kakashi?" she called, not moving any closer. For a long moment, he didn't respond, but just as Kurenai was preparing to back off and give him some time to try and drag his mind back together, his head lifted and he looked directly at her.

To her very great relief, he didn't seem angry any longer: rather, frightened and grieving.

Then, the moment passed and, like a switch had been flipped, Kakashi the Father was put away and Kakashi the Shinobi was back.

"Kurenai," he said, his voice perfectly level as he raised a hand to pull his hitai-ate down over his sharingan eye. He didn't let go of Naruto for a second.

"Is… Naruto, is he…?" Kurenai was afraid to ask. Kakashi shook his head, settling back to sit on the blood-splattered ground, heedless of the corpses around him.

"He's alive, but I can't get him to wake up," he said, a touch of despair worming its way into his voice.

"I think I recognised those handseals," Kurenai offered. "I'm fairly sure it was a genjutsu – do you want me to have a look at him…?"

Instantly, Kakashi's arms tightened around the unconscious boy protectively, but after a moment good sense won out and he sighed, nodding once and laying the boy down in his lap, flicking a finger to call Kurenai over.

Understandably, Kurenai hesitated, not very anxious to approach the man she'd just seen tear four jounin bigger than himself limb from limb – almost literally. Suddenly, she understood why exactly Kakashi had graduated and been promoted so early. He was brilliant and _terrifying_.

Reminding herself firmly that it was still Kakashi, and that he hadn't changed: just her perception of him, Kurenai moved closer, kneeling before the man. She could sense that he was as tense as a coiled spring as she carefully reached out a hand to examine Naruto, and made sure all her movements were slow and non-threatening.

After a moment, she was sure.

"It's just a mild sleep jutsu," she reported. "He's fine – not in any pain. I _can _remove it, but it's safest just to let it wear off naturally. It should only take a couple of hours or so, and he'll wake up feeling like he's just had a nap. Is that okay?"

After a pause, Kakashi nodded. Hooking his arms around Naruto and hugging him close again, he stood, saying, "Let's get him home, then. The two boys can gather what's left of _them_." He jerked his head at the bodies, and up in the tree, Izumo and Kotetsu both winced.

Naruto came back to the world groggily, unwillingly. Eventually, he was awake enough to recognise the warmth around him, the iron arms hooked under his shoulders and knees, holding him close to a strong chest, the sensation of movement as the person carrying him leapt between trees.

The last thing he remembered was Kane doing that some jutsu-thing on him, and him feeling really sleepy, and Naruto let out a choked sob as he realised he must be being carried by one of those horrible men that were taking him away.

He began to struggle weakly, tears stinging eyes he had yet to open. The arms hugged him tighter for a moment, and a jolt ran through Naruto as the man spoke.

"There now. Don't worry, Naru, I've got you."

He knew that voice. That was –

Naruto's eyes flew open and he looked up at his Daddy's masked face, his mouth opening slightly in surprise as relief flooded through him so sharp it _hurt_.

"Daddy," he croaked. Kakashi glanced down at him and responded by holding him even tighter.

"I'm here, son."

"You foun' me," Naruto mumbled tearfully. "You came. I knew you'd come. Daddy."

Kakashi shifted Naruto so that he was held up against his chest, and Naruto put his hands around Daddy's neck and breathed in the comforting smell that was his father, beginning to sob openly.

Kakashi just rubbed his back, murmuring in his ear softly even as he continued the journey back to Konoha without breaking stride.

"Shh, it's okay, don't worry. I would never let them take you away. I'm sorry I didn't get there sooner, Naruto. I love you. Everything is going to be okay. You're safe now. I love you."

I love you. My son.

* * *

A/N: There. Extra-long chapter for you. Review it for me? (Puppy eyes) Please?


	5. Schoolyard Fights

**Twin1: Hi, guys! (ducks rotten tomato) Hey! Just hear me out, okay? I _did _****leave an explanation in Who I Am, but I admit I should have known that not all of you lovely people will read that. The reason I have not updated is not because I have died, and not because I hate you, and not even because I am evil, or any other reasons you lot came up with. I have not reviewed in seven weeks because I have been overseas, away from Microsoft Word, let alone the internet. So I am SORRY. I got back YESTERDAY. I am still JETLAGGED. **

**To make it up, I have an extra-extra-extra long chapter. With a special bit at the end.**

**Twin2: I still think you're an idiot for not splitting this up into two.**

**Twin1: Please be kind with any mistakes, but point them out. We're both so jetlagged we're forgetting the names of close family members, so if there are some discrepancies please let me know. Or mistakes. Especially mistakes.**

**Five years old**

A blonde child huddled under the stairs, waiting with bated breath, mentally counting down the seconds. He had to re-start twice because he lost his place, and so was a good thirty seconds off when –

Crash! **BANG**! _**SPLATTER**_! CRACK-tinkle-tinkle. Crackle! SWOOSH!

There was a long, intense pause. Then:

"NARUTO!"

The child flinched, his grin unwavering. Whoo, Daddy sounded _angry_. This one _must_'ve been good.

"Naruto! Get out here!"

Naruto's smile slipped a bit. Um, okay, Daddy really _was_ mad. Whoops.

See, this was the crucial downfall of each of Naruto's plots. He _always_ forgot that there would be consequences for his… 'experiments'.

"Hatake Naruto! I'm going to give you a ten-second immunity! If you're not out here in that time, you _will_ be punished for hiding from me!"

Okay, Daddy was still screaming. The only time Daddy yelled was when he was world-endingly mad. Time to do as he was told. Naruto quickly squirmed out of his hiding-place and trotted to where he could hear his father counting down.

He found him in the hallway, beside the door leading into the kitchen. His chest was smeared with blue paint, some of which had been blackened with a fire, and was glaring something awful with one eye as water trickled from his hair down his bare back – he'd just gotten out of the shower, and was only half-dressed.

Naruto winced, cringing away from the furious expression on his father's bared face.

"Um… I'm sorry?" he said tentatively. Kakashi pointed one hand at the open doorway, and Naruto took the cue to look.

There were blue paint and glass shards _everywhere_, and black fire-marks dotted liberally throughout the kitchen, and water pooling on every surface.

"What," Kakashi said, his voice shaking just a little as he tried to reign in the emotions warring inside him and remember that it _was_ a five year old who had done this. Who knew someone so small could cause so much damage? "Did you hope to accomplish by putting paint in the coffee machine, and then _switching the machine on_?"

Naruto looked away and scuffed the floor with one bare foot.

"Well, I found the paint, and I was wondering if making it hot'd make it dry, and so I thought I c'ld put it in the coffee… maker… It was a s'periment!"

Kakashi closed his eye. An experiment. Of course.

This child would be the death of him. But oh, what a way to go.

"Naruto, remember what I told you about doing experiments? What were the rules I gave you?"

Naruto bit his lip. "Uh… I have to tell you, Daddy, an' you hafta say it's okay, and… um… not inside the house?"

"Right." Kakashi felt himself calming down and tried to think rationally. No one had gotten hurt, although now he had a trashed kitchen and a blue, highly ticked pug dog to track down. Naruto hadn't _meant _any harm. Nevertheless, he had broken the rules. Rules his father had lain down to protect him and the people and things around him – such as Pakkun and his poor kitchen. "You've broken all three of those rules, Naruto, and so you are going to have to be punished."

God, how he hated those big blue eyes. Stupid, _stupid_ blue eyes staring at him with such remorse and guilt, silently asking for mercy. Kakashi ruthlessly squashed any thoughts of going easy on the brat.

"No allowance for a month," he decided – since his fifth birthday, Naruto had been receiving a small amount of pocket money every week to spend however he wished, in a bid from his father to teach him how to handle and appreciate money. "And bed an hour early for two weeks. _And_ you can go run laps in the yard for as long as it takes me to clean up this mess. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Daddy." Naruto, for his part, looked genuinely repentant. "I'm sorry."

Kakashi let it hang for a moment, before nodding at him. "I forgive you," he said gravely. "For your information, paint is flammable, and so when exposed to the high pressure and temperature inside the coffee maker, it caught fire, causing the coffee maker to explode and splattering burning paint over the whole room. I then used a suiton jutsu to put out the flames."

"Cool!" Naruto exploded, eyes lighting up at the mental image. Then he caught sight of his father's expression and winced, sobering instantly. "Uh, I mean, um, sorry. I should'na done it."

Kakashi groaned. "Go get dressed properly," he said to the young boy standing before him in his pyjamas, "And I'll do the same, and then we'll get you started on your laps while I start cleaning up this mess."

Naruto nodded and turned to run away, stumbling twice on the way up the stairs, but made it to his room without major injury. Quickly, he squirmed into his day clothes, knocking over a pile of eight-to-ten year olds' adventure books written in kanji he'd received as a gift from his father for his birthday two months beforehand. Plonking down on the floor, he wrapped the set of training weights his father had deemed him ready for around each of his shins – they were really very light, only weighing about a kilogram combined, but it was still significant for a five year old – and wrestled on his special weighted jacket, which weighed a total of three kilograms distributed evenly over his back, chest and shoulders.

The whole point was to build up the strength in his young body. Naruto didn't like the way the weights dragged at him, nor the way he always felt tired and sore at the end of the day when he'd worn them, but he liked the way they made stuff that used to be easy a challenge, like the game was new all over again, and he liked that they would help him grow up to be a big strong ninja just like Daddy!

There was almost nothing Naruto wouldn't do to achieve his dream of being just like his daddy – he even consented to eat the icky green things Daddy was forever putting on his plate. Naruto thought they were called vegetables. Ick.

After checking in with his father in the hallway again, he trotted to the yard and began his punishment laps, keeping to a jog because he knew he'd likely be running for a _long_ time.

Watching him, Kakashi sighed heavily and began collecting brooms, mops and cleaning rags. This was going to take work.

* * *

Kakashi scrubbed listlessly at a patch of dried paint. He wasn't even halfway done, but he knew he'd have to take pity on Naruto and let him stop soon – the child had been running for the last hour, with only two ten-minute drink breaks. Maybe he'd set him studying instead.

Another ten minutes dragged by, and Kakashi put down his cleaning cloth, moving to the door leading from kitchen to yard and calling, "Naruto! That's enough! Walk a lap, then come inside."

The blonde stopped running immediately and gave a tired nod, panting hard. Kakashi smiled under his mask at the thought that there was a chance Naruto would actually _sleep_ during his nap today, rather than just pretending and crawling out of bed to play every time he thought his father was too far away to hear.

Giving up, Kakashi lay aside the cleaning gear and moved to the (miraculously untouched) refrigerator, pulling out food and beginning to ferry it to the table in the dining room.

"Wash your hands and come sit down," he called when he heard the door open and close. Water ran in the trashed kitchen as Naruto washed his hands in the sink there, and the sound of small feet pattered through the house for a few moments before a little head poked sheepishly into the dining room.

Upon discerning that Daddy was not indeed still angry, Naruto grinned and came in to plonk at the eastern-style table, crossing his legs and shuffling the cushion that served as a chair closer to the low wooden surface. Kakashi sat down opposite him and quickly set a meal in front of him, idly listening to Naruto's babbling.

"I ran thirty-seven times around the yard, an' I'm sooo hungry now but 'm tired too an' I think after this can I not do my lessons yet please 'cause I don' think I'll think good and-"

"Well," Kakashi interjected. "You won't concentrate well."

Naruto didn't even pause to acknowledge the correction and just kept right on talking, only stopping with a cry of delight when his father finally grew tired of the chatter and placed Oink on the table.

"Ya found him!" Naruto exclaimed, grabbing the toy and hugging it close. "Oink! He was lost but you got 'im back! Daddy, you're the best _evar_!"

Kakashi watched, amused, as the five year old fussed over his previously lost toy. He was still such a little kid, it was so cute.

"Next time you leave him behind, I might not be able to collect him," he cautioned. "It was sheer luck that Ayame-san put him aside for you when you left him at Ichiraku's. You need to be more careful, okay?"

Naruto nodded obediently, tucking Oink firmly against his belly and digging back into his food. Kakashi watched him, not eating much himself, but rather just toying with the food on his plate.

How to broach the topic he sorely needed to discuss with the boy? After a long while tossing different approaches back and forth in his mind, he sighed and put his cup down on the table with a clink.

"Naruto," he said carefully, an internal twitch going off as Naruto looked up, cheeks bulging with the amount of food he'd stuffed into his mouth, his other hand smashing a handful of cold noodles repeatedly into Oink's face. Damn, and he'd _just_ washed the toy, too…

Putting the thought aside, Kakashi leant forwards and said, "Naru-pup, even though I haven't been working since you were born, you do know that it's Daddy's job to be a ninja, right?"

Naruto nodded. "Uh-huh, uh-huh!" he agreed. "My daddy's the best ninja ever! 'Cause you're all like, 'super ninja power!' an' then the bad guys are like 'huh?', and you're like 'grr!' and the baddies are like 'meep!' and then it's like 'bang!', 'smack!', 'ka-BOOM!' and it's totally awesome!"

Kakashi didn't even try to follow the child's speech, choosing instead to take it as a simple acknowledgement of his father's occupation, and continued. "Because of everything that happened around the time you were born, with your mama and everything, Hokage-sama gave me an extended leave of absence," he said, noticing the way Naruto stilled when his fictional mother was mentioned. "But now, Sarutobi-sama has requested that I go back to work. I'm going to start taking on missions again."

Naruto was staring at him, the expression on his face a mixture between confusion and apprehension.

"But… does that mean you won' be here no more?" he asked carefully.

"Anymore," Kakashi corrected automatically. "And no. I'll still be here, just not as much. Sometimes I might have to leave you overnight or for a few days, but mostly I should be home every night for dinner, and I'll leave one of the dogs with you if I'll be gone for any longer. But you're not going to be here alone, Naru."

Naruto cocked his head, frowning. "I'm not?"

"Nope." Kakashi leant back and ran a hand through his hair. "You have been enrolled in first form at the Academy. Starting Monday next week, you're going to be going to school."

There was a long pause, Naruto's eyes growing steadily wider and wider. Kakashi braced himself for the inevitable ear-shattering squeal.

"_**COOOOOOOOOL**_!"

Ah, there it was.

Later that day, Naruto was pouting, arms crossed and cheeks puffed out as Kakashi sat cross-legged on the living room floor, calmly blunting his kunai. About two months ago, he'd deemed Naruto ready for the sharp blades, though he still had yet to teach him how to actually sharpen them. However, Monday was his first day at the Academy, and Kakashi wasn't dumb enough to think Naruto would consent to leaving his ninja weapons behind, and there was no way he was going to let a five year old take sharp knives to school.

"But _why_ can't I take sharp kunai to the Acamady?" Naruto whined, stamping his foot. Kakashi set aside a newly blunted kunai, resting it on the pile, and lifted one with sharp edges that glinted in the light.

"Because you'll be around lots and lots of idiots," he said flatly. Naruto blinked.

"Oohhhhhhh." And he was happy again. Kakashi shook his head.

_Mental note: remember that excuse._

_

* * *

_

Naruto bit his lip and looked around shyly. He was seated at his new desk while all around him kids his own age were chattering, squealing, bouncing up and down and racing around the room, overly excited by the prospect of their very first day of school. Naruto knew a couple of them by sight from the park, but hadn't spent much time playing with any of them. Because he often chose to hang out with Kiba, and Kiba flatly refused to tolerate anyone younger than himself other than Naruto, the Hatake didn't interact much with those his own age.

Soon, the teacher – Nyoko-sensei – called them to order, and soon she managed to settle every child behind the desk with their name written it on a white sticker.

"Okay!" she said, smiling around at the room of children. "Welcome to your first day at the Academy! Now, I'm sure to some of you, this is a little scary and new, but don't worry. Soon, you'll be pros at our way of doing things.

"Now, you are all here to learn how to be ninja." Nyoko-sensei pressed a button on a projector situated at the front of the classroom and a large map lit up the blackboard. Naruto sat up straighter. He recognised the map – it was one of the five great shinobi nations, as well as the smaller ones dotted between them.

"I'm sure you're all aware it is a ninja's duty to protect its village, in our case, you will all grow to protect Konoha, but it is much more than that. There are Hidden Villages dotted all over our continent, each with ninja to protect the country they are situated in. Ninja also support the village by taking on missions that they are then paid for. There are four ranks of missions…"

Naruto found his mind wandering away from the lecture. He already knew all this stuff, but Daddy had told him that kids coming from civilian families wouldn't, so he didn't complain, instead watching the flight path of two birds out the window.

They danced together, drawing invisible lines in the air that fascinated him. They seemed to be building a nest in the tree just outside the fence marking the edge of the playground. Maybe they were going to have eggs, and then the eggs would hatch out into baby birds that Naruto could climb the tree to see.

The young blonde's thoughts drifted to his own family, and he wondered what his father was doing right now. He missed his daddy desperately right now, but refused to be a baby and say anything.

A shinobi walked by on the road, passing the tree the birds were flitting in and out of. Naruto sat up a bit straighter, trying to see who it was. It _looked_ like maybe Raido-san, but from behind it was hard to tell.

"Hatake Naruto-chan! Pay attention, okay? Do you know the answer?"

Naruto jumped. Nyoko-sensei was looking at him expectantly, and the blonde flushed red – she obviously knew he hadn't heard the question at all, too absorbed in the outside world to listen. Biting his lip, he scanned the front of the room for clues. The map was still projected up the front, and several notes had been scratched up beside it, written hastily as if Nyoko-sensei didn't expect anyone to actually read them.

He took a stab in the dark, eyes settling on the kanji for 'rules' and said, "Shinobi are gov'ned by a set of guidelines called the Shinobi Laws or Shinobi Rules, a hundred an' sixty-three in total, that tell 'em how to live, fight and serve. An' even though all of 'em are 'portant, the first twenty-five are the _most_ 'portant."

Nyoko-sensei looked shocked. "Yes, that's… right, Naruto-chan," she said eventually. "How did you know that?"

Naruto shrugged. "My daddy taught me," he said simply, uncomfortable. Did she want him to list the rules as well? He hoped not, because he could never remember them past number forty-two. Why was she staring at him like that?

"Uh, that's a little advanced for right now, though it was a very good summary," the teacher praised, still staring at him like he'd grown a second head. "Do you think you could answer my question, though? Do you know the four different ranks our missions are given?"

Naruto grinned. "Oh, is that whatcha wanted?" he asked. "I wasn't listenin', so I just guessed." Then he frowned, suddenly confused. "But, Sensei, there're more'n four ranks. There's D, C, B, A, S, SS and SSS, but only the ANBU and the bestest best ninja get the 'S'es. Oh, and there's 'Unranked', which are _waay_ too dangerous to be put into a class. They're, like, the missions for people like the Hokage and my daddy. Daddy says I'm a Unranked mission all on myself, but he's being silly."

The teacher's mouth was slack, hanging slightly open, and she appeared frozen, but Naruto had run out of stuff to talk about concerning mission ranking, so he just stayed quiet. As seconds stretched and the other kids began to fidget and whisper, Naruto squirmed uncomfortably, wondering if his sensei wanted him to explain what level of ninja took each ranked level of mission, but lost his nerve and meekly decided to just stay silent until asked.

After another long moment, the teacher tore her eyes away and nodded, saying, "Well, for now we're only going to focus on ranks A, B, C and D."

As she continued her lecture, Naruto found himself losing interest again. Nyoko-sensei didn't call on him again.

* * *

It was a relief when it was time for Nyoko-sensei to herd her students outside for some exercise. Keeping the first-form children still and quiet and listening as they learned theory was nigh on impossible, and she often wondered if they wouldn't get more done mimicking the civilian school and teaching through games and play. But woe betide the chuunin who suggested as much to the school Board of Education, much less the Council.

This year, the children would be brought up to scratch in fitness, their small bodies punished until they reached the staring point, the place where they were physically capable to begin learning shinobi arts. Second form and above was where they'd learn all those, so Nyoko-sensei's job in this area was a relatively simple one.

She put her hands on her hips and smiled at the waist-high children all about her. "Okay!" she said brightly, "Now, you are going to run some laps around the courtyard here, okay? See the tracks around the edge of the yard there? I want you to run around it five times." She held up five careful fingers for everyone to see. "Ready? Go! Fast as you can!"

Naruto agreeably took off, jogging in the middle of his class. This courtyard was about as big as his backyard at home, so five laps wouldn't be too hard. He didn't understand, however, why everyone else was going so slowly. Daddy had strapped on his weights this morning, but even with the added burden, he wanted to go faster than his classmates. Were those girls panting? It had only been half a lap!

Nyoko-sensei sighed as she watched the young Hatake break rank and continue running. She would be willing to bet every drop of coffee in the Academy staffroom that his father had been training him, and hummed in disapproval.

_I don't like that. He would have been a toddler when his father started him. Pressuring a little kid like that can't be good._

The little blonde, who actually wasn't so little compared to the others – he stood a head above the most of them, which Nyoko-sensei supposed was telling of good, strong genes – passed his class again, now a full lap ahead of them. It really shouldn't surprise her that the kid was so advanced – when his father was his age, he'd already made genin, if rumours were to be believed. And who hadn't heard the rumours surrounding the Hatake family? Whispers of genius and prodigial talent followed them everywhere. There were a few darker rumours, but Nyoko-sensei was too young to have heard much about the Hatake generation before Hatake Kakashi-san.

Naruto stopped in front of her. He was panting a little, but didn't look overly winded. The others had yet to complete their third lap. Many had stopped running and were walking instead.

"Done, Sensei!" the blonde chirped. Nyoko-sensei knelt, putting herself on the five year old's level.

"Naruto-chan, am I right when I say you've done this before?" she asked gently. Naruto nodded enthusiastically.

"Uh-huh, uh-huh!" he said. "Daddy an' I go runnin' _all_ th'time! Well, I run – Daddy jogs. His legs're _long_, an' it's _not fair_. But he says I'll grow," Naruto added hopefully. Nyoko-sensei frowned.

"And from what you what earlier, I'd assume you have also been taught about the Shinobi Rules and our mission system?" Again, Naruto nodded. "And you've learned other things as well?"

"Daddy teaches me," the blonde said solemnly. Then he pulled a face. "I has to do _three hours_ a _day_ of bookwork b'fore I can do _anything_ fun," he complained.

Nyoko-sensei sighed as Naruto pouted, lost in his lamentation of the unfairness of his life. "Why don't you do another few laps while the others finish off?"

The Hatake nodded and obediently took off. His teacher watched him go, biting her lip musingly.

* * *

It was break time. Naruto was standing in the playground, a frown in place. He made no move to join his agemates in their play, and instead scanned the teeming children around him until –

"KIBA!"

The Inuzuka spun around, a grin splitting his face as Naruto sprinted up to him. "Well, hello, midget."

Naruto pouted. "M'not," he said. The he beamed proudly. "M'bigger than _all _my class!" He had been very pleased to notice as much.

Kiba patted him sharply on the head. "Still smaller'n me, midget. You're finally in school, huh? Heh. 'Bout time. But then, someone as little as you would take time to catch us big kids up."

Naruto's smile disappeared faster than a fox down a hole or the dog that chased it there. "I'm NOT LITTLE!" he shouted. Kiba scoffed.

"I'm _seven_; you're _five_. You are too little."

Naruto pouted again, then allowed his grin back onto his face – traditional argument complete. The wild brunette ran a hand through his tangled hair.

"So, how're you liking school so far?" he asked. Naruto stuck out his tongue.

"Bleh. It's _boring_," he whined. Kiba laughed.

"Well, duh. If it makes you feel any better, there's a swing over there." He laughed harder as Naruto's entire _body_ lit up at the news and the five year old turned to race to the favoured play device.

Nyoko-sensei watched contemplatively from the window as Naruto jumped over Kiba's leg when the Inuzuka tried to trip him and oumanouvered the older boy until he could punch him solidly in the chest, and sighed. Then she turned away to go back inside and search out a certain set of paperwork…

* * *

Three days after Naruto's first day at the 'Acamady' as he had begun to fondly think of it, Kakashi settled in his armchair, pulling a wad of letters towards him. Naruto was finally down for the night, after helping him with the dinner dishes, and his father had chosen this time to go through his mail.

_Hm_, he mused mentally, flicking through the letters, _Bill, bill, letter from old friend – wasn't he dead? Oh, well… bill, notice, memo, summons, oh for the love the gods!_

Kakashi paused to set fire to yet _another_ pornographic magazine. Jiraiya the Legendary Bastard kept subscribing to them in Kakashi's name, having them mailed to the Hatake household.

_So, where was I? Right – bill, notice, ashes, letter from the Acamady… what could Naru have done _already_? Okay, this one I'll read._

Curiously, he opened the letter, slitting the envelope and pulling out the carefully printed note, eye scanning it quickly.

It was a letter from Naruto's teacher, a highly detailed and logical explanation as to why his son should be given careful consideration – he was highly advanced for his age and so was bored and idle in the lowest form and although it _was_ good for children to be with others their own age, Naruto really was better off in a higher grade, and how Nyoko-sensei had filled out the formes required to move the child up a grade, though they still needed Kakashi's signature, and that she encouraged him to think about it and come speak to her before he made his decision.

Kakashi set the letter down and flicked through the forms, before chuckling and reaching for a pen. Quickly, he scribbled his name on the dotted line waiting for his signature, slipping the forms back into the envelope. As an afterthought, he added a note: '_Knock yourself out, Naruto will love being 'bigger'.'_

As he resealed the packet and set it aside, he shook his head.

_I do hope this doesn't go to the kid's head._

_

* * *

_

Akemi-sensei flicked black hair out of his eyes and looked around at his class-plus-one. Today, Monday, week two, he had a new student.

Hatake Naruto was sitting in the third row, blonde hair just visible over the girl in front of him, looking completely unremarkable and just a fraction smaller than the others in the room. He could have been any random kid in this class. Though, Akemi-sensei had to admit, even if the colouring was wrong, Naruto had definitely inherited his gravity-defying, never-been-brushed hair from his father. Also – allegedly – ability: little Hatake-chibi had already been bumped up a grade.

Naruto himself was frowning at his teacher. One week had been all it took to _thoroughly _disenchant him about school. It was boring and mind-numbing, not to mention extremely degrading. He'd been told that this week he'd be with a more advanced class, but didn't hold much hope that it would challenge him at all, judging from the katakana letters on the blackboard.

He wasn't even sure these so-called chuunin were really teachers. They certainly didn't _act_ like Daddy, and everyone knew Daddy was the Bestest Ninja In The Whole Universe.

So he settled into a perfect disgusted-little-boy pose, arms crossed, are-you-kidding-or-just-dumb expression firmly (and unconsciously) in place.

"Alright, kids," Akemi-sensei said, lifting a piece of chalk. "Today we're learning about chakra…"

* * *

Kakashi pushed the door open and stepped inside the classroom, sighing heavily when he saw Naruto seated in a low wooden desk he assumed had been assigned to the child, swinging his legs moodily as he glowered at the floor.

The chuunin instructor – Uta Akemi, if Kakashi remembered correctly – was looking equally surly, and was marking a few papers rather more violently than absolutely necessary.

"Daddy!"

Of course, Naruto was the first one to notice him. Before either adult could speak, the five year old pointed a damning finger at his teacher and said hotly, "He wouldn' let me leave! I don' think 'e's even a real ninja!"

"Hatake-san," Akemi-sensei ground out, "Your son has been detained, and I have summoned you, to speak about a very serious matter. Earlier today, _your son_ threw a live kunai at me in the middle of my lecture. Children in my class are not to have live kunai – they have only just begun using the wooden mock-ups, and this blatant disrespect is… _concerning_."

Kakashi winced at the condemning tone.

"Uh, gee…" he stalled, looking at where Naruto was sulking, unrepentant, arms crossed and cheeks puffed out, mere seconds away from a full-scale tantrum. On the board off to the left of the front of the room, Kakashi spotted Naruto's childish katakana writing, repeating the line '_I will not endanger myself or my classmates by throwing kunai, and I will not disrespect my teacher by trying to physically harm him out of turn'_ a fair few times.

The Hatake winced at the length of the sentence and wondered how many times Naruto had been made to write it out. No wonder he looked so mad…

Akemi-sensei was looking impatient, so it was probably time to stop thinking and start talking.

"Naruto," he sighed, "Why did you throw a kunai at your teacher? You know better than to attack comrades."

The blonde drew himself up indignantly, meeting his father's gaze defiantly as he spat, "He's not a real ninja! He donen't know what chakra is! He's a 'poster!"

Kakashi blinked. Of all the things he could have expected, that wasn't one of them.

"An impostor?" he repeated carefully, glancing with mild suspicion at the other man. Children were often much more perceptive than adults, and Naruto never lied, so everything he said had weight. He honestly believed this man to be an impostor, and that was enough to put his father on guard.

Naruto nodded, a stubborn pout on his face as his crossed his arms and lifted his chin. "Uh-huh! You shoul' beat 'im up, Daddy! He's not a real ninja! Not like _you_!"

Akemi-sensei was spluttering indignantly, and Kakashi began to have an inkling of what the problem was.

"Why do you think he's not a ninja, Naruto?" he asked. Naruto scowled.

"He donen't know _chakra_! He sai' chakra's energy 'at ya need ta live 'n fight 'n stuff, but he's _wrong_! Chakra is 'an equal measure spiritual and physical energy that sustains us and is closely interwoven with our internal network, circulating our system like blood, which may be used to fuel different techniques and jutsu to aid in the fighting of an enemy'."

The child's tone turned sophisticated as he quoted his lesson book perfectly from memory with none of his usual bad grammar and pronunciation. Kakashi sighed again and ran his hand through his messy silver hair, looking at a shocked chuunin.

"Um, well, I think it's clear what's happened here. Naruto, I'll have you know that Akemi-sensei _is _a real chuunin and is not, in fact, an impostor. He is simply simplifying, so that the others in your class may follow, because they have not been taught what you have just yet. Remember? I told you that might happen. Akemi-sensei… um… no harm, no foul?"

Kakashi looked hopefully at the teacher, who crossed his arms and huffed.

"He still shouldn't be keeping live kunai with him," he argued. Kakashi shook his head.

"I'm sorry, Sensei, but I will not take them from him. I promised him that he could have weapons if he came here alone, without me or one of my dogs to protect him. I'm sure you heard about the… _incident_ last year, when he was nearly abducted? Well, ever since then, he's felt… vulnerable… without me near. If kunai keep his nightmares away and let him play with his friends without fear, I have no objection with letting him hold onto them. You will find he has only five kunai and five shuriken on him, and they are all blunted, and he will never throw them at anyone except one whom he perceives as a very real threat."

Akemi-sensei still looked unhappy. "He is perfectly safe here," he argued. "He is watched especially carefully, exactly _because_ of that occurrence last year. No harm will come to him. He doesn't need to be armed."

Kakashi chuckled. "Akemi-sensei," he said, raising his eyebrows, "_I_ know that. The problem is, _he_ doesn't. The kid knows there are people who would seek to harm him out there, and feels vulnerable – rightly so, I must add. Don't take his perceived insurance away from him."

For a long moment, Akemi-sensei stared at him, before he sighed heavily and stood, moving to the door.

"Wait here," he said tiredly, "I'll go get the forms to move him up a grade."

Naruto cheered loudly. "YAY! Kiba's class! AWESOME!"

Kakashi resisted the urge to bang his head on the table. Now the little bugger would think he'd be rewarded for throwing knives at teachers! Bloody hell…

Parenting was hard work.

* * *

**Twin1: Okay, now we get to the super-special-awesome awesome special extra section. Okay, PAY CLOSE ATTENTION. This chapter has been when Naruto was ALREADY FIVE, so like five and a few months or whatever.**

**In this the super-special-awesome awesome special extra section, we are going to TRAVEL BACK IN TIME to NARUTO'S FIFTH BIRTHDAY. This is complex stuff. We are no longer in 'Fanfiction 101' but I have faith in you. You can do it. Stay with me. This is not a flashback. This is an EXTRA SECTION, filling in a gap I left for you. Again, it begins a few days BEFORE Naruto's fifth birthday (when he was still four) and ends ON HIS FIFTH BIRTHDAY. This is my penance. Enjoy. **

**

* * *

**

**Special: (AKA Guilt-driven extra bit because I haven't updated in forever) **

**NARUTO'S BIRTHDAY**

**(And Some Plot Because I Couldn't Keep It Out)**

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* * *

**

Kakashi worked to unclench his fist and allow the scroll he'd caught there to fall into the appropriate place in his filing cabinet. He was angry – furious. _Vibrating_.

He had just come home from the fourth – and final – Council meeting concerning The Kumo Situation. In the two and a half months since a Kumo squad had _taken_ his _son_, Kakashi had been howling for vengeance. Preferably in the form of lots of screaming, blood and mayhem.

The Council (including the Hokage) was less convinced. They were maddeningly reluctant to declare war, despite the blatant disregard Kumo had shown to date for the peace contract standing between the two nations.

Kakashi had been (perhaps foolishly) surprised to find the Hyuuga clan head, Hiashi, openly and firmly on his side. Surprised because the stuffy Hyuuga clan had never quite gotten over that whole oh-would-you-look-at-that-Hatake-Sakumo-started-a-war fiasco, foolish because the man had almost lost his own daughter four years previously in another botched attempt by Kumo to try and abduct a child of a famous clan. The whole affair had been kept remarkably quiet, probably because Hiashi's twin brother had been executed as a result, _to appease the Kumo government_, but Sarutobi had felt it pertinent to inform Kakashi, just in case any of the Hyuuga sought revenge against Naruto who 'had Kumo blood'.

Strife, politics made him sick to his stomach. The Hatake was grimly pleased to find a kindred spirit in Hiashi.

"These attacks will continue," the Hyuuga had argued. "Unless we do something, Kumo will just grow bolder."

"We have no proof," insisted Koharu, the old coot, as she shot a dirty look at Kakashi. "Hatake-san has seen to that."

Which was how he had ended up with no war and an official reprimand in his hand for 'unnecessary force'. With a heavy sigh, Kakashi pushed his filing cabinet closed and willed his anger away. Carefully closing the study window he'd come in by, he trotted down the stairs with a cheery, "I'm home!"

"Daddy!" Something orange, blue, green, yellow, purple and red attached itself to Kakashi's leg. "Daddy! You're back! We were face-painting! I'm a dog!"

Kakashi looked down at the jumble of colours haphazardly applied to Naruto's face. Truth be told, he looked less like a dog and more like a paint palette had barfed on him. He pulled up a painful grin.

"How cool. Who's the artist? Did you do it yourself?"

"Uh-huh!" the four year old said brightly. This time, Kakashi's smile was easier.

"Figures," he chuckled.

"Oh, there you are, kid," said a grown-up voice – Tsume, who had agreed to baby-sit today.

"Inuzuka-san," Kakashi said, bowing just slightly. "Thank you so much for watching my son. I'm sorry I was longer than I expected."

Tsume waved a hand. "Oh, don't worry 'bout that," she said dismissively. "I know what the Council's like. Anyway, s'good for the kids to play a bit. Er, your yard may be a bit… painted… but your house missed the worst of it."

Kakashi grimaced at the thought of what awaited him outside. "And Oink?"

"…May have been face-painted," Tsume grinned. "It'll come off in the bath." Kakashi groaned.

He made no move into the kitchen where he could hear Tsume's two children arguing. Naruto detached himself from his father's leg to go join in. Kakashi would have reluctantly followed, but the woman standing before him caught his arm, halting his progress.

"While I have you, kid," she said over-casually, eyes glinting, "I was wonderin' what you had planned for Sunday."

Kakashi was lost – which didn't happen all that often to the certified genius. "Sunday?" he repeated dubiously, wondering if he'd missed a memo somewhere along the way. Everything male inside him started to whimper as Tsume swelled up with maternal anger. Her hand shot out and whapped him around the ears.

"Ow!"

"What's today, Hatake?" She had transitioned from 'kid' to 'Hatake' – time to answer.

"Friday, April first," the man replied. Tsume waited, but as Kakashi just stared blankly at her, she _sighed _and said, "And Sunday will be…?"

"April third?" Still no bells were going off – that date was just as unimportant as the last one. Tsume hit him again, harder.

"You son was born on the third of April, idiot! He'll be five this weekend!"

Realisation flooded Kakashi, and he instantly felt bad. Which probably had to do more with the way Tsume was glaring and less with forgetting his son's fake birthday.

"…Oh…"

_Not_ the response Tsume wanted, apparently, as she hit him again. "Idiot!"

"Ow!" Raising an arm to fend off more blows, Kakashi ducked his head and cried, "Well what am I _supposed_ to do?"

_That_ gave the woman pause. "Oh," she said, realising who exactly she was scolding. Kakashi's own birthday parties had been pretty thin on the ground as a kid – and even now, because some things died hard. Under the circumstances, Tsume thought it best to speak slowly and clearly. And simply.

"You throw him a party," she enunciated. "You make a fuss. You give him gifts. You forget your OCD aversion to unhealthy food for a morning. Get it, genius?"

Kakashi grimaced. Parties, gifts and fusses had never been his forte. "Can't I just pat him on the head and tell him he's five now over breakfast?" It was what he'd done _last_ year… around April fourteenth, because he'd forgotten last year too… he ducked another swat.

"No! Argh, kid, you're useless. Okay, new plan. You, the brat, at my house, ten o'clock Sunday morning. _On time_." Evil glare. Kakashi considered protesting that he wasn't late _that often_, and had _she_ ever tried getting Naruto fed, clean and dressed by a deadline before, but his ears were still ringing with the force of the last blow she'd landed, and he decided that silence was the better course of valour.

"Yes, Inuzuka-san."

"An' you start telling your brat that he'll be five soon, y'hear?"

"Yes, Inuzuka-san."

"And wash Oink. That toy's disgusting, paint and jam all over him."

"…Yes, Inuzuka-san."

Tsume gave him a toothy grin. "BRATS! KIBA, HANA!" she hollered. "Let's go!"

A little boy with a face just as colourful as Naruto's trotted out of the kitchen, flashing Kakashi a cheeky grin. An older girl – just barely still preteen – followed him with streaks of paint in her hair, no doubt put there by little male hands.

"Goodbye, Hatake-san," she said politely as she passed, following her family out the door. There was a silence when they'd left, leaving Kakashi to raise a hand to rub his aching head. "Maa… what just happened?"

A squeal from the kitchen, followed by an ominous crunching noise and "Uh-oh" made Kakashi jerk and stumble towards the room his son was in, well aware that it was already far too late to stop or help the damage.

Two days later, Kakashi held Naruto's hand firmly and hurried along the road towards the Inuzuka compound at nine forty-nine in the morning, well aware that it would take at least fifteen minutes to get there. _So this is how Obito felt all the time_, he thought absently, cringing at the thought of what Tsume would do to him.

"It's my BIRTHDAY!" Naruto announced to anyone passing by. "It's MY birthday! IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! Daddy, Daddy, it's my _birthday_!"

"I know, Naruto," Kakashi replied. "How old are you?"

There was a pause as Naruto thought about it, counting on his free hand as he was tugged at high speeds through the streets. "…Five," the boy eventually decided.

"That's right," Kakashi smiled, closing his eye for the briefest moment to do so. "And we're going to visit Kiba-kun."

"KIBA! On my BIRTHDAY!" Naruto revisited the point. "It's my _birthday_, Daddy!"

They reached the Inuzuka Compound two and a half minutes late, but thankfully Tsume was not the timekeeper Kakashi had been in his youth, and she just gave him an approving nod and continued hanging the streamers she was attempting to fix to a tall light fixture.

The Compound's main courtyard was a grassy place that was ringed with buildings, each of which had a tiled patio making a wide border for the scraggly lawn. It was nowhere near as refined as the Uchiha Compound or as elegant as the Hyuuga Compound, and had the air of chaos in it. Dogs were scattered around, the evidence of their presence documented in many holes dug into the ground.

Kakashi liked the place immediately.

Today it was strung with streamers and ribbons and bunches of balloons. A long table was set up on one section of the tiled area, already laden with food. Hana, Tsume's daughter, was calmly pouring crisps into a bowl, handing one or two off to the straining hands of her younger brother. Other bowls held sweets and cakes of all description.

Kakashi felt slightly bad that Tsume had done all this and he hadn't helped at all, but the feeling was almost completely drowned out by relief at the same. He let Naruto's hand go and the blonde took off, announcing to Kiba and Hana and anyone else who would listen that it was his birthday and he was five and it was his birthday and he had no lessons today and it was his birthday and did they want to play and _it was his birthday_.

"Good job, kid," Tsume said approvingly. "You got him worked up – well done. Now." She clapped her hands together. "I invited a bunch o' people – they'll be turnin' up around ten-thirty. Then we'll have cake, and the kids can go wild. Play games an' stuff – I have a few ideas, but they'll make their own fun. There's not many kids your brat's age, by the way, but I did my best."

"Thank you, Inuzuka-san, for doing all of this," Kakashi said softly. "I… would never be able to do it, and it means a lot to Naruto."

Tsume grinned at him. "Don't you worry, kid. We'll train you up right. You'll learn how to throw a right shindig – good thing too, b'cause kids to have a lot of birthdays. And if you have any more, you're gonna have to throw two or more a year!" Kakashi grimaced – he seriously doubted he'd be having any more children.

People soon began to arrive, as promised. It seemed that, in the absence of children Naruto's supposed age, Tsume had turned to her own peers with children, friends of Kiba. More or less the same people who had come to that horrifying baby shower several years ago, the Hatake realised with a wince.

Chouza, Inoichi and Shikaku arrived first in a group, without spouses and with children in tow. Kakashi was amused to see that the kids looked like literal clones of their fathers, and more so when he noticed Yamanaka-san's child was, in fact, a pretty little girl.

He greeted them politely, receiving a variety of adult-to-kid responses despite the fact that he was almost twenty-two. Chouza departed to hover over the food table, Shikaku pulled his son out of an outdoor lounge and shoved him in the direction of the other kids before taking it himself and leaning back, gazing up at the sky. Inoichi was being dragged around by the hand, his busy little daughter taking him from place to place and chattering.

Sarutobi appeared next, smiling faintly at Kakashi and then Naruto and pushing his grandson into the group ahead of him. "I can't stay, I'm afraid," he said apologetically, laying a brightly wrapped present on the table next to the food. "I just thought I'd drop off Konohamaru. He's three. His mother will come to pick him up."

Kakashi called Naruto over to introduce the two, and Naruto was delighted to meet someone who was _younger_ and _smaller_ than him. He quickly ran to fetch Kiba, and dragged the bigger boy back to point at Konohamaru and declare, "See? I'm _not little_. _He's_ little!"

Kiba laughed at him.

Next to arrive was another friend of Tsume's and his offspring – though Naruto had at least _met_ this one. Aburame Shibi slipped into the courtyard silently, nodded once at Tsume, completely bypassed Kakashi and settled into a corner. His son Shino wandered aimlessly for a while before he was noticed and absorbed into the group.

Quite a crowd was gathering. Kakashi did a quick head count and came away with eight children. He winced inwardly, not coping well with the social setting. "Is anyone else coming?" he asked Tsume, almost unaware of how strained his voice was. The wild woman shrugged.

"Dunno," she said. "Don't think so. I invited everyone I could think of, but I don't reckon the Uchiha will come – they don't like you too much, and they're not fond of me neither, so…" she shrugged carelessly. Kakashi felt a jolt to realise that she had invited Obito's relatives, with whom he was not on good terms ("Hatake Kakashi is a thief and a liar and we demand that he be blinded") and breathed a sigh of relief when he discovered they would not be coming.

Still, there was a surprise on the way, for he had barely sighed when another guest arrived, one adult and three smaller figures, all dressed in pressed cream muslin. Hyuuga Hiashi walked calmly into their midst, holding his two year old daughter in his arms and leading his six-or-seven year old girl by the hand. A boy not much older followed a few paces behind, eyes down, and Kakashi realised that this must be Hiashi's nephew.

"Hyuuga-san," he said. Hiashi met his eye for a long moment before he released his elder child's hand and placed the younger on the ground.

"I apologise for our slight lateness," he said – it was forty past ten. "Have you met my children? This is my daughter, Hinata, and her sister, Hanabi." He indicated each child in turn, before drawing the boy closer with a gesture. "My brother's son, Neji," he added.

"Wow," Tsume commented. "I didn't think you were comin', Hyuuga."

Hiashi raised an elegant eyebrow at her. "You invited us, did you not?"

"Well, yeah, but I didn't think you'd actually _come_," the Inuzuka argued. "Y'never have before."

"I have never been invited to the birthday celebration of the son of Hatake Kakashi before, either," Hiashi replied dourly with the slightest of smirks – he'd clearly been invited to Kiba's and maybe even Hana's birthdays before, and so his statement was an insult. Tsume, far from offended, just snorted.

"Away with ya," she scoffed. "Come on, eat some junk food like a normal person. Send your kids inta the fray!"

With a word, Hiashi did just that, sending his children to wish Naruto a happy birthday and make the lad's acquaintance.

Kakashi kept Hiashi's eyes for a long moment. "I didn't expect you," he finally admitted – and it was true. He'd had no idea of the guest list, but even if he had, he'd never have expected Hiashi to show up. The Hyuuga gave a sort of high-bred shrug via the tilting of his head to one side.

"Fate deals us many twists and turns that we do not expect," he replied simply. "Though, I do have a favour to ask."

Kakashi was instantly on guard. "Yes?" he said cautiously. Hiashi almost-smiled blithely at him.

"As it was decided that the men you killed nearly three months ago – those that attempted to abduct your child – were unidentifiable, they have become your property, your 'problem'." Kakashi nodded – that was the law, but he hadn't been thinking of claiming his right to them. "Do you have any need of them?"

"None," Kakashi said tightly, suspecting a trap, unable to see it. Hiashi looked pleased.

"In that case, I wish to ask you if I might trouble you to gift them to me." Kakashi blinked.

"You… want the mangled corpses T and I has in their freezer?" he said dumbly. "You do know there's… not much left of them, right?"

"Are their heads more or less intact?" the Hyuuga inquired.

"Their heads? Yes…" Kakashi said slowly. It was a sad commentary on his life that having this conversation to a background melody of laughing children was completely normal. "Mostly."

"Then they will serve my purpose."

Kakashi briefly considered asking, but decided against it. He also briefly considered the wisdom of blindly trusting a Hyuuga, but decided to go with his gut instinct. "You can have them. They're all yours," he said. He rather liked the look in Hiashi's eyes as the man thanked him, and wondered again what he was planning. Tsume interrupted before he could decide whether or not to ask, dragging them both away to the food table.

The adults gathered in the shade to watch the children play – and play they did, drawing together and starting a game of _ninja_ (always a favourite) with a very complex plot, involving zombie mutant gorilla-samurai and an abducted princess, a role Ino graciously assumed. Hinata got designated the role of protective fairy, and little Hanabi was incredibly put out when she was told she couldn't be a ninja because she was too little and a _girl_, and instead had to be a witch or another stolen princess. There was a wrestle over the dispute, and when she managed to push Kiba to the ground, it was agreed that she could be a warrior-sorceress, which, Hana explained as she pulled the Hyuuga off her brother, was like a kunoichi with magical powers, and was _much cooler_ than a plain old shinobi.

Hana herself grudgingly agreed to be the bad guy, though Kakashi never gleaned if she was a monster, a sorceress or an army personified. Perhaps all three. She was aided by her three puppies, who all bounced and growled threats in hilarious squeaky voices.

The boys banded together and an epic battle took place, involving many heroic acts and much confusion, until Tsume announced it was time for cake. The princess was hastily rescued, and the children crowded around a store-bought birthday cake, leaving many sneaky finger smudges.

They sang happy birthday to Naruto, who looked around as if he thought they were insane when they began. He listened with fascination until the song ended, then looked up at his father and said, "C'n we have cake now, Daddy?"

"Yes, Naruto," Kakashi replied seriously, reaching for a knife after a nod from Tsume. "Here. Mind your fingers – this knife is sharp, I don't want to cut you." He efficiently cut up the cake, giving Naruto his pick of the resulting slices. With the birthday boy in possession of his piece, the other adults quickly moved forward and between them all, the other kids got their cake remarkably quickly.

Just as they were eating it (Kakashi giving many excuses not to have any himself, none of which were believed – "Wimp," Tsume had declared) when the last partygoer arrived.

"YOSH! I am Sorry I am late! It is Most Unyouthful! Regrettably, I was unable to complete my morning mission in time to arrive at the celebration of my Noble Rival Kakashi's child! But we shall persevere! Let us celebrate the youthful Naruto's life!"

Kakashi was frozen in horror, the spandex-clad man who had just arrived striking a good guy pose before him. Almost frantically, he looked around for an escape route. All he found was Tsume's amused expression.

"Oh, I forgot to mention," she said lightly. "Of _course_ I invited Gai-san to your son's birthday party, Kakashi. You and he are such close friends." Kakashi narrowed his eye at her, seriously considering bodily harm. Meanwhile, Naruto had gotten over his own surprise at Gai's arrival.

"Froggie-san!" Naruto announced, his voice carrying splendidly. Every adult in the courtyard stilled.

Kakashi groaned aloud. _The longer I have this kid, the more ritual suicide appeals to me_, he thought glumly, raising a hand to his face. "Gai, I am so, so sorry," he said. Then, turning to Naruto, "Bad Naru! You call him Gai-san!

"_Froggie-_san," Naruto insisted stubbornly. Kakashi winced.

Gai was in tears. "Champion of Youth! You have remembered me, and more than that, you have granted me my own special name, as among friends! Ah! Son of my Rival Kakashi, I am honoured by your youthful endearment for me, and shall wear the name proudly!"

And he enveloped the small blonde in a hug. Naruto, quite unperturbed, just patted Gai's shiny black head and said solemnly, "Good Froggie-san."

Kakashi idly wondered if he should tell Gai the truth – that this was no nickname, Naruto actually believed him to be some kind of mutant giant frog, but decided that Gai would be happier not knowing. A memory drifted through his mind, a toddler holding an orange plush frog high in preparation to hurl it down the stairs.

"'_S a froggie, Daddy. Froggies don' has names. 'Ey're dumb."_

Kakashi had to excuse himself, or be seen in public laughing him self sick.

It took a long time for the kids to wear themselves out, especially as they kept refuelling on the processed sugar that Tsume had put out. Kakashi had to physically restrain himself from snatching the sweets out of Naruto's sticky little hands, and instead just braced himself as the blonde began to literally bounce off the walls.

There was much squealing, shrieking, running, bouncing, laughter and giggling, and the children all had a fine time. The adults stood around, chatting, and Kakashi steadfastly bore it for his son's sake.

They opened presents, and everyone had brought one for the birthday boy. Most of them were useless (a toy samurai? Honestly?) or messy (those crayons were going straight on the walls, Kakashi just _knew _it) or just plain… weird (_why_ had Gai given him a plastic cactus that danced when put in sunlight? Kakashi never got the chance to ask, because Naruto's serious "Thank you, Froggie-san" had sent the man into hysterical tears of joy that no one wanted to interrupt.)

Only Hiashi had procured a proper gift – a meek Hinata was given the task of handing it over, and she smiled at the littler boy and patted his golden head when he thanked her sunnily. Inside were a tiny set of weight-clothes, specially designed for young children – a favourite tool of shinobi parents training their children for the same. Naruto shouted his delight, and Kakashi bent over him to pluck one of the shin-weights out of the box, examining it, before looking up at Hiashi.

"I have noticed you and the boy about the village," the Hyuuga said, by way of explanation. "You seem to be teaching him, but I have yet to see him wear any weights. They may be a little large, but he needn't start wearing them right away."

"Thank you," Kakashi said sincerely, placing the weights back in the box. He nudged Naruto. "Thank Neji-kun, Hinata-chan and Hanabi-chan for your present, Naru-pup."

The three Hyuuga children who had 'given' Naruto the weights were treated to enthusiastic hugs of thanks.

Eventually, the sugar high burnt out, and all at once, every child was yawning. They doggedly continued their play for a while, the lure of 'duck duck goose' just too strong to give up the game for something as mundane as sleepiness. But the energy petered out of the kids with startling suddenness. Shikamaru was labelled 'goose', but didn't even bother to get up to chase Konohamaru, instead making a vague motion in the Sarutobi's direction before sighing and collapsing backwards, closing his eyes.

"Eh," the boy said.

As if that was the cue, all the other children sitting in the circle tumbled over on the grass, falling asleep there in the sun in mere moments.

Photographs were taken, and quiet goodbyes were said, before parents silently lifted their sleeping treasures and bore them away.

"You see, kid," Tsume whispered hoarsely to Kakashi when they were the only ones left, gathering Kiba from the grass while Kakashi eased Naruto into his arms, "_That_ is what you do on a birthday."

* * *

"Raikage-sama?" The Yondaime Raikage glanced up at the chuunin standing before him.

"Yes, Aki-san?"

"There's mail here, just delivered by a flock of falcons. Four boxes, sir, addressed… well… there are no wards or traps on them, and our scans revealed nothing dangerous inside, so should I bring them in?"

The Raikage frowned at the babbling, but nodded. "Do it," he ordered roughly. The chuunin disappeared, returning a moment later with four plain cardboard boxes balanced in his arms, the kind that were used for ordinary post all over the continent.

The boxes were placed before him on his desk, and the Raikage lifted the first one, examining it. It was addressed to Hatake Kakashi, in Konoha. The sender, he was surprise to see, was himself. This was the same on all four parcels, he soon noted.

He had sent no package to the Konohan Hatake filth who had stolen a Kumo baby, so naturally the return of such puzzled him.

"Do we have any record of this being sent?" he asked the chuunin. The shinobi fell over himself to shake his head.

"No sir, sir! Nothing! That's why I thought you'd want to see them, sir!"

"Hmm." The Raikage looked for other writing on the boxes. Each one had two phrases bannered across them in red ink – "Return to sender" and "Damaged goods".

Damaged goods? Ever the cautious man, the Yondaime ran a few tests of his own, coming away with nothing but a strong sense of white chakra, very similar to that which he had personally encountered not in Hatake _Kakashi_, but in the man's father when once they'd crossed blades. Whatever goods were damaged, Hatake had damaged them himself.

But there were no traps or danger that he could find, so he reached for a blade and slit the seal, opening the first box.

He quickly shut it again and closed his eyes. For a long moment he didn't move, before he opened his eyes and turned to the chuunin. "Go find the next of kin of Masuka Kane – and the next of kin of each of his squad," he said grimly. "I have bad news for them."

The chuunin paled, but hurried to do his kage's bidding. Once alone, the Raikage once more braved what was in the box, wincing at what he saw. He quickly snatched the paper he saw inside and closed the box again to read the single sentence inscribed there.

_Our patience grows thin._

_-Hyuuga Hiashi_

_

* * *

_

**Twin1: You all still here? No one lost? Odin, I hope not. Okay, I hope you all liked that. I'm rather insecure about this particular chapter, so please drop me a line to tell me how it was – even a 'hated it' would be greatly appreciated and earn you cyber cookies. Thanks.**

* * *

**A SPECIAL NOTICE FOR ANONYMOUS-IS-A-PRETTY-BAD-NAME:**

**Squee! The idea of you doing a full-chapter review like you mentioned in your last review just about made my head explode with the sheer AWESOMENESS that would be. And although the speds that rule ffdotnet won't let you do this in one review, here's a cool hint: anon reviewers can review a chapter as often as they like, so write all you like and break it up if it won't fit. **

**Or, if you don't like that idea, PM us your email and we'll email you our email, thus negating the need for us to put it in a public forum. Also: we LOVE your long reviews. We read every word. Why do you think you keep on getting dedicated? We love you. You actually tell us what you think, your reviews have weight, AND you give us ideas along the way. You are AWESOME.**

…**And if **_**you**_** got lost in this chapter I might cry.**


	6. Worlds Collide

Twin1: Hello, all! I did better with updating on time this time, right? (Not _much _better, but still…) In answer to the hundreds of questions I got – actually, the same questions hundreds of times – I decided to put a little section in here as an explanation. Because I'm too lazy to answer a hundred and fifty-odd reviews personally.

Okay, first off, everyone's asking me when I update. I don't have a timetable, so it's 'when it's written', I'm afraid (yes, I'm one of _those_ – feel free to weep) but I try to put up a chapter about once a month, every three or four weeks or so. All of our stories are updated like that, Who I Am included, all those who like that story too. Unfortunately for you guys, the next UP chapter won't be out until after New Year at least, because I'm drawing a blank for the 'Naruto is seven' chapter. Sorry.

I had a couple of questions about Naruto's weight set. Weights should _never_ be used by anyone younger than, like, eighteen. Or sixteen, depending on how you physically mature. They're _really_ damaging to developing muscles and skeletal structures, and it's just _not a good idea_ to do that to your five year old. Or thirteen year old. That being said, Lee wears weights, in the extremist sense of the word, and it seems to have done him no harm. From that, I can only conclude that in the Naruto world, weights don't have the same damaging effect on shinobi as they do on us here on plain old Earth. Probably something to do with chakra, something that Naruto has in excess.

Um, a lot of people have been saying things along the lines of 'OMG Hiashi iz EVIL dont let him hurt Naruchan k?' Poor Hiashi. Everyone's picking on him. T_T For a while I was like 'WTF?' but then I realised that Hiashi's usually one of the in-village bad guys, so I'd thought I'd just say: Hiashi's good in this fic. A little bastardly, maybe, with a stick in his nether regions, but he's more or less on Naruto's side. At least, he's on Konoha's side. And Konoha, in this story, has got Naruto's back.

Lastly, and most importantly, you can get the dancing cactuses (or flowers of all types) from the shop _Octopus_, which is big in the UK. Look for it online if you're really interested – I have a yellow flower with a green base that dances every morning as I get ready for work. It has a remarkable ability to make smiles happen, which is in fact, if anyone's wondering, why Gai gave one to Rival Kakashi's No Doubt Emo Spawn.

Twin2: (For those of you who don't live in the UK, they're sometimes found in the random quirk-stalls at markets.)

* * *

**Six years old**

A small brown animal padded through the halls of the Hatake home. His squashed black nose quivered rapidly as he sniffed constantly, sounding like a cold on fast forward.

Nudging a particular door open, he made his reluctant way into the centre of the room before giving a little hop that in no way looked sufficient to propel him onto the raised bed before him. But it did, and he landed daintily on stubby legs and matter-of-factly strolled over the lump in the centre of the mattress.

"Pup, time to get up." The lump mumbled and moved a little, before stilling. The creature sighed and began to paw at where he hoped the lump's head was. "Come on. Up, up, up. School today. I did _not_ help with all that mathematics last night for you _not_ to hand it in today."

The scolding and pawing was insistent, so much so that the lump eventually squirmed and whined and shoved the covers back, revealing Naruto's tousled head. "Pakkuuun," he whined. The dog was unmoved.

"Up, pup," he repeated. Naruto grinned and rubbed sleep out of his eye.

"Is Dad back yet?" he asked drowsily, though he knew the answer. The dog shook his head.

"Nah. But you know the drill: up, dressed, feed me, school. Hustle." The child obligingly rolled out of bed and began preparing for the day.

A little more than ten months ago, the Hokage had finally broken the long-term leave he'd assigned Naruto's new father. The old man had been trying to ease Kakashi back into it by offering him a genin team every year, and in secret planned to continue to do so until Kakashi found one that he liked, but as the Hatake continued to uniformly reject every trio put before him, the village leader was left to more concrete methods.

Kakashi's re-joining the ranks of active shinobi had been a relief, truth be told, as numbers were at an all-time low thanks to a certain demon fox with overlarge paws trampling his way through town. On this particular occasion, he was teamed up with a group of his old ANBU war buddies on a mission to flush out a suspected hidden camp of foreign shinobi spies. The gossip in the underworld was that it was manned by ninja – either loyal or defected – of Kumo origin, and Sarutobi had a feeling that the presence of Kakashi on the team that confronted them might send them running for their borders just a little faster.

Kakashi had, as he had promised to do so long ago, left one of his dogs to guard Naruto, with instructions for the boy to go home with Kiba if Dad didn't pick him up from school on the second day of absence – Tsume would look after him, whatever the outcome of the mission.

The child had managed to stay in Kiba's class, disappointing several gossips who were expecting his graduation at a freakish age. Kakashi fended off queries by pointing out that Naruto wouldn't be able to actually graduate until he was twelve or so, so there was no point in bumping up grade after grade.

Stumbling more than once and yawning intermittently (bedtime was not Pakkun's forte), the young Hatake set about preparing for a day of learning.

Far away, just inside the Wind Country border, an older Hatake shifted in his place, eye fixed on the unchanging horizon he was viewing through a slit in the hidden (illegal) fort that looked from the outside like just another sand dune. Even someone trudging up the sloping walls outside would be unable to tell the difference when the door was closed.

Inside, it was a tarp box. Sand pressed in on all sides, held back by thick canvas which was supported by a skeleton of hardwood poles. It was uncomfortable, stuffy, and stifling hot. The sun had been up for a scant few hours, and already Kakashi was wet through with sweat.

Something bumped his elbow, and Kakashi broke from his vigil to glance at the man in the shelter with him. Sarutobi Asuma had just recently returned to the village after an absence that had begun just after Kakashi had returned with Naruto. Gossip had it that the departure was caused by the broiling tension with the man's father reaching breaking point, but Kakashi hadn't asked Asuma for details. He was back now, and the Hatake treated him as if he'd never left.

The dark-haired man was holding out a small snuff box filled with chewing tobacco. His addiction to nicotine wasn't something that could be turned off for convenience on a mission, but lighting up a cigarette on this stake out would be suicide – either because the smoke gave you away if you opened a vent to let it out or your teammates murdered you for smoking up the already-unbearable air in the shelter if you didn't. Chewing tobacco was a handy compromise.

Kakashi shook his head, declining the offer, and Asuma took some himself, dropping the tin after closing it securely. Neither man spoke.

The silver-haired man watched the sun climb steadily, its position telling him what time it was. In the inactivity of waiting, his mind wandered home, to the small blonde boy no doubt just as bored as he was. He'd be at the Academy now, and usually Friday started with a theoretical lesson – mathematics perhaps, or reading. Poor kid would be near tears by the end of it.

Overall, though, Kakashi had been pleased with how well Naruto had taken to the whole 'school' situation. After moving up two classes in as many weeks, the father had been braced for a rocky entry into 'Kiba's class!' as well, but had been pleasantly surprised with how smoothly the whole thing had gone. He had led his son to the new classroom as per instructions and made the acquaintance of the teacher who would be guiding this group through school. The Academy assigned teachers to classes, not grades, so this teacher would teach third form this year and fourth form next year, following the students up the ladder until they graduated, at which point he would be assigned another class of first form students.

Anyway, this class's teacher was a young man named Umino Iruka, a chuunin that Kakashi vaguely recognised as one he'd seen 'around'. He'd exchanged a slight bow with the man before announcing to Naruto that this was his new classroom, and this was his new teacher, Iruka-sensei, and then waited with bated breath for the reaction.

He needn't have worried. The blonde child had walked right up to Iruka-sensei, tilted his face almost vertically upwards to look him in the eye, and asked candidly, "Are you a real ninja?"

Iruka, to his credit, took it all in stride. After barely a pause he replied with equal frankness, "Yes, I am. Now go sit down."

Naruto had turned to his father and smiled. "I like this teacher better, Daddy. He's a ninja."

"Good," Kakashi had replied, shooting an apologetic look at the other adult in the room. "Do as you're told and sit down, Naru. I'll see you after school."

And there had been no more trouble from the little boy.

_Yet._

A smudge on the horizon jolted the jounin back to the present. Kakashi narrowed his eye and nudged Asuma, indicating the smudge with a nod. Asuma nodded back and leaned forwards, waiting.

Slowly, maddeningly slowly, the smudge grew into a person, which gradually grew into the person they'd been waiting for, their informant.

He approached the hideout, looking around nervously, scanning for some clue as to where to go. Kakashi examined him carefully, looking for signs of deception or genjutsu. Then he examined his surrounds, looking for any hint that the man was being watched or followed. Nothing.

A glance at Asuma, and the Sarutobi shook his head, indicating that he hadn't seen anything either. Kakashi cleared his throat and spoke, voice rasping as he said his first words in hours. "Let him in."

Opening the door of the shelter was like opening the door of an oven. Heat blasted the inside, scaring away any lingering coolness the night had brought. The informant spotted the opening in an instant and dodged inside, Asuma slamming the door shut on his heels.

It was crowded with three. Kakashi focused on the perspiring man in his face, trying not to appear uncomfortable despite the fact that if he leaned forwards just a bit, he would be kissing him.

"Do you have it?" he asked flatly. The informant nodded.

"They changed their path – they've swung far south. They'll slide right past you here."

"Shit." That was Asuma. The man reached for his nonexistent cigarette and, upon finding it to still be nonexistent, ran an agitated hand through his hair. Kakashi's brilliant mind whirred.

"How far away are they?" he barked. The informant chewed his lower lip.

"Five hours or so?" he said hesitantly. Kakashi nodded: they had some time. They could salvage this.

"Okay. Asuma, run to the border as fast as you can and see if you can raise Raido on the comm unit – his squad are out our way somewhere too. Then the five of you see if you can get around the other side of our targets and swarm them – see if you can't get them to change their minds about where they're headed. Herd them back this way. We're still set up best here, but worst comes to worst we'll make a play before they cross the borders. Once they're in Ame, our job gets harder.

"Hiro, you get out of here. Hightail it home, and make sure your alibi is solid. It'd be annoying if you caught up in this or marked as our sneak. I don't want to have to break you out of gaol before your execution as well on this mission – things are tight as they are."

Hiro, the informant, grinned just a little and shot out the door. Asuma was moving, pulling on the vest he had shed out of surrender to the intense heat and taking a long draw from a water bottle.

"Will you be here?" he asked when he'd swallowed the mouthful. Kakashi nodded.

"I'm going to set traps up and down the line," he said, "See if I can't widen our net in time. But if we can't make them swing around, drive them down here, we'll lose them."

Asuma nodded his acknowledgement. "I'll find our backup," he promised. "And see if there's anyone else in the area to help us. Good luck."

"And you," Kakashi muttered, already gathering some equipment he would use to set his traps. A wave of heat as Asuma shouldered open the door, and then he was alone. For a few seconds, Kakashi got himself ready, then he too braved outside, and the shelter was empty.

* * *

Naruto stuck his tongue out at the particularly tricky mathematics problem he'd just solved. Then he leant back in his chair and looked around the class. He was seated in the back row, with Kiba on his left and an empty chair on his right. To Kiba's left were some of the Inuzuka's friends, Shikamaru and Chouji, and to the empty chair's right was the classroom wall.

The three boys in line with him were still working on the problem, but with his father drumming not only mathematics but the logic required to work through the equations into his skull for as long as the blonde could remember, algebra had so far proved no real challenge to the young Hatake. Looking around the class, he spotted one or two others who had finished – that smart girl with the pink hair, for one – and his blue eyes narrowed as he caught the dark gaze of the kid sitting in the third row.

Uchiha Sasuke. Top of the class in academics and weapon skills, second only to Naruto in shinobi theory and taijutsu. Next year, when the class began learning genjutsu and ninjutsu, there would no doubt be a struggle over who was better in each of those also.

The boy didn't like Naruto, which was okay because Naruto didn't like him either. He said mean things about how old the Hatake was, and about the fact that Dad still picked Naruto up every day, rather than letting the six year old walk home on his own. _And _he said he was better at school than the blonde. This fact alone had Naruto throwing himself into his schoolwork where he might once have drifted by with the same level of enthusiasm as Shikamaru. The Hatake heir was determined. He _would_ come out top of the class, and beat the Uchiha meanie. He _would_.

Iruka-sensei soon called for the class's attention and walked them through the solutions to the problems he'd set. Some time was wasted while he bellowed at Kiba – Naruto wasn't sure what the Inuzuka had done, but it probably had something to do with the fact that Iruka didn't get up from his chair until lunchtime.

Naruto scowled at a sum he'd gotten wrong, angrily denoting the place he strayed off-course and the correct steps to take to solve the problem. That was the only one, but it cost him. When he'd spoken through the final question, Iruka-sensei called out for them to tell him their scores out of sixteen one by one.

"Aburame Shino-kun!"

"Fourteen, Sensei."

"Akamure Gin-kun!"

"Nine, Sensei."

"Akimichi Chouji-kun!"

"Six, Sensei."

The class list was thirty-odd names long, but it was only a minute or so before Naruto's name was called.

"Hatake Naruto-chan!"

Naruto twitched at the suffix – _Sensei, I'm not _that_ little_ – but just replied with a quiet (and very hard to get out) "Fifteen, Sensei."

Two rows ahead, a dark head raised at the admission, and all too soon Iruka was calling out, "Uchiha Sasuke-kun!"

"Sixteen, Sensei," Sasuke replied, before turning in his chair to stare at Naruto with a triumphant grin. Naruto stuck his tongue out at the annoying older boy, silently vowing to do better in their next lesson.

* * *

Sweat dripped from Kakashi's jawline or trickled down his back as the unforgiving desert sun attacked him as ferociously as any of his nindogs. Despite his discomfort, he couldn't stop or slow – he _had_ to get as many of these traps up as he could, because if they didn't catch the party headed this way, they'd escape into River Country and this whole mission would have been a waste of time.

Kakashi was fast growing sick of this little group that had set up camp inside Konoha's borders. Frustratingly, when Kakashi and his impromptu squad had raided the little hideout, they'd found it mostly-deserted. A quick chat with the last remaining terrorist had led them to this much larger-scale problem on the border of Wind and Rain.

Suddenly, the comm unit he'd stuck into his ear buzzed with noise, the others clearly having come into range of its radio signal.

"Gen, get up! Scare them 'round!"

"Asuma, see if you can't frisk one of them – maybe get them thinking we're after something they have!"

"Split the leader off – that one in the red bandana. The others will follow him if we get him in the right direction."

"We're losing them!"

"Kakashi, I don't s'pose you can hear me?"

"I can," Kakashi spoke clearly, not pausing in his work despite the confusing jumble of shouts that sounded through the headpiece. "What's going on over there?"

"We're not gonna be able to get them to you," the man on the other side reported. "We've swung them a little, but they're pretty damn determined. We don't have the manpower to attack them head-on and win, and backup will never reach us in time. Anything you can do? How're those traps coming along?"

Kakashi finished attaching a weight to the end of a wire and straightened, using his sleeve to wipe sweat from his eyes. "I've set them up from our hideout towards you guys, but I don't think we'll get them. Hold on."

Grabbing his kit, he began to jog, bent low to hide among the sand dunes. Ten minutes later, he dropped to his belly on the hot sand and crawled to the top of a tall dune, looking over the top.

Yep, there the buggers were, dressed in clothing the same exact shade as the sand they were running over, looking like they very much wanted to cross the border and escape the pesky shinobi that had appeared to rattle them.

"Okay, drop back everyone," Kakashi ordered. "I see them. Be ready to grab one or two, though – I'll try to rig something up, but there's not much time. We may have to let this one go."

"Rodger that."

"I hear ya."

"Kay.

"Got it."

"You're the boss, Boss."

Kakashi tossed himself backwards, tearing open his bag of supplies and rushing to set up the complex trap he and Asuma had rigged last night by himself and in a time frame of maybe four minutes. Sweat that had nothing to do with the sun trickled past his temple as he dug in the soft sand until he hit the harder-packed stuff beneath, chipping away at that to excavate a place to anchor a weight, well aware that this was a fool's errand.

He rolled over on the hot sand to squint at the next dune, rapidly calculating the speed of his opponents and the likely trajectory of the weighted bundle in his hand, tossed in a quick prayer for good measure, and threw.

The long trail of wires was invisible but for glints of sunlight across their length and the carefully-spaced tags that dragged with them as it flew, flapping like washing on a laundry line. Metal struck sand almost thirty metres from where the Hatake was carefully sprawled, and a tag right at the apex of wire that had yet to fall went off with a slight _pop. _The twin wires separated and fell away from each other to form a near-perfect circle in the sand as something else struck its centre – another small weight, a tag fluttering behind it.

The breeze was picking up, rapidly burying the wires and their accompanying tags in sand. Kakashi sighed with relief as the trap vanished under the movement of the sand dunes, and not a moment too soon – now he could hear the faint, rough footsteps of people hurrying over sand, the faint _flitting _of chakra as the runaways tried to augment their movement. He shuffled backwards and away from the trap, trying to disappear before the runaways could get wind of what he'd set for them. The soft rolling sand dunes mostly hid him already, and intense control over his chakra did the rest as at least four sets of feet shuffled over the perimeter of the trap.

The chakra they were using for balance was enough to set off the centre tag, and sand suddenly blasted them from all sides as the detonation sent the particles flying in an impromptu sandstorm. Someone screamed. The edge of the trap, marked out with wires, was suddenly cemented by the gravity seals on the activated tags while droves of sand were thrown out of the ever-increasing pit.

Only one of the renegades had been far enough out to escape Kakashi's trap, and he'd fled in a desperate panic with one of Kakashi's kunai in the back of one leg – he'd send Asuma after the blood trail in a minute, but for now he had enough captives to deal with.

The gravity seals had yet to run out of juice, so the four ninjas spitting grit and wiping it out of their eyes were doing so at the bottom of a very solid six-metre deep pit excavated by the weighted concussion seal. They could escape it, sure, but it would be hard to do before his backup arrived. The guy with the red bandana – _ooh, got the leader – _glared up at him, sand leaking from his ears.

Kakashi smiled, eye curving closed as he did so. "Gotcha," he said brightly.

* * *

Naruto grinned, jigging on his toes proudly. Their class held an uneven twenty-seven students, which would work out well when they went to divide up genin teams but meant that when it came to taijutsu class, they had uneven numbers for sparring. Iruka-sensei had sheparded his class outside for their taijutsu session after lunch and told the class that whoever performed the best in the warm-up hour of the lesson would be sent to spar with Gin-sensei's class, the grade above theirs. At that moment, Naruto had locked eyes with Sasuke and known that he _would_ be the one sent away, if he broke his neck doing so.

In the end, nothing so drastic had happened, but Iruka-sensei _had_ chosen the Hatake and sent him running to where Gin-sensei's class were pairing off on the other side of the Academy grounds.

Naruto had lost the spar with the big nine year old he'd fought with, but not by much, and Gin-sensei had spoken a few approving words to him before sending him back to his own class.

Naruto bounced his way back into the fray of his classmates, all of whom were still tussling with one another – in fact, it seemed like Sasuke was taking it in turns to fight three different people, his designated partner and a pair of girls who were _always_ hanging around him. As the Hatake watched, the Uchiha tossed Ino to the ground and held her there until she tapped out, then stood and eyed the boy who he'd actually been assigned to fight warily.

_He looks cross_, Naruto thought gleefully, running towards Iruka-sensei, who was correcting Chouji's stance.

"Sensei! I'm back!" he announced.

"Yes, keep that arm up, a right angle," Iruka said to Chouji, then straightened and looked at the blonde six year old. "Naruto-chan. How did it go? Did you win?"

Naruto shook his head. "Not quite," he admitted. "But I _almost_ did! I _almost_ got him, honest!" Iruka smiled, neither believing nor disbelieving the claim – he'd get the full story soon enough from Gin in the staff room.

"Did Gin-sensei say anything?" he inquired, and the little boy's face scrunched up as he tried to remember.

"Yes! Uhm… he said… 'Well done, Naruto-chan, you do your family name proud.' Then he said, 'Thank Iruka-sensei for sending you over for me. I don't think Jiro-kun has had such a good fight from anyone smaller than him in a long while." The Hatake scowled for just a moment. "I'm not _that_ little. But I like Jiro! He's cool! And I saw Neji – his uncle and my dad talk sometimes, so I see him around – and he looked weird. His eyes were – weird. Is he sick, Sensei?"

Iruka shook his head, drawing Naruto to the edge of the fighting class. "No, he's not. I suspect he was using his kekkei genkai, the Byakugan_._ It's a bit complicated – you should ask your father to explain it: he'll know more than I do about how it works and what it does, but it is passingly similar to your father's Sharingan." Naruto looked at him blankly, and Iruka sighed a little. "Ask your father," he said again.

"Okay, Sensei!" chirped the boy.

"Have you stretched to cool down?" Iruka asked next, and Naruto nodded. "Then you may have a few minutes' free time. It is almost time to go inside."

The six year old brightened and raced to the nearby swing hung from the tree in the corner of the Academy ground. He'd finally learnt to push himself on the thing, and quickly worked himself up quite high.

Before too long, he heard Iruka-sensei calling for the class to jog once around the yard to cool down and come inside, and reluctantly let the swing drift to a stop. Jumping off, he trotted back towards the classroom, dodging classmates on their trip around the yard.

Slipping into the classroom, the others trickled in by ones and twos, most looking very much like they had just been rolling on the ground in pairs pulling at clothes and hair. Kiba particularly looked like he'd had a good grub in the dirt as he came in, spotted Naruto, grinned and made his way over.

"Good job today, kid!" he grinned, sharp-toothed, banging the younger boy on the back with a friendly thump. "Sent off to Gin-sensei's class! You're not gonna ditch us for them, are you?"

Naruto shook his head. "Nah," he replied casually. "Dad says that 'cause I can't graduate early anymore because of that new law, there's no point in putting me up. He'd rather I stay where I have friends to play with and a teacher who can 'handle my quirks', whatever that means."

The blonde looked in askance at his older friend, who grinned more. "I think he means that both you and Iruka-sensei are one of a kind," he said diplomatically.

Sasuke, who had wandered in after Kiba and was standing nearby, frowning at his usual federation of female followers, scoffed a bit. "I still can't believe anyone'd let a baby like _you_ in, Hatake. But I guess you make a nice mascot."

Naruto instantly riled. "I _beat you_ in taijutsu today!" he half-shouted. Sasuke turned to face him fully rolling his eyes.

"Sure you did," he returned bitterly. "You're a spoiled little brat with the teachers wrapped around your fingers! And _I _beat _you_ in mathematics. _Again_, you dumb baby!"

"Don't call him names!" Kiba leapt to Naruto's defence, ignoring the way the entire class was staring at them. Sasuke looked at him angrily.

"Shut up, stupid-head," he retorted, giving the ultimate in eight year old insults.

With an angry cry, Kiba leapt at the Uchiha, surprise letting him tackle the more skilled boy around the middle, bringing them both crashing to the floor.

"You're a stupid-head!" the Inuzuka screamed as the pair rolled over and over, classmates fleeing to avoid getting dragged into the brawl.

"Am not!" Sasuke shouted defiantly, getting a good handful of Kiba's hair and pulling as hard as he could, hearing Kiba's squeal with a bit of wild pleasure before shouting himself as Kiba poked him in the eye in retaliation. This led to Sasuke working an arm free to punch Kiba's nose, and things degraded from there, dissolving into a writhing mess of screaming, pinching, pulling, kicking, biting arms and legs and teeth.

The girls (and one or two of the boys) were squealing for the boys to stop, for Kiba to leave _Sasuke-kun_ alone, while friends of Naruto and Kiba shouted encouragements to the brunette and slurs at the Uchiha. Naruto danced about on his toes, shouting instructions for Kiba and generally getting in Sasuke's way as best he could. The remaining portion of the class was taking no side, withdrawing to stand on their desks and holler for the chaos to cease.

Then, quite suddenly, everything ended with Iruka-sensei appearing above the squalling boys and grabbing a collar in each hand, yanking them up and then down to smash their skulls together, which stopped their struggling, before hoisting them up until they were dangling just off their toes above the ground.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?" the teacher bellowed. "Everyone SIT – DOWN – NOW!"

There was a scramble, and soon everyone except for Kiba, Sasuke and Naruto (who stayed standing right where he was) was behind their desk. Iruka took a deep breath and lowered the brawlers to stand on their own before they suffocated – he was _not_ having that conversation with Fugaku.

"Okay," he said in a more level (and somehow much more deadly) voice, brown eyes scanning the classroom for a reliable tattle-tale. "Sakura-kun, tell me what happened."

The pink-haired girl immediately launched into the telling. "Sasuke-kun came in with everyone, and Kiba and Naruto were talking – and they weren't exactly being quiet, Sensei – and Kiba said something that made Sasuke sort of laugh, and Kiba shouted at him, and Sasuke said something back, and Kiba attacked him."

"That's not what happened!" Kiba shouted indignantly.

"He called me a baby and Kiba a stupid-head!" Naruto shouted just as indignantly though he clearly had no real understanding of what about the whole situation had caused Kiba to actually attack the dark-haired boy. "He's a big, fat meanie!"

Sasuke's eyes flashed and he took a step towards the blonde, but was cut off by the teacher before he could speak.

"Okay, okay, that's enough. Everyone out. School's over for today," Iruka snapped just a few minutes ahead of schedule, one hand firmly on Sasuke's shoulder, half-afraid the bigger boy would do some serious damage if he and Naruto were to come to blows – two eight year olds brawling was one thing, but a fight between an eight year old and a six year old was something else altogether.

"Kiba-kun, you stay," he added as the rest of the class began to trickle out of the door, giving the irate teacher a wide berth. "Sasuke-kun, you didn't start the fight so you can go, but I'm going to warn you that if you are involved in this sort of thing again, I will have to contact your father."

Sasuke's dark eyes widened a fraction – that would be _bad_: he'd _never_ earn his father's admiration by acting up in school! The Uchiha ducked his head. "Yes, Sensei," he said as the adult let him go, silently vowing not to fight with anyone anymore, no matter how annoying certain idiots were.

At least until he proved to Father that he was just as good as Itachi, at any rate. Then he'd teach Kiba a thing or two. And maybe the blonde know-it-all baby, too, though Sasuke felt slightly uncomfortable with the idea of beating up a little kid. What if he just scared him a little?

Sasuke glared at the Hatake as he slid out the door and set off home. Naruto watched him go resentfully, then cast a regretful glance at Kiba and slunk towards the door himself.

"Naruto-chan!" Iruka-sensei called. "You stay too, please."

Naruto winced, but froze near the door, examining his sandals minutely as Iruka proceeded to rip into Kiba, detailing exactly how disappointed the teacher was in him for his conduct, and where such behaviour would lead him, and what would happen if he ever dared to use his fists to settle matters on school grounds again. After assigning three days of detention to be spent with Mizuki-sensei cleaning whatever the assistant teacher found that was suitably filthy, he was sent out of the room. Kiba left, looking like a whipped puppy, but the look his sent Naruto on the way out of the room was 'don't worry about me, kid' with undertones of 'Sensei's dumb' and 'I'd do it again'. Then Naruto was alone with the angry teacher.

"I didn't _do_ anything!" Naruto protested instantly when Iruka turned to him. "_I _didn't fight with no one, and Sasuke called _me_ names _first_! _And_ he said I was a baby! I'm _not_!"

"I know, I know, Naruto-chan." Naruto bristled at the suffix, hugely irritated by it on principal, but didn't say anything, childish intuition warning him it was a bad idea given how much obvious effort it had taken Iruka to gentle his voice, and how that vein in his forehead pulsed in a way that belied the anger still boiling beneath the surface.

The teacher turned away for a long moment, calming himself. It wouldn't do to just scream and holler at the six year old. That would accomplish nothing. When he felt he was sufficiently in control once more, he turned back to the boy and, with a sigh, sat on the first of the low stairs that granted access to the back rows of desks.

"Naruto-chan, I know that you and Sasuke-kun don't get along very well," he began. Naruto huffed angrily and plopped down beside Iruka.

"He's mean an' he thinks he's better'n me when he's _not_," the blonde said stoutly. Iruka carefully held his tongue – in truth, Sasuke probably was a little more talented than Naruto, but there was a reason Naruto was in this class, and Iruka would lay money on the fact that if the current Naruto were to go up against Sasuke when the Uchiha had been six – or even seven – Naruto would win hands down.

"I want you to try and get along with Sasuke-kun," the teacher said sternly. "You're both excellent students, top two of the class, but you Naruto-chan are much younger than your classmates. There's more to being a shinobi than intelligence, and if you don't seem mature enough to cope with a rival, I will remove the strain and have you placed back in Akemi-sensei's classroom." Inwardly, Iruka doubted he could actually do that, given how influential the boy's father was and the fact that Akemi still muttered darkly about blonde prodigy brats who threw sharp and pointy objects at unsuspecting Academy teachers.

Taking Naruto's half-afraid expression, though, Iruka knew that Naruto thought he'd do it, which was all that counted. "You can go," the teacher said simply, and stood to usher the boy out of the classroom, before moving to collapse in his chair.

It had been a _long_ day.

* * *

Kakashi sighed as he exited the Hokage Tower and wandered down the street right through the middle of Konoha's nightlife. It was late, so late that Naruto would be well and truly asleep by the time he got home (or else Pakkun would be dining on dry kibbles for a full week as punishment for failing as a babysitter) so there was no real need to rush.

Ambling along the road, he almost didn't dodge in time to avoid being tackled by a slightly pink Genma.

"Kakashi! You're back! We're back! Everybody's back!" he crowed.

"Feeling a little randy, Gen?" Kakashi asked dryly as the man slung an arm around the masked man's neck and leant most of his weight there.

"A little drunk," corrected an amused female voice, and the Hatake glanced at its source.

"Ah. Long time no see, Kurenai."

The woman smiled prettily. "I've been around. _You've_ been the antisocial one." Kakashi shrugged that away without a thought.

Later, Kakashi would swear up and down (silently, in the privacy of his own mind because doing so out loud would only encourage the tossers) that his 'friends' had used some form of black magic to coerce him into what happened that night. Surely Hatake Sharingan Kakashi (a new name cropping up here and there) could _never_ consensually sit in a bar with Anko, Asuma, Genma, Kurenai, Raido, Yuugao and Hayate (who had finally gotten over his latest cold and was not coughing) drinking sake and exchanging stories.

Somehow, though, it happened, and Kakashi found himself with more alcohol on board than he'd consumed in one sitting in a long time. Eventually, the bar kicked them out, and the group stumbled out into the street at around two in the morning.

As the crowd dispersed, Anko sidled up beside Kakashi. "I don't s'pose you want to come home with me, do you?" Kakashi removed his arm from Anko's and pushed her away, rolling his eye at her blatant pass-throwing – naturally, he wasn't _drunk_ per se, and certainly more than sober enough to deal with this situation.

"I have a kid at home, Anko."

The woman was unfazed. "Okay, rephrase: I don't sp'ose you want to invite me home with you, do you?"

"Kids wake up early, Anko." Kakashi dodged an attempt to fondle some part of him and swayed a little. "I am _not_ having the 'Daddy what are you doing with that lady' talk with my six year old. It's not happening."

Anko stopped attempting to molest him to grin, a glint of evil amusement in her eyes. "Methinks I smell childhood trauma. Have you had one of these conversations before, perhaps?" she half-fished, half-teased.

Kakashi shuddered. "I don't want to talk about it anymore," he said stoutly, vaguely aware that he was saying more than he normally would anyway and not finding it in him to be terribly concerned. "All I'll say is that I am determined not to have a repeat, especially if I'm the one doing the explaining."

"Sooo… raincheck?" Kakashi sighed. Incorrigible.

"Anko, you know what a monster my kid is. Why would you want to risk an activity that may give you one of your own to deal with? Especially since I've clearly proven my own…"

"Idiocy?" Anko suggested. "Ability to knock some chick up entirely by accident, even when being careful?"

Kakashi sighed. "Go stalk Aoba instead," he suggested. Anko considered, before brightening.

"Okay! He's more of a tightarse than _you_ – he'll be a _real_ challenge!" She left abruptly.

"Have fun," Kakashi called after her. _Success_.

* * *

Waking up after drinking oneself into a moderately-thawed state was never fun for anyone, let alone a usually-pristine shinobi like the Copycat Ninja. Kakashi's eye opened a slit, and he groaned before giving up the very _idea_ of getting up today. Continued existence was hard enough.

"It's your own fault," said a female voice mildly.

"Akino," Kakashi mumbled, groping for the large, reddish dog. "I didn't think I summoned you…"

"You didn't," the dog said pleasantly, kindly not reacting when her master's half-blind fumble to pet her resulted in a clumsy finger jabbing her in the eye. "Pakuun panicked when you stumbled in at three am and decided that the rug was a good place to have a nap. He couldn't get you up and moving again, so he called me." The dog was blessed with a painful amount of common sense, and would have been the best choice in such a situation. Kakashi nodded blearily, rubbing his aching head and thinking that at least he knew how he'd come to be in bed, soaking wet. A pair of canines had clearly attempted to sober him up before just deciding to let him sleep it off.

"Argh… why did I let _them_ sucker me into drinking, again?" Akino just sniffed, torn between amusement and disapproval. She didn't ask who 'them' was, rightly guessing that Kakashi's age mates had caught him at a weak moment, and managed to convince him to act human for a scant hour or so.

Then, a noise in the hallway made Kakashi wince and Akino chuckle. "Uh-oh," she said in her mild voice. "Looks like you forgot something. You're going to have to get up today after all." Kakashi groaned loudly, pulling his pillow out from under his head and smashing it over his face in a half-serious attempt to smother himself.

There was a clack-_bang_-thump noise sequence as the bedroom door was opened with such gusto that it was slammed into the adjacent wall and bounced off of it with enough force to swing it shut again after the figure that had rushed in.

"DAD! DADDY! You're HOME!"

Something collided with his stomach, and Kakashi groaned again, more quietly. "Naruto," he sighed. "What time is it?"

There was a pause, and Kakashi didn't really resist when two small hands curled around his right wrist and lifted it away from the pillow still firmly covering the adult's head. For a moment, Naruto chewed his tongue, squinting at the tiny clock that was only as wide as the diameter of a screw sewn into Kakashi's sleeve

"The little hand's on the six and the big hand's on the nine," he said after a pause.

"Ugh… remind me to teach you to read time," Kakashi mumbled, reclaiming his hand and using it to toss his pillow in a random direction. Akino yelped as it hit her with enough force to make her slide backwards off the bed. Naruto giggled, then began to tug on Kakashi's arm insistently.

"Dad it's soo cool you're home I missed you did you do lots where were you what was your mission like didja meet anyone cool was it cold did you get the bad guys Pakkun's not a very good babysitter because he's always letting me stay up and eat ice cream before breakfast which is cool but I don't think you'd like it much and you _don't_ have to work today, do you, it's Sunday – let's do something! Let's go to the park! Or – or – or swimming in that lake you can get the Hokage to let us out of the village to go to it! Yeah! Okay, you pack lunch, I'll grab my swimming shorts!"

The kid left at a run, and Kakashi groaned yet again, half-wishing he'd followed Anko home after all – she'd at least let him sleep away a hangover. Akino snickered most unhelpfully.

"Well, good luck," she said brightly, and _poof_ed out of existence. Kakashi glared at the spot she'd last been, silently promising retribution to be doled out at a later date.

In the meantime… He rolled and sat up groggily, before reaching for his kunai pouch and digging through it until he found his little first-aid sachet. Inside, he quickly unearthed a few painkillers and his last hydro-pill, which was a good quick-fix for a dehydrated shinobi in a hurry. He'd need to restock: he'd used almost his entire hoard in Suna, and now he wasted his last pill on the banishing of a hangover.

By the time Naruto bounced back into the room, he was feeling vaguely human again, and he stumbled into the shower in the adjacent bathroom, more or less ignoring his six year old running in and out of his room, beside himself with excitement.

Eventually, he had to drag himself out of the lovely hot shower water, a fact compounded by the small child that had started thumping the cubicle's tinted glass sides and hollering wordlessly like someone trying to herd sheep from a pen.

"Okay," the man sighed, flicking off the water jet. "Okay, okay, Naruto – get out of here! Go on, get! You go make us up a lunch, then – shoo! Let me get dressed, you weird child."

While the blonde was occupied in the kitchen, Kakashi dressed quickly and made a beeline to the Hokage Tower, putting in a request for a day's leave to explore the forest outside the village walls. While his request was being processed, he wandered over to the hospital and bullied one of the medics into flushing the rest of the alcohol from his system, then stole a cache of hydro-pills while the poor kid wasn't looking. Feeling a hundred percent better, he returned to the Hokage Tower, collected his yellow ticket of leave, and ambled his way home.

Naruto was still in the kitchen, having a shouting match with the orange juice, which seemed to be too high in the fridge for him to be able to fetch the heavy glass bottle down. Kakashi leant over the blonde's head and plucked the bottle from its shelf before things escalated any more and smiled blithely as he filled Naruto's waiting water bottle. "All set?" he asked, taking in the pile of instant ramen packets and mess of what appeared to be some kind of sandwich approximation. Naruto shouted an affirmative, and a few minutes later, the small Hatake family left the house.

The rest of the day passed in a blur of recurring precious moments. Naruto, the energetic child that he was, babbled non-stop, bouncing around in his excitement that Dad was _home_! Kakashi, once cleared of the hangover, was much better able to participate in and even enjoy his son's exuberance, and spent the day alternately egging him on and regaling (edited) tales of his mission.

It was dark before Kakashi got the first bad feeling, like something was going to happen – something horrible. It was just the slightest twinge in the back of his mind, and he quickly dismissed it, focused on shooing Naruto away from the little bonfire he was building up before 'helping' hands accidentally-on-purpose touched the dancing flames. Later, years later, he would look back on that instant and wondered if maybe, had he not ignored the prickling feeling of foreboding, could he maybe – _maybe _– have made some difference to the horrors that unfolded that night.

"Okay! We're ready for them, Naru!" he called, and Naruto cheered, running over with his bag of carefully-hoarded cheese sandwiches and plopping down on his knees next to his father. The fire was crackling nicely, and Kakashi smiled as he helped the blonde skewer a sandwich with a cleverly sharpened stick long enough to hold it over the flames without burning small fingers.

_Why _the boy had wanted to do this, Kakashi had no idea, but Naruto had opened those blue eyes at him and pleaded, forsaking his grown-up 'Dad' for a much more heart-wrenching 'Daddy', just as he always did when he wanted something. And the jounin didn't see the harm in letting the kid burn a few things – he supposed it might have something to do with ingrained instincts to catch and cook one's own food that this open-fire, food-on-a-stick setup appealed to.

That, or Naruto just wanted to light stuff on fire. Heavens knew Kakashi had been fond enough of the same at Naruto's age. Sure enough, it didn't take long before Naruto's sandwich was burning away cheerfully, and Kakashi chuckled as Naruto shouted in dismay and flicked the flaming mass into the nearby lake they'd both paddled in earlier that day.

"Shoving the whole thing right into the flame is going to set it alight as well, Naru," the adult said while Naruto attempted to affix another sandwich to the end of his stick. "Try holding it a little above the fire and turning it over and over. It'll take longer, but you won't get a hands-on experience as to what fire tastes like."

Settling back, he watched fondly as Naruto set a second and then a third sandwich on fire, before tugging out a candy bar of some description and forcing that onto the stick instead.

"Naruto, are you sure you should cook the candy bars-that-I'm-going-to-pretend-I-can't-see-because-if-I-saw-them-I'd-confiscate-them?"

Naruto waved the adult away. "Quiet, Dad! I know what I'm doing."

Kakashi backed off, and chuckled when the chocolate burst into flames before it could melt. To his surprise, Naruto retracted the candy, blew on it to put out the fire, and began to eat the charred remains happily. His expression told Kakashi that it wasn't pride that made him do so: no, the little blonde had actually wanted scorched chocolate.

_Weird,_ Kakashi thought, watching with fascination.

The moon was high and swathed in clouds by the time Naruto returned to attempting to toast his sandwiches. Kakashi leaned back and watched the white glowing circle, wondering if it was going to rain. But no, those clouds were all wrong for rain – they'd just hang around, drifting over and off the moon again and again, alternately plunging the land into shadow and light. A perfect night for all manner of shinobi escapades, perfect for theft, perfect for assassination-

That train of thought was cut off abruptly as Naruto shouted in triumph and snatched a perfectly toasted (read: not on fire) sandwich from his much-messed and charred stick. "I did it!" the six year old cheered.

Kakashi smiled as he watched Naruto. "You've got it!" he praised. "Well d…" he stopped abruptly, trailing off as a shiver passed over him, leaving him cold to the core, and he _knew_.

Something had happened.

Something terrible.

"Naruto!" he called to the boy, "We're going home!"

He didn't know what it was, what was happening, but he felt the overwhelming, all encompassing pressure to get Naruto to safety – he was acutely aware that here, out of the village, they were as vulnerable as it got.

Naruto squealed a protest as his father snatched him up, slinging him onto a broad back and setting off towards the village, taking to the treetops to save time.

They reached Konoha to find most of it still asleep. Kakashi moved towards ANBU HQ instinctively, brushing in right past all the security designed to keep non-ANBU personnel (like him) out.

"U-Uhm, excuse me, shinobi-san," began a first-year guarding the room immediately inside the HQ doors, but Kakashi just pushed past him.

"Stow it, rookie," he grunted, dropping Naruto on the ground and grabbing the blonde's small hand. Naruto had to trot to keep up with his long strides as he made his way to one of the common rooms – the one his squad had shared with five other squads when he'd been part of the corps.

People in white armour were milling there anxiously, each one feeling the same as Kakashi – something bad was going on. Boar, a squad captain, was attempting to organise a patrol, but the other spooked captains were gathering their squads around them and refusing to offer the manpower needed.

"Dog!" yelped a voice. Kakashi turned towards it to see a member of his once-squad and was instantly surprised to see that he'd survived this long – the life expectancy of an ANBU was nowhere _near_ the six years it had been since Kakashi had been rooted out.

"It's just 'Kakashi' now, Owl," he said lightly. Owl grinned at him through his bird mask, looking down at the boy who was attempting to pry his hand out of Kakashi's so that he could run and explore.

"'Otou-san' too, I hear," he commented. Kakashi grunted, sliding to the bulletin board on one of the walls, searching for any hint as to what had every high-end shinobi's senses screaming.

He turned from the board, unsurprised by its uselessness, to find Boar approaching. Since he seemed to be one of the more controlled ANBU in the room, he asked, "Boar. Do you know anything about this – disturbance?"

Boar grinned tightly, white teeth flashing through a chip in his mask (_should report that – no, wait, not my problem, I'm not ANBU anymore_) and ran a hand over his cloaked head. "Takes guts to openly admit a shinobi's schizophrenic tendencies," he said, his voice strained. Then, "I dunno – everyone's just jittery. I was half-thinking that maybe the T and I guys had let a neuro-toxin into our aircon again as a prank, sparking some paranoid delusions. But _you're _here, and that in itself worries me more than anything."

Kakashi nodded, not even noticing the way the ANBU was deferring to him like he still had _any_ authority in this setting whatsoever, despite the fact that Kakashi had left ANBU long before Boar had even been _considering_ joining. "Okay," he said, "Then we should-"

He cut himself off, and all noise in the room dropped just as suddenly, as an alarm blared through the headquarters. The Hatake's heart leapt in his throat, and all of a sudden everyone was in motion.

The alarm was a complex system through the entire village, designed to be able to rally defences at a moment's notice. Any shinobi could trip it, and all of chuunin rank or higher were instructed in how, when and why to do so. It was only to be used in the most dire of circumstances, with terrible consequences for all who misused it. The last time it had been sounded was the day the demon Kyuubi had appeared outside the village walls, literally howling for blood.

The standard response time allowed to ANBU was ten seconds, and the corps wasted at least three of those freezing up before with a flurry of movement everyone rushed to be battle-ready while Boar was joined by three more captains and a tech rookie.

"It's an internal alarm," the rookie gasped, looking moments away from panic, a fact which was effortlessly ignored by the five men gathered with him. "Within the Uchiha Compound!"

That was it – the room was emptied before he registered that a small blonde child had been shoved into his arms, let alone comprehended the growled words, "Lose him and I'll _accident_ you."

A beat or two later, when everything had filtered through his mind, he blinked dumbly at the child (how old? Six, seven maybe?) who was looking up at him.

"Hi, ANBU-san," the boy said into the silence. "My dad was in a hurry, wasn't he? What are we gonna do until he gets back?"

The rookie swallowed.

* * *

Owl felt sick as he slipped quietly through the eerie streets in the Uchiha Compound, treading carefully and hopping from rafter to streetlamp to rubbish bin in order to avoid stepping in the blood of his comrades. Every few feet he'd reach another body, jump to its side and check for a pulse, for some hint of life. There was none, so he'd grit his teeth and bite the inside of his cheek hard to keep from vomiting and move the body onto its back, crossing still-warm arms over its chest as a notification that this body had already been checked.

_His _chakra was every where. Uchiha Itachi, rising star of the ANBU. Thirteen year old wonder. As the eldest current member of ANBU, Owl had (naturally) crossed paths with the youngest current member, and he was horrified to realise that he hadn't seen the warning signs, had seen no hint that the kid would do something like – like _this_! The thought that every man, woman and teen looking through the chaos with him was thinking the same self-damning thoughts in no way comforted the bird-masked ANBU.

Another body – this one a young girl, probably fifteen or sixteen. Owl rolled her over and sighed when he realised that her throat was torn right out. Dead.

A little under half of ANBU was making their sad way through the massacre grounds, checking person after person. A skeleton crew had been sent to secure the village, and the rest had set of in pursuit of _Psychonut McScrewedup_ in the hopes of catching him. Every tracker in ANBU was on the trail, as well as the famous Ex-ANBU Hatake 'Dog' Kakashi, who could reportedly track a mole from a hot air balloon.

They had found the man who'd tripped the alarm – he'd managed to drag himself a few feet into an alcove, leaving a significant volume of his blood and innards behind him, and used the last of his chakra to set off the village alert. He was just breathing his last as the first ANBU arrived to help – so far, he'd been the longest surviving Uchiha they'd found.

Owl left the girl where she was and continued on his way, eventually wandering into a specific darkened house with the door ominously ajar. At a glance, it was empty, untouched, as if its inhabitants had just stepped out to go to dinner, or see a friend. Shoes were lined with varying levels of neatness by the door, coats were tossed randomly over the backs of chairs and hung neatly on hooks, and in the kitchen a pot was boiling over, the smell of burning rice filling the room. Owl sighed and switched the stove off, glancing at the half-cut vegetables on the board nearby. The meal maker had been caught by surprise, but there was no body in here.

For a moment, there was a tiny glimmer of hope that Itachi wasn't _quite_ that psychotic – perhaps his own mother had been spared? – but gloomily reminded himself of the stench of blood in this place as he strayed further into the house.

He found them in the drawing room, and Owl slid the door open gently and quietly dismissed any lingering shred of faith in the weasel-brat's sanity – there lay his immediate family, slumped together on the floor, pickling in their own blood. The woman – a pretty thing, he saw when he turned her over to check her for life – had from her position been reaching out and down, as if to pet the cheek of her son, welcome him home. Had he killed her before she touched him, or had he cut her down while feeling her caress?

The father had been kneeling where he still was, the ANBU decided. He'd been the second in this room to fall to the blade of his heir. The expression of surprise and anger was eternally etched into his features, frozen there by death, and Owl retreated and left him to it.

With a heavy sigh, the middle-aged man dropped to his knees beside the last body, this one pitifully small and sprawled forwards on the floor, eyes glazed and staring with terror at what must have been a horrifying last sight.

"Ah, hell," the masked man said, laying a hand on the small dark head, ruefully feeling the last lingering heat that used to be life. "Poor kid."

Just as he had been doing with all the others, Owl moved to roll the tiny corpse over and lay him on his back, but before he managed it, the child made a whimpering noise and jerked twice, sporadically.

"N-no," came a broken, pitiful mewl. "N-nii-sa-"

Owl jumped back in surprise with a girly scream. "Aah!" Then, recovering almost instantly. "You're alive! OI! THERE'S ONE ALIVE IN HERE! WHERE'S BADGER?"

He placed firm hands on the boy, keeping him still, and looked him up and down, searching for injuries. Surely, they didn't have much time – Itachi was an assassin, he knew how to murder people effectively. So this kid must have gotten insanely lucky – still, if he waited for the medic, the kid could die of his injuries now and all would be lost…

To Owl's very great surprise, his examination found no gaping, bleeding wounds, though the boy was soaked in life fluid – _his parents', of course_ – but that meant that Itachi had left this kid alive to see, maybe even made him watch what the teen had done to his own family.

"That sick fuck," Owl mumbled, scooping up the boy and running with him, meeting two different medics outside who'd been fetched by those who'd heard his shouts. "They better damn well catch him."

* * *

The official leader of the tracking party, codenamed Bloodhound, swore and slammed a fist into the nearest tree with enough force to shatter his knuckles. With a cry that had little to do with the injury, he sank to his knees on the tree branch they were balanced on and leant his masked head against the main trunk. "Fucking damn it…"

"Nothin', Boss," a small pug informed the only member of the party without a porcelain mask. "We lost him. The kid's a ghost."

Kakashi sighed heavily – he knew. Itachi had been well trained in covering tracks, and he was good at it – better than most. He knew how to walk lightly, how to stick to ground that wouldn't keep his scent for long, and how to keep his chakra from sticking to his surroundings and leaving a trail. More than that, he was small and light, allowing him to fit places his pursuers couldn't and leave even less of an indent in the ground he trod on than any other ghost.

"It's no use," Deer, another tracker, said bitterly. "We lost him."

Kakashi nodded, placing a hand on their 'leader's back. "Let's go back," he sighed. "This is a fight for another day."

There was a pause, then Bloodhound nodded miserably and stood. "I trained this freaking kid myself," he mumbled. "I should be able to _find_ him."

"His teacher did him credit," Falcon commented softly, and Kakashi dismissed his dogs.

"Come on, this way," he said, leading the way home.

It was a sorry troop that trickled back into Konoha, their rage ebbed away to make room for guilt and sadness, neither of which they as ANBU were allowed to show. Kakashi turned to Bloodhound when they reached ANBU HQ.

"I'll go give the report to Hokage-sama. You can give yours tomorrow. It's too late for him to listen to the both of us."

Bloodhound just nodded absently, not even registering that _he _should be saying that exactly to _Kakashi_. Who was going to argue with Dog, anyway, retired or not?

Kakashi double-timed it over to the Hokage Tower, where Sarutobi was waiting for him. If he was surprised to see him instead of Bloodhound, he didn't let on, instead starting right in with, "Did you get him?"

Kakashi shook his head. "No, sir."

Sarutobi wilted, sinking down into his chair, looking decades older. "Oh."

"How bad was it?" the jounin asked. "How many casualties? How many injured?" The Hokage hesitated.

"There… was one survivor."

A pause.

"_One_?" Kakashi echoed, thinking of the hundreds of Uchiha he knew, or at least knew of. "Just… just one?"

"Just one," echoed Sarutobi sadly. "The last Uchiha."

The words resonated within Kakashi, and he closed his eye for a moment, letting the grief for dozens of Konoha shinobi wash through him, embracing the feeling, accepting it, and letting it go. The thought that if he'd managed to save Obito, his friend would have died in this massacre too was harder to swallow, but he managed to tuck it away and open his eye again, having found his balance for the time being.

"Is the survivor critically injured, or is he likely to survive?"

"He is unharmed, but very young. The medics are with him now, and are afraid the shock may kill him. It appears that Itachi tortured him via the sharingan before abandoning him to die." The old Hokage either didn't notice or didn't care that Kakashi really had no business knowing this, or that in a debriefing, _he_ was supposed to ask the questions and the _shinobi_ was supposed to answer.

"…Who?"

"A boy by the name of Uchiha…" Sarutobi checked the sheet before him, a copy of the doctor's notes. "Uchiha Sasuke. Itachi's younger brother."

Kakashi blinked, and for a moment his brain threatened to explode as this bloody world collided with the happier world he shared with his son, and he was reminded that both aspects were one and the same reality. "Uchiha Sasuke?" he repeated softly, speaking the name Naruto had so often whined after a day competing with the kid at the Academy.

Sarutobi watched him with calculating eyes, and Kakashi felt a chill as he realised exactly where this was going. The Hatake quickly put his feelings aside and bristled as he prepared for a fight. "I wonder if-"

"No." Kakashi cut him off with a resounding firmness. Sarutobi looked at the man in surprise. "No," Kakashi said again. "I am not taking on the Uchiha whelp." Sarutobi frowned and tried again.

"But surely you of all people could understand-"

"Yeah, I'm painfully, personally aware of what he's going through. I also know he's Naruto's bitter foe. There is _no way_ I'm inviting _that_ headache into my home – if I did, Naruto would be driven out inside of a year. I _am_ sorry for the kid, but Naruto comes first. He has to come first." The way Kakashi spoke clearly communicated that he would not waver about this in the slightest. "Would you have asked Minato-sensei to adopt Gai when I was nine?"

Sarutobi winced at even the suggestion, knowing what explosions _that_ would have caused. Kakashi spotted the gesture and nodded knowingly. "Imagine that, only worse. It's not happening."

The Hokage sighed and waved a hand in defeat. "Alright, alright. I had hoped… but never mind. Perhaps another solution with present itself." Then, seeming to realise something, "Speaking of Naruto, where is he? What happened to him while you were tracking Itachi?"

Kakashi stared back blankly. Did the old man really think he'd forgotten his kid? That he'd left him out and vulnerable while the village was under possible attack? When a psychopath was on a killing spree?

"He's in lockdown," he said simply. "I put him in ANBU HQ."

Sarutobi's eyes widened. "Is that wise?" he demanded. "What if he remembers?" Kakashi shrugged.

"I've been in and out of there often enough, sir. He knows I was in ANBU when he was born, and he'd believe me if I told him he stayed there once or twice, or even that we bunked there for a while when I first brought him back to Konoha. What's the worst that could possibly happen?"

* * *

Naruto watched with wide blue eyes as an armoured man cleaned blood off of a variety of instruments the child had never seen before, talking all the while.

"Now, _this_ little baby is extremely useful, because they never see it coming," the adult chattered, enjoying the attention. "See how it looks like shears, with these little braces to stop an interrogator from cutting too deep and killing the suspect? Well, it does do that, but the beauty of this sucker is that it also gives an extremely painful electric shock. See here, on the handle? That's the battery. You just snap the shears into someone's flesh, and flick this button here, and all of a sudden they've got unexpected, excruciating pain, with no chance to brace or prepare for it! One hit works better than hours of methodical cutting."

The little boy nodded, hands carefully behind his back in the universally taught position that parents implement to help kids remember not to touch whatever shiny or (in this case) lethal item they _really, really_ wanted to pick up.

"That is cool," he said solemnly. Then: "Can I try it?"

* * *

Twin1: Okay, long chapter. I probably should have split this up or shortened it, but I had to get everything in there, and I'm loathe to break my 'chapter by age' habit. A lot happens when Naru's six, it turns out. I hope everyone liked the chapter. I tried to fit in all the things everyone asked for and make this extra-long as a HAPPY CHRISTMAS! I wonder if it says something about me that in my Christmas chapter, Sasuke gets his whole family brutally murdered by his brother. Hmm. Merry Christmas, Sasuke!

(Also, someone yesterday informed me that the Massacre actually happened when Sasuke was seven, not eight. For the entirety of this chapter – heck, this _story – _I'd been labouring under the impression it happened when Sasuke was _eight, _so… please forgive me, and pretend Itachi held off on becoming a psychotic mass-murderer for a year?

Twin2: If you've had that impression for the whole story, I've had it for my whole Naruto-aware _life! _I could have _sworn _it was when Sasuke was eight… Itachi was thirteen, right, and he's five years older than Sasuke, so… what?)

Twin1: Anyhoo, this chapter is my Christmas present to you. Your review is your Christmas present to me. Okay? Merry Christmas, everyone. Here's a cyber-cookie for Santa if he reads my story (which would be totally awesome): **(::)**


	7. Connections

**Twin1: **Hi. Back again. Happy New Year! I've been getting a lot of questions about Naruto's age in this story... TT_TT (goes into corner and weeps) I thought I explained this. Clearly not.

Okay, to put it as simply as I can: Naruto in this story is _the same Naruto _as in canon, I just changed his circumstances. So, he is not _actually_ eighteen months younger than Kiba, Sasuke, Hinata and the rest. In reality, he was born in the same year as they were, just like in canon. Everyone _thinks_ that he's younger, because that's the cover story put forth when 'Hatake Naruto' was created. 'Hatake Naruto' is _officially_ eighteen months younger than Uzumaki Naruto, but in _reality_ the two are one and the same. So everyone treats him and thinks of him as younger than he actually is, and because of that, he _acts _the age he's treated. This is a real phenomenon present in real children – if you consistently treat a child as younger than s/he is from infancy, s/he will act accordingly (within reason). An eighteen-month difference is well within the psychological bounds.

Some people have asked why Kakashi, who knows Naruto's real age, still mentally refers to him as the age everyone else thinks him to be. That is, thinking 'the six year old' when he's actually eight in chronological time. The answer to this one is simple: it's his job. Kakashi is drowning in a long-term, deep-cover mission taking place in his own hometown, which is in some ways harder to maintain than one in enemy territory. Not only must he conceal the truth (that Naruto is not his son and is in fact the Kyuubi Brat) from his friends, co-workers, comrades, but also from Naruto himself. One slip-up could make the whole thing crumble, so making sure that Naruto was verbally 'six' but mentally 'eight' is just begging for trouble. Imagine the problems it would cause if Kakashi was heard proclaiming his son to be the same age as the Naruto who was murdered? Or treating his son as a child significantly older than the boy 'was'? It wouldn't take long for people to connect the dots.

So, to summarise, Kakashi assimilated the fantasy as fact in his mind to a certain degree, much like an actor playing a role in a movie: he needs to think he is the character he is playing (within reason. Our actors aren't deluded schizophrenics). Over time, as he began to love Naruto and wish that the fantasy was fact, Naruto's true age began to be something he'd rarely (if ever) think about.

Wow, that was long-winded. If you're still confused, drop me a line and I'll try to explain again. If you understood before you read this a/n and are now confused because of my explanation, please disregard it. Thank you, and read on.

**

* * *

**

Seven Years Old

* * *

It was his birthday.

"_Once a year we gather to celebrate the very great achievement that you were able to make yet another trip around the sun."_

That was the thought that kept coming back to his mind, again and again and again. It was his _birthday_. He was nine whole years old.

"_Why is it that the biggest celebrations are always for those who have completed the fewest orbits?"_

This time last year, he had celebrated with a party. All his cousins – only a small percentage of whom were actually the children of his parents' siblings, incidentally – had come, and Sasuke had felt so old, so grown up.

"_Surely it would be more logical to throw a bigger party for a thirty year old than an eight year old? And yet, this year, Mother's birthday went by all but unnoticed, while your party even included contraband fireworks."_

He quietly slipped under the tape still blocking the path to his home and crept through the silent streets. It had only been a few months since that horrible day. That day Itachi had mown through his family – _their _family – like a scythe through hay, and made silent this large, busy compound.

"_Eight years old… isn't it a pity that Madara's vision for immortality proved futile? The time you have is set, Sasuke, but it hasn't ended just yet."_

Sasuke hesitated beside the gate that marked the end of the pathway that would lead to the front door of the house he had lived in. He could go in, climb into his old bed and for a night pretend that the massacre had never happened. Pretend that he would wake tomorrow and run downstairs to find his mother making breakfast, humming all the while, and his father settled at the low table with his newspaper spread out on his knees, and Itachi –

"_Happy birthday. You didn't accomplish much, Otouto, but you didn't die this year either – I suppose that's good enough."_

With a whimper, Sasuke's resolve broke and he fled, running from the place that had been his home, tears blinding him as he ran. Just ran and ran as if he could outrun the way his world had been torn apart.

When he finally slowed, chest heaving and sides aching furiously, he looked around and felt his throat close up to realise that he had made his way right into the Uchiha plot in Konoha's cemetery. After a moment's hesitation, he began to wander through the rows and rows of almost-fresh graves. It had been five months since they'd been buried, and the naked mounds of earth were flattening, grass creeping in to set up shop and mask the place the caskets had been lowered into the earth.

It took a while, but finally, Sasuke was standing before the twin headstones of his parents. He stood for a while with his hand on his father's carved name before he realised that he was standing directly over the man and moved hastily off the grave. Then he turned to his mother's headstone and traced the letters of her names. With a sob, he sank down in the tiny space between the two markers, curling up into a ball and hiding his head in his arms.

He spent his ninth birthday weeping.

Much later, when the sun had long since set and it was time for evening shift to change to night shift, a certain ANBU appeared to relieve the one watching over the Uchiha Survivor.

"Ach," Owl sighed, looking at the boy, who was sprawled belly-down on the divide of solid grass between the spotty grass-dirt of his parents' graves. "He been here long?" he asked Rat. Rat nodded tiredly.

"Since before noon," he replied. Owl nodded.

"Go to bed, Rat – you sound exhausted."

"Oh, I am, man. I'll be glad when we rebuild the police force. Right now I'm so run off my feet I don't remember what my bunk _looks _like. You take care of yourself, old man."

Owl made a noise of protest at the address and mock-growled, pretending to chase the younger ANBU away. His smile faded the moment he was alone, and he approached the small form of Uchiha Sasuke, idly noting the similarities to the night his clan had died – the kid had been sprawled lifelessly on his belly then, too.

"Okay, kiddo," he sighed, kneeling and gently rolling the boy over, into his arms. "It's against protocol, but you'll get sick if I let you sleep out here. I'll take you home."

The boy's face was streaked with dirt and tears – the evidence of a full day's mourning written out for Owl to read. From the feel of him, the boy was thin and underweight – probably not eating right. _Not that I blame him_, the ANBU thought dryly, trying not to flash back to that horrible night. _This will take time to heal, if it does at all. Poor brat._

Filled with pity, Owl carried the new nine year old back to the small apartment Sarutobi had assigned him, taking in its neatly arranged furnishings speculatively. At least the boy was tidy – Owl couldn't stand tripping over objects every step.

"Here we go," he whispered, easing the boy out of sandals and jacket and placing him into his bed, testing the blankets to be sure they were warm enough. After a moment of hesitation, he found a washcloth and wet it with warm water before carefully cleaning off the boy's face. Thankfully, like most children, Sasuke was dead to the world in his exhausted unconsciousness, and he didn't so much as stir when Owl wiped at his features.

When he was done, he smoothed back the boy's haphazard hair and was pleased when the troubled expression on Sasuke's face eased a little. "Poor kid," he said, out loud this time. "Take care of yourself, Sasuke."

Owl retreated to the windowsill until just after dawn, when Panther appeared to relieve him.

He never mentioned the little episode again.

* * *

The Hatake family home was quiet. Peaceful, even. The evening summer sun shone placidly down, the large oak in the backyard tossing shade in pretty patterns. Naruto was working steadily on his homework at the dining room table while his father set about creating an evening meal for the pair of them to share.

Predictably, such pleasant normalcy couldn't last in any house that contained anyone with Hatake or Uzumaki genes. This time, disorder arrived in the form of a white-clad ANBU man.

"Dog-san," the man said, appearing outside the kitchen window set over the sink that Kakashi was using to scrub a handful of carrots in. Kakashi paused for a split second before turning to measure rice into the rice-cooker.

"Retired, Ox-san. It's Hatake-san to you."

"You've been recalled to active duty," Ox said flatly.

"Hm." Kakashi didn't sound terribly concerned. "Is that so? And what have I been recalled to do, exactly?"

"That's classified," Ox said stonily. Kakashi actually laughed at that, the old sort of dry laugh that he used to have when he found something so morbid or ridiculous or traumatic that he had to make a noise, had to find some sick sense of humour in it or go insane. Back before he'd been gifted Naruto and discovered the true, joyful humour of something innocent.

"Let me explain something to you, Ox-san," he said casually, beginning to slice an eggplant thinly – if he made the pieces slender enough and mixed them into something else, sometimes Naruto ate them by mistake. "You are going to tell me everything you know about this mission. Then I will decided if – if – I will accept it. _Then _I will decide if it is worth dusting off my 'Dog' mask for. I am not taking a single step with you until all of this happens."

Ox looked unhappy. "I can't do that, sir," he said. Kakashi shrugged, tossing the eggplant into the stew boiling on the range and turning down the temperature of the stove so that it didn't burn. He dumped a load of frozen peas in as well and turned to the rice cooker to stop it from boiling over.

"Naruto!" he called at the doorway. "Have you finished your homework yet?"

"Nearly, Dad!" came the reply from the next room. "One more question!"

"Well, finish it and then set the table, okay? Dinner's nearly ready. And wash your hands!"

"Okay!"

Kakashi turned back to the ANBU. "Are you alright, Ox-san?" he asked, faux-concernedly.

"You have been recalled to active duty, ANBU Captain Dog," Ox repeated forcefully. Kakashi sighed patiently.

"Ox-san," he said clearly, "Either you tell me what is going on, or I won't go. I'm not an idiot, and I'm about as stubborn as they come. If you refuse to tell me, you will have to take me by force. Are you up to that challenge?"

Ox hesitated. Standing barefoot in a kitchen bannered with a child's artwork, watching over a cooking dinner like a woman and without a weapon in sight, there was still something dangerous about this man. The way he handled that plastic spatula was practically deadly. Suddenly, Ox remembered who exactly he was stonewalling – and how was it that he had forgotten in the first place? – and stepped backwards a fraction.

"The Hokage is meeting with a diplomatic party from Suna," he blurted before he made the conscious decision to do so. "He wants you to join the ANBU guard, because Dog is well-known and feared. He thinks that with you in attendance they will be more easily persuaded to… behave."

Kakashi sighed a little. His ANBU cover was well known, eh? Damn. That defeated the purpose of a codename altogether. Even if his identity was unknown, knowing his code and the actions he had performed underneath it made it easier to track him down. Upping the chance of crosshairs being placed between his son's eyes.

When he found the leak, that person would be in… _trouble_.

Back to the matter at hand, with the decimation of the police force (thanks, Itachi) ANBU was stretched thin to breaking trying to compensate for the loss and fulfil the duties of both forces. As a result, the Hokage was left scrounging for hands, which had in turn more or less resulted with Kakashi moonlighting as Dog and pulling double shifts. He wasn't the only one: other retirees had been recalled – some full-time – and some jounin were even being given ANBU-ranked missions, which meant that the Hokage was really scraping the bottom of the barrel. Of course, being Dog, _Kakashi_ never got assigned patrols or gate duty. Oh no. It was always rescue-the-princess or assassinate-the-daimyo or intimidate-the-diplomats-with-the-force-of-your-glare-but-don't-cause-an-international-scandal.

"Pray you never become well-known, kid," he said gruffly to Ox. "It's not all it's cracked up to be. Watch the food while I find my uniform."

Ox got halfway through a splutter of protest before Kakashi was back again and frowning at him.

"How long is this mission going to take?" he asked.

"The diplomatic party is arriving tonight. You are to guard them overnight, and they will meet with the Hokage in the morning."

Kakashi's frown deepened. That meant one, maybe two nights that Naruto would be left alone, depending on how long the meeting went for. Far too long for a seven year old. That being said, the last time he'd left Pakkun to babysit, Kakashi had come home to find that the pug had been letting Naruto train himself into an exhausted stupor and hadn't fed him more than once a day. The Hatake hadn't needed Tsume's slap upside the head to know that he had screwed up a choice of babysitter.

But who else could watch him? Kiba and Hana were down with the 'flu, and while Naruto never seemed to get sick, Tsume was run off her feet looking after them – Kakashi couldn't ask her to take on Naruto as well. Jiraiya was out of town, Genma was probably drunk by now, Kurenai was working early tomorrow morning, Anko was just a plain bad idea, Raido was away on a mission to Ame, Asuma and Yuugao were who-knew-where and Hayate had come down with another 'flu after a two-second interaction with Tsume's kids.

"Dog-san? Is anything wrong?" Ox asked carefully. Kakashi scowled at him.

"I have made no plans for the care of my son," he said flatly. Ox looked relieved.

"Arrangements have been made. Hatake Naruto will be watched by an officer inside ANBU headquarters."

"Yeah…" Kakashi drawled. "That is so not happening. The _last_ time I let one of you babysit – and that was an emergency – I found myself sitting next to Naruto on a couch facing off against Iruka-sensei and a child psychologist, both of whom wanted to know why my son had started sticking people with pens and compasses whilst playing _ninja_."

Ox's mouth twitched behind his mask. "Then what will you do with him?" he asked. Kakashi sighed.

"I cross a line I promised myself I would never cross," he replied seriously. Ox felt a chill flush down his spine that was in no way misplaced.

* * *

Naruto was staring at him accusingly. It was amazing how those wide blue eyes could burn a hole in one's back. Kakashi, decked out in his white ANBU armour, was darning a hole in his cloak. Ox had vanished with the promise to cover for him until Naruto's babysitter could arrive, leaving Kakashi to track down said babysitter and procure his cooperation, and then break the news to Naruto.

Needless to say, Naruto had not been impressed. Kakashi risked a glance in the boy's direction and cringed inwardly. Now the boy was looking so betrayed one would think that Kakashi had drowned his puppy in carbonic acid or something.

"I should be back tomorrow night," he said. Naruto continued to stare at him, adding in a little lip wobble like a pro. Kakashi finished his last stitch and snipped the thread off with a little pair of scissors. "Be good," he cautioned, swinging the white cloak over his shoulders and fastening it around his throat. Naruto continued to stare at him. Kakashi approached and placed a hand on the boy's shoulder. "Seriously," he said, "be good. It's the only way to survive this. Good luck."

Right on cue, the doorbell rang, immediately followed by a rapid knocking on the door. Naruto abandoned his award-winning Hurt, Abandoned And Unloved expression for a very real look of horror, and took off at a run. Kakashi steeled himself, picked up his newly-polished Dog mask, and walked down the stairs to the front door.

"Good evening, Gai," he said to the man outside, standing aside so the Green Beast could enter. "Thanks for coming at such short notice."

"It is Nothing, my Rival!" Gai announced, coming inside and pausing to remove his sandals, a remarkably human gesture from the remarkably… odd man. "I am Glad that I could aid you in your Wonderful yet Challenging endeavour that is Parenthood! I am Overjoyed that you have at last accepted my Offer of Aid!"

"Food's in the fridge," Kakashi narrated, kneeling to pull on his own sandals. "Help yourself to whatever you want. Naruto's had his dinner tonight and finished his homework – he just needs a bath. Bedtime's at seven thirty, lights out at eight. He should be up by a quarter past five. Normally I run him through some exercises early in the morning, and you're welcome to do the same, but, Gai, you _really_ can't push him too hard. He needs to be awake for school."

Gai pulled a good guy pose – number eighteen, if Kakashi wasn't mistaken. "NEVER FEAR, MY RIVAL! I will be certain that your Beloved Child merely endures a rigorous session of youthful movement, but Nothing Too Bad! He will be more than energised for the day!"

"…Right. School starts at nine, he needs to be there by ten to. Just drop him at the gate, he can find his own classroom. If my mission's not done, school ends at three thirty, and just get him some ramen or something on the way home for dinner. I've left money on the counter for anything he needs. Uh… I think that's everything." Shoes on, Kakashi stood up, rubbing his hand over the back of his head. "I should be home by tomorrow, but if I'm not… I'd say if I'm not back by the night after next, something's gone wrong, but that's pretty unlikely on this mission."

Gai nodded energetically, taking notes in his little notebook. "I understand, my rival! I will be a Most Excellent stand-in carer for your Most Precious Heir." He paused, looking around. "Where is the Youthful Naruto?"

Kakashi slipped a few things into his kunai pouch and reached behind him to raise his cloak's hood over his hair. "I think you will find him hiding under the bed in the spare room. Have a good time!" He flicked his fingers in a salute and left at a jog, placing his mask over his face as soon as he was out of sight.

Hidden under the bed, Naruto whimpered when the door to the spare room swung open. "My Youthful Friend, where are you?"

Naruto bit his lip, unwilling to respond, but Gai hunkered down and slid under the bed on his belly – Dad must have sold him out. Bastard.

"Greetings, Son of My Rival! It is a Happy Day! You and I will enjoy the Flames of Youth together while your Esteemed Father completes his Mission Of Great Importance!"

"Hello, Froggy-san," the boy replied, admitting defeat. "Um… so… how do you want to… enjoy the… 'flames of youth'?"

"Ah!" Gai attempted a pose or flail or something, then seemed to realise that he was wedged in the tiny space between the bed above him and the floor below. A moment of helpless wiggling, and he managed to squirm out into the open again. "Ah!" he said again, leaping to his feet and right into a pose. "Let us Play A Game!"

Naruto reluctantly drew out from under the bed as well and sat up on his knees, looking cautiously up at the person-thing that his father had enlisted to watch him overnight. Kakashi had sat Naruto down several months ago and explained to him in detail that Maito Gai was completely human, albeit a rather strange one. Naruto supposed he knew that, intellectually, but still couldn't quite shake the feeling that this Green Beast was something… not normal. In any event, he was in no way ready to give up his 'Froggy-san' form of address, if only because he felt it rather suited the man. Besides, Dad frequently made dogs watch him – was a mutant frog really such a stretch?

"Okay," he said. "What shall we play?"

Gai considered. "Would you like to play Attack The Post?" he asked. Naruto hesitated – basically, that was training in the form of (you guessed it) attacking a post… or tree… or log. First one to pass out loses.

"I'm not supposed to be working myself up at this time of night," he said – true enough. Besides, the You Must Not Lie rule didn't count around Froggy-san. It just didn't. Gai was in a thinking pose.

"Then we shall play an Inside Game of YOUTH!" he shouted. "We shall play… shouji!"

"Ryuu buried the board," Naruto reported, naming one of his father's troublemaker dogs. Gai deflated.

"What games have your Faithful Canine Comrades left untouched?" he asked reasonably. Naruto chewed his lip.

"…We could play Go Fish?" he suggested. Gai brightened.

"YES! WE WILL! AND IF I LOSE, I SHALL DO ONE HUNDRED PUSH UPS!"

"No, you really don't have to-" Naruto protested weakly, but the green-clad man had already run downstairs to find the deck of cards. The child reluctantly followed, thinking that it would be a long night.

Some time later, Gai finished a set of pushups and struck a victory pose. "You see, my Young Friend! I have fulfilled my promise!"

Naruto, who had been playing a game of solitaire with the deck of cards, abandoned the game and gathered the deck into a neat pile. "Oh. That's… good. Do you want to play a game of Snap?"

"CERTAINLY! And if I lose, I shall walk on my hands for the rest of the evening!"

"You really don't have to do that," the young Hatake tried. "We could just play – we don't have to compete..."

"No! I have made a Promise, and I shall Honour that Promise! Begin!"

"...Is it bedtime yet?"

"SNAP! The Flames of Youth are Victorious!"

"Um, Froggy-san, that's not a pair..."

The evening passed in this manner, and Naruto ran for his bedroom the moment the clock ticked over to seven thirty. Gai followed him upstairs, walking lightly on his hands to tuck him in, the goodnight lasting well past the time that Dad had decreed was 'lights out'. Eventually, Naruto took to feigning sleep just to make him leave.

Being watched by Froggy-san was _exhausting._

* * *

Fog was thick and heavy in Kumokagure. The mountain that the village was built on was well and truly hidden in the clouds that morning. The Raikage was watching out the window, the fog so solid that it hid the street a bare three storeys below, though he could hear the noise of his village going about its daily business.

Today, his mind was dwelling on his village's dwindling supply of able-bodied shinobi. Kumo was an increasingly old village, its current shinobi generation having fewer children than the one before, resulting in a disproportionate adult to child ratio. Before long, they would have a shinobi force of half or a third the size of their current one as most ninja simply grew too old and no new ones stepped forwards to replace them.

Keenly aware of this, the Raikage had sent his men out to the civilian villages throughout Kaminari no Kuni, searching for children to take back to Kumo to train as shinobi. He'd also put pressure on kunoichi, making it hard for the unmarried and even harder for those without children, and had placed money rewards and promotions on the table for any shinobi who procreated.

It was during the search for the next generation of Kumo ninja that the Hatake Situation had been unearthed, and a frustrating challenge set to the Yondaime Raikage. Hatake had somehow settled in a large town in the south of Lightning Country, probably remaining undetected by the size of the place. Frustratingly, the only people who seemed to know the mother who tied the youngest Hatake genius to Kumo seemed to be the girl's parents, a pair of innkeepers who muttered darkly about the man they blamed for the death of their daughter and scowled when questioned about their grandchild, but seemed incredibly reluctant to offer details.

Of course, the logistics of _how_ it happened were irrelevant now, seven years down the line. All the Yondaime cared about was getting the young Hatake back to the place his mother's blood dictated he should be. A first attempt had ended disastrously, and the Raikage had abandoned the venture. But recently, rumours were reaching his ears about the power of the young boy, making him revisit the option of attempting to procure the child. He was still young enough to influence, young enough to win his loyalty, and word had it that he was a prize well worth working for. Imagine – a shinobi with the skills and blood of Hatake 'Copy Cat' Kakashi placing his might and genes behind Kumo. The image was a tantalisingly tempting one.

Such a venture would take planning. If he had learnt anything from the retrieval missions to Konoha in the past – seeking both the Hyuuga and Hatake heirs – it was that, whatever her faults, Konoha guarded her children well. And one should never cross the angry fathers she contained.

Another possible option was to chase after the Uchiha child – news of the near-total decimation of the famous clan had spread far and wide through all countries. There were no angry fathers guarding that boy's doorstep anymore. But the Raikage wasn't an idiot – he was aware that the Uchiha whelp was likely being guarded like the treasure he was. Not only that, but every other gold digger in the whole world was going to be making a play for Uchiha, and he had no guarantee the boy would prove pliant to a captor's will.

The Yondaime paused, turning away from his window to pour himself a cup of green tea from the pot set on the gilded wooden table nearby. Breathing in the steam rising off of it, he sank down into a comfortable chair and leant backwards. He would abandon the quest for the Hyuuga kekkei genkai, but the Hatake – what better time to snatch him than when the entire world was watching the Uchiha? Surely the village would relax its constant vigilance around one genius when faced with the obvious vulnerability of the other?

The Raikage smirked into his tea, taking a long sip of it and savouring the slightly bitter flavour. Given time and planning, the opportunity to win the young Hatake would be sure to come along – indeed, the only real challenge would be the boy's exceptionally talented father, who seemed paranoid enough to be on guard at all times.

_That can be circumnavigated_, the village leader thought confidently. _Sooner or later, there will be a flaw, an error of judgement that we can exploit_.

Sooner or later, he would win his prize.

* * *

A few hushed giggles were being muffled through the classroom, mostly kept in check by Mizuki-sensei's growling. Iruka-sensei seemed to be wavering between irritation and amusement, unsure of how to cope with the problem that was Naruto fast asleep at his desk.

The seven year old had wandered into the classroom in a sort of daze, covered in grass clippings. Iruka had drawn him aside and asked him quietly if something was wrong, privately afraid that the boy had been mugged on the way to school, and had received a vague response about frogs, a crazy babysitter and the babysitter's thoughts on what constituted a 'light workout'. The blonde had also mentioned that he was sure his father hated him, but that was in a mumble that Iruka was reasonably certain he wasn't supposed to hear.

Now, midmorning, the little Hatake was showing his youth in the form of an impromptu nap being taken on his mathematics workbook, pencil still held loosely in his hand. Iruka was visibly debating whether to wake the child to continue his lesson or let him have his much-needed sleep.

Mizuki elbowed his way in between Sasuke and Kiba, who were on the verge of blows after a fiercely whispered debate on whether Naruto's unconscious state was disgraceful or cute, each nine year old glaring around the teacher's aide and generally looking like children that never used the words 'disgraceful' _or_ 'cute' under any circumstances.

Little Hyuuga Hinata watched all of this from behind her wide, pale eyes. When the bell rang to signal lunch and Iruka-sensei released the class, Mizuki-sensei bodily moving Sasuke-kun and Kiba-kun and depositing them at different ends of the playground, Hinata didn't hurry in gathering her books into a neat pile on her desk.

Collecting her bento box from her cubby hole at the side of the room, she hesitated.

"I-Iruka-sensei?" she said shyly to the man wiping off the blackboard. Iruka glanced at her.

"Hm? Yes, Hinata-kun?" he said. Hinata ducked her head.

"Uhm, you see... I was just w-wondering... that is, i-if it's n-no trouble... c-could I perhaps st-stay inside tod-day at lunch, just to keep N-Naruto-chan –uh, I mean Naruto-kun!" She looked panicked for a moment. "He doesn't like me calling him '-ch-chan' anymore," she said in a whisper, and Iruka had to fight not to smile: he, too, had been cornered by an irate Naruto and told that he was _much too big_ to be called 'Naruto-chan' _like a little baby_.

"I understand, Hinata," the teacher said kindly. "I will not tell him of your slip of the tongue – they happen to everyone."

The little girl looked hugely relieved. "Uh-uhm," she stuttered, poking her two index fingers together in front of her in a nervous fidget. "What I m-meant to ask was, could I pl-please stay inside, so th-that if Naruto-_kun_ wakes u-up, he won't b-be alone?"

Iruka, who had envisioned a lunch break babysitting the sleeping blonde, barely stopped his body from sagging with relief.

"That would be very helpful, Hinata-kun," he said. "Thank you." Then, glancing at the clock on the wall, "I tell you what: if he hasn't woken up within ten minutes of the bell going, you come and get me and we'll move him somewhere he can sleep for a bit. This isn't like Naruto-kun – he must be exhausted. He can make up the work with me later when the rest of you are doing taijutsu practice."

Hinata stuttered out her agreement, and Iruka fled to the staffroom to collapse with all the other teachers not on playground duty. Someone handed him a cup of coffee, and he lost himself in the caffeine surge for a while.

Back in the classroom, Hinata settled in the desk next to the one Naruto was sprawled over. His mouth was slightly open, a tiny puddle of drool forming. The little girl bit her lip so as not to giggle at how sound asleep the younger child was, somehow feeling it to be unforgivably rude. Instead, she just opened her bento box and ate quietly, waiting to see if Naruto would wake before the deadline. When he didn't, she fetched Iruka-sensei as she had been told, and went back to her lessons that afternoon thinking that Naruto was just as irrepressibly cute as her five year old sister Hanabi.

* * *

Asuma shook his head ruefully and signed the slip of paper officiating his decision to fail the genin team he'd been testing. Graduates shouldn't _be_ that pathetic!

His father had gotten it into his head to try and push Asuma towards a sensei position, and Asuma had gone along with it for the sake of preserving the precarious peace they had found.

He looked across the room after handing the form into the appropriate desk at the Hokage Tower and grinned to realise that a harried-looking Kakashi was doing the same thing.

"Hey! Kakashi!" he called. The silver-haired man turned, and upon recognising him raised a hand in a half-salute.

"Yo!"

"Failed another lot?" Asuma grinned. Kakashi shrugged in a 'you got me' kind of way.

"Pathetic lot," he said casually, unconcerned with the way the Sarutobi fell into step beside him as they paced away from the Tower. "The girl started _crying_ when she grazed her knee."

Asuma made the appropriate noise of incredulous disgust even as he eyed up the white bundle stowed under Kakashi's arm that could only be an ANBU captain's cloak, probably wrapped around a mask of the same. Asuma frowned to himself a little: it was no secret that Kakashi had been in ANBU, or that he had been one of the best in the program, though _which_ ANBU was still a closely guarded secret. However, the jounin had been under the impression that Kakashi had retired from the corps when the mission that had borne his son was completed. Admittedly, the Hatake had cut short a promising career for the sake of the boy, but the presence of a uniform indicated that the ANBU chapter of Kakashi's life might not be as over as the man had led everyone to believe. Perhaps Kakashi had taken advantage of the thinly-spread forces to offer his manpower?

Asuma's gut clenched as he remembered the Kakashi of Then, the faceless, emotionless, _broken_ teenager that Asuma had dismissed as a disliked peer, a technical comrade. That Kakashi had been jaded and unreachable and damaged beyond measure, though by what Asuma wasn't privy to. The dark-haired man surveyed his sort-of friend speculatively.

The little boy that Kakashi had brought home was probably the one mistake the perfect shinobi had ever made, but it was a wonderful one that had wrought significant changes in the aloof person who became a father before he was even fully into manhood. What would happen to the blonde splash of sunshine if Kakashi rejoined the dance with death that was ANBU, and one night missed a step?

"Hey, Kakashi," he said impulsively as the pair wandered down the street into the busy heart of the village, not really walking together, but rather going in the same general direction at the same general time. Kakashi, off in his own little world, blinked and looked at Asuma.

"Hm? Yes?" he said. Asuma considered, reaching for his cigarette pack.

"What'll happen to your kid, if the worst happens?" he asked bluntly, putting a white stick in his mouth and placing the box containing the rest back in his pocket. Kakashi frowned.

"What brought that worry on?" he asked, _almost_ teasing. "Do I look ill?"

"You look like you're carrying your death veil around," Asuma responded with a bit of bite, and was instantly surprised at the resentment he felt on little Naruto's behalf. Kakashi looked surprised, then looked down at where he was carrying his ANBU uniform.

"I'd forgotten I still had this," he admitted, rearranging the bundle so that it was flat enough to slide down the front of his vest. "I had to come straight from another mission to test the genin group. What a waste of time." He half-chuckled, before realising that there was no humour in Asuma's face. "What's troubling you, Asuma?"

"That kid of yours. He's about the age you were, when your father died, isn't he?"

Kakashi went still, stopping dead in the middle of the road. Asuma stopped as well, turning to face the Hatake head-on. "What the fuck are you doing?" Kakashi said in a low, dangerous voice, unsure if he was being needled, threatened or in some misguided way being offered some kind of bastardised support.

"Just wondering if you've realised that self-destruction isn't just going to damage you anymore."

Kakashi stared at him for a long moment, before suddenly realising – Asuma was worried on Naruto's account, worried that the elder Hatake was slipping back into the highly dangerous state of mind he had lived inside up until his sixteenth year – that devil-may-care, the-mission-is-all-that-matters, perfect-soldier way of thinking that had been forcibly removed when he'd found himself with a little person to care for.

"The Hokage asked me to stand in on a few missions," he said abruptly. "He's so short on hands, he needs every able-bodied man with the qualifications to help out. Naruto will be provided for if anything happens."

Asuma visibly relaxed, though he looked a little troubled. "Dad did always have a cold streak. You have it sorted out where the kid will go?"

Kakashi nodded and the pair began moving again. "Yeah," he said, dodging around a small group of women window shopping as they entered the commercial district. "Well, I mean, he's got a godfather, and it's not like Tsume would let him starve or whatever..." There was a pause before Kakashi smiled, eye curving happily. "But I'm not planning on dying, so don't worry your head about it."

Asuma chuckled, belatedly lighting his cigarette. "Gotcha. Hey, d'you wanna grab something to eat? I'm pretty sure we could hook up with some of the others if we look around for them."

Kakashi was already shaking his head. "I have to hurry to catch Naruto before he's picked up by Gai and is further traumatised."

Asuma spluttered. "_Gai_?" he coughed, dropping the cigarette by accident and brushing at his sleeve to make sure it wasn't on fire. "You let _Gai_ watch him?"

"Just for the night," Kakashi defended. "I was desperate!" Asuma just laughed.

"Dude, you need a wife," he choked through his hysterics: Kakashi grimaced.

"Stop arranging my life, man," he scolded. "You focus on that yourself. What's this thing you've got going with Kurenai?"

It was remarkably fun to see a flush dance across Asuma's features. "We're just friends," he said, a little _too_ quickly. Kakashi snorted.

"Really?" he said. "I wasn't aware that _just friends_ spent nights-" He broke off as Asuma shoved him.

"Shut up!" The man sobered again. "You know..." he said, "You can put me down. Y'know, as someone to help look after your kid if, y'know..." Internally, Asuma knew that there were few from his age group who wouldn't be up in arms, ready to shoulder the load of caring for Kakashi's son should the man not return from a mission.

Kakashi stared at him for a moment, then shrugged. "Thanks." What else was there to say to that?

Not long thereafter, they went their separate ways, Asuma spotting Kurenai and Genma lounging under a tree next to a cafe and Kakashi making his way to the Academy, heading off Gai on the way there to tell the man that he was back and thank him again for caring for Naruto.

For once, the boy didn't run to meet him, and Kakashi wondered with a vague humour if he was in _trouble_ with his son. But almost as soon as the thought had drifted through his mind, he spotted the bright-haired child speaking animatedly with a group of other children. Kiba was one of them, but as Kakashi watched he bumped Naruto in a friendly farewell, waved a hand at the others, and ran off, vaulting the Academy fence and legging it in the direction of home.

Quickly, the crowd dispersed, everyone heading to their own homes, until Naruto was left alone with two dark-haired children. It took Kakashi a moment to recognise them from a distance, but then the boy turned and he caught a glimpse of the lad's face. Instantly, the jounin knew that Naruto had found Hyuuga Hiashi's children.

Approaching them, Kakashi tried to remember the kids' names. This was a boy and a girl, so it had to be Hiashi's heir and nephew. Ha... Hinata? Or was that the little one? The boy was easier to remember, lacking the 'h' beginning – Neji.

"Good afternoon, kids!" the adult said sunnily. Naruto lunged at him.

"DAD! Never, never, _never_ leave me alone with Froggy-san again! He's so _weird_!"

"He means well," Kakashi said casually. "Did you have a good day at school?"

Naruto looked embarrassed. "I was so tired after this morning," he admitted, blushing red, "Froggy-san took me out before school to do... stuff... and I kinda fell asleep in maths."

Kakashi laughed a little, even as he internally promised to chew out Gai for failing to obey his very simple instructions. "Oh, dear. Was Iruka-sensei very mad?"

"No," Naruto looked delighted. "I thought he was gonna be _furious_, but he just let me sleep and then kept me in when Mizuki-sensei took the class outside to do taijutsu so's I could do the work I missed. Hinata-chan and Neji-kun were keeping me company 'till you got here!"

Ah, so it was Hinata. So what was her sister's name...? "That was very kind of them," Kakashi said genially, looking at where the girl was going so red he was vaguely worried her head might explode. The boy watched him coolly.

"Neji-kun." Kakashi chose his target. "How old are you now?"

"Ten, sir," came the polite reply.

"Not long now until you graduate."

"Two years, sir." No change in tone or expression.

"I hear you're quite talented," Kakashi fished. One of Neji's shoulders twitched the tiniest amount.

"Not so exceptionally for my family, sir." That was said without conceit – he wasn't boasting of his clan's skills; rather, he had an inferiority complex. How cute.

"Really? You uncle tells me otherwise. He brings you up frequently in our conversations and talks about your progress with pride." And it wasn't even a lie: Hiashi spoke glowingly of his nephew. Oh – a change! A flicker of utmost surprise, followed by a wave of clear pleasure at the news. Neji's pale eyes broke contact with his own and he looked at his feet, suddenly a little bashful.

"Thank you for telling me, sir," he whispered. Kakashi smirked: he'd drop the matter for now, but it had been fun to push a reaction out of the little Hiashi clone.

"Well, since you waited for me, why don't I treat the three of you to some food?" he suggested, rightly guessing that Naruto had slept right through lunch. Naruto's eyes lit up, but Hinata and Neji hesitated.

"Th-thank y-you for the of-fer, Ha-Hatake-sama," Hinata squeaked, "B-but w-we have to – to be getting h-home."

"Then we'll walk you," Kakashi said simply, taking Naruto's hand out of force of habit. Naruto tugged at the limb, clearly not liking the obvious highlighting of his youth in front of his classmates, but soon gave it up and grabbed Hinata's hand with his free one. Hinata blushed.

"Yeah! We'll take you home!" the little Hatake said.

"Th-Thank you," Hinata stuttered, shyly slipping _her_ free hand into one of Neji's. Kakashi bit his lip to avoid laughing at the look on the boy's face, but the branch member Hyuuga didn't pull away, consenting to walk down the street as part of the little chain.

Delivering the children home turned into staying for afternoon tea, which turned into an invitation to dinner that Kakashi (having no idea what else he'd feed his kid tonight and knowing that he'd resort to takeaways) accepted. It was well and truly dark by the time he gathered a slumbering Naruto into his arms and finished the journey home, bidding Hiashi goodbye at the gate of the vast Hyuuga compound.

He never even considered the possible repercussions of all that had happened in the last forty-eight hours.

* * *

Twin1: Mmkay, so that's added a few plates to my spinning act. There are, like, four ways I can take this story, and my muse is tearing me in each direction equally, so the next chapter will be slightly delayed by my drawing lots on the long-term plot of this story. Feel free to offer suggestions – very little gets my creative juices flowing like reviews, and reviews with aid offered gets my muse writing the _correct_ story. With any luck, I should have the next chapter up within a month, but... *shrugs*

Review, remind me to update. It'll happen faster if you do – it's a scientific fact.


	8. Threads in a Tapestry

Twin1: Also. Thanks for all you people who kindly sent reminders to update all our stories. As for the people who whined and complained about how long we were taking to update… well… thanks for being so fond of our stories.

Twin2: You're too polite, sister.

Twin1: No, I'm not. I'm flattered by the enthusiasm, not annoyed by the nagging. You should try it some time.

Twin2: You are such a glass-is-half-full person…

Twin1: ANYWAY. I do apologise for the delay of… three months, when I promised no more than one. However, we have a good reason. Has anyone seen on the news about that flood in Australia's Queensland?

Twin2: THAT WAS US!

Twin1: …And then that monster-cyclone, the biggest on record?

Twin2: THAT WAS US!

Twin1: …And then the huge earthquakes in New Zealand?

Twin2: **THAT WAS US!**

Twin1: So stories have not been high on our priority list. We've been more concerned with, y'know, survival. I hope all our lovely readers are okay, and didn't get caught in any of the disasters down under, or in that tsunami in Japan… or any other recent natural disaster we've failed to list…

Twin2: There were the bush fires in South Australia.

Twin1: Fires? Where?

Twin2: (Glumly) Just south of the biggest flood in one hundred years. We weren't there.

Twin1: Our country is being consumed by fire and water, but here is your chapter, so the world hasn't ended yet!

Twin2: Like I said, _such_ an optimist…

* * *

**Eight years old**

* * *

Naruto sighed heavily and leant back in his chair, staring at the ceiling while all around him, his classmates frantically scribbled down notes from the board.

On his left, Kiba was making entertaining moaning noises, like he was being slowly tortured to death as he wrote messily and his new puppy, Akamaru, snored, fast asleep on his desk.

"Naruto! Have you gotten this down?"

Naruto jerked violently at the accusing shout from his teacher and slowly brought his gaze down to meet the chuunin's gaze.

"Iruka-sensei, it's boring," he whined. "I already know this stuff."

The tanned chuunin raised a dark eyebrow. "Oh, so you'll be happy to demonstrate a perfect bunshin for the class, then?"

A light flush dusted Naruto's cheeks – he couldn't do this jutsu, and the feeling was one he wasn't used to. He didn't like it, not at all.

"…There's a difference between theory and reality," he said reluctantly, "I know the theory; you've already taught it to us."

He winced as the short-tempered teacher twitched, and braced himself for –

"If you can't do it, then be quiet and learn! The only reason you find this jutsu so difficult is because you try to rush in and do it without fully understanding what it is you are attempting! Now Be Quiet and copy this down!"

Naruto nodded meekly and sank down into his chair. "Yes, Sensei, sorry, Sensei," he said. He waited until Iruka had turned back to the board before slumping over his desk and rolling his eyes at Kiba.

"Ah, the ever-famous Iruka-sensei blow up. Lesson isn't complete without it," he drawled quietly. On his right, Nara Shikamaru sighed loudly.

"Does he _have _to _shout_?" he asked lazily, also laying his head on the desk, "Man, school is such a drag…"

"For once, I agree with you, Shika buddy," Kiba grinned. He put a sympathetic hand on Naruto's shoulder. "Don't worry, kid, you'll get it. This jutsu's a hard one."

Naruto wrinkled his nose. "It's _E-ranked_," he whined. Then annoyance flitted across his face. "And you don't need to baby me," he informed the ten year old crossly, "I may be younger than you, but there's a _reason_ I'm in this class. I'm not five years old anymore."

Kiba, of course, took no notice and just grinned in an infuriatingly knowing way. Reaching around Shikamaru, the Nara's best friend Akamichi Chouji shook his bag of crisps at the blonde.

"Don't mind him," the brunette said, mouth full. "Want a chip?"

The scowl slid off Naruto's face like water off a duck's back as he took a handful of the salty, fatty items his father never let him eat. There were some perks to being the baby of the group, after all… he was the only one Chouji would let eat his food.

All four friends ducked as a piece of chalk flew to the back row where they were sitting and clinked off the wall behind them. "Pay attention back there!"

At that exact moment, there was a pop and a small cloud of smoke. A man dressed in a shinobi uniform appeared behind Naruto and grabbed his collar, hoisting him aloft and ignoring the blonde's squawk.

"Yo. I'm stealing Naruto. See you!"

"Wait, Hatake-san!" Iruka shouted instantly. "You can't take him now, we're practising the Bunshin no jutsu, and Naruto's struggling with it, so he really can't afford to-"

It was no use: with another cloud of soft white smoke, the man and boy disappeared, leaving Kiba sneezing and glaring at the spot his friend had, until recently, been sitting.

Iruka sighed. "I hate that man," he muttered. Most of the class nodded in agreement.

Several blocks away, Naruto grinned up at his tall, silver-haired kidnapper.

"Cool! Perfect timing, Dad. Legend," he grinned, quickly stuffing the chips in his hand into his mouth and wiping the grease off on his pants. Kakashi rolled a single eye, then smiled.

"How you been, Pup?" he asked, putting an arm around Naruto's shoulders and tugging him close with rough affection.

"Good!" Naruto swallowed painfully and continued, grinning broadly, "I've been pretty much the same. What was your mission like? Was it awesome? Didja beat up lots of bad guys? Did you save anyone? Did you get hurt? When did you get home?"

"Earlier today," Kakashi said tolerantly. "I've been cleared for leave for this next week or so, and I thought you and I could go on another one of our little… adventures."

Naruto's entire face lit up at the prospect. Every now and again since he'd begun the Academy, Kakashi had taken to grabbing him and just leaving. The Hokage approved these trips, partly because it offered valuable father/son bonding time, partly because it gave Kakashi a perfect opportunity to expose Naruto to life outside the village in a safe way and teach him some useful skills, and partly because it got angry Academy teachers off his back whenever the youngest Hatake got bored and 'experimented'. Kakashi would take his son around the countryside, stopping at random locations, though they had yet to actually cross the border. Kakashi supposed he'd leave that excitement for after Naruto graduated.

"YEAH!" the boy cheered instantly, half-tackling his father. "AWESOME! Where are we going ?"

"Quiet!" Kakashi barked, smirking as Naruto instantly snapped his mouth shut. "First, we're going home to get our bags, and _then_ we're going south."

* * *

Kakashi sighed and looked longingly towards the steam rising off the baths that were just _there_ behind that wooden fence. He was tired, muddy, sore all over and was struggling under the weight of the paternal code of honour that dictated that he swallow down all of his discomfort and keep smiling.

It was early evening in the quiet little bathtown that Kakashi had selected as a base of operations for at least the first part of this little trip. Naruto was still going strong, showing no signs of tiring as he turned cartwheels in the little garden they'd spent most of today. Kakashi looked around carefully, making sure there was no one in or around the pretty little place. There wasn't – the woman who ran this little resort had even closed the wooden doors leading from the pavilion adjacent into the garden itself. Probably because she had received complaints about the noise a rambunctious little boy could make, Kakashi thought guiltily. In any event, they were alone. With a noise of relief, he tugged the smothering mask down off his face and unzipped his shinobi vest, dumping the green piece of clothing on the grass next to a flowering cherry-blossom tree.

He dropped his hitai-ate on top of it and rubbed a hand through his grey hair to try and dispel a bit of his headache. Naruto had, it seemed, tired of his cartwheeling stint and had turned back to "serious matters", which was the stern study of the E-ranked jutsu 'bunshin'. Apparently the skies would fall and the seas would boil and Naruto would _die_ if he didn't learn it _right now_, and Kakashi had accordingly spent all day trying to teach the boy it. Frankly, he didn't understand why the kid was having so much trouble with it – he had no problem with the bigger, stronger or more difficult jutsu Kakashi had taught him, and the fact that a simple _bunshin_ was Naruto's undoing was baffling to the jounin.

"Okay," the adult said, still carding fingers through his hair, "Let's try again."

"I just _can't do it_!" Naruto whined, sounding perilously close to tears. Kakashi smiled a little, trying to be reassuring even as he settled cross-legged on the ground.

"Some things are harder than others, Pup," he said. "Even I have trouble learning certain things. Some jutsu I never quite get the hang of."

"Yeah, right!" his peevish son shot back.

"Yeah, right," Kakashi agreed, his tone a polar opposite to the one Naruto had used. The blonde pouted, unconvinced.

"Like what?" he demanded sulkily. _Rasengan_, Kakashi thought. "Kawarimi," Kakashi lied. Naruto scowled at him.

"You're a liar, Dad! I've seen you kawarimi a hundred times!" Kakashi grinned unrepentantly.

"Okay, okay, you got me. But I'm not kidding when I say I've wept frustrated tears over not being able to complete a dozen super-cool jutsu."

Naruto seemed to have read the truth in his father's voice, and plonked onto the grass in front of him. "Like what?" he asked again. Kakashi shook his head.

"No, no, no. You're not learning about any of them until you're old enough to drink." Naruto gave him a cheeky grin.

"You do realise that if you teach me this super-hard stuff when I'm old enough to drink, you're teaching me super-hard stuff when I'm old enough to try them drunk, right?" he asked. Kakashi considered.

"You're right. I'm never telling you."

"WHAT! No, Dad, that's not fa-_air_!" the child complained. Kakashi laughed and ruffled wild blonde hair.

"Sorry, kiddo."

Naruto jumped at him then, hollering something or another, and Kakashi let himself be tackled. For a while, they rolled and tumbled and played a rough game only understood by boys and puppies, adding more aches to Kakashi's body and sting to his headache and mud to his clothes. The father found he didn't mind so terribly as he listened to Naruto's unchecked giggling as he was hoisted over his father's shoulder in a fireman's hold. Kakashi ambled a few swaying steps, tossing his son back and forth with the motion, before dumping him on his head on the ground. The blonde was up and attacking again in a heartbeat, so fast in fact that Kakashi wondered (not for the first time) if the kid was part bouncy ball. Perhaps Minato-sensei had sealed a bouncy demon into the kid instead of a…

Kakashi froze. _Kyuubi_. One thing that Kakashi hadn't considered in his entire career as Naruto's guardian was the effect the demon would have on the boy. In truth, he rarely thought about Kyuubi these days, rarely remembered that this whole relationship – _his whole world_ – was a façade, a lie, a _mission_.

Setting aside the sour taste that filled his mouth at the thought of his son's… of _Naruto's_ inevitable reaction to the discovery of the truth, he focused on the consideration of the demon. Surely it would have _some_ effect on Naruto – sooner or later it was going to rear its ugly head and Kakashi would have some explaining to do. But this was too soon, too early, Naruto was too young to tell him the truth about his heritage. It would destroy the child (_destroy __**me**__)_ to…

Again, Kakashi shook away his thoughts before they led somewhere dangerous, somewhere he hadn't visited in years. Carefully compartmentalising his thinking, he focused on the matter of Kyuubi and his son.

"Naruto, try to make a bunshin again," he ordered. Naruto deflated.

"I _can't_, Daddy."

Kakashi put an arm around the eight year old and gave him a rough squeeze. "Just try for me, okay? I'm gonna see if I can figure out how to help you."

Naruto _sighed_, exasperation in his entire body, but got to his feet and put his hands together in front of him. He quickly ran through practised seals to make a bunshin, and Kakashi opened his sharingan eye to watch carefully. He felt a horrible jolt in his stomach region as Naruto focused his chakra and his body lit up with the energy, a red ball lighting up and roiling angrily in the boy's stomach. _Kyuubi_. "Bunshin!" Naruto called, and his charka surged to fuel the jutsu. For a moment, Kakashi was afraid that the squirming red energy would break from that condensed spot and rage through the little boy's system, but it didn't, staying firmly where it had been put.

The problem wasn't Kyuubi, then. So what was the problem? Naruto's handseals had been perfect for years now, and he could summon up his chakra easily enough… there was _no reason_ why he shouldn't be creating bunshin as easy as breathing.

"It's hopeless," Naruto complained, shoulders slumping in defeat. Kakashi frowned, moving to kneel before his son to get a better look.

"Try again."

"Dad!"

"Just trust me, Naruto. Please."

Naruto grumbled, but consented to once more go through the motions of creating a clone. Kakashi watched carefully, this time ignoring the red chakra of a demon and focusing on the blue chakra of his son. It ran wild through the small body, through unusually large checkpoints, a wild river where most people had gentle streams.

Wait.

Blue. Naruto's chakra was _blue_. Blue, like a normal, average, everyday shinobi. He wasn't Kakashi's son by birth. Of _course _he hadn't inherited his father's white chakra. Kakashi barely bit back the urge to slap himself on the forehead and groan at his own idiocy.

White chakra, the Hatake kekkei genkai, was not as flashy as the Mokuton, or as well-advertised as the Sharingan, and indeed there were a large number of people who would argue that it wasn't a true kekkei genkai at all any more than brown eyes or long fingers or large chakra banks were, but it was useful to a fault anyway. White chakra was essentially highly condensed energy, twice or three times as dense as the regular stuff. In essence, a measure of white chakra could go twice or three times as far as the same amount of regular or 'blue' chakra.

Kakashi knew this. He also knew that Naruto had blue chakra. Yet he'd taught the boy the same lessons he himself had learnt as a child, lessons that should be out of reach of a normal child simply because of the chakra requirements, but Naruto had shown no ill effects. And Kyuubi wasn't affecting Naruto's chakra system (yet).

"Still nothing."

"Again."

"But-"

"Again!"

Naruto looked taken aback at the sharp tone. He pouted but ducked his head and obeyed. Kakashi watched, closing his own eye and looking through Obito's. Again, he watched the boy's chakra surge, again he watched it die down. He growled in frustration.

"Okay, new plan," he said, not even pausing to acknowledge Naruto's remorseful expression, much less offer comfort. "I want you to focus your chakra for me, okay? Just focus it like you're about to do a jutsu, but don't actually do anything, okay?

Naruto frowned at his dad, not liking his suddenly demanding and impatient manner. Dad _never_ got like this. Instead of arguing, though, he placed his hand before him in the ram seal and focused his chakra like he'd been told. Kakashi once again looked him over.

Now that it wasn't surging and dropping quite as erratically, he could have a good look. It didn't take long before he realised exactly what the problem was.

_Shit._

For a few moments, that was all Kakashi could see.

_Shit, shit, shit. Double wow. That's… big._

He looked again, just to be sure.

_He had to have inherited that from Kushina. Even Sensei never had that much… whoa._

Naruto was _teeming_ with chakra. Twice – no four times – maybe even eight, ten, twenty times Kakashi's own capacity. _Already._ The boy was _eight_.

That explained a lot.

"Dad? Dad, are you okay?" Naruto broke concentration to ask his father, who'd paled suddenly and gone very, very still. "Dad?" He reached out to touch the man's shoulder, and Kakashi blinked, coming back to himself with a thump.

_Okay, what to tell him?_

After a moment of wildly spinning thoughts, Kakashi had gathered himself, assimilated the new knowledge and thought of an explanation to feed his son and the world in general. He smiled and drew to his feet, placing a hand on Naruto's head to ruffle his hair affectionately.

"I see the problem," he said brightly. Naruto looked partly hopeful, partly full of dread.

"Yes…?" he said with trepidation. Kakashi smiled more.

"Your control is not the best," he fibbed – in fact, Naruto's control had to be much better (proportionally) than most in order to even vaguely direct the ocean of chakra he had within him. Naruto's blue eyes darkened.

"But – how can I… I don't know… I'm not putting enough into it?" he guessed. Kakashi laughed a little.

"The opposite, kid," he said brightly. "You're putting way, _way_ too much into your clones."

Naruto's frown looked like a pout on his young face. "But… I'm using a tiny bit, like you taught me for henge and kawarimi." Kakashi nodded.

"Yes, yes, but with those, a little extra juice doesn't really affect too much," he said lightly. "A bunshin, you can overload. You're cooking them, Naru."

"Why?" The question was plaintive and full of a desperate need to know. Kakashi felt a twinge of guilt for the lie he was about to spin, but pushed it aside easily.

"White chakra, kiddo. What can you tell me about it?" Naruto looked surprised at the sudden topic change but replied anyway.

"Uhm, the Hatake kekkei genkai? Dense chakra… goes further than regular stuff… uhm – you use it to power your cool stuff when other people can't 'cause it would totally drain them…" He trailed off, looking hopefully at the adult to see if that was enough. Kakashi took pity.

"You're my son. You have my chakra. A good-sized reservoir, at that. To use it, you need a great deal of control. You don't have quite the level of control needed to give out so little chakra." Internally, Kakashi cringed at the lie in a way no seasoned shinobi ever should. He comforted himself with the thought that his story wasn't completely bull. Some parts were truth, or almost-truth, at least.

"Can you teach me?" Naruto was asking hopefully. "To have better control?"

Kakashi shook his head. "No, kid. That's something that can't be taught. You might improve it a bit with practice, but I doubt you could increase it so drastically. Don't worry – you won't need anything so fine-tuned outside of the Academy, unless you want to be a medic. Which you don't, last time I checked."

Naruto's face screwed up in dismay. "But I'm _in_ the Academy!" he half-wailed. "And I won't _graduate_ until I know this stupid jutsu! And if I don't get it soon, Iruka-sensei will put me back in Akemi-sensei's class with the _babies_!"

Kakashi fought valiantly to keep his straight face. He was a shinobi, dammit! He should be able to keep himself from laughing at the troubles in his son's life.

"Don't worry," he said, before the kid could work himself into hysteria. "I'll teach you something better. If you don't tell anyone, Iruka-sensei won't know the difference."

Naruto's eyes lit up. "Really, Dad?" he gushed. "I love you!"

Kakashi smiled again. "I know," he said lightly. "Now, have you ever heard of a jutsu called 'kage bunshin'?"

* * *

It was eleven-thirty at night. It had been a _very_ long day. Naruto had (finally) agreed to go to bed, having been too intent on learning the kage bunshin jutsu to rest until his father had literally threatened hellfire raining down upon the boy should he continue to disobey the adult's commands for him to brush his teeth and change into his pyjamas.

Eventually, three pyjama-clad Narutos, chattering excitedly, had jumped on the bed and started bouncing. Kakashi, losing patience, had come up behind them and hit them one by one on the head. Two vanished: one said 'ow'. Kakashi fingered his kunai pouch and longingly thought of the sedative powder that he could use _so easily_… but that wouldn't be right…

A pox on you, morals!

"Go to sleep," he growled through gritted teeth. Naruto didn't even seem to hear.

"-This is sooo cool I can do it didja see didja see and now just WAIT until I get home Iruka-sensei is gonna be like 'show me a bunshin' and I'm gonna be like, waiting in line, and we'll get to my turn and he'll be all like, 'okay, Naruto give it your best go' and I'll be like 'KAGE BUNSHIN!' and POOF! And then there'll be a million clones and Sensei will-"

"NARUTO!"

The shout got through to the excited blonde, and he finally fell silent. Kakashi took a deep breath to calm himself down, mentally pulling up stored images of how angelic and cute Naruto really was, underneath this brattish disobedience so late at night. Keeping the picture of angel-Naruto firmly in his mind, he exhaled and spoke in a level voice.

"I have asked you countless times to go to bed, Naruto. I am getting very tired of your behaviour tonight. I know you're excited, and you've done well to learn the jutsu so quickly, but now it is time for _sleep_. It is-" He glanced at his watch, "-four hours past your bedtime. Now, I am going to give you two minutes – one hundred and twenty seconds – to get a glass of water, go to the bathroom, do anything else you need to do before bed, and get under the covers. Go on."

Naruto skittered off the bed like he'd been burned, and Kakashi took the moment without his child to lean against the wall of the hired hotel room they were staying in and wonder if he was ever going to get to sleep tonight. He'd barely had time to form the thought when the blonde came racing back out of the adjacent bathroom with a glass of water he'd filled from the sink tap in there. Setting the glass on the bedside table, he slid into bed and threw the covers over himself, then looked at his father to see if the adult was still mad.

Kakashi sighed.

"Sleep well, son," he said, kissing the boy lightly on the forehead. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Night, Dad," Naruto whispered back as if afraid to speak aloud for fear of starting his excited babble again. Kakashi, recognising that his son was nowhere _near_ ready to sleep, sighed heavily and sat on the edge of the bed, tugging Naruto's shoulder to get the boy to roll over onto his stomach. When the eight year old was settled, he pulled the covers down and placed a hand on Naruto's back, rubbing gently.

"Well done today, Naru," he said quietly. "I'm proud of you." The boy fairly thrummed with excitement at the words, so Kakashi quickly changed track. "Would you like me to tell you a story? When I was about your age, you know that I was on a genin-chuunin squad, remember? Minato-sensei was trying to teach us a water jutsu good for filling empty damns and wells – important in war times, you see. My teammate Obito…"

He quickly wove the tale, shamelessly preying on the fact that his son adored being told stories, idolised the Yondaime, thrilled at war tales and always, always settled down to listen when Kakashi began one. Coupled with the soothing petting and the way Kakashi cleverly made the tale more boring towards the end, less gripping once Naruto had begun to realise how tired he was, and it wasn't long before he was talking to a soundly sleeping child.

Finally – _finally_ – just as the clock was chirping midnight, Naruto was bedded down for the night. With the evening's _nth_ sigh, the adult stood up and wandered around the room a little, before just falling into bed himself.

* * *

"Well, well, well. Fancy meeting you here, kid."

Kakashi closed his eye. _Crap_. "Hello, Jiraiya," he said resignedly. The large man was seated on the grass facing the large wooden fence marking the edge of the women's bath. More importantly, it was the edge of the spa's property, too, so as long as he kept from leaning on the fence, the staff could not tell him to move along.

Jiraiya knew all the tricks of his trade.

"So, brat," he said, leaning back and tucking his pencil into his long ponytailed hair. "Come to realise the wisdom of my council, have you?"

Kakashi sighed. "I'm not here to spy on women," he said flatly. Jiraiya seemed to weigh his truthfulness for a moment before scoffing in disgust.

"You know, if it weren't for that kid of yours, brat, I'd say you were gay. Actually…" Again, the man seemed to weigh him, if somewhat mockingly.

Kakashi glared. "Goodbye, Jiraiya." Adjusting his grip on the groceries he'd bought, he stalked on his way.

"Hey, wait, kid, I was just teasing!" Naruto's godfather laboured to his feet and caught up with the offended Hatake in three long strides. "Man, some people have no sense of humour."

"I haven't tried to gut you yet, have I?" Kakashi remarked dryly without stopping.

The man chuckled. "So, why _are _you here?" he pressed, peeking at the bag in the shinobi's arm, "With groceries you would _never_ buy to restock mid-mission. I mean, animal-shaped crackers? Really?"

Kakashi snatched the packet back. "You have to feed kids something!" he snapped. "Crackers make a good snack for hungry children. Animal-shaped because, despite what people grumble drunkenly about me in pubs, I am not altogether intent on leeching everything fun from the world."

Jiraiya's eyes lit up. "Naruto?" he said eagerly. "You have Naruto with you?"

Kakashi surveyed him sourly. "What do you care?" The Sannin looked taken aback, so Naruto's father added a surly, "Yeah, he's here. Now stop following me."

"Not a chance, brat." And just like that, Kakashi found his son's godfather stuck on his six as he made his way back to the room where he had left a still-sleeping Naruto, though he would be very surprised if the boy was _still_ asleep, no matter how late he'd been up last night.

"He probably won't recognise you," the Hatake commented over his shoulder in a warning of sorts. "It's been a long time since your last visit, and he was very young back then."

He didn't look back, so he didn't see Jiraiya's partially guilty, partially worried wince. Soon they arrived at the hired room, and Kakashi fiddled with his luggage until he had a hand spare to unlock the door and push it open.

Naruto was sitting on the floor inside, attempting to assemble a puzzle that he'd clearly found somewhere in the room. Blue eyes looked up when the adults entered, each waiting with baited breath to see the boy's reaction.

"Ero-jiji?" Naruto's tone was shocked. Jiraiya had just enough time to shoot a triumphant look in Kakashi's direction before the blonde boy continued, "I thought you were _dead_."

_That_ stopped the big man short. "Dead?" he repeated. "Why did you think I was… did your – your father tell you that?"

Naruto snorted, as if the notion was ridiculous. "Dad doesn't talk about _you_," he said dismissively. "But you haven't visited since I was, what, four? I figured you were dead."

"I'm sorry," Jiraiya said sincerely. "My work doesn't let me get back home to Konoha much, or I would have visited more."

Naruto shrugged, eyes fixed on the bag Kakashi was holding, whatever fleeting interest he'd had in the conversation lost. "Eh. Hey, Dad, what'd'you get? Can I see, can I see?"

Kakashi held the bag out of reach, but dipped a hand into it and drew out the packet of animal crackers that the Sannin had ridiculed a few minutes before, tossing it in the child's direction.

"AWESOME! Thanks, Dad!"

Kakashi sent Jiraiya a look that said 'told you so'. Jiraiya grinned. "Hey, kid, what'd'you say to coming to hang out with me today?"

The father made a convulsive move and a noise of protest, but Naruto, while not exactly lighting up like a beaming beacon, certainly looked partial to the idea.

"Yeah, okay! Can I, Dad?"

Kakashi sighed and, against his better judgement, folded. "You have two hours," he said to the boy's godfather. A minute or two later, both eldest and youngest male were gone.

* * *

Jiraiya smiled at the kid. Quite suddenly, an expression of horror passed over the clone's face and it disappeared with a flash of smoke, followed by every Naruto in sight. The Sannin had just enough time to let a _bad feeling_ grow ominously in his stomach before his sharp ears located the sound of tears.

A bystander would have been flatly amazed at how fast the large, older-looking gentleman had managed to move in that instant, and Jiraiya was kneeling by a collapsed, sodden Naruto in less than a second, trying to pry the small hands away from where they were up to protect or hide the child's face.

"Naruto! Naruto, what happened? Where are you hurt?"

With his insistent urging, Naruto inched his hands down his face, revealing first eyes streaming with pained tears that made his godfather's heart lurch before drawing below his chin and allowing the adult to see the blood trickling from his mouth with a steady flow. Jiraiya thought he was going to be sick.

Naruto's lips moved, and sound garbled by the injury came out while a blood-smudged hand indicated off to his left. Jiraiya had no hope of deciphering any of these by itself, but together they made enough of speech for him to understand, and he followed the boy's gesturing to spy a mossy log set across the pretty, serene little creek that Naruto had slumped on the bank of. It was right next to a picturesque footbridge, complete with ornamental handrails.

"You were trying to walk over the log," the big man guessed, hating the fresh tears that slid down his godson's cheeks, over a bruise that was already blackening. "It was too slippery, and you fell and hit your face on the railing."

Naruto nodded, trying to put up hands to nurse his sore face again, but Jiraiya caught his hands in one large one and used the other to gently search for the injury that was bleeding, ignoring Naruto's flinches and whimpering.

"Open your mouth up, Naru," he commanded gently: Naruto obeyed, and something white and small tumbled through his lips and into his lap. The adult froze. "Shit," he said aloud. "Your dad's gonna _kill_ me." He composed himself, turning back to the hurt eight year old. "Okay, it's okay, Naruto," he soothed. "You knocked a tooth loose is all. Have you ever lost a tooth before? It's just a baby tooth, it will grow back."

Naruto nodded: he'd lost his first tooth at the tender age of four and eight months, and was an old hand at the process by now. The tears stung his eyes, and he wished he'd stop being a baby, but _this hurt_! He sniffed, desperately wanting his father, wanting anyone who would hug him and tell him everything was alright.

He yelped in surprise when his godfather gathered him in one sweep of massive arms and pressed him close to a broad chest, hugging him tightly but gingerly. "It's okay, kid," the Sannin grunted, petting golden hair. "You're alright. Let's go rinse your mouth out; you'll be fine."

They did just that, Jiraiya carefully helping Naruto to rinse the blood out of his mouth with water from the Sannin's water bottle, and giving the boy some paracetamol and ibuprofen, two garden-variety painkillers that would be more than sufficient to deal with Naruto's missing tooth.

* * *

Kakashi smelt it before he saw it. He was reclining in one of the spa's many baths, struggling against the twin feelings of anxiety and relief over the fact that Jiraiya was watching over his child.

_He's a Sannin_, the Hatake though to himself. _He practically _raised_ Sensei: he can handle one eight year old for a few hours. Blast, I'm not supposed to be glad to be rid of the child for a couple of hours – I'm an awful parent!_

The self-flagellation was brought to an appropriate halt when Kakashi's sharp nose caught a familiar coppery smell that was an old friend to those in the shinobi profession.

_Blood._

An instant later, his son came into the steamy enclosure, and Kakashi went cold when he saw the tear tracks on his young face, the long-dried crimson substance clinging stubbornly to his features and neck.

"What happened?" he demanded, sloshing water as he moved to the side of the pool. He would have climbed out, but Naruto was already there and grinning as he splashed the bathwater. "Naruto, where are you hurt? What happened? Tell me!"

Naruto opened his mouth with a distinctly proud tilt to his head, a finger highlighting a gap that Kakashi couldn't remember being there that morning. "I lost a tooth," the boy announced. "I slipped and knocked it right out, see?" Again, the father was treated to the sight of the inside of the child's mouth. Slowly, allowing himself time to process, Kakashi turned his gaze to a sheepish and apprehensive Jiraiya, standing on the edge of the pool. Naruto stopped fingering the new gap I his mouth as the tension built and looked between the adults staring one another down. After a long moment, he spoke up, putting a hand on his father's water-slick arm and saying, "Dad? It was an accident. Promise me you won't fight with Ero-jiji? It wasn't his fault. Honest."

Kakashi glanced at his child, then looked back at the other man. He was angry, but it was a cold anger.

"I won't hurt him, or try to, Naruto," he said evenly, keeping eye contact with Jiraiya. "But your godfather is never, ever looking after you again. Ever."

Jiraiya winced, but supposed he'd gotten off lightly, all things considered. He'd try to talk the Hatake around later, when the man had been given a chance to cool off.

…Maybe in a year or so…

Kakashi, meanwhile, dismissed the Sannin and turned to fussing over his child, carefully helping the little blonde erase the signs of the trauma. With any luck, the legendary pain-in-Kakashi's-neck would leave soon, and he and his son would be back to their play.

* * *

Little Miss Haruno Sakura was getting dressed. She frowned at the mirror, trying to find the best way to arrange the pretty green ribbon to keep her hair up in such a way that didn't accent her overlarge forehead. Mummy was forever telling her that she was beautiful and not to worry, but mothers had to do that.

Besides, she had to impress _Sasuke-kun_. It was important. The ten year old made some final adjustments to her hairstyle and slipped into pale pink sandals, and was ready.

"Bye, Mum!" she called as she ran down the stairs, grabbing up her pink backpack and racing for the door.

"Sakura!" Mummy called after her, "Wait a moment! You haven't eaten any breakfast, dear!"

Sakura hesitated, sneaking back into the kitchen and sniffing the wonderful smell of pancakes and bacon. It smelled wonderful, but it _looked_ greasy and fatty and full of stuff that _couldn't_ be good for her. And Ino-pig had been making nasty comments about how much she weighed lately. She'd never make Sasuke-kun like her if she pigged out on food like _that_.

"No, thanks, Mum," she smiled. "I'll grab an apple, but I'm late, so I'd better go. See you!"

Snatching up a green apple from the bowl on the counter, the little girl raced for the door again, pretending not to hear her mother calling after her. Left behind, Haruno-san shook her head at the departed child. "Late?" the woman said incredulously, looking at the clock. "School doesn't start for another two hours."

Outside, Sakura slowed to a walk and bit contemplatively into her apple as she shrugged her backpack better onto her back. Konoha was already bustling despite the early hour – a side effect of having a two-to-one shinobi-to-civilian ratio. She could head to school, or to a training ground for a while, or the park, or just hang around the village for a while.

Deciding that it was too early to train and she didn't want to mess up her hair anyway, the park was for babies and the village this early tended to be filled with overly-busy people who shouted when she got in their way, Sakura decided to head to school, where she could lose herself in study and impress Iruka-sensei with her dedication.

It was very early – there was only one other student there, swinging quietly on the swing in the yard. Sakura waved vaguely to the small boy and continued on into the school, pleased to find the doors unlocked as if just for her. She busily stowed her bag in her locker and pulled out the books she wanted to study – she thought she'd focus on the Shinobi Laws today. There were so many of them, and she had to know every one in an instant if asked.

"Ahh!"

A cry of alarm made her jump. Sakura looked around – the hallway was empty, but the cry had come from the classroom. It had been deep, an adult male – Iruka-sensei?

_Maybe he's in trouble_, Sakura thought, making up her mind to go check it out.

She crept forwards silently, using the skills she had learnt in this building with pride as she went to the rescue of her teacher. Reaching the classroom, she peeked in through a crack in the door.

"It's no use," Iruka was saying, arms crossed defensively over his chest. He had his back mostly to the door, facing off against – Sakura's heart caught in her throat – a man in a brown cloak and a white porcelain mask. An ANBU.

_Why does an ANBU want to talk to Iruka-sensei_? she wondered.

The ANBU tilted his head. "It's no use," Iruka-sensei repeated insistently. "You can stand there until the cows come home, I can't help you. He's not here. His father took him again."

The ANBU made a frustrated noise. "Hatake-san is too reckless," the masked man complained. "How are we to deal with these threats if the child is not here for us to protect?"

Iruka-sensei sighed as if hugely put upon. "It's not my fault," he said.

"It's ridiculous," the ANBU continued as if he hadn't heard. "It's completely irresponsible."

"You're preaching to the choir, ANBU-san," Iruka cut through the scolding firmly. "But I cannot stop or help the situation. I strongly advise Hatake-san against taking his child away, but there's no reasoning with him."

The ANBU huffed, even though he privately thought that the Hatake kid would probably be well enough protected under his father's watch. "Well, when will he be back?" he demanded.

Iruka-sensei shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine," he said. "He might be back tomorrow, he might not be back for another month."

Behind the door, Sakura frowned. Why was an ANBU bullying Iruka-sensei about Hatake Naruto? The kid was out of school as often as he was in it, but that wasn't Iruka-sensei's fault. And why would it be important enough for an _ANBU _to be involved?

The ANBU shook his head. "Well, consider yourself notified, anyway," he said. "And keep a close watch on the Uchiha for a while – he's a risk as well. Until we can find and neutralise the threat, I'd advise having eyes on him at all times." Iruka nodded – 'having eyes' was a military way of saying 'always have a clear view of him'. "When the little Hatake gets back, much the same. Then of course you should watch the clan heirs." The ANBU paused, and gave out the strong impression of a grin. "You have one hell of a class, Iruka-sensei. Uchiha, Hyuuga, Aburame…"

"Inuzuka, Hatake, Yamanaka, yes, I _know,_" Iruka-sensei snapped, sounding even more irritable than he did when dealing with Kiba. "_Every _clan heir, in _my class. _It's a security nightmare!"

The ANBU mask tilted towards Sakura for a moment, and she stopped breathing, suddenly terrified the elite ninja had spotted her. But then he just made a faint sound that might have been laughter and kept talking. "You get no sympathy from us. But you _do _get a whole squad stationed around the Academy for security. We've got no way of knowing who they're after; best guesses include the Uchiha or maybe Hyuuga, but there's no sense in leaving the others unprotected." The little girl never spotted the way the masked man's eyes lingered with amusement on the classroom door she was sheltering behind.

Iruka-sensei sighed. "Fine, fine." Then his brown eyes sharpened and he looked at the ANBU with a moment of suspicion. "If that's the case, why are you worried about Naruto-kun?" he demanded. The ANBU shrugged.

"Well, it's complicated. Basically, his father is a much liked man within the village walls, and a much hated one without. It is possible this is a grudge-driven affair, in which case – this time – the possible candidates are him, or the Uchiha." Again, the impression of a grin radiated from the man. "Isn't that _just _what you want to hear, Iruka-sensei?"

Iruka-sensei sighed heavily, the image of a man burdened with too much to possibly cope. "To the letter, ANBU-san. I'll section off the boys if Naruto-kun comes back before you fix this. I'll get Mizuki-sensei and Akemi-sensei to look out for the clan kids when they're out of class – at break and the like – and I'll come up with something to keep Sasuke-kun close by at break."

The ANBU gave a short bow. "Thank you, Iruka-sensei. That is all we need. With luck, this will be resolved in a few days' time. We are sorry for the inconvenience until then."

Sakura felt the stirrings of panic in her chest. Something horrid was happening – something that could involve all the Shinobi Clan members in her class! Something that involved _Sasuke-kun_! She didn't quite understand what was happening, but resolved then and there not to let her precious Sasuke-kun out of her sight from that moment on.

The ANBU straightened up and glanced at the door yet again. Sakura stiffened in fear as he made a soft noise like a chuckle.

"Sorry for startling you, Iruka-sensei," he said, referring to the girly shriek he had frightened out of the chuunin at the start of this conversation. Iruka scowled at the mild amusement in the man's tone. "Don't look now, but we have an audience. Might want to look to that."

Iruka-sensei opened his mouth to reply, possibly with a snide remark about that warning being half a confidential conversation too late and they both knew it, but the ANBU disappeared in a flicker of displaced air. The teacher sighed.

"You can come in now, Sakura," he called without looking back. The little girl crept sheepishly into the room. "Now," Iruka-sensei said, turning to look at her, "You know you're not to talk about this, right?"

He took in the half-scared, half-stubborn look on his student's face and sighed again. Iruka knew he had his work cut out for him explaining that these sorts of threats were fairly common and not to cause too much alarm without actually telling the unauthorised child as much.

"Sit down, Sakura-kun."

* * *

Twin1: (Raises hand in the air like she still in school) I have a question! And until I get an answer this is the last bit of this story you'll get!

Twin2: (Scoffs) Yeah right. One whimper out of this lot and you'll be back at your keyboard typing away, staying up until three a.m. to churn out a (surprisingly not suck-worthy) chapter, and posting it _right then_ with wails of "I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm such a horrible person!"

Twin1: …You're probably right. Okay, so I won't blackmail you, my lovelies. Instead, I'll just ask. (Clears throat) A lot of people have mentioned in reviews 'I was linked to this story from another website'. My question stands thus: WHERE? Where, where, where? I MUST KNOW!

Not that I MIND being linked – heck it's exciting. But I'm burning up with curiosity here. So if anyone has info on where this story, or any others written by me or Twin2, or heck, _mention_ of my sister and me at all turn up around the internet, please tell me? Please? I'll love you forever?


	9. Sniffles

**Twin1: Okay, first off: It's Unplanned Paternity's First Anniversary! Yaay! This chapter is dedicated to ConcreteGirl25 for drawing this point to our attention. Now, the chapter itself was far too long, so I had to split it into two. This is part one. Expect the next part up in a few days, maybe a week.**

I got a lot of questions about the reasoning for Kakashi telling Naruto he had white chakra. Well, it is kind of a convoluted point, so I thought I'd explain frankly. In real words.

First, some chakra theory in general. Though chakra is widely regarded as having a colour, really the chakra itself is just energy – it _has_ no colour, like electricity or charge has no colour. However, we use colour to represent it. In the same way, the anime (I have decided for the purpose of this story) represents the chakra by highlighting it with a colour so that we can see it. There is colour-coding so that we can easily differentiate human/demon/etc charka.

So, 'blue chakra', 'white chakra', 'red chakra' are just labels (I have decided for the purpose of this story) to identify the types. This being said, Naruto has a truckload of blue chakra – way, way more than should be feasibly possible for him to have even without Kyuubi. Kakashi needed a way to explain the huge chakra bank to the world, and though Naruto's 'mother' is an unknown and could be pinned with the blame, it's a much safer bet to simply say 'oh, he has white chakra, it's denser than normal – and he has large banks, so it just _looks_ like a freakishly large amount. It's an illusion. Really.'

He's planning on blaming Naruto's 'mother' for the Kyuubi's chakra – no doubt he'll come up with something about a poor mixing of genes to create an uncontrollable half-baked version of the 'mother's' bloodline limit or something. He can't blame her for _everything_, that would look suspicious after a while, and by claiming 'white chakra', he's cementing the fact that Naruto is his son, ensuring that even if anyone ever draws connections between 'Uzumaki Naruto' and 'Hatake Naruto', they'll be pushed aside as ludicrous.

And with regards to 'yellow' chakra, 'green' chakra, 'red' chakra and such, I think the same still applies – brands of chakra, elemental affinities, and all that jazz – they're all still under the 'blue chakra' banner. So, Naruto's chakra is coloured to correspond with his wind affinity, yes? I _think_ that's yellow. But didn't he have 'blue chakra' until chakra affinities were brought up? So, again, the colour-coding is not literal, it's just a way of categorising the differences.

Now that we're all on the same page, on with the story.

**Chapter Nine Part I: Sniffles**

**Nine Years Old**

Naruto bit his lip and checked his watch. Dad was late, even for _Dad_, and Naruto was beginning to wonder if maybe he should have gone home with Kiba after all. He glanced back at the Academy, but it was dark inside, so even the teachers had probably gone home. His head throbbed a little, like it did when Tsume smacked him around the ears with a textbook during supervised homework time, and he shook it, trying to dislodge the headache.

Dad hadn't mentioned anything about being away tonight, but even though at nine years old most of his classmates could walk home by themselves, Naruto knew well enough that he was Absolutely Not To Leave The Academy until Dad showed up, Unless With Kiba or A Teacher, or A Shinobi Who Told Naruto The Password. So the blonde retreated to the lonely swing hung from a tree in the corner of the playground and waited.

As the shadows grew longer, Naruto began to get an uncomfortable feeling in his belly to join the throbbing in his head. His Dad ran perpetually about an hour late, being a shinobi in high demand, but he had never been this late for Naruto before – other people, sure, the most memorable being that time he'd left Genma waiting on a corner for a 'sec' that lasted more than twenty-four hours – but never Naruto.

What if something had gone… wrong… on a mission? Had he even _had _a mission today? Maybe. But what would Naruto do if… _if_.

"Ah! Neji-kun, you are Lacking in Youthful Vigour! This is Truly Sad, that one so young has No Knowledge of the Garden and Springtime of Youth! Lee, We must endeavour to Teach your team mate of the joys of Youth and Life!"

Naruto jumped as the swing reached its pinnacle, landing on his feet lightly, and moved to the chain-link fence. Clambering to the top of it, he looked down the road in the direction of the noise.

Maito Gai, preaching to a group of kids who were like twelve years old. _Is that a genin team? _Froggy_ has a genin team? …Those poor, poor kids._

The blonde had to giggle when the group grew close enough that he could recognise Hyuuga Neji as the boy Gai was preaching to. And there was a disturbing creation right next to the Green Beast that looked… well… like a clone henged small.

"Froggy-san," Naruto said reflexively as the group reached him, jumping down to the forbidden ground _outside_ the boundary of the Academy fence. As per his father's dire warnings, he was instantly assaulted.

"Do not insult the Honourable Gai-sensei in that manner!" Naruto stared in horror at the smaller (though still _plenty_ big – like, two or three years _older_ than him big) green _thing_ that was now shouting at him, arms flailing wildly. His mouth dropped open, and the filter in his mind crashed, so words tumbled out before he'd even processed them himself.

"Dear Lord, it's multiplying."

There was a pause as the words registered, and in the background Naruto saw Neji smirk in a way that indicated that had he been anyone but a Jaded Hyuuga, he would be rolling on the ground laughing right now.

Gai didn't seem to notice what Naruto had said – that, or he was used to random sentences like that and just accepted them for part of who The Son of Rival Kakashi was. "No, Lee!" he cried. "This is my Good Friend, the Son of my Most Worthy Adversary, to you known as Kakashi-sensei! His manner of addressing me is affectionate, dating back to a time when he was Very Small."

Lee was now crying. "Forgive me, Great and Noble Friend of the Terrific Gai-sensei," he wailed.

The whole situation was surreal. It seemed to be Naruto's turn to say something, but he stalled. "Um," he said. "…I didn't know you had a son, Froggy – I, um, mean, er… Gai-san?"

There was a pause. Hyuuga smirked more, his shoulders actually shaking slightly from the effort of maintaining his aloof persona.

"Ah, no, my Dear Child!" Gai announced to the world. "I Wish it were so, but Lee is not my son! He is my Most Excellent Disciple!"

"I am Honoured that you think me worthy of such a position, Gai-sensei!" Lee announced right back. "And You," here he turned to Naruto, who took a reflexive step backwards. "I am Humbled and Overwhelmed with Joy that you find me Similar enough to my Glorious Teacher that you mistook me for his Blessed Offspring."

"You mean this is _contagious_?" There it was again, his mouth just blurted out something without warning him first. The girl that Naruto had only vaguely registered until now began to giggle. Neji put a hand over his mouth and his shoulders began to twitch.

Then: salvation.

"Ah, Gai. I see you've found my wayward puppy."

"DAD!" In an instant, Naruto attached himself to Kakashi's waist, clinging desperately. "Save me!"

Kakashi smiled, closing his eye happily, one hand negligently petting Naruto's blonde head. "Thanks for rescuing him. I was a little late in collecting him from school today: he was no doubt worried and a little scared."

"Da-_ad_," Naruto whined, feeling his face flush red. Okay, so it was truth – Dad didn't have to _say_ it. And in that blithe tone, too! As if he was some stupid little kid! The hand on his head ruffled his hair again, but otherwise Dad didn't respond.

"We better be going, then," the adult smiled. "I've got a busy afternoon, and Naru still hasn't done his homework. See you later, Gai-sensei. Nice to see you again, midgets."

And he tugged his son away. After a block or two walked in silence, assimilating everything that had just happened, Naruto looked up at his father.

"Are you _sure_ that boy isn't his son?" he asked, knowing Kakashi would know he was talking about Gai and Lee.

Kakashi stalled for a moment at the nightmare that was Gai _actually managing to procreate_, and quickly reassured himself that even _Gai_ couldn't do _that_ without help, and what woman on the _planet_ would _that _with _that_?

She didn't exist. Surely not.

"Gai was thirteen when Lee was born," he said calmly, instead of going into _that_ with his nine-year-old. "Considering his reaction when I came home with _you _at _seventeen, _I'm sure. Besides, if you really look at him, his face and bone structures are not that similar to Gai's – the eyebrows are the same, sure, but everything else is cosmetic. He's mimicking."

Naruto shuddered.

* * *

"Naruto! Dinner!" Kakashi waited for the standard reply of "Coming, Dad!" but heard only silence. A stab of concern flickered within him. "Naruto?"

"Here I am, Dad." At the quiet reply, Kakashi turned and saw Naruto coming in the other door, paler than normal. The markings on his cheeks stood out almost starkly, making Kakashi blink.

"Oh. Are you okay, Naru? You're looking a little…"

The blonde shrugged, sinking down to sit at the table and resting his head in his hands. "I've got a headache. Feel a little… off. I'm not very hungry – I must be tired. Can I just go to bed?"

Kakashi hesitated. In anyone else, he'd say that Naruto was coming down with something, but this was _Naruto_. In all his time as the kid's father, Naruto had never gotten sick – not once. Jiraiya had once told him that the Kyuubi was good for some things like that – Naruto would enjoy good health and longevity as a result of having the demon sealed within him. Which meant that either he wasn't sick, or he was _very_ sick.

"Did you have a busy day at the Academy?" he asked carefully. Naruto shrugged, drawing shapes on the table top with a fingertip.

"Yeah, I guess. Lots of sparring… I didn't do too well." He glanced through his bangs at his father as he shared this news, almost as if afraid of the reaction. It wasn't often that he said that in relation to his schoolwork. Kakashi made sure his expression remained open and unchanged.

"Everyone has off days," he said casually. "Even me. Don't worry too much about it, Pup. Now, I want you to try to eat something – you might be tired, but some food might make you feel a little better, okay?"

Naruto reluctantly agreed, and Kakashi felt his worry mount higher as the blonde pushed food around his plate, barely touching it. Finally, the father released his son to bed, thinking to let him sleep it off.

He trailed Naruto up the stairs, pausing outside the kid's bedroom door to let him get changed before pushing into the room. Naruto was already collapsed in bed, and Kakashi made his way over to him.

"Here's some water, if you need it," he said, putting a cup of it on the bedside table. "Goodnight." He bent over and placed a kiss on Naruto's forehead, and paused for a moment.

Naruto was warm.

Now, admittedly, Naruto was and had always been naturally a few degrees warmer than what was normal for a human, the demon he carried causing the change, but his paternal instincts screamed at him that Naruto was a fraction warmer even than that.

Later, Kakashi would hate himself for dismissing the thought as overcautious.

* * *

Kumogakure was a miserable place most of the time. It was high in the air, the clouds and sheer rocky mountains it was balanced precariously within and atop making for cold, slick, treacherous living conditions. Admittedly, sometimes the clouds cleared enough to see more than two feet ahead, and the sun hit the stones just right, and the village was breathtaking. It didn't happen often.

This day was one of the miserable ones, and Daitaro's mood was dark to match. He was a jounin, and not one of the weak-tea breed that had been cropping up ever since the Yondaime's very bright idea of offering up promotions as an incentive to breed. No, Daitaro had _earned_ his jockstraps – he was a _real_ jounin.

"Get the hell back into line!" he shouted at a chuunin who was slightly out of formation. The man swallowed and quickly put himself into the correct place, standing at attention. In some villages, things like rank and hierarchy were less rigid and enforced, but in Kumo there was a very clear divide between ranks, and even within the ranks based on time in service. There was a pecking order in the village, everyone standing on an individual peg, outranking some and subservient to others. At that moment in time, the highest on the totem pole was (of course) the Raikage. The lowest was little Koriha Gin, the youngest of the children in the lowest form at the Academy. Everyone else, students, teachers, genin, chuunin, jounin, ANBU, retired or otherwise, active or not, was somewhere in between.

Daitaro was in the highest quarter, a rather high-ranking jounin – fourteenth from the Raikage, in fact. Right now, he was briefing a chuunin/jounin assembly on some changes that needed to be made to the village's security, and different patrol routes and shift times that would follow on from the changes. Then he was going to chew out some idiots for some idiotic mistakes that only the most idiotic idiots would ever make. He was looking forwards to that part.

With a heavy sigh, the jounin scanned the fifty-odd men standing in formation. They were waiting on one last platoon of jounin, then they'd be ready to begin. To pass the time and attempt to ease the headache threatening his sanity, Daitaro dug in his pocket for a cigarette that was laced with something just a little more fun than plain old nicotine, and lit it up. The headache eased.

Someone shifted the tiniest of amounts, and Daitaro sent the chuunin a look that made the teenaged girl wince just a little. The jounin surveyed her dispassionately, her belly rounded and pulling her uniform out of alignment. She'd be gone soon, too large and unwieldy to be on active duty. Mind, if her back and/or feet hurt too much for her to stand at attention for twenty minutes, then she was probably already at the stage when she needed to be relieved of duty.

_Bloody hell_, Daitaro thought darkly, quickly counting heads. That most of the full-fledged ninja in the village were assembled here before him was a frightening thought. There were so few of them, it was no wonder that the Raikage was desperate for children to be born. Still, the way the man had gone about it caused no end of strife. The workforce was cut in half, to begin with – kunoichi had dropped out of active service to birth the brats that could be heard screaming from any part of the village at any time of day or night nowadays.

With a sigh, he put his cigarette to his lips and took a long drag of it, exhaustion weighing on his mind. It was a real problem, no doubt about it. But it wasn't _his_ problem. _His_ problem was keeping the village running smoothly despite the lack of hands to share the load. _His _problem was keeping everyone working thrice as hard as normal to keep up with the kunoichi disappearing off the active duty roster. _His_ problem was to do his job, and he had to trust the Raikage to deal with all other problems, or assign them to someone who could.

"Alright, alright, shut up!" he shouted, the last few stragglers finally arriving. The smattering of tiny whispers cut off right away, and everyone stood at attention. "We're here to make some _changes_ to our patrols, and I'm only going over this once, so you better damn well pay attention! The first shift will now be from midnight to two pm…"

* * *

It was getting late. Kakashi was carefully doctoring a set of kunai, examining each one with a discerning eye and judging them with a standard that could only be called super-critical. These weapons belonged to his son. He would _not_ let Naruto into any sort of danger with a weapon that had even the slightest chance of failing.

He picked up the last one and examined it carefully before replacing the handle entirely. Then he began dragging a hardy file across the dulled edges of the knife, sharpening them to razors. After all this, he picked up a cloth and polished his fingerprints off the shiny metal. He paused when the polishing showed him a tiny fracture in the blade and sighed, putting it on the 'discard' pile. Nope. Not good enough for his kid.

Observing the tiny pile of kunai that he had deemed to be worthy of Naruto, he sighed again and mused that he'd need to buy some more. He'd dwindled the kid's supply down to a measly twelve kunai.

The clock, Kakashi was surprised to see when he glanced at it, read ten thirty pm. It had somehow gotten very late. The Hatake quickly packed the kunai away, laying the rejected ones aside in a basket that he'd deliver later to the blacksmith to be melted down and recycled. Then he climbed to his feet and moved to the stairs, intent on checking on Naruto. He cracked the door to his son's room open and froze, his heart skipping a beat or two in a moment of panic.

The boy was shivering beneath his winter duvet, which he had clearly dragged out of the nearby closet, curled around Oink for comfort. Kakashi felt real fear jolt through him to look at his son's pale face and trembling limbs. The adult placed his bare hand on the boy's forehead and his breath caught at how high Naruto's fever had become. _And so quickly…_

Kakashi's first thought was to reach for the first aid kit and find some anti-fever medication. He dismissed that idea out of hand, knowing that this wasn't something cough drops and tea could fix. Naruto was ill – horribly so – and he needed a doctor.

The father rushed to pull on clothing appropriate for going out in, not even noticing that he was mixing civilian and shinobi apparel. He rammed his feet into his sandals and hurried back upstairs, moving into Naruto's room and attempting to tease the boy out of his blanket.

Naruto whimpered, eyes cracking open. "Dad?" he murmured. "Daddy, I don't feel…" the boy trailed off, and Kakashi realised that this was just as new and frightening for Naruto as it was for him. The poor kid had never been sick before: he'd have no idea what was going on.

"It's okay, Naruto," the adult breathed, gently easing his son into his arms, blanket, Oink and all, in a bizarre mimicry of what he had done long, long ago when he was first gifted this precious bundle.

Where would he take him? To whom? There was a reason that Kakashi had carefully kept Naruto away from medics and doctors – they were trained to see truths of the flesh, and it would be all too easy for one to discover (by accident, even) who Naruto truly was, what he contained.

But now Kakashi had to take the risk. He had to. So who to choose? Someone with a good medical literacy, someone who didn't know Kakashi intimately enough to realise that the child wasn't a close genetic match to him, someone who would just do the job and let them leave, someone who if they did find out would _probably_ keep the secret, someone easily silenced if it seemed they would not.

_Rin..._

The thought came as a surprise: he hadn't given his once-teammate a word or thought since he'd last seen her, more than twelve years ago now. The last time they'd met had been at Obito's funeral. Kakashi, a fresh thirteen year old, had been aching physically with his injuries and numb internally from the grief and self-loathing. The Uchiha had tried to deny his right to be at the funeral, but Minato-sensei had thrown his weight around until they'd conceded to allow the teen a spot at the back of the crowd. Rin had been there, standing apart from Kakashi and refusing to meet his gaze. She hadn't spoken a word to him since that horrible mission three weeks beforehand when they had lost Obito.

After watching an empty casket being lowered into the ground and listening to the priest speak and pray for the soul of the dead, the crowd had dispersed. Rin, face streaked with tears, had been walking away herself and had dropped her umbrella. Kakashi had bent to pick it up for her.

That broke the dam.

"It's all your fault!" That's what she'd shouted. "I hate you! I hate you!"

_I know_, had been Kakashi's thoughts as he stood silently and let her scream and rage at him. _Me too. Me too._

Minato-sensei had tried to hush her, but Rin had been inconsolable. "It's your fault!" she kept screaming, "Your fault he's dead! You bastard! Why didn't you come for me? I _knew_ you wouldn't – I _knew,_ right from the moment they took me! You wouldn't and he did and so it's _your fault he died! You _were supposed to come for me, not him!" Then she'd said the sentence that had sealed their estrangement: "But I guess he was an idiot – he was _your_ friend after all."

Kakashi had come very close to losing his mind that moment. Now, years later, he wasn't quite sure of the order of things, but he knew he'd screamed, he knew he'd launched himself at his teammate, he knew he'd scratched her and pulled her hair and slammed her head against the ground and shouted that he would _never never never _let her talk about Obito like that and sobbed that he wouldn't let his own faults taint Obito's memory and that if she wouldn't shut up then he would shut her up. He knew that Minato-sensei had grabbed him, pulled him off of her and tossed him to the ground before hurrying Rin away_. _Kakashi had remained there for a very long time, peripherally aware of the sound of the gravediggers shovelling cold, wet dirt onto the casket with the most bone-chilling sounds that existed.

Later, Minato-sensei had tried several times to reconcile the two, but was met with stony resistance from both parties. Rin hated Kakashi for abandoning her. Kakashi hated her for the fact that she was more hurt by that than by Obito's death. Then Minato-sensei had died and Rin had secured a placement out of Konoha in one of the outposts on the border and Kakashi had forgotten that she existed.

Still, news like your genin squad teammate returning home for the first time in five years in between rotations tended to reach relevant ears. Kakashi was aware that the woman was in town, burying herself in the hospital while she waited to be reassigned to another outpost, having served her five-year stint at the Hirikanwa outpost and been sent back to Konoha. Word had it she'd applied to be sent to the Kishigaru outpost on the opposite side of the country, but such transfers always took at least three months to arrange.

Whatever the reason, Rin's presence did provide a bizarre solution. As a medic, she was contractually bound to treat any Konohan citizen who required her aid to the best of her capabilities, and she knew from experience that Kakashi was a cold-hearted bastard who would take her slamming the door in his face straight to the Hokage and get her dishonourably discharged with a penalty punishment besides without hesitation or qualm. And she hadn't had any contact with Kakashi in twelve years, making her enough of a stranger to fool when it came to Naruto.

She also knew and loved Minato-sensei, so if she found out the truth, chances were she'd keep quiet. She'd probably storm straight to the Hokage to complain and demand custody herself, but Kakashi was confident that he could crush her if it came down to a custody battle, be it in court or in the Hokage's office. Even if he didn't, though, she was a stranger to most of Konoha by now and her word would not be trusted over Kakashi's, and she was _expected_ to be gone for another five years very shortly – she would be easy to make disappear forever.

More than all of this, she was a damn good medic. Kakashi nodded to himself, mind made up: he would seek out his once-teammate for assistance.

"Okay, Naru, hold on. I'm going to take you somewhere you can get some help," he murmured to his precious cargo, and set off at a run, careful not to jostle the child.

He reached the hospital a few long minutes later and pushed inside the Emergency Department. "I need to see Tamanaka Rin," he said to the nurse behind the reception whose job it was to direct traffic. "My son is very ill."

The nurse took one look at Naruto's pale face and nodded. "Take a seat, I'll locate Doctor Tamanaka," she replied.

Kakashi obeyed, sitting stiffly in the uncomfortable plastic chair available and rubbing his hand along Naruto's back in an effort to give comfort. The boy had fallen into a fevered doze, mostly asleep leaning against his father's chest.

It felt like an age, but in reality it was probably barely twenty minutes before the door leading from the emergency room to the rest of the hospital opened and a familiar figure walked through.

Kakashi looked her up and down. She was still recognisable, barely, with hardly anything of the knobbly, awkwardly proportioned thirteen year old she used to be left in her. She'd filled out well, grown much taller and received her adult proportions and physical grace. But she was still the same, still Rin, with a short brown bob cut and purple tattoos on each cheek. Kakashi stood up as the nurse who had called her here gestured in his direction. Rin followed the hand, spotted him, and froze.

_Well, I guess that means that I haven't changed much, either_, he thought wryly. He took a deep breath, looked down at Naruto to strengthen his resolve, and stepped forwards.

"Rin." He spoke his first word to her in more than a decade. Her face had drained of colour and she pressed her lips together in a thin line.

"You." The word was breathed out barely audible, and Kakashi knew in an instant that the bad blood between them had festered to the point of world-ending hatred. Still, she was his best bet, so he opened his mouth to tell her what he needed, but she shook her head.

"Not here," she muttered, looking around the semi-crowded emergency room, and stepped backwards. "Come on, not here, with all these people. Come through to one of these rooms."

Without a word, Kakashi followed her to an examination room, vaguely wondering if she wanted to remove witnesses from fear of embarrassment due to the earth-shattering fight they were due for, or because she was going to attempt to kill him. He shifted his child awkwardly so he had enough of an arm free to reach his weapons, if need be.

Rin shut the door of the examination room behind her and turned to the man she had once shared a team with. Silence stretched, long and frigidly cold. Finally, Rin broke it. "What do you want?" she demanded. Kakashi hesitated for the briefest of instants.

"I need your help," he said simply. Rin swelled indignantly, and he hurried to explain before she started her self-righteous how-dare-you and who-do-you-think-you-are rants. "My son is sick, and I... he needs help. You're the only person I could think of to help."

Rin blinked. "_You_ have a kid?" she demanded, peering for the first time at the child Kakashi was holding. Her eyes widened a fraction as she realised just how old the boy had to be, how young Kakashi would have had to have been when he was born, and then narrowed in disgust.

"Where is she, the mother?" the medic demanded. Kakashi didn't blink or flinch.

"Dead."

"Who?" Now Rin was pulling up a mental list of all potential comrades who had died and wondering which of them had gone to bed with the man before her.

"Fuun Kita," Kakashi said shortly. "You didn't know her."

"Did you?" Rin asked shrewdly. Kakashi sighed.

"Does that really matter at this point?" he asked, looking down at Naruto in his arms and wondering if he was better taking his chances with a medic that didn't hate him. "Love affair or one night stand or interrogation gone awry, is that really important right now?" Rin just stared at him, and Kakashi growled. "_Fine_," he spat. "I was on a deep-cover mission in Kumo, okay? I made a mistake, got involved with a girl. Happy? Please, Rin, he's sick."

The medic scoffed, snatching the form he'd filled out in the waiting room out of his hand and turning away, shoulders tense and face angry, but Kakashi relaxed a hair. She hadn't tossed him out: she was going to help.

Rin attached the form to a clipboard and began reading through it. "Hatake… _Naruto_." Rin's face twisted in a grimace of distaste and grief for her teacher at the name, and she shot Kakashi a sharp look. "If that was meant to be a joke-"

"It wasn't," Kakashi snapped. "Sensei wanted his son to be named 'Naruto' in the hopes the kid would be just like his namesake. Seemed like sound reasoning to me."

Rin scowled, but accepted that the socially stunted Hatake probably _would _name his son in such an unusual way and turned back to her chart. "Nine years old, allergic to bees…" she flicked the top paper up, reading the page beneath. "Hasn't had his vaccinations. Hm. Guess some things never change." Kakashi let that barb slide for the sake of the boy shivering in his arms. Rin put the chart aside and pulled a penlight out of her doctor-coat pocket, flicking it on and shining it into Naruto's blue eyes to test his pupils.

Naruto whimpered and hid his face in his father's chest, hiding from the light and the woman who snapped at his dad. Rin was taken aback at the very real pain on Kakashi's hidden face as he rubbed the smaller Hatake's back and murmured softly to him in a way he _never_ would have done as a child.

"How long has this been going on?" she asked, her voice a fraction gentler than before. Kakashi shook his head.

"He was fine this morning. I picked him up from school today, and he was fine then too! But when I called him down to dinner, he was-" The jounin broke off, closing his eye and taking a moment to hate himself for not bringing Naruto to the hospital right then. "But he seemed _alright_ – just a little fevered… Naru doesn't tend to get sick – at all."

"At all?" Rin repeated dubiously. Kakashi nodded curtly.

"It's an inheritance of sorts," he replied flatly. The medic still looked sceptical.

"_You_ got sick as a kid."

"He didn't inherit it from _me_!" That came out more snappishly than he'd intended. To the Hatake's surprise, however, Rin backed off, no doubt assuming that Naruto had some sort of healing kekkei genkai gained through maternal inheritance. Kakashi took a deep breath and continued. "So it was unusual, but I thought that he was fine. But then he just got worse and worse until by bedtime, he was like this." He gestured the boy huddled in his lap, paler than death and slick with cold sweat, shaking violently despite the heavy blanket coiled around him. Rin frowned, chewing her lip contemplatively.

"Let's see what his temperature is," she said, and it was with careful fingers that she turned Naruto's head and slipped a thermomotor into his mouth. Instantly, she knew he was far too warm, his heat striking to her fingers. Naruto's face twisted and he spat the thermomotor out.

"Dad," he whined, eyes squinted shut against the light in the examination room. "Can't we just go home? Please? My head hurts and I feel…"

"Sick, Naruto. You feel sick. That's why we're here," Kakashi said softly. "I'm sorry, I know it's uncomfortable being examined, but you have to let Rin-san do it so that she can figure out how to make you better."

The blonde whined and squirmed, but let Rin take his temperature. Her brown eyes widened in alarm as she read the result: forty-two point eight. "He's really, really warm. He has a dangerously high fever," she said to the father, instantly switching from slighted friend into much-needed medic and moving to the white starched bed nearby. "Here, lay him down, I'm going to need to examine him properly and I can't do that while you're hiding him."

Naruto whimpered and clung, but Kakashi resolutely forced the boy to let go of his shirt and lie on the bed as the medic bent over him, prodding and poking experimentally. Kakashi found himself shunted backwards as Rin became more and more alarmed. Naruto started to cry, and he was pushed out of the room entirely and ordered sternly to go back to the waiting room, and wait.

* * *

Twin1: To forestall any complaints or quoters who want to use that line Kakashi fed Sasuke at one point "All my precious people are already dead", and for those who ship Kakashi/Rin in any form, be it friendship or romance, I have to ask: do any of you _really_ see Rin as being all okay with being summarily written off by her crush? When she's abducted by the Gaiden equivalent to the Nazis, his reaction is pretty much 'c'est la vie'. Sure, Kakashi thinks that they _probably_ won't kill her, but by the time they arrived, she was already being tortured. Who knows what horrors she would have had to have faced? I don't know about you, but I'd be a little put out by that, personally. Also, 'all my precious people are already dead'. You people with the problems – I hope you realise that you would rather a young woman be _dead_ than be disliked (not even mistrusted, just disliked) by a single not-altogether-world-endingly-important-in-the-great-grand-scheme-of-things man. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

Twin2: Also, because I beta this, the temperature quoted here is in Celsius, not Fahrenheit. For those of you who work in Fs, forty C is fatal if untreated. Around forty-three becomes fatal outright.


	10. All In

Twin1: So here we are again. Part two of chapter nine, as promised. Hope y'all enjoy it. Review and _tell me_! Please?

Oh, and just a note: I don't hate Rin, and I'm not aiming to bash her. I'm just creating a series of events in the way that I think they would pan out. A few of you disagree with my characterisation of Rin, and I apologise if I have offended you with my portrayal of… a… fictional… character… um? Okay, then. Also, as I mostly wrote from the point of view of the 'enemies' of Rin, the light shed on her is a harsh one. Read carefully with this in mind – I don't _actually_ think she's half as bad as, say, Tsume makes out, but _Tsume_ does, so what _Tsume _thinks turns up in this chapter. I can't really write from Rin's POV – or, I could, but it would add nothing, and Rin's a basically good, kind person who has been seriously hurt and is accordingly irrational on matters specifically regarding Kakashi. That's all. I don't hate her, and I don't think she's a biatch.

Oh! And as for why she (or anyone else in the village) doesn't recognise Naruto as _Minato's_ son – it's been _more than a decade_ since Minato died. More than ten years since she's seen him on any kind of regular basis, and then Naruto turns up, a child, who hasn't filled out and started looking freakishly like his father, and who actually looks just like his mother anyway but with his father's hair (OMG spoilers!) Srsly, the chapter in the manga where Naruto has that chat with Kushina, it is made pretty obvious where he gets most of his looks from.

Okay. That sorted, on with the story!

* * *

**Chapter Nine Part II: All In**

* * *

**Nine Years Old**

"Kakashi."

Kakashi's head shot up and he was on his feet in an instant, zeroing in on the tired and angry-looking medic who had come for him. "What's wrong with him, Rin?" he demanded. The woman's brown eyes snapped at him in a familiar glistening rage, though it was slightly different in nature this time. She jerked her head to indicate that he should follow and stalked away, hugging the clipboard to her chest. Kakashi hurried after her.

She led him to a sterile white room, and Kakashi's breath caught as he spotted Naruto on the bed, looking small and unwell. A drip slowly fed fluid into his arm, and a clip on his finger monitored his heart rate. Someone had tucked Oink into bed with him, and he was curled around the toy like he used to when he was younger.

"Is he…?" Kakashi couldn't finish the sentence, not even sure what he was asking. Rin shook her head, movements angry.

"He's sedated. We had to pack his bed with ice to bring his fever down to a safe level, and he wasn't too happy with us."

Kakashi winced a little – he didn't doubt that Naruto had thrown a huge tantrum when he'd been forced into a bed and covered with icepacks. He opened his mouth to apologise, but hesitated when he saw the way Rin was glaring at him – like he was worse than scum, like he was a convicted baby-eater. He glared back, challengingly, waiting for the shouting that they were past due for, anyway. But he'd be dammed if he was drawn into the screaming before he knew what was wrong with Naruto.

Fortunately, Rin was a professional as well. "That boy," she hissed, extending a finger to point at Naruto while keeping her eyes fixed on the father, "is your _son_. You have a _responsibility_ to look after him, you ass!"

Kakashi blinked. "What the hell are you talking about?" he demanded. "What's wrong with him?"

"You! You are what's wrong!" Rin stepped closer, jabbing her finger into his chest. "_You _did this to him!"

Kakashi went cold. His mind froze. "What?" he whispered. She nodded angrily, looking down at the clipboard.

"No vaccinations. No checkups. He hasn't seen a GP since he was less than a year old. _You_ and your stupid stubborn ideas have done this!"

"What's wrong with him?" Kakashi demanded. Rin hesitated, her face twisted in anger.

"I should go straight to the Hokage and tell him that you're not fit to be a pa-" Kakashi cut her off by grabbing her arms and slamming her backwards into the wall. Objects on the shelf beside her head shook, and a tube of something fell over and rolled off the edge, falling to the floor and breaking open.

"Dammit, woman, tell me what is wrong with my son!" he shouted, and was angry enough to miss the flicker of fear that passed over his once-teammate's face. After a moment, her own fury was enough to harden her resolve.

"Bachiatari sickness." She said the words as if they held the weight of the world. "He's got it."

Kakashi's mind stalled, racing to try and place the words. Eventually, he dredged up long-lost memories from his shotgun Academy experience, a rushed lesson on the terrible disease that had erased entire clans from existence in times before the village had been founded. Bachiatari sickness. Swift, deadly, highly contagious. But no one got it anymore.

"H-How?" he actually stuttered a little, and panic gripped him. "How did he get it? You said – did _I_ give it to him? _How_? I've never had it!"

Rin gave him the blackest look that he'd ever seen on her face – and he'd seen a few dark expressions. "Of course you've never had it!" she snapped. "It's _very easy_ to avoid contracting it in today's day and age!" She turned to her clipboard and began paging through it, before finding the information she was after and reading it aloud. "March third in the thirty-ninth year since Konoha's founding, Hatake Sakumo took _his son_ for the standard vaccinations received at three years of age. Among them was the vaccination for the Bachiatari sickness. _You _had the vaccination. Your _son_ was never given the same opportunity. This is _your fault_, Hatake!"

Kakashi's grip on her arms eased and he stumbled back a step or two, turning to look at the child lying sick in a hospital bed. One hand came up to cover his masked mouth, and he realised for the first time what an oversight it had been to rely on Kyuubi for all of the kid's medical needs. Bachiatari sickness was a disease that attacked chakra itself, consuming it until the afflicted person died, organs eventually shutting down and ceasing to function as the person's chakra levels were drained away to nothing. Such a sickness could easily topple even such indestructible forces as jinchuuriki, and had even been used as a biochemical weapon in the First Great Shinobi War. Once it had been treated by administering chakra infusions, but that was an imperfect treatment that provided nothing more than a brief reprieve anyway. There was a vaccination to guard against it, but Kakashi had never taken Naruto to receive it.

Kakashi got his own vaccinations in his mandatory yearly physical, and had ever since he was five years old. He never thought of things like that – had never had to. But he was a _parent_. There was a lot of stuff that he hadn't had to think of before Naruto that he thought of – _had_ to think of – every single day. This was his fault, a direct result of a huge oversight on his part.

"What's… happening to him?" he managed to force out through a mouth too dry to open properly. Behind him, Rin observed his reaction and felt a bit of her anger drain away. When she spoke, it was clipped and impersonal, but at least not furious anymore.

"Bachiatari sickness attacks chakra. Naruto-chan appears to have quite a reservoir, so he's quite vulnerable. Which you would know if you'd spent more than four months in the Academy."

"Can you help him?" Rin was taken aback at how desperate that whisper was, especially in the face of her insult, and her eyes softened a little.

"He'll be fine. We caught it in time. I have the first dose of medication here." She dug in her white coat pocket and withdrew a syringe half-full of a clear liquid. She approached the sedated child's side and reached for the drip, injecting the medicine into the thin tube and turning to squeeze the banana bag to propel it into the boy's bloodstream. "He's going to be okay, but this was a damn close call. Bachiatari sickness is enormously fast – if you had left it even until morning, it may well have been too late to save him." She paused, then held out a bit of paper to Kakashi. "Sign that. I've scheduled him for all the vaccinations he's missed over the years – I need your okay." The look on her face told him clearly that he would sign his name or have it forged. Kakashi took her pen and scrawled his name down without comment or a hint of fight, then shoved the form back at his once-friend and sank down into the chair beside his child's bed.

"He won't wake," Rin warned him. The man shrugged, eye fixed on Naruto's face. It was quite obvious that he was planning to stay right there, unmoveable as stone. She sighed and turned to leave, ready to go back to work.

"Thanks, Rin."

The soft words reached her just as she reached the door, and she paused. For a moment, just a moment, her heart melted and a tiny bit of that warmth she'd once felt for Hatake Kakashi returned. Then she glanced back and _saw_ him, and that horrible mission came flooding back to her, along with all the hopelessness of _knowing_ that no matter how long she held out, _no one was coming for her_. She swallowed convulsively and raised her chin. "I didn't do it for _you_," she said icily. "And don't thank me yet, anyway – I'm going to the Hokage as soon as I get off tonight to demand a full investigation into you and your affairs on grounds of suspected neglect. Gods know how else you've failed that boy."

With those parting words, she swept from the room.

* * *

Uchiha Itachi shoved a heavy tarp aside and clambered to sit on the top of the pile of carefully stacked wood that its owner probably thought he'd hidden really well, sighing when he got there. Drawing one knee up to his chest, he wrapped an arm around it and turned already-failing eyes east-north-east. Towards home. Below him, his crude and irritating partner made a noise of impatience and kicked the log pile in a poorly fashioned display of false clumsiness.

Kisasme resented having a child as a partner, and made it clear how he felt. It was fair, Itachi allowed – he resented having such a brute as _his_ partner, but Madara had been quite insistent that he obey Pein, and Pein was a sadistic bastard. Itachi had long grown used to such annoyances, though, so the teen didn't let the man disturb him, instead sitting still as the sun went down and Kisame (grumbling and swearing and gnashing his teeth) was left to the labour of making camp and preparing something to eat all on his own. His eyes never left the horizon, as if staring in the direction of Konoha would somehow let him one day go back there.

He missed his home. He missed the missions, and his teammates, and even his parents. And oh, he missed his little brother. Sasuke would be eleven now. Officially a preteen. Itachi hoped he was happier, or at least mentally more stable than the elder brother had been at that same age.

Overcome with nostalgia, Itachi rested his cheek on his knee and closed his eyes for a long moment. The missing-nin was older too, time sparing no man. He'd recently turned sixteen – _sweet sixteen_, Kisame had mocked him, the bastard – and had shot upwards in height in the three years since he'd left Konoha. His features had become more refined, his face elongating to its adult proportions already. Not that he ever really noticed… or cared.

Things had been… eventful since his defection, to say the least. Since joining Akatsuki, he'd done basically nothing of consequence – he'd been assigned to "watch for the Kyuubi: it has to re-emerge eventually – it's in the fox's nature." Though it might not turn back up again for fifty or so years. As previously stated, Pein was sadistic. But Itachi knew better than to refuse to at least do a token search for the creature.

The Uchiha shivered a little as he thought about the run-in he'd had as a fourteen year old with Orochimaru, the last time he'd taken his assignment as an excuse to hang around the Akatsuki's base when Kisame went out on another search for _his_ assigned tailed demon. The creep had ambushed him in an empty corridor and spouted some jibberish that Itachi hadn't actually computed, brain stalling at the hand that had found its way to the small of his back.

Within a few moments, Itachi was stalking alone and unharmed out of that corridor, having _thoroughly _disabused the snake bastard paedophile of the notion that 'young and pretty' automatically equated to 'easy prey'. Not long after, the man had decided that his life was taking him in new directions and left the organisation. Itachi vaguely wondered if the man would still flinch every time he laid eyes on him even now, two years later.

Below his dangling foot, Kisame had finally started up a fire and was loading it with heavier wood to beef it up before the flames ate through the thin sticks he'd been using to bring the sparks to life. Itachi shifted, lifted a bit of wood from the pile he'd made his seat that was digging uncomfortably into his tailbone and tossed it with perfect accuracy into the centre of the fire. A cloud of sparks and smoke flew up into Kisame's face, and the bigger man shouted expletives. Itachi smirked.

Where the devil _was_ the Kyuubi, anyway? Its host had died, so it vanished. It was either dead (in which case Itachi was wasting his last few years of life on a pointless quest) or had disappeared to a different plane of existence like a summon animal (in which case it was gathering its strength to prepare for a giant comeback and Itachi was wasting the last few years of his life searching for a way to have a front-row seat when the apocalyptic rebirth _did_ happen and probably cut his time even shorter.)

_Urgh_, Itachi thought, swinging his folded leg so that he was straddling the pile rather than sitting on it and leaning forwards so he was lying belly-down, toes pointing at the forest floor. _I kinda hope Sasuke just hurries up and kills me already. This sucks._

A suspicious trumpeting noise sounded from Kisame's pants, and Itachi wrinkled his nose. _Ick. Any time, Sasuke. _Really_. In the meantime, maybe I'll teach my partner the basics of social niceties. _He dug around and came up with a handful of pointy objects in several forms. He smirked again. _Hm, that idea has merit._

A second later, a howl of pain split the air. A furious fight soon ensued. Itachi won.

* * *

"They're gonna take Naruto-chan!"

The hysterical cry burst from Kurenai's lips almost before she was through the door to Asuma's large apartment. The conversation inside cut off like someone switching off a radio.

"_What?_" three voices shouted back in incredulous unison. Anko and Genma were playing a three-way game of Go Fish with Asuma – it was only the four of them gathering today. Gai was on a mission, Yuugao had been confined to ANBU Headquarters following an epic argument with her superiors that had resulted in the quiet woman lobbing rocks at her squad leader's head and Hayate was bed-bound, defeated by a nasty version of the flu he perpetually sported.

"Sit down, Kurenai, and explain," Asuma ordered quickly, clearing a spot on the couch for her. She sat, picking up a pillow and hugging it to her chest.

"They're saying that the Hokage is gonna take Naruto-chan off Kakashi. Apparently Naruto-chan is in the hospital, and there's rumours that there was foul play involved."

"No way." Genma's voice was dead-set sure, and he put his cards down carefully. "No wucking fay. Kakashi would _never_ hurt his kid. Nuh-uh."

"'Wucking fay'?" Anko echoed, amusement in her voice – she'd dismissed the claim as preposterous as well. "Seriously? What are you, eight?" Genma coloured.

"Shut up!"

"Kotetsu-san – he was guarding the Hokage's office door today – he told me that there's a claim of neglect," Kurenai said in a low voice. Asuma frowned, a sudden, tiny doubt rearing its ugly head in his mind. He forced it down.

"I find it hard to believe that Kakashi would mistreat Naruto in _any_ way," Genma said, ignoring how Anko was still sniggering at his aborted cussing. Anko nodded happily, peeking at his abandoned hand of cards. Kurenai looked like she was about to cry, disbelieving at how uncaring her friends were of the situation. Asuma noticed and winced a little, putting a cautious arm around the shoulders of his crush.

"What happened, Kurenai?" he asked. Her red eyes looked up at him thankfully, and Asuma's heart flopped just a little.

"Naruto-chan's sick in the hospital. When I was dropping off my mission report, Doctor Tamanaka came storming through like a thundercloud and demanded to see the Hokage. Kotetsu heard some of it, and _he _said that she was really mad because she was Naruto-chan's doctor, and he was in the hospital because of Kakashi's negligence!"

Kurenai's voice had risen to a distressed squeak by the end of that speech, but attention was taken from it by the way Genma started choking on his beer after the word 'doctor'.

"Tamanaka?" he echoed, bent double, holding a hand over his mouth to cough into and looking up with watering eyes. Anko banged him on the back. "Tamanaka, as in Tamanaka _Rin_? Brown hair? Rectangles – purple tattoos on her cheeks?"

"…Yeah…" Kurenai said slowly. Genma stared at her in some kind of horror.

"I did not know she was back in town!" he exclaimed. "This is bad, guys. Real bad."

"What?" asked Asuma. Genma gave him a scorching look.

"Come on, Asuma – you knew her too. She was in your class at the Academy, remember? I'm the oldest of all of you, _I_ should be the one confused here."

Asuma frowned and exchanged confused looks with the girls. "Yeah, I remember a Rin in my class," he said slowly. "What does that have to do with-"

"Am I the only one who sees the significance?" Genma tossed himself back and covered his eyes with his hands in mock-despair. "Tamanaka Rin was on Kakashi's genin team – or, he was already a chuunin, but she was a genin. She and Kakashi had a _huge_ falling out, like, a decade ago, and haven't spoken to each other since. She _hates his guts_. More than _anything_."

Suddenly, the relevant memories came rushing back to Asuma, and he shot upright, nearly pulling Kurenai over on the way. He remembered the little girl Rin with short brown hair and those odd tattoos, remembered working a few missions with her as a genin and then chuunin during the war and remembered her goodbye party when she was put on placement out of town. In fairness, Asuma had had little to do with her and much more to do with Uchiha Obito who had been on the same squad. It was through Obito that Asuma had met Kakashi.

"Shit," he said as matter-of-factly as he was able. Genma nodded grimly at him and Anko, the youngest of the group, frowned.

"I don't remember her," she said bluntly. "But I spent a long time out of the village as a kid. Is she really that angry, though? To take Kakashi's kid away, I mean."

"I don't think it would be so much pettiness," Kurenai said softly – she too now remembered why the doctor was significant. "It's just… Rin-san saw Kakashi at his worst moments, then left for a long time and never saw him get better, or had a chance to be reminded of his better qualities. I didn't know that they had a fight, but if they did, it would have been huge, and those wounds fester, you know? Especially if she was once… fond of him."

Anko sneered. "Yeah, imagine that," she spat. "Girl has a crush, fights with crush, runs away like a coward for twelve years, comes back and finds that crush has moved on and now has a family, proceeds to destroy that family out of spite."

"Be kind, Anko," Genma scolded lightly. "Rin wouldn't do that. I think what Kurenai meant to say was that she's making assumptions and decisions based on the person Kakashi was more than a decade ago. And really, would any of us have trusted Kakashi with a kid if he was still as he was back then? Remember what we all thought when he came home with Naruto-chan in the first place?"

The group exchanged guilty looks. It was true: they'd all individually and as a collective been fearful that iron-hided, stone-hearted Kakashi would be completely incapable of caring for a child. Of course, he'd proven them all wrong spectacularly, and there wasn't one among them that wouldn't fight for Kakashi's right to keep the kid. Asuma realised with a jolt that this was exactly the sort of situation that he had inwardly resolved to help with a little under a year ago, that day he had caught Kakashi with his ANBU gear.

"We have to help," he said decisively, putting aside the tiny, damning fear that Kakashi was indeed slipping bit by bit. "We can't let them take Naruto-chan. It would destroy them both."

"We don't even know what happened," Anko said reasonably, digging around in a takeout box for another stick of dango. "I mean, the Hokage is probably not gonna do anything. He'll have to investigate if the doc tells him she thinks something's up, but he'll find nothing, and do nothing. I really doubt there's any reason he'd take Naruto-chan away."

"But even the investigation is crippling, Anko," Kurenai argued. "Just the fact that it happens implies a need for it to happen and puts black marks on his permanent record that'll never be erased." Asuma nodded grimly.

"Add to that Kakashi's age, marital status and family history, and you have a recipe for disaster. One tiny mistake is all they'd need to find – a single missed meal, an afternoon when Naruto-chan was unsupervised, an injury caused by an accident that happened when Kakashi wasn't in the room, _anything_ – to have a case for neglect. And Kakashi has a _lot _of enemies in high places who would love to do just that. This is a big problem."

"I vote we tell Gai," Anko said wryly. "He'd go charging straight up to the hospital and start ranting about Kakashi and Youth and Springtime and Green Spandex and damn well intimidate the lady doctor into dropping the matter." A bit of breathless laughter was her reply, and she smirked, pleased with herself for lightening the mood just a little.

"We have to tell him, and Hayate and Yuugao," Kurenai said softly. "Otherwise they'll be cross. Maybe Yuugao can spread some rumours in ANBU, get some of Kakashi's old teammates to come forwards and speak for him."

"That's a great idea," Asuma agreed, rubbing a hand through his hair and digging around for a cigarette in his pocket. He lit it up quickly, taking a much-needed draw of nicotine-laden smoke. "I'm slated to start another rotation in the Academy tomorrow – I can talk to the teachers, maybe some parents. See if I can round up some support from that front."

Every jounin had to do a certain number of hours of teaching work each year if they weren't the sensei of a genin team. This could be logged as time training chuunin, tutoring genin, Academy or pre-Academy students to get them up to scratch, helping rookie ANBU (many of whom were only chuunin level when recruited) or even working in the day care where shinobi left their children during missions. The easiest way, though, was simply to apply for a few weeks' stint at the Academy. Asuma was coming up on his turn to work at the school, and had been dreading it, but it seemed it could work to his advantage.

"Great!" Genma said brightly, pleased with the solution. "You should talk to your father, too, Asuma – he should listen to the opinion of someone so close to Kakashi. I'll put my nose to the ground and see if I can come up with some other people of our senseis' or parents' generations to speak on Kakashi's behalf."

Kurenai hummed, thinking over what strings she could pull. Her parents were well-liked, with many friends in both the civilian and shinobi worlds, so she could well offer a range of support from the civilian community within Konoha. And –

"Hey, isn't Kakashi friends with Hyuuga Hiashi?" she asked suddenly. There was a pause.

"He is?" Anko said blankly. "Since _when_?"

Kurenai frowned. "I don't know. I've just seen them together, and Hyuuga Ryuu – a branch member about as old as Mom – she said that the Hatake family were invited to dinner fairly frequently."

"That could certainly help," Asuma agreed, having been raised in the centre of village politics and having a very keen understanding of how they worked. The Hyuuga clan were well respected: if Hiashi, middle-aged head of the Hyuuga clan, spoke for Kakashi, then his word would carry far more weight than a civilian-born medic in her twenties who had lived out-of-village for her entire adult life.

The group sat there in Asuma's living room for a very long time, cards forgotten, coming up with an extensive plan to rescue their friend's family and sanity in one fell swoop – so long, in fact, that Gai came to find them after his mission and was included in the plotting. By the time they split up and went their own ways, each was quietly aware that this was not the first time that Kakashi had needed help, would not be the last, and that each of them willingly, gladly was taking up the mantle of friend and protector to the man and his child, whether Kakashi agreed to it or not.

* * *

Kiba was feeling a horrible dread coiling slowly in his stomach as the day progressed. He felt like he was going to throw up all over his exam paper. He was going to do it. He just knew it.

He was in the midst of the first of three graduation exams that were offered in the last eighteen months of the Academy. Potential graduates had three chances, three exams, to show off their skills. They had to pass at least one, preferably two of these exams to avoid repeating their final year. Everyone had been really nervous about the exams, desperate to do well right off the bat.

_Naruto wasn't there_.

And Kiba was afraid that it was his fault.

Four days ago, everything had been normal. Sure, Naruto had been a little quieter than his average, but he had days when that happened, so Kiba hadn't thought much of it. The Inuzuka was in a hurry to get home after school, because his sister had made a huge chocolate cake yesterday and had promised to ice it while he was at school and let him have a bit when he got home that day. So he didn't stay with Naruto until the kid's father had turned up, and had barely thought to offer for him to come to the Inuzuka compound with Kiba. Naruto was nine, Kiba had reckoned when Naruto had asked to wait for his father for a little while longer, so he'd be fine by himself until Kakashi-san turned up. So he'd shouted goodbye and left at a run, deaf to Naruto's protests.

Naruto wasn't at school the next day. Kiba had noticed, and felt vaguely uneasy, but brushed the feeling aside – Naruto was out of school as often as he was in it, with no warning. His dad probably took him on another trip.

But then the next day, another day with no Naruto, Kiba had spotted Kakashi-san, looking pinched and worn and worried, talking to a grim-faced Iruka-sensei after school, and his heart had frozen over in terror.

What if Naruto was missing? What if someone had come and taken him from school, all because Kiba was too impatient to stay with him for a few minutes? He remembered overhearing his mother ranting about Naruto being abducted once already, which was why he was allowed to have live kunai on him all the time in school now. What if it happened again? What if someone had Naruto? What if they'd hurt him? What if he was _dead_?

…What if it was all Kiba's fault?

Akamaru whined anxiously at him, and Kiba looked down at the tiny puppy. "I know, boy, but what am I supposed to do?" he whispered desperately. Iruka-sensei obviously heard, because his head rose and his eyes locked on the Inuzuka.

"Kiba-kun, please stay quiet," he called mildly. "Test conditions: no talking."

Despite the fact that the words were barely a rebuke, they triggered something that had not happened (especially in public) for many years. Kiba began to cry.

Iruka's eyes widened – that was _not _the normal reaction of _anyone _being reminded they were working a test – and he quickly made his way to the boy's desk.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he said, voice low to match the near-silent sobs wracking the little boy's frame. With someone as small as Naruto in the class, it was easy to forget that this outgoing child was still very young as well. The teacher glanced at the test paper – only a couple of answers were scratched in, the rest glaringly blank. "Are you having trouble? Don't worry, Kiba-kun. Take a deep breath. You're a good student, okay? You can do this."

Kiba shook his head, tears streaming down his face, and pointed at Naruto's empty chair. "It's _my_ fault!" he half-wailed. Other students were looking up from their own tests, curious. Iruka glanced around and winced a little.

"Mizuki-sensei," he said to get the assistant's attention. When the silver-haired man looked up, Iruka gestured at the sobbing Kiba and then nodded at the door. Mizuki understood and nodded back, settling differently in his chair to watch the students more carefully, ready to supervise. Meanwhile, Iruka put a hand on Kiba's shoulder, gently but firmly insisting that the boy move.

"Come on, Kiba, let's go outside and talk about this. Up you get – good boy. We don't want to disturb the others from their test."

The quiet monologue coaxed Kiba out the door, which Iruka shut behind them. He heard Mizuki say a harsh, "Get back to your tests, kids. Chouji! Put that cookie _down_ and _do your test_!" but ignored the dispute, trusting the other teacher to handle the class for a time. Iruka steered his weeping charge down the corridor and into the teacher's lounge, which was empty for once.

"Okay." He knelt in front of Kiba. "Tell me what's wrong. What's your fault?"

Kiba's brown eyes looked at him fearfully, his lower lip trembling. "I'm sorry!" he wailed. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I should have waited but I _didn't_ and now he's _gone_ and I'm _sorry_!"

"Whoa, whoa," Iruka spoke over the noise. "Tell me what happened."

Gradually, in bits and pieces interspersed by tears, the teacher got the full story. Iruka had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from lashing out with angry words upon finding out that Kiba had left the Hatake child _alone_ – Iruka himself had left early that day to get to an appointment on time, and hadn't seen the children off safely so most of the shocked anger was at himself anyway, and _Kakashi-san would kill him if this got out_.

Taking a deep breath, the teacher put aside the irrational fear and anger, and sat down on one of the couches in the staff room, gesturing for Kiba to sit next to him. "Kiba-kun," he began, choosing his words carefully, "Naruto-kun is not missing. He is in the hospital."

Kiba gasped in horror, wide eyed and terrified – almost convinced that he was going to be arrested or at the very least exiled for his heinous crime of leaving Naruto in the Academy school grounds after school finished, Iruka recognised, and had to swallow a smile. "He became ill, and his father took him there in the middle of the night following the last day he was in school. This wasn't your fault. He contracted a sickness that got very bad very quickly, but he's going to be fine – just fine. He'll be back before you know it. Here." He offered a box of tissues. Kiba took three, and set about mopping up his face.

"I-Is he really okay?" he half-whispered. Iruka hesitated, then simply nodded rather than going into specifics with the boy.

"He will be," he agreed.

"Can I visit him?" the Inuzuka blurted. His teacher winced just slightly – Naruto was infected with an often deadly, highly contagious disease – and used the ultimate in adult deflections: "You'd have to ask your mother. Are you okay now?"

Kiba nodded, still sniffling a little but well on his way back to composed. Iruka sat there with him for a little longer until the child was calm, then led him to the bathroom to wash his face off, and back to his waiting exam. Mizuki looked in askance at him as he settled beside his co-teacher at the front of the room, and Iruka rolled his eyes.

"Children are so dramatic," he whispered to his partner. Mizuki laughed quietly in agreement.

* * *

Inuzuka Tsume was glaring at her daughter's favourite blouse, which she had accidentally put a hole in with a bit of over-vigorous hand-washing. "What kind of shirt is 'hand wash only' in this day and age?" she demanded of the garment. It didn't respond, or magically mend itself. Tsume growled low in her throat and glared some more, redirecting the look to her familiar when the big dog chuckled.

"You be quiet."

"You should have let Seiji-chan do your laundry, Tsume," he replied chidingly. "You're not cut out for housework. It's time to face it. Your _elder brother _is better at it than you are."

"I don't need help to run my own household!" Tsume shouted, then looked at the shirt again. "I just need to mend this before Hana gets home. Easy." Korumaru blanched.

"Please don't try to sew. Please. Give it to your cousin. Please, Tsume." Tsume studiously ignored the canine, threading a needle carefully and holding up the shirt again, unsure where to begin. The watching dog cringed in anticipation of the mangled mess that Hana's shirt was soon to become. "Where did you even find a sewing needle?" he demanded.

"It was stuck between the couch cushions," Tsume said with a touch of pride. Korumaru groaned.

"Seiji-chan is good with repairs," he said hopefully. "She can fix things like you'll never know they were torn."

Tsume opened her mouth to snarl at the animal something to the tune of 'I can clothe my own kids, dammit', but shut it again when a soft knock on the door interrupted her.

"Enter?" she said, curious – she wasn't expecting visitors, and anyone in her clan would bounce in without knocking. The door opened, and Tsume just about had a heart attack when it revealed the knocker to be none other than Hyuuga's very own clan head, Hiashi, the king of protocol and manners and not turning up without warning or invitation and sticks up arses.

"Hiashi? Who's dead?" she blurted, jumping to her feet in alarm. The Hyuuga looked grim, but smirked a tiny bit at her reaction.

"No one," he said evenly. "I apologise for coming over unannounced like this, but a matter has been brought to my attention that needs instant response, and I was hoping that you might be able to help me with it."

Tsume blinked. That was something that she'd _never_ thought she would hear out of the stone-cold Hyuuga's lips. "You feeling alright, Hiashi?" The man gave her a wry look, and she grinned. "Sure, I'll help. What's the problem? Must be important."

Hiashi nodded, a single slash of his head, and gestured for Tsume to follow. She stood and held the blouse out to Korumaru. "Take that to Seiji-chan, ask her to mend it," she ordered. Korumaru wisely obeyed without comment.

"I have heard rumours that I feel are based rather solidly in fact, and I fear I may need your assistance in diverting what could be a domino effect that could have devastating consequences."

Now Tsume was getting concerned as she followed the Hyuuga out of her home and clan's complex, into the village proper. They appeared to be headed for the Hokage Tower. "What's up?"

"Do you recall a young medic by the name of Tamanaka Rin?" Hiashi inquired. Tsume thought on the name, searching memory banks and coming up empty.

"Nope," she said, shaking her head. "Should I?"

Hiashi's lips curved in a cultured smile. "Hardly. I couldn't place the name either until I searched for her personnel file."

"Her sealed, confidential personnel file," Tsume added. Hiashi waved a hand, dismissing the technicality.

"Just so. It seems that she has a grudge against Hatake-san." Hiashi paused and turned back as Tsume stopped dead, falling behind. "Problem?"

"Naruto?" she said. "This is about Naruto?" Hiashi tilted his head.

"It's about Kakashi-san. But Rin has accused him of neglecting Naruto-kun, yes. I need you to come and stand beside me while I explain to the Hokage how ludicrous the claim is, and persuade him not to investigate the matter." Tsume nodded, and they kept moving together through the crowded streets. Hiashi spoke quickly as they wove through people in the shopping district, filling the Inuzuka in on the situation as he understood it. Tsume was horrified – she had, of course, heard that Naruto was ill, and had even gone so far as to send Kakashi a meal or two to carry him through the trial that was a hospitalised child, but to be accused of neglect? Cold fingers wrapped themselves around her heart as she thought of what an investigation would result in, and she took a moment to truly hate the iron-fisted militant rule they lived under that would confiscate Kakashi's most precious person like stolen goods. Then she felt horror wash over her as she contemplated the bloodbath that would be Kakashi's reaction to someone attempting to forcibly take his child. It would be a massacre, and Kakashi would be killed at the end of it all, and Naruto would still be without him.

"So, as you are no doubt aware, I was hoping to use our joint influence to forestall or stop the investigation before it is ordered," Hiashi wrapped up. "I understand you are fond of Kakashi-san – I am aware that you have offered aid often over the last nine years."

Tsume snorted and nodded. "Yeah. Th' kid needed a bit of a hand along the line, y'know? Needed a mum, actually. Ridiculous, right? But I had time, and money enough not t'miss a donated meal or some clothing or some manual labour here and there." A nasty thought occurred to her and she narrowed her eyes at her companion. "But what about you? Why do you care? You're not the sort to do this out o' the goodness of yer heart – what's your angle? Whaddyou get from speaking for him like this?"

Hiashi stopped dead and turned to face her. Tsume was taken aback by the cold anger lighting up his eyes. "Hatake Kakashi is the _only _man in this entire village who has the slightest idea of the challenges my family has faced," he snarled. "We are more alike than I care to examine, and a shared interest in keeping our children safe from Kumo is the least of it. He is my strongest supporter, my most outspoken advocate in my vendetta against that accursed place, and I am his. I will _not_ stand by and watch yet _another_ party attempt to steal his child."

"Not so long as you need him, eh?" Tsume said shrewdly. Hiashi snorted.

"You think little of me, Inuzuka-san. That is your business. All that you should concern yourself with, however, is that at this time I have nothing but the best of intentions for _both_ the Hatake children." He spun and stalked off, resuming his path towards the Hokage's dwelling. Tsume winced behind him and hurried to catch up.

"Maa, Kakashi _is_ young, innit he?" she said when she was once again level with Hiashi, her voice and mood having swung back from anger and into goodwill. "Barely twenty-five – just a baby, really. Poor kid. He's had rotten luck with that brat of his from day one."

"So you intend to speak with me on his behalf?" Hiashi's monotone was back. Tsume glared at him and jabbed him in the side with her finger, causing him to squeak in a most un-Hiashi-like manner and jump about a foot before turning and glaring at her.

"Jus' try and stop me, Hyuuga," she said stoutly, stamping ahead and leaving Hiashi staring at her back in disbelief at her childishness. The incredulousness only increased when she gave a shout and veered off course, dodging into a restaurant as she passed by the door.

Hiashi followed, ducking his head under the flaps of material hanging at head height in the otherwise empty doorway to look for whatever it was that had sidetracked Tsume so completely. She had stopped beside a gathering of four men who appeared to be sharing a meal. Yamanaka Inoichi, Akamichi Chouza, Aburame Shibi and Nara Shikaku were gathered around the table, all of them partway through a meal and all of them looking up at Tsume in surprise.

"Fall in line, boys," the wild woman was saying, hands on her hips. "I'm in need of your muscle. Just stand there, look intimidating and don't talk. Come on."

Hiashi was expecting haughty refusals – heavens knew _he'd _respond that way – but was surprised when the four clan heads merely stood quietly, Chouza lifting a riceball to take along with him and Inoichi throwing a cheeky salute at Tsume along with a "Yes, ma'am!" Shikaku dragged his feet and moaned about how troublesome the whole ordeal was, but didn't make any move to stay and finish eating, and Shibi just fell silently in line, content to do as he was told.

It was surreal to Hiashi, but not an altogether unfortunate turn of events – their presence would be a great advantage in the negotiations to come.

No one spoke as they made their collective way to the Hokage Tower – the newcomers didn't even question where they were going. Hiashi explained their mission briefly to the secretarial staff at the base of the Hokage Tower, and they were informed that Sarutobi was meeting with Tamanaka at that very moment.

"Perfect timing," Tsume grinned, all fang, and led the way to the office.

"Tsume-san," Hiashi said as they drew near. "Please allow me to do the talking on this occasion. I feel I am better suited to-"

"Yeah, yeah, your show. Fine," Tsume interrupted, shoving the chuunin guard aside and opening the Hokage's door.

Inside, the Hokage was gravely listening to a young woman – Tsume rightly assumed her to be Doctor Tamanaka. The Inuzuka felt a growl begin in the back of her throat at the sight of the little upstart who was making waves.

"I first came here two days ago, Hokage-sama! Why haven't you ordered an inquiry yet?" Tamanaka was saying.

"Rin-san," the Hokage replied, "I was rather hoping to wait a little, and let all parties calm down – I know there is tension between yourself and Kakashi-san, so maybe it would be best to start this off _unofficially_?"

"I know what I know, Hokage-sama, and I really think-" Rin began to reply heatedly, but Tsume chose that moment to draw attention to her presence.

"Oh, come on, Hokage-sama," she scoffed, striding forwards. "The kid got the sniffles – that is _not_ a case for neglect! If it was, there'd be no parent anywhere allowed to keep their kids! Hell, mine've been sick more often'n I can count." Hiashi gave her a look, and she sighed and nodded, consenting to be quiet and let the diplomatic Hyuuga talk his way around this.

"Hello, Tsume-san," Sarutobi said, sounding surprised and a more than a little amused. "Hiashi-san, Inoichi-san, Chouza-san, Shibi-san, Shikaku-san."

"The problem is not that he got 'the sniffles'," Rin snapped, ire raised, ignoring the greetings and speaking directly to Tsume. "He caught a rare and often deadly, not to mention highly contagious disease, as a direct result of his father neglecting to get him his vaccinations!"

The gathering of middle-aged shinobi were quiet after the outburst, causing the anger in Rin's voice to fall oddly flat in the echoing silence that followed. After a reasonable pause, Hiashi cleared his throat and spoke softly. "Can you prove that the child only contracted the Bachiatari sickness 'as a direct result' of the absence of vaccinations?" he asked quietly. The young woman stared at him.

"The vaccination safeguards against contracting the disease!" she half-shouted.

"Always?" Hiashi returned, his voice becoming quieter as Rin's got louder. "There is never a case where a vaccinated person has contracted the illness that he or she has been vaccinated against?"

Colour clouded Rin's cheeks, and she looked away. "Sometimes, after several decades, people can contract diseases they have been vaccinated against," she admitted. Hiashi nodded patiently.

"And did the fact that Kakashi-san did not vaccinate Naruto-kun guarantee that he would contract the Bachiatari sickness?"

"Well, of course not, but it highly increased the chances-"

"From what to what, exactly? One in a hundred to two in a hundred? To ten in a hundred? What are the chances of catching Bachiatari sickness here, in Konoha?"

"Practically nothing, but-"

"Practically nothing, especially when one factors is Naruto-kun's preternatural ability to remain healthy, yes?"

"It's true that Hatake Naruto-kun allegedly never gets sick, but-"

"And when he noticed that Naruto-kun _was_ ill, Kakashi-san took him straight to the hospital, to the care of a medic he _knew_ would be able to recognise and treat the illness, despite it being the middle of the night. In fact, he acted within an ideal timeframe, was an excellent example of how one should react when faced with such a situation, correct?"

Idly, Tsume wondered how Hiashi had gotten that information, or if he was just making a series of educated guesses based on what he knew of Kakashi and Kakashi's mother-hen tendencies. Rin looked frustrated.

"Well, he did, but-"

"So, to summarise," Hiashi interrupted ruthlessly, "Kakashi-san chose to forgo a medical procedure that may not have worked and may have been unnecessary anyway due to Naruto-kun's maternal inheritance, an action which only marginally increased Naruto-kun's chances of contracting the illness, _and_ acted in a responsible and timely manner upon finding his child to be ill. This is the evidence that Tamanaka-san wishes to present to Hokage-sama as reason for a full inquiry into the Hatake family, under suspicion of neglect." Finally, Hiashi turned back to the Hokage. "Honestly, Hokage-sama, do I really need to explain why Inuzuka-sama, Yamanaka-sama, Aburame-sama, Nara-sama, Akamichi-sama and myself are protesting this claim?"

The Hokage sighed and looked past the Hyuuga to Rin. "He does have a point, Rin-san," he said, spreading his hands. "Do you have anything to add?"

Rin made a frustrated noise. "Sir!" she protested, "It's not as simple as Hyuuga-sama makes out! I'm sure the vaccinations are just the tip of the iceberg – and everyone knows that Kakashi is not a suitable person for a parent! He's just not!"

"Oh, well then," Tsume spoke up again, unable to keep quiet. "Forgive us if we don't convict Hatake on the overwhelming evidence that 'everyone knows it's true'."

"There is actually a great amount of evidence to contradict that statement, anyway," Hiashi pointed out softly. "Given an entire council of the clans stands before you, advocating Kakashi-san's innocence and worth as a parent."

Sarutobi held up his hands. "Enough," he said. Turning to Rin he said, "Rin-san, I understand your concern. It does seem that Kakashi has made a grave error in neglecting to procure proper medical upkeep for his son. However," he paused for a long moment, glancing at the gathered clan heads. "Hyuuga-san does have a point. Given the circumstances, especially given Kakashi-san's track record with regards to Naruto-kun, no vaccinations just doesn't constitute a case for neglect. I understand that you have concerns, but unless you can provide real medical evidence that any kind of abuse has taken place, I don't see the reason to order a full investigation."

"You can't be serious!" Rin exclaimed. "Hokage-sama, Kakashi is bad news! He-"

"You shut your mouth girl," growled Tsume, cutting off the accusations as a surge of anger hit and stepping forwards aggressively. "I've watched that boy since he first came home with that baby, and he's done nothing but his best for the brat. And here you come waltzing back to the village thinking you know him better than anyone. I got news for you: _he _grew up. He changed. He loves that kid more than the air he breathes and if you think you're gonna take that away from him-"

"Tsume-san," Hiashi intervened, laying a hand on his comrade's shoulder. "Calm yourself. The Hokage has made his decision. Tamanaka-san's words are now just the senseless raging of a jilted woman. Do not concern yourself too much with them."

Rin's face coloured and her mouth twisted with anger, but she didn't speak. Hiashi nodded at her in mocking farewell and herded his group out the door and back to street level, sensing that the best thing to do now was to retreat before the doctor could actually gather herself enough to form a proper argument.

"Well, that was interesting," Inoichi said mildly as they stepped back out to the bright sunlight. Tsume shot him a sharp-toothed grin.

"Thanks, guys. Good job. Y'all did just like you were told. You did good, all intimidatin' and supportive-like and silent."

"Maa… troublesome," complained Shikaku, raking fingers through his hair and looking up at the sun. "You made me late, Tsume. How'm I gonna explain this to my wife?"

"Don't be a drama queen," Inoichi grinned.

"Glad I could help," Chouza said to Tsume with a gentle smile. "What a silly reason to justify taking someone's child away. My Chouji has nothing but good things to say about little Naruto-chan: the boy couldn't be being abused. It's not possible."

"Be careful," Shibi intoned from behind his high collar and sunglasses. "Shino tells me the child becomes quite distressed if one uses 'chan' as a suffix connected to his name." Tsume laughed.

"Well, what he don't know won't hurt the runt. I gotta go – stuff to do. Thanks fer comin', men. Hiashi, good catch there."

She took off, leaving a confused-looking Hyuuga in her wake. He turned to his fellow clan heads for help. Inoichi grinned at him.

"She means spotting the whole investigating-neglect thing. Well done."

One by one, the others all congratulated him: even Shikaku dredged up a 'troublesome' that sounded vaguely appraising. Hiashi was left with the peculiar feeling of not only being one of a group, but being accepted and liked within that group. He found that he liked the feeling.

* * *

"Rin! Wait up!"

Surprised, Rin turned. She was shocked when she saw that it was her once-teammate who had called after her. She was all but at the village gates, leaving for another placement at another tiny outpost for another five years. No one had come to see her off, and she had told no one that she was leaving. And yet there was Kakashi, moving quickly to catch up, hand-in-hand with the small blonde child that Rin despaired of him having.

"What?" she asked tiredly, bracing herself for anger, for the spitting rage that she was sure would pour onto her from Kakashi – heavens knew he had a temper, and didn't let things go. How angry had he been at Obito over every tiny slight? And hers was a huge one – she'd be lucky to leave unscathed, really. So she closed her eyes and waited for the first blow.

"I meant to be waiting for you at the gate," came Kakashi's voice, actually sounding apologetic. "But… well, I ran late."

Rin's eyes flew open and she stared at the man in surprise. His hand was rubbing the back of his head and his face was crinkled in an awkward smile the likes of which Rin wouldn't have thought him capable of creating.

"What do you want, Kakashi?" she asked tiredly. Kakashi dropped his hand and looked at her.

"You were leaving again. Without saying goodbye. Again." The words weren't accusatory, but Rin bristled anyway.

"I wouldn't have thought you'd care!" she spat. "You hate goodbyes."

Kakashi nodded, and again Rin was taken aback and the ease in the motion, the gentleness that she hadn't seen before. She wondered wildly if this was even Kakashi, or if someone was teasing her with a henge.

"I wanted to say thanks. For helping Naru-pup. And I guess I should introduce you properly, eh?" Again, that awkward smile turned up, and Rin just stared, beyond words. Kakashi pulled on the hand still holding his child's, drawing Naruto in front of him. "Rin, this is my son Naruto. Naruto, this is Doctor Tamanaka Rin. She was on my genin team when I was your age, and she was the doctor who looked after you in the hospital."

The little boy, who looked achingly familiar in a way that Rin couldn't place, smiled up at her happily. "Thanks for lookin' after me, Doctor Rin!" he said sunnily. "I feel _loads_ better now!"

"I'm glad, Naruto-kun," Rin said faintly, seeing that she had to say something. Kakashi dropped Naruto's hand and bent forwards to murmur something in his ear, and Naruto nodded and wandered away, finding a nearby tree and proceeding to scale it – Kakashi had clearly told him something to the tune of 'don't wander far, but you can play if you want'.

"Well, you win," Rin said a touch bitterly as she watched the child and ruefully admitted (in her own mind, to herself and herself alone) that Naruto didn't appear to be at all cowed or wanting. "I suppose you've come to tell me 'I told you so'."

"Nah. Ten years ago, you'd've been right on the money," Kakashi said easily, sticking his hands in his pockets. Rin stared. Where was her stiff, proper, punctual teammate? What had happened to him? Could people really change so completely?

"Well, I have to go. Bye." Retreat, that was all she could do. Before he hurt her again, before he realised that despite ten years of building defences designed to keep him out, he was so very able to hurt her deeply with a word, a look, a gesture. She turned and all but fled.

"Rin." As if the word had been a net that caught and held her, Rin stopped, but she didn't turn back. She tensed, waiting for the attack, but Kakashi's next words caught her totally off-guard. "I am sorry."

The woman drew in a quick gasp of air, then gathered herself and half-turned, taking in the man standing there looking truly repentant and not in the least like he was mocking her. Something softened inside her for once at the sight. "I know," she said, and meant it. She struggled with the idea of forgiveness, but found she couldn't – not just yet. But perhaps soon, given time to let out the badness that had festered in that horrible wound she had worn on her heart like a shield. Kakashi bowed his head, as if he had read her thoughts and accepted her answer.

"Hey," Rin found herself saying, and hesitated again when her teammate's sole eye locked on her. "If you're ever in town…" she began, then shrugged. "Look me up."

It was Kakashi's turn to blink in surprise, but he recovered quickly, and for the first time in eleven years, the pair shared a smile.

* * *

Twin1: Yay! Monster chapter nine is done! Do you see now why I split it in two? Thanks for all your lovely reviews and ideas – they sent my head spinning with the possibilities and made me think of a lot of things that hadn't even occurred to me. You're all stars! That being said, I'm still not sure exactly what path I'm taking with UP – I'm feeling my way along carefully, bit by bit. The plot will… emerge. I just have to keep writing. *hem*. So, I'm always delighted to hear what you, the public, want in this story – if you feel like it, by all means make suggestions.

Oh, and before I forget: I've been getting a lot of requests for scenes and bits and pieces to be added into this story, things that I just don't have room for with the style I've chosen to tell this tale – one chapter per year Naruto ages is the pace I've set at least until he graduates (which will be, like, next chapter, hopefully), and people already complain about the length of each chapter without me adding more. Unfortunately for you lot, Twin2 is religiously opposed to interludes, so I can't do that.

So here is what I've decided. I am going to create a companion story to this one, and put in it all the drabbles and oneshots of the scenes you guys ask me for. So anything like the birthday scene in chapter five will go into it, anything you ask for that I feel like writing. So if you have any requests, drop me a line. Just a cautionary notice, though: I will decide what to write, and I _will not_ put in anything that is dated later than the latest chapter here. So don't ask me for scenes when Naruto's twenty-five, or ask me about the chuunin arc. I'll get to that later. But sleepovers, diaper changes, adult-only nights, and all the other scenes I omitted in these last nine (ten?) chapters are open for you to request. And if you want to write it yourself, feel free – I'll happily put it up with the rest.

REVIEW!


	11. Clipping Wings

Twin1: Hello! Finally, we're onto to the dreary, much-anticipated world of cannon. I wonder how different they'll be... *grin*

Anyhoo, do keep sending in ideas and comments and thoughts - including ideas for drabbles to put in the side-story I'll post in the next couple of weeks. To assure a few sheepish reviewers - I adore long reviews, and read every word, so don't worry about rambling too long. For all you one-liners, I love your reviews too! Even 'I love it' makes me smile!

...On with the story.

* * *

**Chapter Ten: Clipping Wings**

* * *

**Ten Years Old**

Kakashi took a deep breath, one hand patting down the front of his vest as if searching for something in something of a nervous tick. Then, when he had gathered himself, he moved into the large, red building in front of him.

Today he had a meeting with the Council. He was already twenty minutes late, but he had a good excuse prepared – one involving fire and a tree and Oink and a daring rescue. And if it was slightly embellished, well… it should amuse the old folks, regardless.

…Or irritate them into a blind rage. Fifty-fifty chance, really.

Kakashi strolled into the plush, over-furnished room the Council liked to convene in, making an effort to look completely unhurried. The Council was already assembled, Mitokado Homura and Utatane Koharu, equally old and equally disapproving. Iruka was standing off to one side, holding a bunch of papers and looking awkward.

"Hatake-san," Koharu started in. "You're late."

"Forgive me, Utatane-san," Kakashi replied, choosing not to mention his wonderful excuse. Maybe he'd tell it to Naruto when he relayed this meeting over dinner tonight. The woman's eyes narrowed at his chosen suffix for her name, but in all technicality he was a Clan Head, and could be as informal with her as she was with him. By calling him '-san', she technically invited him to replace '-sama' with '-san' when addressing her as well.

Technically. Since Kakashi was the leader of a clan with an official total head count of two, he was by and large unnoticed when it came to matters of the Clans. He wasn't invited to Clan Head meetings, but could technically insist upon a seat within them. He was treated as a regular shinobi, but technically – _technically_ – he stood on the same social ranking as the Council members themselves, along with every other Clan Head in the village. Most of the time, this fact was purposely disregarded by the Council. Most of the time, he let them.

Today, the Hokage had suggested he use his title, to push through a tiny snag that had caught his ankle in his endeavour to raise Naruto.

"Shall we get down to business, then?" Homura said. He didn't invite Kakashi to sit, but the Hatake did so anyway, choosing a pillow and settling himself casually.

"Fine by me," Kakashi said. "It's about Naruto, isn't it?"

"There is a matter we must discuss concerning your son's schooling," Koharu said stiffly. Kakashi looked at her.

"His schooling? I was under the impression he was in the class that would be graduating next week."

"Yes, that is the issue," Homura said crisply. "Your child is ten years of age, and so is forbidden to graduate by the decrees passed by Sandaime-sama five years ago regarding early graduation."

Kakashi blinked, unpacking that sentence. "That decree states that no child can be caused to graduate before he or she has completed six years of formal schooling," he admitted. "But Naruto-kun is ready to graduate, so I am asking you to waive that rule."

"And why should we?" sniffed Koharu. Kakashi looked at Iruka. Iruka jumped.

"Oh! Right," he said into the silence, realising he was late on his cue. "Well, I have here Naruto's scholastic record. He's a model student, despite frequent absences, and is one of the top ranking students in the class. He's currently the strongest competition for Uchiha Sasuke, who is widely regarded as a genius."

"Do you have a point, Sensei?" asked Homura, impatient. Iruka frowned at him, understanding the way he said the word 'sensei' was actually an insult.

"It is my opinion as Naruto-kun's schoolteacher that he is more than ready to graduate."

"You are certain?" Homura questioned.

"As ready as Sasuke-kun," Iruka said lightly.

"Thank you, Sensei, you may go," Koharu said, voice clipped. Iruka bowed a little and left.

"So? My son is ready to graduate." Kakashi spoke the words as a prompt. Really, it was an open and shut case, and he still had his ace in the hole.

"Be that as it may, the decree is quite clear."

"Six years of formal training, I know," Kakashi spoke over the old person's prepared stuffy speech. "But he _has_ had six years of training. I taught him formally for four years prior to his entering the Academy. So don't let that worry you."

The Council frowned at him in annoyed unison, and Kakashi wondered vaguely why they were being so stubborn on this one issue. Maybe they were just contrary by nature.

"Even so, we cannot in good conscience allow a ten year old to graduate," Koharu said authoritatively.

Movement made all three look around. The Hokage had entered the room at some point and was now walking forwards. "I noticed Iruka-sensei and thought I'd put my head in," he said by way of explanation. Then, to Koharu, "I appreciate you holding true to the nature of my decree, my friend, but I think this is a special case. Kakashi-san's child will be given leeway in this."

"Hokage-sama," Homura began to protest, but a look from his leader made him quieten. Kakashi carefully kept his face blank, but inwardly he was relieved – it had been Sarutobi's idea to put the kid's name forth for early graduation in the first place, and it seemed that Sarutobi was now stepping in to force it through.

"No, I have made my decision," the Hokage said. "Should Hatake Naruto pass his examination, he shall graduate with his class."

* * *

The room was silent, the smell of sweat and paper subtle but present under the harsh glow of artificial lighting. Iruka and Mizuki were policing the examination, stalking up and down rows to search for cheaters.

This was it.

Final exam day.

Naruto was seated in the fourth row, sixth column. His exam paper was in front of him, and he was writing steadily, intent on finishing every answer to the best of his abilities. To his relief, all the content seemed to be within his capabilities. Suddenly those hundreds of hours his father had used to pound all that theory into his brain seemed justified, and Naruto's pencil moved quickly to shape the kanji he needed to answer each question.

He finished roughly half a minute before Iruka-sensei called time, and sighed with relief. That was one hurdle down.

Mizuki gathered up the test papers, looking absolutely thrilled with the knowledge that he had to mark all of these within the next hour so the failures could be sent home and the passes could proceed to the practical portion of the exam. Exam days were the stuff of nightmares for the Academy staff.

The kids were ushered outside to play and have lunch. Naruto could be seen forcing himself as high as he was able to go on the swing, while Kiba chased Akamaru in circles and Chouji joined Shikamaru for a nap. Inside, Iruka, Mizuki, Akemi, Ryuu and Nyoko split the exam papers between them and began to mark.

When they were done, Iruka went to read the list of names of passing students, and just over half the combined class trickled back in. The group was made up of Iruka-sensei's class and Ryuu-sensei's failures from last year, back for another try. Most of the older children made it through, Iruka noted idly as Mizuki barked orders for silence and explained how the practical exam was going to be structured. More interestingly, the _youngest_ member of the class had passed, too – with flying colours. Hatake Naruto was ready to graduate, Iruka mused to himself. And, if he did well in the practical exam, he would.

Soon, it was Naruto's turn to take his one-on-two test. He crept into the room where Iruka and Mizuki were sitting, face pale but determined, and took his place in front of their desk.

"Naruto-kun, please show us a kawarimi," Mizuki started without preamble, already beyond ready for the day to be over with. The Hatake swallowed, nodded, and made his handsigns.

"Kawarimi no jutsu," he said softly, and a moment later was on the other side of the room, a tall lamp wobbling where he had been standing a second ago. Iruka was impressed – kawarimi with an object with such a significantly smaller mass than Naruto was difficult.

"Henge," Mizuki said, nursing his head in his hand, eyes closed. He obviously had a headache, but Iruka felt a flash of annoyance at how he completely disregarded the student trying to impress him.

Naruto looked anxious at his teacher's tone and posture, and ran back to the centre of the room. "Henge no jutsu," he said, and a cloud of smoke later Hatake Kakashi slouched in the middle of the room. Iruka looked him over, searching for inconsistencies. He didn't spot any, but…

"Naruto-kun, please choose someone other than your father," he said. Naruto reappeared, swallowed, then made his hand gestures and turned into Iruka, then the Hokage, then Kiba, and finally a small dog with a squashed nose. Iruka smiled.

"Well done."

"Yep, let's move on," Mizuki added, watching through his fingers. "Bunshin, and we'll be done."

Naruto turned back into himself and hesitated. Iruka sat up straighter – Naruto had struggled the most with this jutsu, he knew. But the Hatake didn't baulk too badly, just taking a few deep breaths before pulling his hands up in a peculiar handseal and saying, "Kage Bunshin no jutsu."

Eight Narutos appeared in the room. Iruka frowned.

"Are kage bunshin allowed?" he asked in an undertone, turning so that Mizuki would catch the words but Naruto wouldn't. Mizuki hummed.

"We may as well pass him. He's got three or more clones there. What does it matter if they're regular, water, mud or shadow ones? Remember that kid we had, like, the year before last? Uharu Hatori? He made us a water clone."

"After he made a regular one," Iruka countered. Mizuki groaned and dropped his head into his hands.

"Oh, whatever. He's done well, Sensei. I think we should just pass him. A clone is a clone."

Iruka still hesitated, but his assistant had a point. "Okay." Turning back to face the fidgeting student, he smiled. "Well done, Naruto-kun. You've passed. Congratulations."

Naruto lit up, his whole body brightening like a tiny sun. "Really!"

"Yes. Here." Iruka held out a hitai-ate, and Naruto bounced forwards to retrieve it.

"Thankyouthankyouthankyou!"

"You're welcome, Naruto-kun. You earned it," Iruka smiled. Mizuki made an indistinct noise from his place face-down on the desk.

"NEXT!" he called a moment later, and Naruto took that as his cue to bolt, clutching his headband.

The classroom was still crowded when he barrelled back into it. Kiba looked up instantly.

"Kid! Status!"

"I passed!"

"Yes!"

In a moment, Kiba was up and jumping on the desk, helping Naruto celebrate. Naruto was laughing, more relieved and bubbly than he'd have thought possible. Akemi-sensei came to make them stop climbing on furniture, and Naruto toyed with the idea of going home. A moment later, he resolved to somehow sit still until Kiba had taken _his_ test, and then celebrate together some more.

* * *

"Oh, Kakaaashiiii," sang a chuunin when said jounin walked into the missions room that morning. Kakashi froze, looking at the chuunin stacked high with purple scrolls in mild horror.

"No," he said.

"Yes," the chuunin replied, holding out one of the scrolls – was there any colour more evil than purple? If there was, Kakashi had yet to see it.

"Are you _certain_ it's for me?" he asked, almost desperately.

"Positive," the chuunin said happily. "Enjoy."

So Kakashi was left holding the scroll, looking at it as if he was debating if it would clog up the toilet if he flushed it down.

"You got one too, huh?" said a glum voice, and Kakashi looked up. Asuma was standing there, examining his own purple scroll that the far-too-cheerful chuunin had given to him with the air of a Santa handing out presents to orphaned children on Christmas day. Kakashi nodded, and watched as Asuma opened his scroll, eyes squeezed shut to protect himself for as long as possible. The Hatake grinned as he cracked open one eye a fraction, and groaned loudly.

"What'd you get?" Kakashi asked. Asuma was moaning in mock-agony, and held out the scroll so that his friend could see.

"The latest in the Ino-Shika-Chou saga," he whined. "I'll never be allowed to flunk that lot! It's not _fair_!"

Kakashi did laugh at that, Asuma's misfortune making his own more bearable. Still, he wondered which of Naruto's classmates he'd be left with, and cringed at the thought of teaching_ any_ of them. He tucked his scroll away in a pocket, thinking to examine it later, with some alcohol on board to help him deal with the trauma. Maybe after Naruto was in bed…

"Oh! Kurenai's got one this year!" Asuma yelped, and Kakashi glanced around. Yes, Kurenai was shyly accepting a purple scroll from the chuunin, a delighted flush gracing her pretty face and an ecstatic expression lighting up her eyes. Kakashi waved a hand, catching her attention, and the newest jounin practically danced across the missions room to join them.

"I've been assigned a genin team!" she gushed the moment she was close enough. "_I've_ been assigned a _genin team_!"

The men smiled for her, aware of how important this landmark was for her, was for most jounin. It meant that the Hokage had deemed them ready to be trusted training the next generation – it was a huge honour. Of course, Asuma was the Sandaime's son and had always been assured of his father's love, and had been assigned genin teams as a way of keeping him out of trouble. Kakashi had been in ANBU, so teaching seemed a little less of a huge responsibility. For Kurenai, this meant the world.

"Just be sure you're not too easy on them," Asuma was cautioning. "Don't let your delight blind you when it comes to the kids. Hokage-sama will most likely give you a team next year if you don't pass them this year."

Kurenai nodded, accepting the advice but too busy riding the high of her achievement to really notice it. Excitedly, she unfurled the scroll to see the names of the children she would be taking command of.

"Inuzuka Kiba, Hyuuga Hinata and Aburame Shino!" she exclaimed. Kakashi made a noise.

"Kiba-kun is Naru-pup's friend," he offered. "Nice kid, but a bit enthusiastic. Hinata-chan is sweet but really shy – you'll be a good role model for her, I think."

"You know them?" Kurenai latched onto him like he'd offered her the meaning of life. Kakashi took a step backwards, a little surprised by her intensity, and gave a nervous little laugh.

"Uh, yeah. Kiba is Tsume's kid, Hinata is Hiashi's. Hiashi is always going on about his kids, when he starts talking, so I know most of what I know about Hinata-chan from him. She's totally timid, and has huge inferiority issues. Kiba-kun is… well, he's got a thick head, but he's certainly not lacking in the confidence department."

"And Shino-kun? What's he like?" Kurenai demanded. Kakashi tried – he really did. He knew he'd met the kid before, just like he'd met Shino's father, but try as he might he couldn't recall what the boy was like.

"He's forgettable," he said honestly, and ducked a reactive indignant swipe. "You'll have to find out for yourself," he added, nodding sagely as he stepped back, out of range. Asuma laughed.

"So who did you get, Kakashi?" he prompted. "I got Ino-Shika-Chou, Kurenai got a group of trackers, what'd you get?" Kurenai stopped obsessively re-reading her scroll to look at him as well.

"Yes, tell us!" Then, as something else computed, "Ino-Shika-Chou? Ouch, Asuma!"

"I know," Asuma said ruefully. Then the pair turned back to Kakashi. The Hatake sighed and pulled out the scroll, splitting the seal and unfurling it with no small measure of trepidation.

When he saw the names inside, he blinked in a very great measure of surprise.

And started to laugh.

* * *

"DAD! I PASSED! I PASSED! I'M A GENIN!"

Kakashi found himself quite abruptly face-down on the ground, cheek mashed into the flower bed to the left of the path between the front gate and the front door of his house. He'd just been coming home, and had been assaulted from behind. Even now he could feel his attacker, hugging him delightedly, weight pressing him down.

"Good afternoon, Naruto, how was your day?" he said, just a hint of a laugh in his voice as he pushed himself up and shoved the boy away, climbing back to his feet. Naruto bounced up, offered a hitai-ate like a trophy.

"I _passed_, Dad!"

Kakashi smiled widely, reaching out and managing to catch his jigging child, holding him close as a rush of pure pride flared through him. "Well done, Naruto. I'm proud of you," he said. Naruto squirmed in his arms, too excited to stay still for a hug.

"I passed I passed I passed I passed I passed I passed well there is that test thing I still have to do with the jounin-sensei but I _passed_ and I _graduated_ and I'm _early_ which is _so cool_ and Iruka-sensei said I could take the test and graduate with my class and I'm _so_ excited and-"

"Why don't you tell me all about it over some celebratory ramen?" Kakashi interrupted gently. Naruto beamed at him.

"Great idea, Dad! Let's go, let's go!"

* * *

It was dark and quiet in the Uchiha end of town. Owl shivered as he walked softly past the taped-off Uchiha Complex, the empty houses seeming to mock him as he hurried to escape the memories they represented. He soon reached the apartment inhabited by the surviving Uchiha and hesitated.

Owl wasn't on duty. He wasn't even supposed to be out of ANBU HQ, and he'd be in a lot of trouble if it was discovered that he'd decided to go for an unauthorised wander around town. But he'd been away on a mission, and hadn't been around to check up on things lately, and he was a little worried.

Some people in town were isolated, and didn't know how to look after themselves.

Pausing outside Uchiha Sasuke's window, Owl took a moment to listen. No movement, and the light was out. There was only one trap on the window, and the ANBU made short work of it before easing up the glass and sliding inside, a shadow just a shade darker than the ones around it. Inside, he paused again, listening to the sound of Sasuke's even breaths. He was in the Uchiha's bedroom, and it was obvious that the boy was fast asleep.

His eyes adjusted quickly to the gloom, and Owl picked his way forwards, stopping to look down at the sleeping child. He looked alright – he was plumping out, obviously eating right again, and his young muscles were showing early stages of definition. His skin and hair looked healthy enough, and textbooks strewn around the bed indicated late-night study sessions were taking place. Not sick, eating enough, training right. All good things, all reassuring to the ANBU. Absently, he petted Sasuke's dark hair, adding just a touch of chakra to the motion to induce good dreams, before sliding away towards the heart of the apartment.

In the kitchen he rustled around, checking expiration dates and the general state of things. He poured a little rice he'd brought with him into the mostly-empty bag on Sasuke's counter and added tea to the canister behind the kettle. The milk in the fridge was expiring in two days' time, so he replaced that with a fresher bottle and changed out some sad-looking fruit with some newer, fresher pieces. Then he moved to the bathroom and made sure the Uchiha heir had enough soap and toilet paper, and cleaned a few spots where the mould looked like it was about to become sentient. Sasuke's house had the look of one whose owner obviously _tried_ to keep it clean, but had no practical knowledge when it came to proper housework. Owl silently wiped dust away from window panes, fans and drapes to keep it from eating the paint away and returned to the bedroom, satisfied. Sasuke was still sleeping, so Owl let himself out as invisibly as he'd entered, resetting the trap on the way out and improving it a fraction.

He took off at a run to get back in his bunk before anyone missed him, and added the previous ten minutes to the growing pile of memories not to be examined, spoken of or admitted to ever again. Still, inside, deep where he was sure no one would ever find the thought, Owl was glad.

_He's doing okay._

* * *

Naruto was leaning against the desk, slumped forwards, his arms crossed and his chin resting in the convenient pillow that made: the picture of bored dissatisfaction. He'd arrived late, made tardy by the fact that his father had wanted to get him fitted for a new set of training weights before school that morning, and then had overslept. The result was that Naruto was a good hour late for his last school day and the assignment of his genin team, but he _did _have a shiny new set of weights wrapped in brown paper that he'd left with his father.

Naruto knew for a fact that his father only needed around six hours of sleep a night – four, if he was on what Kakashi jokingly dubbed 'survival rations'. Naruto also knew that his father had been in bed – and sleeping – by ten o'clock last night. This made for an interesting question regarding the reason the man had been _simply unable_ to drag himself from his bed until well after eight the following day. The ten year old was beginning to think that the silver-haired man was beginning to enjoy being chronically late just a _little_ too much, and had started doing (or _over_doing) it on purpose.

In any event, when Naruto had finally crept into his classroom, Iruka-sensei had been angry and shouted at him, and – worse, far worse – the only empty seat was next to Yamanaka Ino. Ino was beautiful, and Naruto had known her for almost as long as he could remember – Inoichi-san's daughter, she'd turned up at birthday parties and New Year gatherings where Naruto was also in attendance. The problem was that she was a _fangirl_, and fixated on Sasuke like nothing else. _And_ she'd apparently missed the memo that he was no longer five, so (when she noticed his existence) she was so condescending it almost made the Hatake's head explode.

At that exact moment, Ino was too preoccupied making eyes at the back of Sasuke's head to notice her young classmate slide into the seat beside her, which suited Naruto just fine. The boy settled himself and focused on his teacher. Iruka-sensei was reading out the team assignments slowly, with the air of listen-carefully-because-I'm-only-saying-this-once. As several civilian-born students got grouped off in a predictable pattern, Naruto wondered vaguely who he'd be pushed with, toying with a half-hearted hope that he'd be teamed up with Kiba, Chouji, Shikamaru or Shino.

"Squad Seven, Hatake Naruto," Iruka-sensei read out, and Naruto's head came up, mind racing to try and guess who else was on his squad. The list would be alphabetical, so that cut out everyone on the register above him, as well as all the ones who'd been assigned teams already – "Haruno Sakura, Uchiha Sasuke," Iruka-sensei finished, and Naruto groaned bodily. The Chief Bastard himself and a civilian-born fangirl. That was a wonderful mix. Sasuke had half-turned to glare, and Naruto glared right back. The older boy had managed to steal top place in the class from him, and Naruto hated him for it. He especially hated the mockery that had resulted once the final results had been published – Naruto was only second by three points, anyway, but it was three points that Sasuke was determined to lord over him.

"Sensei," the Hatake said, interrupting his teacher. "Why do I have to be on a squad with Sasuke? I thought you were smarter than that."

Iruka frowned warningly at him. "This year the Hokage decided that, as you are graduating two full years prematurely, you will be placed with the two top students in the class. Sasuke-kun was the highest ranked student in this class, and Sakura-kun was only a point less than you, so you were grouped together. Now, Squad Eight-"

"But Sensei!" Naruto protested. "Surely it's better to design a squad where we actually _tolerate_ one another? Sasuke and I will tear each other apart!"

Iruka shrugged, the image of 'couldn't care less'. "If you want to graduate today, Naruto-kun, this is the squad you have been assigned. You may, if you choose, stay another year in the Academy and be grouped with students from Akemi-sensei's class."

Naruto ground his teeth, seriously considering the pros and cons of staying behind, but grinned his support as Kiba whooped excitedly a few seconds later when his name was called and the raging temptation died down. He'd deal with the squad, for now at least.

He laid his head back on his arms and settled in to wait.

* * *

Their teacher was late. They were the only ones in the classroom, and had been for a good half hour. Uncomfortable silence had settled over them like a thick blanket, leaving the three children still and quiet in the room. Finally, Naruto jerked his head up and blinked owlishly at the door, frowning absently. "What...?" he murmured. The others each glanced at him, then individually dismissed the noise.

A moment later, the door slid open and a tall man stepped inside. Sasuke sat up straighter, guessing this man to be their instructor. He didn't _look _anything special, but the Brat had an expression on his face that hinted he'd known this person was coming, and yet was still stunned. Sasuke scowled. How had the kid known... and what was so shocking about this particular jounin?

"What are _you_ doing here?" Naruto demanded before the man could talk. The skin around the newcomer's eyes crinkled as if he was smiling, but nothing else changed.

"I'm your jounin instructor!" he said brightly. Naruto stood and slammed his hands down on the desk, leaning forwards.

"There is only so long you can stalk me, you weirdo!" he said stoutly. The man who was apparently their teacher didn't falter in his smile, but gave a little laugh, as if the words had been a joke. Maybe they had been – heaven knew Naruto-brat was a weird child.

"Well, we'll see," he said lightly. "Meet me up on the roof, kids."

Naruto scowled as the man vanished in a twist of smoke. For a second it looked as if he were about to make an exclamation of some kind, narrate the reason for his surprise to the world, but the moment passed and he swung his feet to the side and stood without speaking. Glancing back at his teammates when they stared at him, unmoving, he said, "He said meet on the roof, didn't he? Come on, then…"

He was gone before they could start glaring again, indignant at the idea of being ordered around by a child. A few minutes later saw the four of them sitting on the rooftop, Naruto scowling at his so-claimed stalker with an expression that was almost a pout while Sasuke, a little uncertain about the situation, eyed the man who was meant to be their teacher warily. Sakura seemed unconcerned, though Sasuke admitted to himself that it was hard to tell, with the fangirl swooning over… whatever it was this time… and paying no attention to their situation _what_soever…

"Well, I guess this is everyone," the man said. Naruto's glare intensified by a factor of two point three and was studiously ignored. "So, what say you guys introduce yourselves?" There was a heartbeat or two of killer-intent-stricken silence before he continued, pointing at Naruto, "You can start us off."

Naruto's lower lip pushed out into a real pout, and he narrowed his eyes at the man like he'd been betrayed. "Public speaking? And you started with _me_? That's , I guess everyone here knows that my name is Hatake Naruto. I am a dog person, not a cat person. I live with my father. I don't have a mother. I have a _problem_ with Kumo, bees, annoying bastards who treat me like a little kid and – newly added – jounin who apparently make it their goal in life to stalk me through every stage of it, regardless of how much mocking from classmates that may mean I have to endure." Cue significant look at their teacher. The man was superbly unaffected. Naruto scowled. "I like ramen, the Pack, and tempura. In fact, tonight, I'm going to demand tempura for dinner. Dad promised me whatever I like, to celebrate making genin, and I'm going to make sure he eats with me. So there!"

Sakura didn't seem to react beyond a patronising glance at the 'little one'; _strike one, _Naruto thought grimly; Sasuke spared him a disdainful snort. Their teacher winced imperceptibly, before nodding at Sakura. "Okay, pinkie, you're up next."

"Oh! Um…" The girl jumped a little, startled out of her Sasuke-watching and blinking like a deer caught in headlights. "My… my name is Haruno Sakura! I… I like…" she paused, glancing sideways. "My, um, my hobbies…?" Another sidelong glance, followed by a giggle and a rather impressive blush. It hadn't escaped Naruto's notice that she hadn't answered the first question yet, either. "My dreams for the future…" The high-pitched squeal would have ruptured eardrums if Naruto hadn't been expecting it (having heard a similar conversation before). He thought Sasuke had winced, and the jounin-sensei was rubbing at the corner of his jaw somewhat painfully. "I hate Ino-pig!" That seemed to be the end of her speech.

"Hm," their teacher said, nodding at Sasuke. "Our broody team member, then."

"Hn," Sasuke grunted. Naruto rolled his eyes and shifted, the easygoing kid unaccountably annoyed with the entire situation. "My name is Uchiha Sasuke. My likes and dislikes are none of your business. I have no hobbies. I have no dream – it is an ambition. One day I will kill a certain someone."

The aura of doom he'd been building up abruptly came crashing down around them as Naruto sighed and grumbled, "Drama queen." Sasuke shot him an acidic death glare that would have stripped bark off trees, while Naruto remained unmoved. Briefly, Sasuke wondered what it was about this jounin that irritated the blonde, but dismissed the question.

"Hm, yes, well," the adult said. "Moving on. So, tomorrow we're going to have our first survival exercise. I expect you all there bright and early, training ground twenty-two."

"Sensei! Why are we doing survival exercises?" Sakura demanded. "We've already done them in the Academy!" A suspicious glint entered her emerald eyes and she shot Naruto a glare. "This isn't because of _him_, is it?" she demanded nastily. "What was the point of letting the kid graduating if he can't handle missions?"

Sasuke glowered, pinning the jounin with his dark gaze. "I refuse to be held back by some baby," he stated darkly.

Naruto cut off their teacher's reply with a scoff. "Relax, guys. It's not my fault," he said, looking directly at Sakura. "This is just the second genin test. Yes, we've passed the Academy test, but our… _teacher_," he said the word with delicately, as if it held greater meaning, "has to agree that we are skilled enough to warrant teaching."

"How would _you_ know that?" Sakura said dismissively. "You're just a little kid."

Naruto gritted his teeth against the accusation. "I've watched my dad test a few teams," he said simply, carefully level. "Every year he gets one. Hasn't passed one yet. Anyway, I know about this extra test, and before you demand to know why I didn't tell you, you never asked. In fact, you _never_ speak to me, so don't get all titchy that I haven't bared my heart and soul to you in the past." The blonde paused for a moment, and then added as an afterthought, "And I'm not a baby."

"Yes, well now that we've cleared that up," the teacher stepped in before anyone could explode. "Why don't you three toddle off home? Get a good night's rest! Oh, and don't eat breakfast tomorrow, unless you enjoy tasting it twice. Off you go, now!"

With multiple glares at their teacher's sunny smiles, Sakura and Sasuke both stood and left without further comment. Naruto stood up but didn't make to leave, instead staring down the man who was watching him with some amusement.

There was a moment's silence, before the jounin sighed. "Tempura? Really, Naruto, your poor father. His least favourite food?"

Naruto stood still, arms crossed over his chest and scowl firmly in place, directed at his new teacher. A lazy eyebrow rose in silent confusion, and the ten-year-old growled, "Why didn't you _tell _me?"

His teacher's face was shinobi-blank. "Oh, so you're _that _Hatake Naruto, then? I didn't realise. I've heard so much about you."

"Dad, shut up."

Hatake Kakashi grinned.

* * *

Twin1: (Sticks hand in the air) Did anyone _not_ see that coming? Be honest, now!


	12. He's Who?

**Twin1: **Yay! Chapter eleven! Okay, just one quick note: anyone who's not happy with the changes (or lack thereof) in this story so far, please read the note at the bottom of the chapter. I explain my reasoning there. Also, review, tell me what you like, and check out the drabble companion fic entitled 'Unplanned Incidents'.

* * *

**Chapter Eleven: He's Who?**

* * *

**Ten Years Old  
**

Sasuke and Sakura waited in the designated training ground the next morning, each growing increasingly more and more impatient. Finally, a good hour after they were supposed to meet, a chattering voice caught their attention.

"Now, now, we're not that late," said a voice Sasuke identified as their new teacher's. It had taken tracking down Iruka-sensei and demanding answers to even get the man's name; unfortunately, Iruka-sensei had seemed to think that the Uchiha had forgotten and was embarrassed, so all he'd come away with was the 'reminder' that the man's first name was "Kakashi". He had told Sakura, though, when she'd asked. Because it would be annoying for her to ask again.

"It's _your_ fault, _sensei_," Naruto's voice retorted, biting the last word into its two syllables and spitting them out with an angry frustration that the Uchiha didn't know the easy-going kid was capable of. "I'm holding you fully culpable if they eat me."

"_They_ are both old enough to restrain themselves…" Kakashi-sensei's tone was suggestive. Naruto began to shout as they came into view.

"What, and I'm not? I'm only two years younger! You're mean! That does it, you're in my blackbook!"

"I thought I already was in your blackbook?" Kakashi-sensei remarked as they came to a halt in the training ground.

"You're _further _into my blackbook. You just made it above Ebisu-sensei."

Kakashi winced.

"Hello, team!" he said brightly, finally turning his attention to the two eldest students.

"You're late, Sensei," Sakura accused. Kakashi smiled sheepishly – the emotion was actually masked glee, but Naruto was the only one who would know that.

"Am I? Oh, dear. Well, you see, there was a little lost puppy in my kitchen this morning, and so I had to help it, and then on the way here Naruto-"

"Can we just get on with this?" Naruto cut in. He seemed to be in an ill humour, and the father had a certain suspicion that his child was anxious about potential teasing that could result from the squad assignment. Kakashi decided he'd tortured his brat enough for the moment, and chose to comply.

"Okay," he said happily, and proceeded to explain the particulars of his brand of the bell test. Naruto, he noticed dimly, was actually listening, a dull, bored expression on his face. It was almost comical when put between the two dead-serious expressions of his teammates.

"You have until noon to get the bells," he cautioned. "Ready? Go!"

The genin scattered, Naruto's mind working frantically. He'd be damned if he let his father flunk him on this test, but in order to pass, he would somehow have to work with his teammates, prove that they had potential as a unit.

First things first, he should find them.

Sakura was easy to locate, crouching under a bush not far away. Naruto crawled towards her on his belly and jerked her ankle, making her squeak and whirl around. Naruto winced – his dad would have heard that. Sakura's green eyes were wide with surprise.

"Naruto! What-?" she began, but Naruto cut her off with a slashing motion with his hand. Using the simplest of hand signals which even civilians would have been able to interpret, he told her to follow him and began to crawl away, holding his breath and praying her curiosity and his confidence would combine and convince her to follow him.

After a moment, the bushes began to rustle behind him as Sakura followed him carefully. Naruto led her towards the tree whose canopy he knew Sasuke was concealed in, choosing a route that the girl behind him could take, mindful of the fact that she was older and accordingly bigger than he was, even though he himself was big for his age. Even with his care to take a roomier path than he would have normally, he could hear her occasionally squeak or yelp as her hair and clothes caught on the branches around her.

Naruto rolled his eyes. Civilian-born females. Always putting fashion first.

Finally, they reached Sasuke's tree and Naruto gathered his feet under him, meeting Sakura's questioning eyes and making a 'follow me' motion, before jumping straight up, landing on one of the lower branches of the tree. Soon, he and Sakura had climbed to meet Sasuke, who had torn his eyes off Kakashi and was glaring at the pair as if trying to make them spontaneously combust.

"What the hell are you doing?" he hissed. Sakura shrugged helplessly.

"Naruto just said to follow him," she whispered quickly. "I didn't know he was bringing me here! I'm sorry, Sasuke-kun-"

Naruto cut her off. "We need to work together," he said without preamble. At the twin incredulous and angry looks he received, he elaborated, "That's the real reason for this test. It has nothing to do with each of us competing for the bells: it's all about how well we can work together as a team. Look, at the moment, we suck. Right now he's just interested in measuring our potential _not_ to suck."

Sasuke snorted. It was bad enough that he was being forced to work with a kid without that kid making stuff up to try and seem smart. Time to take him down a peg, before he got worse. "Che. If that's the case, then why can only two people pass this round?" he asked reasonably, if caustically.

"Don't bother with him, Sasuke," scoffed Sakura, turning way. "He doesn't know anything. He's just a little kid."

Naruto closed his eyes in disbelief. Did these two really believe he had grown up in a jounin's house without picking up a few tips? _This is ridiculous_, he thought. He moved forward and stomped on a set of uncovered toes.

Sakura, who owned the toes, squealed in pain and jerked away. Naruto stepped closer again, entering her bubble and raising one finger.

"First point: I, unlike you, have been through these before. I have watched at least a half-dozen teams failed, and so I've picked up a few things not to do." He raised a second finger. "Second point: my father has been grooming me for this literally since I could walk. If this were a real situation and not a test, our best bet would be to team up in the hopes of getting the bells from our most dangerous enemy, and then if we needed to killing our weakest member so each surviving member got a bell."

"This isn't a real fight, you stupid-" Sasuke began acidly, but Naruto ploughed through, as if he hadn't heard.

"Third point: haven't you even noticed that there are only ever teams of three genin, not two or less? That's because the default squad is four members, our fourth being our jounin instructor. So, we all pass or we all fail. Fourth point:" he turned and glared at Sakura. "I am _not_ some little kid. I am just as skilled as you are, and I'm not gonna let the fact that you're a girl stop me from proving it – with violence, if I have to. Fifth point:" He paused for effect, looking between the two silent twelve year olds, one sullen, the other shocked, "I kinda _know_ this jounin _very well_, and I have a plan. I am _not _flunking this test. So are you going to work with me or not?"

* * *

Kakashi watched a bird fly overhead, swooping happily, and wondered how long this would take. Sure, Naruto knew the true purpose behind this test, but convincing the other two was another matter entirely. Idly, he wondered if it was ethically sound to give his kid a passing mark in this test. Maybe he should have changed it to something Naru-pup hadn't seen before.

…Well, he wasn't really expecting the kids to pass this time through, anyway. Maybe he'd send the two older ones back to the Academy, and take Naruto as an apprentice. Or take Sasuke as an apprentice, and let Naruto stew in the safety of the Academy for a couple of years. Last week, Kakashi had been happy for his kid to graduate. Now, he was having doubts, and was seriously considering taking his permission back again. Sarutobi would be irritated, but…

A muffled cry from among the trees made him glance up from his novel for a second, but he quickly dismissed it. _Silly, clumsy genin,_ he thought derisively. _If I were a real enemy, I'd be able to locate and eliminate each of them easily just from the goddamned racket they're making._ Briefly, he considered going and teaching the brats a lesson, but shrugged it off. _Nah. They're rookies: I'll cut 'em some slack. Besides, knowing Naruto, this could well be bait to draw me into a trap, whereas if I stay right here, I choose the battleground and they have to come to me._ Decision made, he turned back into his novel.

Only to look up sharply as the harsh tang of blood made its way to his nose. Who was bleeding? Why? Concern built as Naruto stumbled out of the tree line, gripping his left arm as if in pain and lips trembling.

"Dad," he cried, his voice wobbling. Kakashi the Father was very worried, but Kakashi the Shinobi steadied him, making him approach slowly and cautiously. This could be a trick…

"Naruto," he said in a careful reply. Naruto looked up, and Kakashi's heart lurched when he saw real pain on his son's face, before the tears welling in those blue eyes overflowed and began streaming down the boy's cheeks.

"Dad," he choked, taking a few more stumbling steps towards his father, almost desperately. "Daddy!"

_That_ was enough to convince Kakashi. Naruto really was hurt. But how? And by whom?

"Naruto? What happened?" he demanded, striding closer. When he was within ten meters, he could see that the child had a long gash down his left forearm, wrapped clumsily in a bandage.

"S-Sasuke," Naruto stuttered brokenly. "H-He attacked m-me wh-when I t-told him we sh-should work to-gether."

Kakashi felt a jolt of fury towards the dark Uchiha, but he put it aside for the moment, intent on aiding his son. "It's okay, Naruto," he soothed, closing the distance between them as Naruto collapsed to sit on the ground, sobbing. "It's going to be alright."

"No! It's not!" Naruto sobbed back. Kakashi was a bit taken aback: his son hadn't acted like this for at least three, maybe four years. Then again, there was a lot riding on this test, and he supposed being snubbed and then injured by a classmate and now teammate would have to smart something awful. In the back of his mind, he felt guilty for more-or-less deciding to flunk the chibi.

"It'll be okay: shh, shh," Kakashi soothed, crouching to place a hand on each of Naruto's shoulders. Naruto's blue eyes flicked to his face, then past his shoulder, before returning to the ground. Then, he sniffed and used his good hand to brush away some of the fast-falling tears.

Kakashi's attention was caught by the eyes' movement, and he began to turn, checking what Naruto had been looking at. He knew that both Sasuke and Sakura were in that direction, and –

"Daddy, up!" Naruto suddenly demanded, every bit as juvenile as the last time he had said that, at six, four years ago. Kakashi stared at him, his undivided attention effortlessly grabbed. Naruto would _never_ let himself sound so babyish.

"You're not Naruto," he said flatly.

Quite unexpectedly, Naruto's morose expression totally disappeared and his tears dried up – _crocodile tears_, Kakashi realised with a jolt. His face broke into an impish grin.

"I am, actually."

At that exact moment, Kakashi was attacked from three separate sides at once, and he was forced to shove Naruto to the ground onto his injured (and it was really injured) arm in order to stand and protect his bells from Sakura's grab. Elbowing her, he got no small amount of satisfaction from driving the heel of his palm into Sasuke's nose, perhaps harder than he should have, but he knew that the bit about Sasuke wounding him in Naruto's story had been true. It just seemed his son had figured out a way to adapt and use his injury.

Feeling an odd stab of a mixture of pride and nostalgia, Kakashi drove the trio into a group and retreated a way, so that they were facing each other warily. _What a manipulative little bugger I've raised_.

"Top performance, Naruto. I commend you," he said lightly. "You really had me fooled there. But it's not enough to get these bells."

Naruto half-shrugged, tucking his injured arm into his jacket to keep it protected and stationary. Sasuke had a hand to his nose and blood streaking down his chin, while Sakura was rubbing her ribs.

"Okay, Plan B," the blonde said softly, and the trio instantly fell into a careful, if unpractised, formation, moving to circle their teacher. Naruto took point, falling into a long-practiced battle stance, kunai in hand. Kakashi grinned fondly at him for a moment, taking in his earnest face and mentally musing that the youth really wanted to pass this, enough to deceive his father – something that was a _big_ no-no in the Hatake household.

"Ah, I love that cute little smirk you have when you're about to stab me," he said lightly as Naruto attacked him, grabbing his wrist and pushing it aside gently before sweeping the boy's legs out from underneath him, spinning to fend off a joint attack from Sakura and Sasuke.

"A little repetitive, children," he scolded. "Now, run along. You're never going to get these bells like this. Why are you all trying this? Each time one of you attacks, it makes the others even more obvious. Ganging up is harmful to your cause. Especially as there are only two bells, and three of you."

"Yes, we _can_ count!" Naruto shouted, stumbling to his feet – he was annoyed, Kakashi perceived, and his arm was hurting him. "Stop _lecturing_!" Sakura made a noise of fear at the rudeness, but Kakashi was only amused. In short order, he attacked and drove the genin away, sending them bolting for the cover of the trees, before falling back and standing comfortably in the centre of the clearing, using a thumb to flick open his book again.

In the trees, the genin regrouped.

"Okay, that didn't work," Naruto spat. He glanced up at the older boy. "You okay? He got you pretty good, huh?"

"Hn." Sasuke forced himself to pull his hand away from his (probably broken) nose and shrugged. "Whatever. Doesn't hurt."

"Liar," Naruto scoffed, shifting. "Ow. That gash you gave me _really _hurts, bastard."

"Naruto, don't call Sasuke-kun that!" Sakura scolded. Then she deflated. "What do we do now?" She looked at Sasuke, obviously asking him for direction.

"We don't give up," Naruto cut in. "There are other things we can try. Next, we should…"

Two hours and several attempts later, they still hadn't gotten the bells when the alarm went off at noon. Sasuke's nose had stopped bleeding, but now he had an interesting bruise along his cheek, and Naruto had bumps and grazes all over him. Sakura was bound to a post in the centre of the clearing, as Kakashi had decreed 'since you are the only one uninjured, you must not be pulling your weight, so you can go without lunch'.

Naruto groaned and collapsed backwards on the grass, his hurt arm throbbing. Kakashi closed his (now slightly singed) book with a snap. "Okay," he smiled, "Since you three all failed to get the bells, you all… fail."

Naruto sat up. "Aw, _come on_," he whined. "You know and I know that this test is all about teamwork, and had _nothing_ to do with the bloody bells."

"Language," Kakashi said mildly, "And figuring out the real test is half the test itself. You told them, so the fact that you worked as a group is a moot point."

Naruto jumped up, facing down his father, very ready to have out this verbal spar. "But it would have been an act of sabotage and horrible teamwork to conceal the information from my squad," he argued. "And besides, you warned me not to tell them."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "By your own admission, you did anyway."

Naruto waved away the point. "_That's_ just disobedience," he informed the man.

Kakashi shook his head. "My decision is final. _But_," he paused, guilt warring with his almost subconscious decision to make this an unwinnable task, "seeing as you started with a handicap, I'll give you one last chance. After lunch, you'll have half an hour to try and get the bells from me. Boys, your lunches are there." He pointed a gloved hand at the neatly stacked boxes. "Sakura is not to be fed. I'll find you for the start of our next test. Ja ne."

He vanished, and Naruto sighed, sinking onto the ground, muttering mutinously. "Stupid, hypocritical… just doesn't wanna admit someone can pass his test… stupid… Here, Sakura – are you hungry?"

Sakura squeaked yet again as she saw Naruto holding out his box of bento to her, having shoved the other one at Sasuke. "N-No! Sensei said that you c-couldn't feed me!" she stuttered. "Don't make any more trouble!"

Naruto sighed and shrugged, lifting his chopsticks. "If you change your mind, let me know," he said lightly, before he began to eat.

Sasuke picked at the rice, his forehead creased in a frown as he thought. "Naruto," he said abruptly, making Naruto glance up. "That first plan you had – the one where you used that wound I gave you to get Sensei's attention – you were calling for 'Daddy'."

Naruto nodded suspiciously. "…Yeah. So what?" he asked defensively. Sasuke's dark eyes bored into his blue ones.

"How did you know that would distract him?" he asked. The suspicion slid off Naruto's face as he shrugged.

"Always has," he scowled, still angry at their failure. He'd be damned if he let his Dad flunk him, but Kakashi was obviously going hard on them, probably so as to avoid later claims of nepotism.

"What do you mean, 'always has'?" Sasuke demanded. How did this brat know how their teacher? As unorthodox as he was, Kakashi was obviously a seasoned jounin. Even Sasuke, with all his connections, knew precious few of the elite of Konoha on a personal level.

Suddenly, a disturbance in the direction Kakashi had ambled made the trio of children look around. It sounded like Sensei was arguing with someone. "Look, I _told _you, it's my decision. Leave this alone, or I'll cut you out of the loop entirely!" Kakashi was saying angrily.

"Listen, brat, I know you're doing the best you can for this kid, but sometimes you're going to have to listen to your elders!"

Sakura caught a glimpse of the newcomer through the trees and gasped. "That's Jiraiya-sama, one of the Legendary Sannin! We learned about him in school! But, why is he here?"

Naruto hid his face in his hands. "Oh, _crap_," he moaned, "Jiji's here." Then he sat up and, in one movement, cut Sakura free. He knew his father was too distracted to notice for the time being.

"Jiji?" Sakura repeated faintly, looking at the boy. Well, it _would_ explain some things…

"Never mind that," Sasuke interrupted, "Go back to Kakashi-daddy," he ordered. Naruto groaned and fisted his wild hair.

"Okay!" he said, "Listen. You're obviously confused, so I'll put this plainly. Kakashi's my dad, Jiraiya's my godfather… I don't know _why_; Dad _hates _him."

There was a stunned pause. Sasuke scowled, his face curling into the well-practiced expression totally unconsciously. The brat's _father?_ Well, that was just great. There was no chance of being trained properly now – no doubt the jounin would favour his own son above all else. He brushed aside the slightly uncomfortable thought that his attacking the kid earlier right under Kakashi's nose may have some unpleasant repercussions while in the back of his mind, a part of him berated himself for not recognising the jounin on sight. Though in all fairness, Sasuke had never been one of Naruto's friends, had never hung out with him after school, and had never paid the slightest bit of attention to who it was who collected him each day beyond a vague awareness that someone _did_. He didn't know many of his classmates' parents by sight, including Sakura's parents – and he would lay money on the fact that she hadn't known his parents either, before…

Naruto frowned at his team.

"What's the big deal?" he asked. "I mean, was it so hard to figure out that _Hatake_ Kakashi could be my father?"

"We were never told his name," Sasuke pointed out icily. "We didn't even know his given name until Iruka-sensei told me."

Naruto blinked. They were right, he realised, and suddenly the stunned mullet expressions made sense.

"Oh, well, now you know," he said eventually. The argument they were overhearing seemed to be verging on violent, and he winced, standing. "Excuse me."

He found his family easily enough, facing off against each other, and drew up to the sidelines.

"I am his father!" Kakashi hissed, a challenge Naruto couldn't identify in his voice and face. Jiraiya opened his mouth angrily but cut himself off with an obvious effort. "I will decide what will happen to him! He's just a _child_, Jiraiya!"

"Can you teach him to control his abilities?" Jiraiya snapped back. "Can you help hone and develop his potential? Are you a seal master who can maintain and teach him to maintain complex seals, as he needs to be able to do?"

Naruto was confused by this declaration – why would he need to know seals? Sure, he'd studied the beginnings of seal theory to appease his godfather – on and off, depending on how his father felt about the Sannin on any given day – but he couldn't see a reason he had to really master it.

Kakashi was speaking again. "Can you give him stability? Friends? Interaction with people his own age, and a feel for life as a ninja in a hidden village? A _family_ who loves him?"

Jiraiya looked as if he'd been slapped. "I do love him!" he shouted back.

It looked like they were about to degenerate into blows, so Naruto decided to step in. As much as he would enjoy such a fight, he had no wish to see one of these men turned into orange goo. He had a sneaking suspicion it would be Dad.

"Hey! That's enough!" he shouted, taking a few steps forward. Both men turned to him, and he added cheekily, "Don't make me put you in time out! You know the rules – one minute for every year of your age! Man, you guys'd be there _forever_! 'Specially you, Jiji!"

That diffused the tension quite nicely. "You little brat!" Jiraiya declared, and Naruto grinned. Kakashi drew his son closer with a flick of his hand and, when Naruto approached, swatted him upside the head.

"Don't be cheeky," he said. "Also, you three pass."

Naruto grinned. "Thanks, Dad," he said softly, so only Kakashi could hear, before raising his voice to whoop and dance backwards, out of reach of both men. "YES! WE PASS!"

Tuning tail, he ran to where Sasuke and Sakura were standing, having come to investigate the commotion. Then, the grin slid of his face and he scowled.

"Aw, man! Passed on a grudge!"

"What just happened?" Sakura asked weakly. Naruto grinned up at her, sheepish.

"Seems Jiji wanted me for an apprentice, and Dad's _waaay_ against that so Dad, being Dad, passed us just to spite him. He does that. Um, look, guys, this is like, a family dispute, and will probably go on for ages. So, since Dad is too distracted, I'll tell you – we'll probably meet up tomorrow, yeah? Around, say, ten, outside the Hokage Tower? If I'm wrong, I'll alert you tonight, but it's where Dad usually meets his new teams. Um… I'm gonna… herd the rentals into a more private setting now, before they start, like, an embarrassingly domestic fight, kay? See ya."

"Bye," Sakura said, sounding faint. Sasuke just nodded dumbly as Naruto ran back to the still-bickering pair of adults and tugged on their new sensei's shirt insistently.

"C'mon, Daddy-sensei," he said, half joshing, half whining. "I'm hungry and my arm hurts. Can we leave?"

_That_ distracted both men quite effectively, and the two twelve year olds were left forgotten in the training field as Kakashi snatched up his son and the two ninja left at top speed, headed for the hospital with Naruto protesting the ride the whole way.

There was a silence after they were gone. Then, just as Sakura was getting up the courage to say something to her crush, Sasuke seemed to shake himself out of his shock.

"Well, come on, then," he grunted, fishing in his pocket for a handkerchief and holding it to his nose to wipe away the blood that had dripped down his chin. Sakura squeaked.

"Wh-what?" she stuttered. Sasuke shot her a dull look.

"I'm going to ask around town, see if I can find out any more about the Hatake family, especially the blonde baby. Are you coming, or what?"

Sakura nearly had a stroke. Sasuke-kun was _actually asking her to come along with him_! No, more than that, had assumed she'd be coming, as if – her breath caught – as if he thought she belonged with him, by his side? Oh, her dreams were coming true!

"S-s-sure!" she squeaked, so high-pitched she sounded like a mouse being trodden on. Sasuke turned away and began to walk.

"Come on, then."

The denizens of Konoha were, in accordance with a ninja village, generally quite close-mouthed. However, when it came to gossip…

"Hatake Naruto?" the lady in the weapons shop said, blinking with a bit of a smile. "Of course I know him – he and his father are in here every other month. He's such a sweet child."

"They're in here that often?" Sakura asked. How often did that kid lose his kunai…?

The woman nodded. "Ever since he was a little boy on his father's hip." She grinned conspiratorially and leaned forward, whispering, "I heard he teethed on kunai. Knowing Hatake-san, I'd believe it, too."

It was a similar story everywhere they asked. Everyone seemed to know something about the mischievous blonde.

"Oh, yes, the little one comes in here all by himself sometimes for bread," the woman at the bakery chattered when they stopped to get some bread for Sakura's mother and casually inquired about their third teammate. "You know, I've known since he was – oh – a wee little thing. His daddy always buys bread here, see, just like his granddaddy did. Gifted little thing, always chattering and asking questions. You know, I heard he was reading by eighteen months old."

The man where they stopped for lunch at the dango shop had something a little more interesting he didn't quite mean to say which intrigued Sasuke.

"Oh, yes, he's a charming man, Hatake, and his child is very cute. M'daughter's quite taken with 'em. Talented, too, I've heard. Lives up to the Hatake name nicely. Only," An ugly expression passed over the man's face briefly. "I did wonder at his father's choice of name."

Sasuke looked up, interested. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"'Naruto' is odd, yeah, but…" Sakura added, trying to prompt the man on. The man hesitated, rubbing his hands uncertainly over his large sides.

"You two would be too young to remember, but once there was a child… about your age, actually, with the same name… nasty piece of work that one… but he died," the man said abruptly.

"What are you-?" Sasuke began suspiciously, but the man cut him off.

"No, no, don't you two worry your heads about it," he said forcefully. "It's dead now, anyway. But that Hatake kid – well, I heard he graduated the Academy this year, at ten! Can you beat that, in these times, eh?"

As they left the shop, a man wearing a jounin vest and a headband waved them over. "Hey, kids! C'mere!"

Cautiously, the new genin approached what looked to be a gathering of three adult ninja.

"What?" Sasuke asked darkly, aware that Sakura was hiding behind him. The shinobi grinned.

"I heard you asking about Hatake Naruto in there. Why the interest in Kakashi's kid, huh?" he asked seriously, taking a senbon out of his mouth and spinning it in his hand. Sasuke frowned.

"What's it to you?" he asked. The brunette jounin raised an eyebrow.

"Vetted interest," he said lightly, his brown eyes boring into the dark ones of the Uchiha, fingers flicking the end of the throwing needle as if waiting to use it. "You'll find a lot of us are interested in the little one's safety, and we don't like it when other people with no need to be get… interested."

Sakura squeaked in fear and quailed behind Sasuke, her eyes flashing to the other two shinobi and whimpering. That had been a threat!

"Relax," Sasuke said, apparently unruffled. "We're Konohan ninja, okay? Naruto was in our class. Now he's on our team."

"I can vouch for that, Gen," the female ninja said unexpectedly, leering through her purple bangs. "That's the Uchiha whelp. I was his invisible guard last time his brother was in the neighbourhood. I heard a rumour he'd been placed on the chibi's squad."

Sasuke jolted, not at all prepared for the unpleasant surprise that Itachi had been near Konoha without his knowledge, much less that he had invisible guards when he did so. The aura of doom the genin had managed to build up vanished in a heartbeat, and he was left feeling a little out of kilter.

"We… just wanted to know about him…" he said hesitantly.

"Little genin shouldn't be too nosy," the third person said, and this one the children recognised.

"Asuma-sensei."

"Yeah, yeah." He placed two cigarettes in his mouth and lit them both, then took one in his hand and offered it to the woman. She grinned and took it. "Seriously, kids, watch yourself. Naruto's the son of a much-liked and very powerful jounin with a great many connections. You'll find the kid knows most ninja aged twenty and up by name, and most shinobi would flock to protect him, if need be. If you want information, be a little more subtle."

"Not that he needs it," snorted the woman, taking another drag of her cigarette and wrinkling her nose. "These suck, Asuma. What are they?" He told her the brand, and she scoffed before continuing, "He's been training with live kunai since he was four – he can handle himself."

"Do you think there's any truth to the rumour that Kakashi takes him on missions?" the first man asked, senbon back between his teeth, a grin playing about his lips. The other two grinned back, and Sasuke's eyes widened.

_No. Freaking. Way._

"Asuma-sensei," Saukra appealed to her ex-teacher. "Kakashi-sensei _doesn't_ take Naruto on missions, does he? That's so dangerous!" The Sarutobi hesitated for a long moment, staring at her as if debating what to say.

"Not all rumours are truth," Asuma-sensei said sternly. "But most have at least an element of truth to them. Remember that."

The other man, the one with the senbon, nodded his agreement.

"Yes. Also, you might want to be careful. Naruto was kidnapped when he was four years old, by a group of jounin. Word is the kid fended them off well enough on his own, but when his father got there… I saw those remains. Not pretty. So, a word of advice: keep non-threatening around Kakashi's son, or he may well dismember you."

"Just a friendly warning," chirped the purple-haired girl happily.

"S-Sasuke-kun's already cut him," Sakura stuttered, worried enough to talk to these big, scarred ninja who scared the pee out of her. There was a quiet pause.

"Well, so much for the Uchiha clan," the woman said, turning away. "He's doomed. The clan is finished."

"Totally," the senbon flicked.

"And he showed such promise," Asuma-sensei said regretfully. They grinned at each other before the purple-haired woman turned to the kids and made shooing motions.

"Well, off you go. Hustle!"

The poor confused little genin scurried away, and Anko smirked at her companions. "So ickle Naru-chan is actually a genin now? Hands up, who actually thought Kakashi would let him graduate any time before he was thirty?"

Asuma grinned around his cigarette. Genma laughed outright. "Well, I'm off," the senbon wielder said brightly. Asuma frowned at him.

"Where're you going?" he asked. Genma snickered.

"To tell Gai. Who better than the Green Beast to make a fuss? This will be _brilliant_."

Anko's smile was evil enough to make angels swoon. "Make sure you get him to congratulate the _whole Hatake family_, in a very, very, public place."

"I'll get the camera," Asuma said, ditching is half-finished cig in the dirt and hurrying away.

"I'll get Hayate and Yuugao," Anko said, following. Left alone, Genma grinned.

"And I'll get Gai."

* * *

**WARNING! AUTHORS' RANT: IS SLIGHTLY ANNOYED BUT SHALL CONTAIN ANSWERS TO QUESTIONS POSED IN REVIEWS. THANK YOU.**

* * *

Twin2: (Stomps out, looking cross) Well, congratulations. You have officially managed to make Twin1 cry. Again.

Twin1: Twin2! You're making me look like a total wuss! Just because I got a few negative reviews… and for the record, I was not (NOT)… distressed… by the negativity, it was because of the sheer number of you who completely missed/were outraged because of what I did in the last chapter.

Twin2: (Still looks murderous, is sorting through a bag that clinks ominously, muttering to herself) Make my sister cry, will you? Well we'll see who cries last. Heh.

Twin1: (Alarmed) Twin2! Don't you dare!

Twin2: (Attempts innocent look and a nearby table spontaneously combusts)

Twin1: Anyway. Here's the thing, little ones. I don't actually spell out all my reasons for everything in my stories. I actually expect common sense to flow from my mind to the characters' actions to your perception. A bit of a stretch, I know, but still. So, due to the crushing numbers of complaints, I feel the need to go through this. (Thanks to the couple of reviewers who did this _for_ me, btw – this chapter is dedicated to you. I love you guys.)

First off, the rookie nine squads' arrangements. Literally dozens of you howled for blood at me (wait for it) _actually putting them in the original formation_. Here is why, and I want you all to read this sentence: **Naruto is not that important**. See, when a character is the main protagonist, one's tendency is to over-focus on that person. But seriously, think about it. Why would the fact that Naruto has a different last name affect the family tradition that is the Ino-Shika-Chou formation? Why would the fact that Naruto has someone to feed him and fuss over his grazes have any impact on the fact that Kiba, Hinata and Shino are all trackers and need to be trained as trackers to maximise their potential, and so were put on a squad together so as to allow for this training in the most convenient way possible? Unless you wanted OCs, the _only other people_ I could put on Naruto's squad were Sasuke and Sakura. So that is why squad seven is still squad seven.

Twin2: (Is sharpening a kitchen knife with absolute concentration. Twin1 breaks from her rant to steal it. Twin2 frowns) Give that back. They made you cry.

Twin1: So you're abducting Mum's potentially lethal silverware?

Twin2: They made you _cry_.

Twin1: (Sigh.) Now, as to why Kakashi is their teacher – this one was a little more complicated. A lot of people have squawked about nepotism – and that is a valid point. But, again, with a few seconds' thought, this is fairly obvious, so read this next sentence carefully: **Kakashi is NOT Naruto's father**. Do not lose track of this as the story progresses. It is an important plot point. He was assigned on a long-term undercover mission by the Hokage to be Naruto's bodyguard. WHY would Sarutobi just randomly assign _another_ jounin in his place? And who in the entire bloody village is more qualified – or even _as_ qualified – as Kakashi to be that jounin? Who would _you _choose to let in on the secret regarding Naruto's heritage? His sensei would have to know, in case of emergencies and for when the Kyuubi turns up. And does anyone remember that **Naruto is not that important**? Well, we see it again here – Kakashi was primarily assigned to squad seven because he is THE ONLY person in the WHOLE VILLAGE who could teach Sasuke how to use his sharingan. He's the only person in the WHOLE WORLD who _would_. Without mind-raping poor Sasu-chan, at any rate. In UP, it's two kills with one kunai, as it were.

Twin2: Kunai! That's a good idea! (Rummages in bag again)

Twin1: Gimmie that bag.

Twin2: No! Mine!

Twin1: (Sigh Numero Duo) And, for that one lovely reviewer who told me point-blank that he was disappointed I had followed cannon and wouldn't read anymore unless he saw some dramatic changes next chapter, did I mention that **NARUTO IS NOT THAT IMPORTANT? **How, how, HOW does Kakashi taking Naruto in affect the graduation? Or the chuunin exam? Or what's happening in Suna? Or the price of tea in China? If anyone can explain this to me in any rational way, THEN I may reconsider and change the major historical events of cannon. And no one give me that 'if a butterfly beats its wings in China, it can start a hurricane in New Zealand' speech, let me tell you: it takes time for that hurricane to happen. Also: it can cause a _hurricane_, not a _thunderstorm_. Different beasts, my lovelies.

This story is my best attempt at a true 'butterfly's wingbeat'. The changes are exponential, but start off slow. They don't just randomly get huge when we reach cannon. So, the story will progress with only the flow-on changes that _would occur with one subtle change in cannon_. Eventually, the changes will be huge. Give it time. Thank you, that is all.

Twin2: (Death glare) You made her _cry_, you bastards.


	13. Rebuilding Bridges Burnt

**Dedicated to Faiyuuhi!**

Twin1: Here you are, Faiyuuhi sweetie! You can pat yourself on the back for a secret well-guarded. Everyone else, go dogpile on Faiyuuhi (http:/faiyuuhi(dot)deviantart(dot)com) over at DeviantArt – _she knew I wasn't dead and that I was updating this today and she didn't tell anyone_. Gasp! Horror! I mean, she was sworn to secrecy but that's no excuse from your point of view, is it? Maul her, my rabid fanbase! But before you do that, check out her fanart for this story! (Yaaay!) She's drawn a beautiful piece entitled 'First Lesson'. Check it out, leave a comment, beg her to draw the UP doujinshi that she's working on. (Which is awesome, btw. I've seen the first page already – she's got talent.) I'm fully prepared to hold the next chapter to ransom for even _longer _than I held this one if she and her work are ignored. You have been warned.

In other news, sorry this took so long. I appreciate everyone who sent me reviews last chapter, especially the ones casually inquiring if we were dead or not. Those made me smile. I'm afraid that we've been sidetracked by twin issues (lol, I made a punny): Real Life (oh how I loathe thee) and The Original Novel that we're writing. Sorry, kids, but twins gotta eat. When we get it published and hopefully start our breadwinning career, fanfiction will once again be okay. For now, though, we've been grounded from writing anything already copyrighted.

Twin2: And to the army that formed ready to fight under my banner in defence of Twin1 after we posted the last chapter, thank you. You are my people, every one of you. Sharpen your spoons and together we could rule the world! Or, at least the internet. Ffdotnet? Something. We will rule something.

* * *

**Chapter Twelve: Rebuilding Bridges Burnt**

**Ten Years Old (Still)**

* * *

"This is so stupid," Naruto grumbled under his breath.

"Shut up, brat!" hissed a voice in his ear.

"Yeah! He'll hear you!" added a different voice. Naruto rolled his eyes.

"Oh. That _would_ be a tragedy," he drawled.

"Naruto, just bear with it. We're almost done," said a patiently exasperated voice this time.

"But Da-_ad_," Naruto began in a whine.

"Positive ID on the target," Sasuke interrupted, talking over the younger genin. "Bow on the left ear, 'Tora' on the collar tag."

"Good. Move to intercept… _now_!" Kakashi ordered over the com unit. He watched as his three chibis leapt at the small grey animal they were stalking.

It yowled when Naruto snatched it up, holding it around its middle and scooping it up against his chest, the same way he lifted puppies.

The cat didn't take kindly to being grabbed, and hissed, raking its claws down Naruto's tanned arm and face. Kakashi jerked, stepping forwards before he could stop himself, ready to tear the creature away from his son if it had hurt him – a cat could damage quite a bit in a ten year old, could scar, could blind them easily –

Naruto yelped, then _growled_ and dangled the struggling creature at arm's length by its scruff, scowling at it.

"We wasted an entire afternoon rescuing _this_?" he asked, adorably disgusted. Sakura took the animal and bundled it against her chest, pinning it so it couldn't scratch or bite. It settled reasonably quickly, content to glower at Naruto through her arms.

Kakashi jumped down next to the trio, nodding. "Good work, people," he said brightly. He paused by Naruto, tilting the boy's chin up to examine the four long scratch-marks along his cheek, crossing the scars already adorning his face. "Do these hurt, Naruto?"

Naruto jerked away, flushing red. Kakashi spotted his furtive glance at his teammates, as well as Sasuke's condescending sneer.

"'M fine," the blonde said quickly, brushing his father's hand away, the scratches already closing. Kakashi smiled apologetically and sighed internally. He might have to cut back on the babying. Naruto wasn't a toddler anymore – no, now he was a genin. Only a few years away from that dreaded chuunin rank.

But it was incredibly hard. No matter how he knew intellectually that it was time to loosen his hold and start to trust his son a little, he couldn't help himself. Every time he saw the little blonde upset or hurt, he flashed right back to that horrible day when someone had taken his baby, and the same feelings he had experienced that day rushed back. That all-consuming, mindless urge to protect and shelter the child.

He knew – _knew_ – that he was holding the boy too close, but he just couldn't help it. He had spent the last six years hovering over him as if he was still four, over-protecting him to the point of smothering, though in a way Naruto was sure not to notice. After all, those trips out of the village, those long hours spent teaching him to be deadly… Naruto would be the first to declare that his father had been more than liberal with him.

Never mind that the training was to ensure that Naruto remained out of public eye and well within the bounds of a Hatake prodigy, not to mention kept out of harm's way and safe under his father's proverbial lock and key for hours on end.

Likewise, he was totally unaware that the beloved field trips were only so common because Kakashi didn't trust the Academy staff to watch over the blonde, and typically lasted around a fortnight before he started fretting incessantly and removed Naruto from school altogether. After a week… or two… or three… of Naruto all to himself and safe in isolation, Kakashi's mind would be able to convince his protective instincts that it was okay to try school again.

So, in short, now Naruto was a genin, he was going to start to notice the smothering, and want it to stop.

So he had to cut back on it.

Easier said than done.

Naruto fidgeted. His dad had gotten that faraway look in his eye again, meaning that he was once again lost in thought. It happened sometimes, and Naruto knew that he had roughly three minutes of total freedom before Kakashi came back to earth. In his youth, he had used the time to scribble on the walls in crayon. Now, his eyes narrowed and he glared at the demon-cat in Sakura's arms, and a different way to spend the time crept into his mind.

He grinned and gestured slowly for Sasuke's silence – the Uchiha looked about to say something scathing – and carefully took the cat from Sakura, pinning its jaws shut when it tried to hiss and bite him. Then he grinned wider and gestured for his teammates to follow.

_Or maybe it would be better to mother them all unbearably, and then slowly wean myself off it,_ Kakashi mused to himself. He nodded mentally, that small bit of him still nine and trotting around after Minato-sensei and arguing with Obito gave an evil chuckle and a chibi victory dance at the idea that he'd found the perfect way to make Obito's emo, Avenger, Naruto's-arm-injuring little cousin suffer.

Decision made, Kakashi opened his mouth to tell his team to head back to the Hokage Tower to deliver the cat, and blinked when he realised he was totally alone.

Then sighed.

"Damn brats," he muttered. "Now, if I were three genin – including Naruto – and I had a demon in cat's form with me, what would I do?"

A three-second pause.

"Shit."

* * *

"Smile, you're in big trouble."

Sasuke and Sakura both cringed, Sakura more noticeably. Each edged backwards, away from their big, scary teacher. They were standing in the Missions Room, and Kakashi-sensei had somehow managed to hiss that with such venom while still projecting an image of a happy, carefree man. Somehow, Naruto seemed immune to his threat.

"Come on, Dad, it was just an experiment," he said, eyes wandering around the Missions office, where the fight was taking place. "Haven't you ever wondered if a cat will really always land on its feet?"

Kakashi smiled at the fuming woman who owned the cat they had retrieved and reached to subtly pinch his son's ear. It looked – and felt – like an inadequate reprimand, but it was a deceptively painful motion. "I have," the father said, carefully level. "Even so, we do not mistreat other people's pets like that. You _especially_ do not drop the cat you are supposed to be rescuing. If you _must_ experiment, you torture your own animal to do it, understand?"

The biting sarcasm was enough to give anyone frostbite. Sarutobi glanced up as he felt the edges of the chill even though he hadn't heard what Kakashi had said, but soon turned back to the shinobi ahead of squad seven in line, listening to his report. Naruto just looked confused. "But I don't have a cat," he said. "The closest I have is Pakkun, and everyone knows dogs don't land on their feet, so dropping _him_ off the water tower is dumb."

Sasuke was _sure_ he heard the Hokage give an exasperated sigh even if the old man didn't move or give any indication that he was eavesdropping. That ANBU in the corner was staring openly, either laughing behind his mask or astonished that the Hatake _could_ aim so much carefully-controlled anger at his treasured son. Kakashi-sensei's eye narrowed further but he didn't get a chance to do anything as Sarutobi waved them forwards.

"Now, squad seven. Thank you for waiting. I understand there was some problem with the mission?"

It was almost amusing the way Naruto smiled while his teammates flinched at the reminder. Kakashi, meanwhile, seemed torn between anger and fear, his single eye flicking to the two Root ANBU members that Danzo thought Sarutobi hadn't noticed were planted in the room. The old Hokage knew exactly what his concern was, and nodded quietly to the jounin, giving his subtle permission to stage a show.

"The children thought it would be _fun_ to experiment with the item to be retrieved," Kakashi said on cue. It was a wonder that his words didn't freeze and fall to the ground on their way out of his lips. Shijimi, Tora's owner, bristled at the way he referred to her cat.

"Well, I never!" she began, but Kakashi quickly turned to her and bowed low.

"Shijimi-sama, I apologise for the actions of my son. Please, understand he did not mean any harm by it. He is too young to understand the consequences of his actions." That was a low blow, Sasuke realised dimly as he watched Naruto-brat's face colour. The baby hated digs about his age and maturity.

The pudgy woman clutching her traumatised cat scowled at the lot of them, but seemed to melt as she fell victim to whatever spell Naruto's father was always able to weave over any member of the opposite gender. Naruto had personally long-suspected black magic to be involved.

"Well… alright," she grumbled, breaking eye contact with the older Hatake, "Tora wasn't hurt, I suppose, so… no harm, then."

"Thank you, Shijimi-hime," Kakashi said, charming and courteous despite the anger boiling under the surface. He bowed again as she (after paying for the technically failed D-rank) left without much fuss.

Sakura, who had begun to relax, squeaked and fled for nice, safe and rather pale Iruka-sensei when Kakashi-sensei turned back to his son.

"You little idiot," he said. Naruto blinked, taken aback.

"It was just-"

"Animal cruelty? Wilful property damage? _Throwing _a mission? Do you have _any _idea what the penalty is for throwing a mission?" Sakura gasped and clutched at her former teacher, apparently the first of the children to connect their abuse of Tora with the laws that laid out harsh penalties for the shinobi who failed missions on purpose. The lightest of those punishments was a public beating, the most severe a… rather more permanent chastisement.

"Whoa, you're really mad," Naruto said, taking a step backwards. Sasuke rolled his eyes, safely out of view of both Hatakes. So _now _the idiot clued in on the killer intent filling the room.

"What were you doing?" Kakashi pushed, stepping into Naruto's bubble and looming over him threateningly. "I did _not_ raise you to act like that!"

"Kakashi," the Sandaime said warningly, trying to deflect a little of the man's anger before he went overboard.

"Sasuke, Sakura, go out to training ground thirty-seven and do some exercises. I'll join you eventually," he said, never glancing at them. Sakura looked at Iruka, who was holding her obligingly, and the chuunin nodded, looking worriedly at Naruto. Even Sasuke lost no time in leaving. The door closed behind the two genin with a quiet thump, and there was a dead silence in the room for a moment.

Naruto's calm wavered, and his casual air faded, to be replaced with a vague fear of paternal wrath.

"…It was just a cat, Dad…" he said uncertainly. Kakashi twitched, and one hand shot out.

Without any warning at all, he slapped his son across the face, in full view of the whole room. The Root ANBU in the southeast corner shifted a little.

Naruto stumbled back a step, hand snapping up to cover his cheek and blue eyes staring in absolute shock. A whisper went through the paperwork chuunin. Iruka stood up.

"Hatake-san, there is no cause for that!" he said indignantly. "Naruto-kun acted in an age-appropriate display of immaturity. You shouldn't berate him so harshly for a first-time mission failure."

"Stay out of this, teacher," growled the father. "I have zero tolerance for _purposefully_ failing missions."

"Hokage-sama!" Iruka protested, appealing to the old man. "This is why I said that Kakashi-san shouldn't _be_ Naruto-kun's teacher. Nepotism aside, it's obvious that he's too harsh on-"

"That's enough, Iruka." Sarutobi's voice held all the authority of his rank, enough to make even the wilful teacher fall silent. "We are not debating Kakashi's right as jounin sensei again. That matter is closed. Kakashi, I think this is a family matter, so please remove yourself and your son. Settle this behind closed doors before returning."

Kakashi nodded shortly. "Come with me," he growled, grabbing Naruto's shoulder and dragging him out of the missions room before the genin could register what was going on. In fairness, though, Naruto's mind was still stuck on that slap and how unexpected it had been.

It didn't take long for Kakashi to find an empty conference room a few doors down the hallway, and he pushed his son ahead of him into it, closing the door securely behind him.

There was a long moment of silence.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you, especially like that in public."

Naruto flinched away from the hand Kakashi brought up to touch him, face contorting with the effort it took to hold back tears. "Oh Naruto," Kakashi sighed. "I'm sorry, baby. I shouldn't have hit you, even if I was trying to…"

It took a moment of coaxing to get Naruto gathered against his chest. "Why… why was it such a big deal?" the boy asked. "It was just a D-rank… just a cat…" He sounded so confused and forlorn that Kakashi hated himself. It wasn't fair that Naruto suffered like this, especially for things that had happened so long ago. _I wonder if Sarutobi even remembered my family history when he assigned you to me, Pup._

"Naru, our family… we really can't afford to throw missions, love."

Naruto sniffed angrily, scrubbing at his face. "Why?" he said bitterly. "Because of the 'genius' thing? Does that mean I can't have fun? We weren't _actually_ gonna hurt the stupid cat, I had a clone at the bottom to catch it, and it wasn't that far to fall. And then we were gonna give it back. And you stopped us anyway, like I _knew_ you would. I was just doing it to tease you. So who cares?"

For a moment, Kakashi hesitated. Then he decided to tell someone the truth, for the first time in his life. He had suspected he would have to confide in Naruto when he first saw Danzo – Village King Bastard winner eight years running, the main thorn in Kakshi's side his entire life – watching Naruto cheerfully climbing that water tower in an effort to completely disobey his mission orders.

"It's not that," he said. "It's because of your grandfather."

Naruto stilled in his arms. "Grandpa?"

Kakashi nodded, even if Naruto couldn't see the motion. "Uh-huh. Most people think that he was the cause of the third Great Shinobi War."

With one jerk, Naruto tore himself out of the embrace and looked up in horror at his father's hidden face. "Was he?" he demanded. Kakashi shook his head.

"No," he said, "Not really. But he was sent on a mission that he threw, and as a fallout the war that had been brewing for years was declared. _He _threw that mission to save his teammates' lives, not for a joke, but he was still made a pariah. Eventually it became too much and he killed himself to escape the village's judgement.

"I was eight when he died and ever since then I've been watched very closely for evidence of the same foul play. When I came home with you I was even audited by the council – twice – just to make sure I hadn't strayed outside the parameters of my mission. I want to break the chain of scrutiny with you, if I can."

Naruto's expression wavered. "With… me?" Kakashi nodded.

"I came down on you very hard then, in front of everyone, to build credibility, to give everyone who was there a good reason to think that you'll go out of your way to avoid throwing another mission."

"I will," Naruto instantly vowed, one hand reaching up to cup his cheek. "That hurt."

Kakashi bit back another apology. Naruto wouldn't appreciate it, especially not with his body language suddenly changing with the unpredictability of youth to say 'I'm a big tough boy and I _wasn't_ just crying'. "Come on," he said brightly, making a physical effort to let go of him. "Let's get a new mission and they go find the others, okay? Cheer up."

Naruto nodded, allowing Kakashi to pull away and stand back up. "Dad?" he said in a small voice. "'M sorry. For the last mission."

Kakashi considered. "I forgive you," he said. "Hang your head and we'll go back to beg Hokage-sama for another task, eh?"

Half an hour later, Naruto (bruised cheek fading faster than it could darken) was happily walking a big dog with his father right beside him and Sasuke and Sakura a suitably spooked distance behind them.

* * *

Not long after The Cat Mission, Sakura arrived at the designated meeting spot just after eight in the morning – because, really, who was going to get mad at her? Kakashi-sensei was _always_ at least twenty minutes behind schedule, and Naruto was always with him, and Sasuke… well, Sasuke had probably been there since oh-seven-thirty, but he'd be well and truly into his morning warm-up, so he'd ignore her like he usually-

The girl stopped short when she spotted Sasuke, who was this morning standing on the red bridge, eyes fixed on Naruto.

The littler boy was completely oblivious, but he was _present_. He was sitting cross-legged on the splintered wood planks of the bridge, a workbook out and open in front of him. From the way his fingers were flicking, keeping place, it looked like he was in the midst of a tricky mathematics problem. A quick look around showed no Kakashi in sight.

Sakura sidled up to her crush. "Sasuke-kun? How long has he been…?"

"He was here when I got here," the Uchiha replied, sounding as unnerved as she felt.

"Where's…?"

"Not here," Sasuke finished before she could, looking around again as if to be sure that Kakashi hadn't appeared.

"Then why is Naruto…?"

"I have no idea."

The pair stood in silence, each keenly aware that Naruto on his own in a secluded part of the village like this was something that _never happened_. Finally, Sakura could stand it no longer. "Naruto-chan!" she called, trotting forwards. The blonde boy looked up and smiled at her.

"Good morning, Sakura," he said brightly. Then he blinked. "Wait, '-chan'?" His face darkened. "_Don't_ call me that. It's 'Naruto-kun' or 'Naruto', we've been _over _this."

"Sorry," Sakura conceded quickly, settling down next to the boy. "What are you doing?"

"Homework," Naruto replied calmly. There was a sort of universal blink shared by both of his teammates.

"We're _out_ of the Academy, Brat," Sasuke commented, coming forwards as well. Naruto made a face at him.

"I wondered how long you were going to stand there and stare like a creeper," he said. "Welcome back to animation, oh statue-impersonator."

Sasuke resisted the urge to swat the brat around the ears and see if it knocked out some cheek – the last time he'd struck out at Naruto, he'd become the enemy of an infamous jounin and had an ex-teacher pronounce him to be a dead man walking. "Where's Kakashi?" he asked shortly instead. Naruto shrugged.

"Dunno. He went out on a mission last night. Pakkun – he was the one who watched me, well, _officially_, but I totally noticed the ANBU he made watch me outside the window. Anyway, Pakkun said that he'd meet us here."

"He goes on missions without us?" squeaked Sakura, sounding indignant. Sasuke felt similarly, but held his tongue. Naruto blinked at her.

"Duh," he said. "Dad's been working two jobs since, oh, like, forever. Since the ANBU had to take over policing the village, and got all overworked, and Dad's a really strong jounin, so they send him away on high-ranked missions all the time."

Sasuke felt cold – Naruto was talking about the night his family had died, however obliquely. Thankfully, neither of his teammates made the same connection, and neither looked at him in that moment.

"So why the maths?" Sakura was asking. Naruto blinked at her.

"I _told _you: homework. I have to finish it, or I'll get into trouble."

Sakura smiled in an attempt at gently. What she got was condescending, and Naruto gritted his teeth against it. _She's not doing it on purpose_, he reminded himself glumly. "Naruto," she said, "You don't have to do homework anymore. Iruka-sensei won't care: you've graduated."

Naruto looked her over with incredulity. "It's not _for_ Iruka-sensei," he said. "My dad sets homework for me to do – every Sunday, I give him my week's work to check over and he assigns a new set for me to do. Welcome to the world of overachieving genius when it procreates."

Sakura giggled: Naruto had sounded so _depressed_ when he said that! It was cute. Then she felt a surge of pity because, well, _maths_. Kakashi-sensei was _evil_. "I'm glad he's not my dad," she admitted, still giggling away. Naruto wrinkled his nose at her, but didn't comment. Sasuke held his tongue too, despite how much he wanted to say that he wished Kakashi wasn't _Naruto's_ father either.

It had become clear in the last weeks that Kakashi had a _very_ low opinion of Sasuke. The Uchiha was regretting that bladed show of temper against Baby Hatake during the exam more and more with each passing hour. Not that the teacher was openly hostile – in fairness, it did seem that Kakashi was trying to be a fair and even teacher. However, the deep-seated _dislike_ that had taken root the moment Naruto's blood had spilt made unbiased lessons impossible. Sasuke hated taijutsu practice, an activity he used to enjoy, because fights with Sakura didn't extend him, fights with Kakashi were more like beatings, and fights with Naruto had him pulling punches and breaking into nervous sweats as Kakashi fixed that one grey eye on him and flipped a kunai in his hand over and over.

Ninjutsu was worse in a way, as Kakashi would instruct the whole group with lessons that seemed to be tailored to what Naruto could achieve. This was probably not a conscious decision, but rather Kakashi using what he knew from his son about children's abilities and matching them to the youngest (and presumably least developed) of the group. Unfortunately, what he came up with was _hard. _Walking up trees in the first week, walking on water in the second. Sakura took to the activity like a duck to water – almost literally, Sasuke had mused sourly as he watched her windmill her arms to keep upright while bobbing up and down over waves on the lake. He and Naruto had more trouble, but _Naruto _got active coaching – probably at home as well as during official training hours – _and_ someone to catch him when he fell from high branches. Sasuke had rubbed his bruises and tried to apply the advice his teacher had given him while ignoring the frost that the adult hadn't quite managed to erase from its delivery.

Genjutsu was glossed over entirely. Sasuke had a feeling that the Hatake family as a whole had little patience for it, which was a pity because it was an activity that would have suited the disproportionate level of attention each student received – Naruto would need the most help, Sakura (who excelled) the next most to extend her, and Sasuke just some instructions and room to practice.

It was an impossible dilemma. He needed to advance to stand even a chance of killing his brother. He was beyond the level of individual study – he needed a teacher to get any further. And his teacher was completely disinterested in him, at best. The twelve year old Uchiha knew one thing for sure: something had to give. The worst part was that it didn't even seem to be conscious – Kakashi probably hadn't noticed how unfair he was, just like he probably didn't know just how smotheringly over-protective he came across as.

His musing was interrupted by the arrival of the very man he was mentally complaining about. "Dad!" Brat exclaimed, jumping to his feet and rolling his workbook into a thin tube which he stuck in his shurikin holster. Kakashi smiled, or seemed to, and put a hand on his kid's head.

"Hello, Pup. How was your night? Were you okay by yourself?"

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Oh, yeah. It was great. Just a quiet, private night, just me, a dog, and four ANBU hiding badly outside."

The jounin didn't have the grace to look abashed. "It's for your own good, kid," he said happily. "Okay! On to today's work. I think it's time for some nice, fun, D-ranks!"

Naruto and Sakura groaned in tandem, but trudged in the direction of the Hokage Tower when Kakashi flicked his hands at them in a 'shoo' motion. Sasuke stood still, wanting to try for a moment alone with his teacher. Kakashi made as if to follow a few yards behind his squad, then seemed to realise that a third of it was missing. "Sasuke? What's the matter?" he asked, tone cool but not hostile. Sasuke hesitated, but lifted his chin and met his teacher's eyes.

"Sensei, I was wondering… is there anyone in the village who's a… a taijutsu specialist?"

Kakashi's face didn't change, but he answered easily enough. "Why, yes there is. Maito Gai-sensei, Konoha's Green Beast. He's the village's leading expert in taijutsu."

Sasuke grimaced. Okay, he wasn't going there. "How about a weapons specialist?" he asked. Maybe he could beg training off that person instead.

It was on the tip of Kakashi's tongue to tell the Uchiha about Anko and her senbon, but something made him pause. The hope in the whelp's face was telling – he wanted to go elsewhere for his training, to double-dip. That wasn't a good idea: two training regimes at the same time would exhaust a twelve year old. Besides…

"I think you're good enough with weapons," Kakashi said coldly, and Sasuke flushed, knowing he was talking about the attack on Naruto. "Now come on, let's catch the others up."

Bang went that idea, Sasuke thought as he begrudgingly followed Kakashi to the Hokage Tower. His teacher wasn't going to pawn him off on anyone else, apparently, so Sasuke had to come up with a way back onto Kakashi's good side. But how?

The answer came to him halfway through weeding Kairo Tamanaka's very overgrown garden. He gritted his teeth against the idea and searched his mind for another one. He _wouldn't_ do _that_. He _wouldn't_. It would hurt his pride an unprecedented amount, and give Naruto-brat _way_ too much power over him. He _wouldn't_.

And yet… as time went on and the sun climbed higher, no other solution presented itself. And Sasuke _had _to resolve this grudge his teacher bore against him. He _had_ to.

_Is my pride more important than my will to avenge my family_? he asked himself. It was a hard question to answer honestly. Finally deciding that the answer was 'no', the last Uchiha straightened, set aside his trowel and wiped away the sweat beaded on his upper lip. The blonde baby was kneeling on the other end of the garden, with his father hovering near him. He was hacking stubbornly at a sapling tree that had taken root where it oughtn't have. Swallowing saliva and pride both, Sasuke approached the youngest member of his team.

Kakashi noticed him instantly, of course, and shifted a little as if to prepare to defend. The Uchiha tried not to be offended that _he_ had blipped his teacher's 'threat to Naruto' radar. Offense wouldn't help.

"Hey, pass me that shovel, would you?" the blonde said to the man, oblivious. It was Sasuke who reached for the tool and held it out to his teammate. He took a breath and tried to pretend that Kakashi wasn't in the tree a ways behind him. Naruto looked understandably surprised to see Sasuke helping him.

"Bra…Naruto." The word sounded rusty, unused. Now Naruto looked worried.

"…Yeah…?" Sasuke gritted his teeth, then decided to just get it over with.

"I'm sorry," he blurted. The rest came out in a rush. "For what happed in the genin exam. I shouldn't have attacked you, it was wrong, I made a mistake. I let my temper get the better of me and I'm sorry."

There. If that wasn't good enough, Sasuke didn't know what to do. He'd blatantly asked for forgiveness.

Naruto's eyes flicked in indecision, obviously trying to decide if the older boy was jerking his chain or not. Then he tried to decide if he would accept the offered apology – Sasuke was _mean_ and _grumpy_ and a _bully_ more than half of the time. But Naruto's good nature and excellent upbringing made him remember his manners.

"Uh, it's okay. No hard feelings." He held out his hand. Sasuke stared at the offered limb hanging in the air. Finally, he took it, a quick but firm handshake.

History was made.

* * *

Twin1: Don't forget Faiyuuhi!


	14. For Want of a Nail

Twin1: Um… yeah. So, it's been… a year. I'm so sorry. I have some excuses, but I think in this case I'm best just to bow my head and sheepishly put up this chapter without any other comments. Yes? Faiyuuhi, there's a present in there for you, and whoever it was to request some Tsume/Hiashi interaction, I have finally gotten around to it.

**EDIT: **I am so sorry, my first 50 readers! MY ONE COMPLAINT, you are right, it is 'orchards', not 'orchids'. *Dies of shame* How did that get through my editing process...?

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen: For Want of a Nail**

**Eleven Years Old**

* * *

Kakashi was reclining on a sturdy tree branch, observing his team from a small distance. Currently, they were bickering over the correct way to differentiate garden plants, herbs, and weeds. Their employer, who was being a much more attentive babysitter than the jounin, settled the dispute with a solid knock to the head apiece from his broom. He flashed a grin at Kakashi, who grinned back.

The old 'civilian' employer was actually one of the lucky few ANBU to make it to retirement - true, I'm-old-now-I'm-going-to-sit-on-the-porch-and-yell-at-kids retirement, not the kick-you-out-of-BlackOps brand Kakashi had been subjected to. He had actually been one of Kakashi's teachers back in the day, years ago now, and had been delighted with the opportunity to force the spawn of that once-devilchild to manual labour. The kids had no idea, clinging to the belief that he was just another grumpy old man. Maybe he was, in a way. And hey, ex-ninja still needed their gardens weeded. And Kakashi could just sit and enjoy the peace.

"Quit it, brat!"

"Saskue-_kun!"_

"I know what I'm doing!"

...Or not. Kakashi sighed as his comrade broke up yet another fight, this one over the proper use of a trowel that Naruto had stolen from Sakura to use on Sasuke's particularly stubborn weed. The peculiar truce that Sasuke had attempted to instate a few weeks - or was it months? - ago had all but dissolved. Truth was, the Avenger just didn't have it in him to be nice, and Naruto had too little patience to deal with someone so recalcitrant. Sakura only added to the problem, stressing both boys with her fangirling over Sasuke and her high-handed babying of Naruto.

Of course, he knew the reasoning. Officially, the best male and female graduate had been paired with the 'early' graduate, to protect him. In reality, they had been grouped in an effort to keep the fatalities down should Naruto be attacked again. The theory was that as the best the Academy could offer, Sasuke and Sakura had a chance of looking after themselves when assassins came out to play. Or something.

Sighing again over his lot in life, Kakashi reached into his vest and pulled out a book and a letter. The book was from his father's office, a romance just touching the wrong side of raunchy. It had a fairly good story line, but the knowledge of who had owned it first seriously weirded him out, so he hadn't made it very far in.

The letter was addressed to him, sent from the medical wing of the Hirikanwa outpost. Rin had sent him a tentative letter six months ago, written with a kind of formal language that told Kakashi how nervous she was about contacting him. His reply, though short and almost painfully blunt, had somehow opened the gates for a flood. Sometimes he found two or three letters a week in his pigeonhole at the Tower - quite a feat, as the outpost only mailed personal correspondence monthly.

It was okay, though. Slowly, it seemed like they were repairing some damage. It was easier to do through a medium like letters rather than face to face, anyway.

"Sensei?"

Kakashi automatically covered the letter and looked down at Sakura, standing dirt-smudged and tired below him. "Yes, Sakura?"

"We're done, Sensei. I think..."

It took a moment to convince his limbs to move from their comfortable position, but he abandoned his perch and jumped down next to her. A glance around showed she spoke the truth, and he reached out to tousle his son's hair.

"Good job, kids." Looking at his once-teacher, he said, "Are you satisfied, Watabe-san?"

The old bastard grinned at him. "Yes, jounin-san, that should do," he replied. "It was a pleasure to have you all. Those kids are a bit unruly, though."

Kakashi glared, but said nothing. The old shinobi had satisfied his curiosity over Kakashi's students and progeny, and was apparently pleased with what he had found. No doubt this would be spread around the old fart gossip circle until they were inundated with d-ranked requests from all the old timers crawling out of the woodwork to poke at the new generation.

"Okay, enough missions for today. Let's go to training ground forty-two. I think it's time to learn something," he said to his genin. The way they perked up was somewhat amusing, especially as he was planning on handing each of them a kunai and telling them to walk up a tree again. They'd been getting good at the whole chakra-balance-on-vertical-surfaces, so he was going to make them try on chakra-sensitive plants that tended to push back and unbalance little genin tottering along with chakra footsteps.

_We'll see how happy you all are then_. _I feel an evil laugh coming on._

* * *

The squad was lined up in formation when the captain arrived. He looked along the line, making sure he had everyone assigned to him. There were pale faces and nervous looks - after all, what they were about to do was extremely dangerous, and they had no idea if they could trust their untried teammates to pull through for them when it got tough.

"Okay," the captain said, looking once more down the line. "Any last-minute problems before we go?"

An uncomfortable silence. Then, their youngest member - a boy barely sixteen - spoke up. "Are we sure we want to do this? I mean, Hatake is a really hard target, and it doesn't seem like there's much reward."

"Coward. This is for your village," hissed another. The captain waved his hand. For silence before anything could escalate.

"That's enough. Hiro is not a coward, his concerns are valid. But our orders are absolute."

A henceforth silent kunoichi chuckled. "That Leaf bastard will never see this coming. Like father, like son."

"Let's go," the captain said. Less than a second later, every one of them disappeared into the wind.

* * *

Another day, another wait in the queue at the missions desk. Kakashi slouched in line, one hand on Sakura's shoulder in an attempt to keep her from launching herself at Sasuke, who had apparently had his hair cut yesterday afternoon. The change was barely noticeable, but the female member of the squad approved… vocally. Sasuke was attempting to ignore the attention – poorly – as they slowly trickled through the Tower towards the shinobi that would assign their days' work.

Finally, _finally_, they reached the front of the line. Iruka was manning it today, using up his paid time until the start of the next school year.

"Ah, squad seven," he said when they drew near. "Here for a mission?"

"Yup," Kakashi said, bumping Sasuke with a shin. The Uchiha glanced at him in confusion before remembering that he had a task to perform today. He approached the desk and offered a scroll - his mission report. Kakashi had decided it was time they learnt to write them, and had arbitrarily chosen Sasuke to be the first to attempt it. He had been made to rewrite it three times before Kakashi had been satisfied.

Iruka took the scroll and smiled. "Another successful D-rank?"

"Yes, Sensei," Sakura piped up in Sasuke's place, drawing herself up with pride.

"What mission are we getting next?" Naruto asked, standing on tiptoes to get an angle where he could read the scrolls on the desk upside-down. "A C-rank?"

Kakashi stifled a flinch at the notion a second too late, if the amused smirks of the desk workers were any indication. Iruka chose to answer. "I don't think so, Naruto-kun. But we have a fun one. There's an orchard just outside the village wall that's asked for a genin team to help harvest the fruit. Should last several days, and you'll get paid out-of-village rates, even though it's close enough to come home every night."

"We'll take it," Kakashi said before Naruto could express his distaste.

It didn't take long to be briefed. Basically, this particular apple orchard was run by a 'gentleman farmer', which was a polite way of saying 'someone who didn't want to work a day in his life'. So every year, at harvest time, a genin team was employed to pick and sort the apples. How thrilling.

Still, Kakashi supposed, a change of scenery might entertain the kids. So he ignored Naruto's pout, signed the roster to say he'd accepted this mission, and shepherded the trio out.

"Dad, why do genin have to do such dumb stuff?" Naruto half-whined. Kakashi decided to treat it as a legitimate query from his student rather than a complaint from his son.

"Well, it teaches you a variety of skills that wold otherwise need to be taught in potentially deadly situations that you would be cast into prematurely. It also-"

"Give me the version that has the BS removed," Naruto interrupted. Kakashi grinned.

"Teaches you to obey orders no matter how dumb or degrading they are, and means the grownups don't have to do chores."

Naruto nodded. "Thought so," he said, ducking to avoid his dad's hair-ruffle.

Kakashi stopped to buy a packed lunch for everyone from a foodstall on the way – there really wasn't time to go home and pack something, but there were no food shops in the orchard, and Kakashi would be frankly shocked if they even _saw_ another soul, let alone were offered food on the job. And he couldn't very well let thirteen year olds go a whole day without food on a D-ranked mission. Or buy Naruto a lunch and not the other two.

Besides, little gestures to make the other two feel loved meant he could skip the _big _gestures.

They reached the village gates just as what looked like a three-man chuunin squad and client did. Kakashi gave them a vague nod and received one in return from the heavyset chuunin. He would have kept right on walking, but his genin had other ideas.

"Daikoku-sensei!" Sakura called, ever the social butterfly. How she remembered the name of the Academy teacher she hadn't interacted with since she was six was a mystery for the ages, but the chubby man smiled readily enough.

"Hello, Sakura-chan, Sasuke-kun," Daikoku greeted, looking at each in turn. "Naruto-chan, Kakashi-san. Off on a mission?"

"Yes, Sensei," Sakura said. Naruto tried not to react badly to the fact that he'd just been called '-chan', even though he was _nearly eleven_.

"We're going to pick fruit!" he said instead.

Daikoku chuckled. "That sounds fun," he said.

"What are you doing, Sensei?" asked Sasuke, dark eyes flicking between the teacher and the two other chuunin (who were obviously his teammates) talking to a civilian nearby. The chubby teacher smiled.

"Well, I've been assigned a mission, along with those two," he said, gesturing the men Sasuke had spotted. "We are escorting a client home."

"That sounds... interesting," Sakura offered half-heartedly – and untruthfully, eyeing the scruffy man by the gate arguing with the chuunin. Both green-vested men had rather long-suffering expressions in place.

In the background, Kakashi smirked. C-ranks were the bane of the adult shinobi world. Once they aged out of D-ranks, got promoted to chuunin, it was no longer weeding gardens and painting fences. Instead, the dreaded Escort Mission stepped in as the most tedious, dreary and downright cringe-worthy torture that the desk nin could inflict. Daikoku shot him a sour look, no doubt guessing what the jounin was thinking.

"How are you coping with your new genin team, Sensei?" he said, mostly out of spite, drawing attention to the jounin's own torture. Kakashi's answer was blithe.

"Well enough. Where are you headed, Sensei?"

Daikoku grimaced. "Just to Wave and back. Not far. Izumo and Kotetsu will handle most of the heavy lifting – they're younger than me."

"Well, good luck."

"And you."

And they were off. The chuunin – Izumo and Kotetsu? – stopped arguing with the client when Team Seven walked past, each ducking into a bizarrely low bow aimed at Kakashi. The jounin was a little bemused by the over-done manners until he remembered that those two had come with him that day he had rescued Naruto from his abductors years ago.

_I didn't realise I made such an impression on them_, he thought, gleeful at the idea. _I wonder if they'll call me 'Kakashi-sama'?_

* * *

The Hyuuga Clan compound was designed to exude tranquillity. Unlike the Inuzuka compound, which leaked life by the bucketful, or the Uchiha compound, which had been designed to showcase power, or the Yamanaka compound, which was designed to accommodate its civilian businesses, the Hyuuga were all about calm, peace, and pretty koi ponds.

The private home of the Clan Head was no different. There were soundproofed walls, ordered flowers, sweeping hallways. And, today, two children fighting bitterly in the garden.

Hinata was sitting on the porch, peeking through her fingers as she watched Neji-niisan and her baby sister Hanabi spar. Hanabi was panting, but the glint in her eyes was furious as she attacked her cousin with everything she had. Neji, on the other hand, had set his face in a blank slate of seriousness, but Hinata knew he was equal parts resigned and annoyed.

Hanabi had come to him and demanded a spar. When Neji had refused, tired from his own training, the girl had pulled rank. Hinata shifted uncomfortably. It was incredibly bad taste for someone so young to pull the 'I'm part of the Main Branch' card on her senior, but Hanabi was all too comfortable doing so.

She was also too confident in her abilities. Where most days Neji would be gentle with her, today he clearly just wanted this fight over with so he could go and rest. He managed to disarm and unbalance his cousin within ten minutes, and sent her tumbling to the ground with one last strike.

Relaxing his fighting pose, he moved to stand over the young girl. "You should yield," he said. It was obvious he had won. An ugly expression came over Hanabi's face, and Neji had just enough time to form an uneasy feeling before the brand on his forehead flared to life. With a muted scream, he fell to his knees, blinded by the agony.

"Hanabi!" Hinata shouted, horrified. Neji's face was twisted grotesquely, his hands clutching at his head. Hanabi clambered to her feet and made a show of standing over _him_, smirking.

"Yield," Neji gasped. "I yield!"

Hanabi didn't stop, if anything intensifying her focus on keeping his seal active. Hinata felt her heart jump into her throat. _She's going to kill him! _she thought wildly.

Neji apparently reached a similar conclusion – that, or he couldn't stand the pain anymore. He forced one hand away from his head and picked up a kunai, hurling it with all his might at the young girl.

Hanabi skipped out of the way, but it broke her focus and Neji jumped to his feet. Hanabi let out a little scream as her cousin bowled into her. It wasn't a ninja attack – it was closer to a big-brother tackle. The boy pushed her to the ground, grabbed a handful of her hair and yanked, twisted her arm back painfully. He was probably keeping himself from using any 'proper' fighting techniques in case he killed the little girl, but that didn't stop him from trying to hurt her back in a moment of petty revenge.

"You asked me to spar!" he shouted into her ear. "You _ordered_ me to spar with you! Don't punish me because you lost!"

Hinata hand both hands over her mouth. She didn't know what to do as her little sister screamed. Hanabi was making enough ruckus to wake the dead, which seemed unfair as Neji wasn't even really hurting her. He had barely made a peep when _she _had been _melting his brain_.

A tray with four cups of tea balanced on it slammed down next to her, and Hinata looked up to see her father stride past, jump the foot down off the porch to the garden, and stalk to the two squalling on the ground.

Neji struggled when he was grabbed and hauled off of his cousin, but went limp the moment he realised who had come to intervene. His face changed from angry to horrified as he looked back at Hanabi and realised what he'd done. Automatically, his hand went to the curse seal in preparation for when his uncle activated it. Hiashi would, he knew.

But he didn't. Instead, he set Neji roughly on his feet and scowled. Hanabi clambered back to her feet, making a show of how sore her twisted arm was. The smug look on her face left no doubt that she believed he was about to be punished severely.

"Neji," Hiashi said. His heart was pounding with the worst kind of anger – at Neji, yes, but also at his daughter. "How dare you attack Hanabi? Have you anything to say?"

For a moment – just a moment – Neji looked like he was going to defend himself, accuse Hanabi of activating the curse seal for nothing. Then, a horrible defeat entered his eyes and he tilted his head down just enough that he no longer met Hiashi's eyes.

"No, sir."

Hiashi narrowed his own eyes. "Self-control is the most important asset a shinobi can have," he said. "No matter how angry you are, you are never to lose control of yourself again. As you _cannot_ control yourself, I shall isolate you until you can. I expect you to go straight to my dojo in the east wing. You are to lock the door behind you, you are to stay and practice there until I come and release you. You are not to stop for food or drink, or for any other reason. Do I make myself quite clear?"

Neji's face was set, but Hiashi could see how upset he was. Once that dojo was locked, he would have no choice but to stay – it could only be unlocked from the outside. And it was incredibly unfair to tell him he wasn't allowed to stop to rest or refuel, especially as he had no idea how long he'd be there.

Still, Hiashi watched as the boy steeled himself and answered. "Yes, Uncle." He even kept his voice steady.

"Go," Hiashi said, before he crumbled and recanted. Yes, perhaps it was unfair to punish and belittle the boy, but he _couldn't_ go around attacking the Main Branch of the clan. He'd be killed outright, and Hiashi wasn't always going to be around to protect him. "I will find out if you disobey me."

Neji nodded once, bowed, and left. Hiashi watched him go, and was perturbed but unsurprised to see him scrub his eyes with his knuckles just before he was out of sight.

Hinata was still sitting frozen on the porch, looking as if she desperately wanted say something but was too afraid to. She also looked like she was going to burst into tears at any moment. Unfortunately, Hiashi wasn't done being 'the bad guy' yet. He turned to his youngest, who was trying to put her hair back in order and looking altogether too smug about Neji's fate. Hiashi felt another surge of anger, and wondered how he had raised such a vindictive little bitch.

"Hanabi," he said sternly. "I am displeased with you."

She looked surprised. "But he attacked me!" she protested. Hiashi raised an eyebrow.

"Did you, or did you not activate his seal when you lost a spar?" he said. Hanabi didn't even have the grace to look cowed. A light blush appeared over her cheeks, but she didn't look away.

Instead, she had the audacity to shrug. "I don't think I lost," she said. "I found a way to win, I took it. I could have killed him when he was down under the seal."

_He yielded_, Hiashi thought, _and you still didn't let him go_.

"Hanabi, you are talented, but not yet skilled enough to defeat Neji. In fact, I doubt you will ever be able to best him in a _fair-_" he stressed the word, "-fight." Hanabi's face changed from smug to incredulous, and Hiashi went in for the kill. "I have never seen a Main Branch member act so disgracefully. You will spend the rest of today and all of tomorrow helping your Branch relatives in the kitchens, and then every afternoon and weekend until I am satisfied you will never again use their seal against them unjustly."

Hanabi opened her mouth to protest the punishment – she who had never set foot in the kitchens, let alone done any other chore her entire life – but Hiashi cut her off.

"And," he said, drawing out the word to be sure he caught and kept her attention, "while you are scrubbing dishes, I want you to think on this. You are the second child of the Clan Head. Should your sister succeed me, _you_ will be branded with that same seal you now abuse."

_That_ pulled the little brat up short, and she stared in horror at her father. Hiashi felt a twinge of guilt at the emotional blackmail, but he _couldn't_ let her go around torturing her family. That would just end with her becoming a little psychopath, if he let it go on unchecked. Hinata made a soft sound of distress as well, but Hiashi backed his resolve and made sure to keep his most severe face in place.

"I suggest you go now," he said, purposefully making his voice tight, as if he were just barely controlling his temper. "Present yourself at the kitchens, and be sure you explain the _full_ reason you are there. I shall come check on you shortly."

Hinata would have burst into tears at this point. Hanabi showed her individuality by clenching her jaw, tossing her nose into the air and stalking away. Her father watched her go and sighed. _What am I going to do with that girl?_

Putting the problem aside, he approached the porch and sat down next to his eldest daughter. "Hinata," he said, retrieving the tea tray he had set down and offering her a steaming cup. "Tell me how your training is going."

Her stuttering had improved a little – as he'd hoped it might – since she'd been put on that young kunoichi's squad. But today, after seeing such an extreme family argument, her speech impediment was out in full force.

"Uh-uhm… w-well, w-we have b-been learning l-lots, F-F-Father."

Hiashi looked into the green tea in his hand and sighed. Neji hated him, Hinata feared him, Hanabi resented him. He was three for three.

_Well, they are teenagers, or nearly_, he thought. _I wonder how the other Clan Heads deal with this sort of thing…?_

* * *

Naruto stared at it. Day one of the fruit-picking mission, and something was wrong. A forehead protector was lying on the ground, unclaimed, half buried in leaves.

The others were ahead, probably already up trees again filling their buckets with ripe fruit. He had gone back to the big storage barn to empty his bucket, and had spotted it on the way back.

He frowned, looking around. There was no one around, no one to claim the lost hitai-ate. He squinted at the innocent cloth. No traps that he could see, either. Just an abandoned scrap half-buried by leaves.

Decision made, his hand darted out and fished it up out of the dirt. Metal glinted as he shook the ribbon out to scatter leaves, and he flicked it up so he was holding the body of the piece. _Wonder if it's one of Dad's, _he thought, noting that it was bent on an angle that would fit an adult head and so couldn't belong to him or his teammates.

He turned it over in his hands, looking for a clue as to its owner, and froze. The shiny metal was engraved, but not with the familiar spiral of his hometown. Instead, three flattened bubbles were stamped into it, sparking memories of horrible moments in his youth.

His hand jerked, grip slackening. The hitai-ate bounced on the ground, and Naruto backed away like it was poisoned. Kumo. The hitai-ate was from Kumo.

Why was it here? For a moment, the image of the four men who had tried to take him so long ago swam in his vision - images no doubt exaggerated and made grotesque by time and fear. Those men had been his own personal bogeymen for years, even though Dad had assured him they would never be back.

What if they had come back now? To try and steal him? A bolt of fear twanged through his gut, and Naruto flinched. After a moment of hesitation, he grabbed up the enemy marker again and ran to the house.

"Dad!"

Kakashi looked up. "Naruto. I was wondering where you went." He frowned at his son's expression. "You okay, Pup?"

Naruto spotted Sasuke looking over curiously and took a deep breath, restraining himself. He wanted to throw himself at his father and babble, but his pride would never let him. Instead, he offered the hitai-ate. "I found this."

Kakashi's gloved hand took the hitai-ate gently, turning it over to see the symbol. For one moment, the jounin froze. "Where did you find this?" he said in a tightly controlled voice. Naruto bit his lip.

"Outside. It was kinda half-buried, like it had been forgotten."

"Go back to work. I'll take care of it," Kakashi rasped. "Nothing to worry about." A bit of relief entered Naruto's eyes, and Kakashi forced a smile. He rubbed his hand over Naruto's spiked hair and gave him a little shove. "Go on."

The moment his kid had turned away, Kakashi closed his eyes and tried to keep calm. It would do no good to go into a homicidal rage here and start searching for Kumo nin to slaughter. He would scare the genin.

After a moment of breathing exercises and imagining the soothing sound of an ocean, Kakashi felt in control enough to tuck the hitai-ate into his pocket, open his eyes, and direct his genin - subtly - towards a more defendable spot while still seeming unconcerned. No need to do anything rash.

* * *

There was nothing quite as risky as walking into an enemy stronghold with the intention to rig explosive devices in broad daylight. But, of course, that was what this squad was doing. They strode into Konoha like civilians with false passports, hesitated at stalls and shops, mingled with crowds, and eventually regrouped beside a children's playground.

"Let's get this done," muttered one, shifting his backpack to his other shoulder. "We're on a tight schedule."

They were. This was one half of a two-team double attack on Konoha designed to make an impact on the tree huggers. Two families in Konoha were a particular bane to Kumo. They were there to deal with the Hyuuga clan, the other squad would handle the Hatake family.

Privately, each member of the Hyuuga squad believed that they had gotten the better end of the deal. Of course, that didn't make it any easier to avoid denizens and patrols and rig and entire, fifty-two building complex to explode at a certain time later that night.

The job itself took ten nerve-wracking minutes, which was a short time to wait for a roast dinner but was an age when it came to rigging anything deadly. Everything went splendidly, and they were creeping out of the complex right on schedule.

Of course, because nothing was ever perfect, trouble found them - almost too late. A shinobi clad in the white armour of a Konohan ANBU appeared just as the foreign squad dropped over the Hyuugs walls. All froze.

The ANBU recovered first. "Hey!" he shouted.

One of the invaders glanced at another. "No patrols are supposed to run past here!" he hissed. "_You _promised us that!"

"Argue later," another said tersely.

"We outnumber him," grumbled a fourth.

"Unit, backup arrives. Get out of here!"

The conversation flicked by in an instant, just long enough for the ANBU to pull out his katana and level it at the trespassers, obviously prepared for a battle. The intruders didn't wait to see what he'd do, taking off as fast as possible. The ANBU shouted after them, but they were gone.

...Almost. A single shinobi from the foreign group felt the ground give underneath him, sinking into it. _An Earth jutsu_, he thought in disbelief. _He actually caught me with an Earth jutsu._

It was enough catch and hold his foot, to trip him, and he tumbled to the ground. The rest of the squad kept going, uncaring of their teammate's capture. He had one last glimpse of his squad, disappearing without a backwards glance, before the Konohan hit him with the hilt of the katana, and everything went black.

When he woke, he was strapped to a chair in a dark room. It must have been purposefully designed to be dark, because he couldn't have been out for longer than a few minutes with a knock to the head like that. Somewhere outside, it was still only early afternoon, he was sure of it.

That didn't help him out of his current predicament.

"So, a Kumo ninja, huh?" The prisoner jerked at the sound, looking around to find that he wasn't alone. A masked ANBU was standing in the corner, examining the hitai-ate they'd found in his pocket. The prisoner glared, but somehow looked a little relieved all at the same time. The ANBU logged away the tiny detail and continued talking.

"Feel like telling me what you were doing outside the Hyuuga complex?" he said. "I mean, that didn't end well for you guys last time. And then the last time you came to our village…" He let out a low whistle. "'Broken' does not to justice to those corpses."

The ANBU paused for effect. Sure, his hostage looked scared, but didn't look in a talkative mood. There was no response at all – not even a "Death to Konoha!" Nothing.

"Alright," the masked man said. The foreign shinobi watched as he made a show of unwrapping several wicked-looking instruments. "As I'm sure you know, pain is never a very reliable method of interrogation. If I keep at you long enough with this-" he brandished a set of pliers designed to pull fingernails out, "-I bet I could get you to tell me all about how you spend last night being intimate with a giraffe while singing nursery rhymes about the moon. Still, we're on a limited timeframe, so we really don't have much choice."

The ANBU somehow managed to give the impression of a smile even through his mask, and selected his first instrument – an old-fashioned razor blade. "Okay," he said. "You probably don't care what my name is, but you can call me Treefrog. All my friends do. You got a name?"

The prisoner didn't reply, just clenched his jaw. His interrogator sighed. "So it begins," he said.

* * *

Kakashi stood outside the orchard's big barn, watching his genin ferry in the last of the fruit they had picked that morning. They would spend the rest of the day sorting it out and packaging it away before heading back out to the trees tomorrow.

He was fingering the hitai-ate Naruto had found, turning it over in his hands as he turned it over in his head. Why was it here?

The most obvious reason was, of course, that a shinobi from Kumo had lost it at some point in the not-too-distant past. That didn't make sense, though. Between Hiashi and Kakashi, any Kumo ninja inside Fire country (illegally or not) would be on high alert. Cautious to the extreme. Dropping something like a hitai-ate spoke of incomprehensible sloppiness in face of such danger. And Kumo was much more rigid in their discipline than Konoha, so it was doubled unlikely.

Unless it had been left as a message? In just the right spot for Naruto to find it? But how would they engineer _that_? And anyone who'd done their homework would know that Naruto would turn straight around and hand it to his father. A message for Kakashi? It worked pretty well as a "We were here", but it wasn't a very smart move to broadcast that fact. It might as well be a note saying "Kumo nin are in the neighbourhood. Kakashi, _please_ hunt us down and kill us horribly".

_Kumo nin with suicidal impulses?_ Kakashi mused, watching the kids retreat into the airy barn to start sorting. _Or a disproportionate amount of youth and arrogance per capita in this particular squad?_

Before he could contemplate it further, his senses warned him of a newcomer and he spun around, a kunai materialising in his hand.

Semi-false alarm. It was a man in ANBU gear – Konoha's ANBU. He jumped down from the nearest apple-laden tree and stalked closer, seemingly unconcerned by the weapon Kakashi was pointing at him. There was a kind of stiffness in his movements, though, that told the jounin he wasn't here on a social call.

"Senpai," he spoke.

Although Kakashi had recognised the man when he first appeared, the tone and choice of words were what convinced him to put the kunai down. He slid it back into its appropriate place in his pouch, and made a show of blinking in exaggerated surprise.

"Hello?"

The ANBU sighed and reached up to pull off his mask. A young man's smooth face was revealed, bordered by a peculiar hitai-ate that Kakashi knew was purposefully the same style as the Nidaime Hokage's. "Senpai," he said again. "I need to talk to you."

Kakashi glanced at the Kumo band in his hand. "I'm a little busy, Tenzou. Can you talk while I do a perimeter sweep?"

The younger man nodded instantly. "Uh-huh, sure, I can do that." He fell in step, seeming not to notice how paranoid Kakashi was in checking there was no one within a two-mile radius of them. Perhaps he was just used to the inherently more obsessive ANBU protocols rather than the D-rank-with-genin standard.

Kakashi began to plod on his OCD round, moving a little more slowly than he normally would to give his friend some time to talk. He counted eighteen steps before the ANBU began to speak.

"I did an interrogation today," he said. Tenzou knew he had to be careful now. If he started with 'Kumo hitai-ate', he'd have a new, bigger problem in the form of Kakashi On A Warpath. If he started with 'I hit him until he said something', he might be dismissed out of hand.

Kakashi looked at him expectantly even as he kicked at a bush. The rabbit hiding there shot out, and Kakashi watched it go. Not an enemy ninja, not a henge. Just frightened wildlife. Tenzou hesitated again.

"I… he was picked up just outside the Hyuuga compound," he said. "Owl found him. He says he's here to start a war. Was planning on going after the clan."

Kakashi hummed, now inspecting an innocent birch. "He just told you this? Just like that?"

Tenzou rolled his eyes. "He didn't 'just tell me'," he said. "I encouraged him a little. Duh. Does it really matter? Point is, I got the information. So, he had a whole squad that got away, and he said there was another team somewhere outside the village wall. I thought you could… help."

"So let me be sure I understand you," Kakashi said, stopping and pulling Tenzou to face him directly. "You discovered a threat to the village – to the Hyuuga clan – over the course of an interrogation. And you didn't go to the Hokage, the Council or even your own CO? Instead, your _first_ thought was 'I gotta get Kakashi-senpai'?"

Tenzou blushed soundly, looking away. "Shut up," he said, scuffing the ground with his sandal. "I _did_ tell my superiors, and I filled out the paperwork, but I just thought – it's going to take so long to go through the official channels, even if they do believe it wasn't just the captive blowing hot air."

"Skip to the part where you came to me," Kakashi ordered. Tenzou shrugged.

"Last time this happened, you… dealt with it."

Kakashi frowned. "Last time this happened," he repeated, "It was my own kid taken. I lost my temper and destroyed all chance we had of tracking the abductors back to their home. Besides, that wasn't even the last time this happened. Remember the prisoner a couple of years ago? The one they let Bear at? He was here to kill, maim and destroy too."

"This is bigger than a stolen kid," Tenzou replied, impatient and completely ignoring Kakashi's other point. "I think they're planning to kill them. Wipe them out, you know? Like the Uchiha."

The notion was an unpleasant one. Still, Kakashi's response was to shake his head and groan. "You know, I actually have my very own set of problems here. Naruto found this today." He offered the headband, and Tenzou took it, blinking at the symbol.

"That _is _a problem," he agreed. Kakashi was about to grunt and take the band back, but his friend kept talking. "This is not a Kumo hitai-ate."

Kakashi froze halfway through examining a tree for enemy nin. "What?"

Tenzou nodded. "Yeah. Kumo's symbol has a kind of rounded-edges rectangle-bubble by itself, and just next to that two rounded-rectangle-bubbles connected together. They represent clouds. But this one, see? All three of the rectangle-bubble things are discrete. It's been forged."

Kakashi took the band and examined it closely. Tenzou was right: this missed the tiny link between two of the engraved 'bubbles'. It was a sloppy mistake to make, but not one that caught the eye.

"How did you notice this?" he asked. Tenzou grinned.

"My prisoner had one on him. 'Parently, he was going to plant it."

Kakashi's eye widened a fraction. "Someone is waging a psych war – against me," he realised. "I – or the kids – are the second target." The urge to throw the hitai-ate away in anger was strong, but he bit it back and tucked it into his vest. "Dammit! I'd almost prefer it to actually be Kumo again."

"Better the devil you know," Tenzou agreed. "What do you think they're after?"

Kakashi shrugged. "Until I know who they are, there's no way to tell. Could be an old enemy, new enemy, hired mercenary… Hell, it could even be Konoha testing my sanity, or someone who wanted…" He trailed off, and Tenzou tilted his head to look at him.

"Senpai? Are you alright?"

"In the short term, it could be to separate me from the kids," Kakashi said. "The first thing I did was do a perimeter sweep – and I even took you along with me. I left the kids all alone. I've got Naruto and an Uchiha on my squad. Do you know what their net value would be on the black market?"

Tenzou paled as he calculated that, the price of The Last Uchiha and the Hatake heir, each healthy, old enough to breed and young enough to control. The rough figure he came up with was enough to be a powerful motivator for either an individual or a village as a whole. Throw in a Hyuuga or two, and…

"Maybe we should go back," he suggested, only to find that he was now talking to the shrub next to him. Kakashi had already taken off back to where he had left the kids.

Tenzou made to follow and promptly tripped when the bush took offence to being abandoned and curled a thin branch around his ankle. "Oh, come on," he growled at it. "Stupid thing."

It took a moment to concentrate his mokkuton ability again and force the plant to release him – he must have let his control slip while he worried about Kakashi's boys. That, or he was losing his ability to manage his inheritance.

A glance around reminded him that he was, in fact, completely surrounded by foliage. He shivered. _Better catch up with Senpai before I'm molested by apple trees_, he thought, deciding to stick to the ground instead of taking to the canopy. It was safer.

* * *

The six-man team hidden barely six miles from where Tenzou had insulted a non-sentient being were tense. None wore any kinds of identifying marks, but each had at least one hitai-ate with a Kumo symbol hidden somewhere in their clothing. All would be acutely annoyed if they had heard the assessment of the one they had already planted – that there had been an error in the carefully forged items.

It was a motley group. Three – two men and a truly terrifying woman – were built like boulders and had the temperaments to match. The other three – two grown men and a teenager – wore sour expressions and had the kind of washed-out, flat hair of people who lived in a place of constant rain. It was an unlikely union, but orders were orders.

The captain, one of the rained-on adults, shifted to change the pressure on his tingling behind. They'd been sitting there for hours – all a little too spooked by the idea of Hatake freaking Kakashi to risk moving around. As if his slight squirm had been a signal, all the others started shifting. Predictably, complaints soon followed.

"How much longer is this going to take?" asked one of the burly men. The captain didn't reply. Honestly, he was enjoying the stakeout. He'd finally dried off, for one. After all, he loved his hometown – would die for Ame, if he had to – but the cursed rain every day of the year made drying off nearly impossible. Most stores back home had 'caution – wet floor' signs either hung on their walls or bolted to their floors permanently, and problems like mould and leaking roofs were rampant.

Then the captain swatted the fifth bug of the hour and dryly supposed that all places had their problems.

"I vote we go get him now," the woman muttered. Her own villagemate scowled at her.

"Do you have rocks for brains?" he demanded.

"It's a distinct possibility," the teen snickered. The kunoichi's face darkened, and a second later the teen recoiled with a muted howl of pain. The captain sighed and reached to pull out the senbon now sticking out of his cheek.

"Play nice," he said to the woman, who took her weapon back with an eyeroll. "We stick to the plan. We take them at dusk."

"Yeah," spoke up the thus-far silent Iwa-nin. "We have to time it to match the other team, otherwise all of Konoha will be on our arses."

"Oh, but it'd be easy," scoffed the woman. "We'll wait 'till he's on his own picking fruit again, duck in, kill him, arrange him so it looks like he's fallen asleep and leg it out of there. We'd be home for breakfast."

The captain rubbed his temple. "We stick to the plan," he repeated. Now the teen was frowning.

"Wait, no one said anything about killing the kid," he said. The adult Ame who wasn't the captain grunted.

"Our goal is to start a war between Kumo and Konoha," he said in the same tone used to explain that one plus one equalled two. "Murder will do the same as abduction on that front, and it's less expensive and easier."

"Not if the kid we're trying to kill is guarded by a demon from hell!" the kunoichi muttered. Noticing her teammates staring at her, she instantly turned defensive. "What? You really think Hatake is human? That man has killed more than you or I could dream. Even when he was a kid. In the war, they called the Yellow Flash the devil – well, Hatake was the demon who followed him around."

An Ame shinobi scoffed. "Oh, please. Keep your Iwa superstitions out of this. He's just a man."

"A man with a kill list a mile long," muttered one of the kunoichi's villagemates. Then, after a pause he added, "Seriously, I've seen it. It's really long."

"Ugh, you're all a bunch of wimps. I've seen more spine in caterpillars. We just have to kill one kid, who's protected by one man. It's not that hard, right, Captain?"

The captain just sighed, nursing his head in his hands. "I wish I went with the other group. Blowing up a clan complex in the heart of an enemy village would be so much easier than dealing with all of you."

* * *

It was a relief – if not a surprise – to find the genin safe and sound. In fact, they were even coexisting peacefully for once. Kakashi looked around the barn where they were sorting apples, unwilling to miss any threats and checking on each of his team individually.

All three were fine, busy searching for rotten apples in the piles they had picked and packing the ones they had deemed worthy into big barrels for transport.

"Hi, Dad," Naruto greeted, halfway through emptying one of the collection buckets onto the floor so he could examine its contents. Kakashi reached for him and traced his face with one hand, reassuring himself that the boy was fine. Blue eyes blinked at him. "You okay, Dad?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Kakashi said, looking around again. If the purpose of the Kumo hitai-ate had been to make him nervous, it was doing its job. The knowledge that it was planted by someone not from Kumo was actually just adding to his anxiety rather than assuaging it. He nearly responded with violence when Tenzou appeared at his shoulder, for some reason covered in leaves.

"Don't ask, Senpai," he said before Kakashi could say anything. "Just know that I hate apple trees, and the vine outside got my mask."

Yes, he was missing his porcelain mask. Kakashi decided not to comment at all. Instead, he looked back at his kid, who was watching the exchange curiously.

"Naruto. You remember Tenzou-san, right?"

Naruto screwed up his face, trying to place the name – or face – of the man. "Uh… I think so? Didn't you once show me some of the things you ANBU guys use to hurt people? That night Dad left me in ANBU HQ?"

"No!" Tenzou yelped, his voice rising to an embarrassing squeak as he panicked a little at the thought of being blamed for _that_. "I didn't! I swear, it wasn't me," he added, looking at Kakashi. Thankfully, the father appeared to believe him.

"Well, he's come to help us with the harvest," he said, looking amused. Now Tenzou had a new reason to panic.

"Senpai!" he squeaked in protest. Kakashi glared.

"Yes, Tenzou? Didn't you come out here _just_ to find me?" The implication was clear: he was staying and helping his superior contain the situation or else. And Kakashi-senpai's _or elses_ tended to be a little more severe than a prank or a write- up. Tenzou was pretty sure his shoulders drooped as he realised defeat.

"Yes, sir."

Kakashi smiled. "Good," he said, turning back to the kids. "I want you guys to stay inside, alright? You've all had enough sun for today. Tenzou and I are gonna go get your food, it's way past midday and you're all overdue a feed. You three just _stay in this barn_. Bye!"

And he was gone, pushing a mildly (though not verbally) protesting ANBU ahead of him. The genin watched him go, each silent and frozen in whatever motion they'd been halfway through before Tenzou came in. For a moment, the only sound was the mice rustling the hay.

Then Sasuke spun and grabbed Naruto's collar. "Speak, brat. Why is Sensei acting so weird? Why are we suddenly corralled in this barn and have _two _babysitters?"

Naruto squirmed, trying to pry Sasuke's strong fingers off his jacket. "I don't know!" he snapped. "Leave me alone!"

"He's your father. You know better than anyone," Sasuke countered, refusing to let go. Naruto gave up trying to force him away and instead slipped easily out of his jacket, leaving it dangling in the Uchiha's grip.

"I found a Kumo hitai-ate on the ground today. It looked like it had been there forever, but Dad's really paranoid. He's probably just worried that the owner is still around."

Sakura put her bucket of apples down and decided to join the conversation. "Why?" she asked, moving to the faucet to wash her hands off. "I mean, why does he care so much? It's not like we're at war with Kumo."

There was silence in the barn. Sasuke carefully didn't look at Naruto, or at Sakura, all his aggression leaking away. He crouched back down and returned to sorting his apple pile, tossing Naruto's jacket aside to do so. Of course he had heard about what had happened to Naruto – and Hyuuga Hinata. His father had been very careful to tell him all about it, to warn him about strangers from other villages who might come for him. He just hadn't actually made the connection to _this_ Naruto until Sakura had asked that question, somehow hadn't realised that _this_ Naruto and the Hinata he _knew_ were the ones in his father's favourite ghost story.

Naruto struggled with an answer. He really didn't like reliving that episode in his life, and Sakura was at her core a civilian. She'd likely have a bad reaction. On the other hand, she was really annoying if you didn't give her the information she felt she was entitled to. And it wasn't like it was a secret.

"When I was a kid, I was abducted by Kumo ninja," he said, choosing the blunt approach. "My mum was from Kumo, so they figure they have a claim to me."

Sakura gasped, green eyes going wide until they were near-perfect circles. Naruto prepared himself for questions about the abduction, his rescue, the shinobi, what his dad was doing about it now. He was still surprised.

"Sensei had an affair with someone _outside our village_!" the girl all but shrieked. Naruto blinked, then cringed. _I didn't expect her to care about mixed heritage, _he thought uncomfortably.

Surprisingly, Sasuke spoke up. "It happens. Don't bother the brat over it, Sakura."

Sakura looked surprised. "No!" she said, pushing apples out of the way so she could sit on the floor and hug her legs. "It's so romantic! Love across borders… aah!" She squealed into her knees, looking very much like she wanted to cuddle up to something and coo. Naruto shifted back a little, trying to get out of range.

"Uh… I don't know if it was-"

"Naruto."

Naruto glanced at Sasuke, surprised to be interrupted, and doubly surprised that Sasuke had used his name to do so. The Uchiha shook his head. "Don't bother correcting her," he said, jerking his head at where Sakura was now gazing dreamily at the ceiling. "She'll be far happier with the 'forbidden love' story than any 'mission baby' idiom you've come up with."

Naruto still hesitated, but a glance at Sakura convinced him that Sasuke was probably right. Why ruin Sakura's happy little daydream?

"Bet I can sort my pile faster than you can sort yours," he challenged. Sasuke's eyebrow rose a fraction.

"You're on, brat."

* * *

The Raikage was cordoned in his office, barricaded against the rest of the village while he considered the guest he had cooling off in a secure holding cell. A runner from Iwa had come knocking at his door. Iwa was _not_ a welcome symbol to see in Kumo - ever since the Third Great Shinobi War, when Konoha soundly trounced Iwa, Suna and Kumo, the three defeated countries had retreated into their own borders and had been avoiding each other's eyes ever since. All three had wanted to lick their wounds and recover enough to regain the ground lost against the Konohan superpower, but that would be impossible if the tree-hungers noticed them cosying up together and decided to nip a new rebellion in the bud.

When the runner had appeared with a Iwa hitai-ate and a note from his kage, he had immediately been grabbed, stripped, searched, and thrown into a dark cube. And the Raikage was left wondering what to do.

Iwa's Tsuchikage had promised him the Hatake boy. For nothing. A 'gift', to 'rebuild their two countries' friendship'. Whatever that meant. To say the Raikage was suspicious was an understatement, but he couldn't quite spot the catch. This couldn't be a convoluted plot to catch him out and give Konoha a chance to seek vengeance for the dead Hyuuga - Iwa _hated_ Konoha, and wouldn't work with them even if Konoha was crushing their stony little heads together.

Above all else, Iwa held grudges, and had a lot of bones with Kumo. So why the sudden charity?

After another long moment, the Yondaime summoned his aide and told her his decision. They would reserve judgement, until such a time as promises were fulfilled. And if they weren't… well, the Raikage was a firm believer in the "shoot the messenger" philosophy.

* * *

Tsume stamped up to the gates that marked the entrance to the Hyuuga compound, feeling more than a little silly. Still, better safe than sorry…

"I'm here to see Hiashi," she said to the man at the gate, and he let her in without argument. Hiashi was sitting on his porch, gazing up at the late afternoon sky. Tsume, suddenly feeling very bulky and ungraceful in this serene setting, clomped over and thudded down beside him.

The Hyuuga looked a little surprised to see her. "Tsume-san. I was just thinking about you," he said. He paused, then chuckled, some thought amusing him. "I suppose it's too much to hope that you are here to give me parenting advice?"

"Not today," Tsume said, noticing a tray with two full cups of stone cold tea sat nearby, a third three-quarters full balanced on the railing, and a fourth mostly empty and clutched in Hiashi's hands. "This visit's more practical. I'm here t'save yer life."

The man smiled a little, obviously expecting some story of a prank or jilted villager, or failing that the words "This is an intervention" for whatever reason. Tsume decided to be blunt.

"There's a prisoner that ANBU has, says he set explosives. The idea was ta wipe yer whole clan out, like the Uchiha."

Hiashi had frozen. "He said he had done this?"

Tsume nodded. "Uh-huh. Set to go off at dusk. Might be a false alarm, but dusk is in, like, twenty minutes. Might wanna get everyone out just in case."

The Hyuuga considered. "How did you come by this information?" he asked. Tsume tossed her head, wild hair spilling everywhere.

"Inoichi was briefed. He's gonna interrogate tomorrow, but he kinda thought he should do somethin' _now_, just in case."

"And he told you?"

Tsume was getting twitchy at the inactivity – and the fact that she was sitting in what might be a giant bomb set to go off any time. "An' I'm tellin' _you_!" she snarled. "What you gonna do about it? You can either ignore the threat – which is what the Council did – and risk your life an' the lives of everyone in this compound, or you can evacuate."

"And go where?" Hiashi asked. Tsume groaned.

"You're a 'problem' person, not a 'solution' person," she accused, glaring. "Me an' the Ino-Shika-Chou clans'll all take about a quarter of you. That way, you're split up in case this guy's teammates didn't split and make another attempt."

The news that she had arranged safe places for them to stay seemed to convince Hiashi that Tsume was sincere. He stood quickly and moved to the door. "Hatame," he said to the girl in the next room, "I need you to sound an evacuation. Now. Hurry."

The girl – a Branch member in charge of the clan head's housework – gave him a wide-eyed look of fear and took off running. Hiashi turned back to Tsume.

"Shall we help spread the word?"

"Best idea you've had all day," Tsume said, and together they left the room.

It was thirty minutes and a sunset later that they'd managed to get the entire clan out of the compound and quartered. Many Hyuuga – Hiashi included – were looking suspiciously at the Inuzuka clan members who'd turned up to help guide them to the other clans' homes. No explosions as the minutes ticked by and soon the clan began grumbling. Finally, Hiashi turned to Tsume with a significantly raised eyebrow. Tsume shrugged.

"Well, better safe than sorry," she said. "Guess he was just making stuff up. I still reckon you should keep your people outta there for tonight, and have a bomb expert look through the place carefully in the morn-"

She was cut off by – as predicted – an explosion. Just a little one to start with, but it started a chain reaction until four or five large blasts had been detonated. Several buildings collapsed outright, and a fire flared into life.

Shouts of alarm and fear echoed down the street. Tsume, who had been knocked into Hiashi's arms by the shockwave, forced herself back upright and turned to look at the damage. She blinked at it for a moment.

"Hah!" she said, turning back to Hiashi in triumph. "You thought I was crazy, dincha? Well, are you glad you listened to me now?"

Hiashi seemed too shocked to properly reply, staring at his home crumbling and gradually being engulfed in flame. How had this happened? How had enemies managed to get into his compound and do _this_ unchecked? Had he really been so arrogant, so secure in his own superiority, that he had allowed this to happen?

"Father!" The voice of the scared little girl reached him where nothing else could, and he turned towards it in a daze. "F-Father!" Hinata was pale as a ghost, shaking uncontrollably as she pushed through the crowd to get to him.

"Go with your cousins, Hinata," Hiashi said instantly, already turning away as he presumed she was just scared by what had happened. His daughter's next words made him freeze, however.

"Father, I can't find Neji-niisan!"

Neji… For a horrible moment, Hiashi couldn't remember when he'd last seen the boy. Had he even been in the compound today? Then, the argument he'd had with the boy came flooding back, and he realised that the last anybody had seen, Neji had been locked in the clan head's home dojo. Would anybody have thought to check there, to get him?

The answer came, horrible and insistent.

_No._

Tsume turned to say something to the Hyuuga clan head just in time to see Hiashi's face slacken in a way that denoted pure horror. A second later, he had turned on his heel and was racing as fast as he could back into the complex.

"Hiashi!" Tsume shouted, then growled as she was ignored. "Ah, dammit. Hana, get these people hidden away in the other compounds. Now!"

Hana nodded even as her mum dashed away. "Father!" Hinata screamed after Hiashi, then her eyes rolled back and she fell to the ground in a faint. Hana reached to catch her a second too late and the girl slipped through her fingers and hit the ground.

"Hey! Girl? Um, Hyuuga-san?" she said to an adult, trying to pull the unconscious girl to her feet. "Please take her," she said. The Hyuuga nodded and picked Hinata up, walking back to join her designated quarter of the clan. "Okay!" Hana called. "We don't know if this is the end of it. Please, everyone, head to your hosts. Now! Everyone who's gonna hide out at the Inuzuka place, follow me."

She led the way back to her home, hoping that she wasn't abandoning her mother to death. She had a job to do. She had to get the Hyuuga clan hidden safely in the other clan compounds, away from the people who wanted them dead. Then she could come back and look for her mum.

Inside the Hyuuga compound, Tsume fought her way through the smoke, straining her eyes for any sign of Hiashi. Even the last few minutes had made a huge difference to the fire. It was as if it had grown into an inferno the moment people had entered, and there was no guarantee that the explosions had stopped or that the roof wouldn't fall in on them.

The Hyuuga was only a few metres ahead of her, also slowed down by the fire. But unlike Tsume, he didn't seem daunted by it. "Neji!" Hiashi's voice was difficult to listen to. It was filled with a particular brand of grief, a special type of guilt, and the kind of desperation only a father was capable of. "Neji, where are you?"

"Hiashi, we have to get outta here!" Tsume shouted, loud enough to be heard over the roar of flames and crash of buildings collapsing.

"I have to find him!"

"We can't breathe in here!"

Hiashi hesitated for a second, which was enough for Tsume to catch up. She punched him soundly on the shoulder in punishment for running into a flaming, possibly collapsing building. The Hyuuga didn't seem to notice, scrabbling at his clothing. He pulled on the thick cloth until it tore and handed a sizeable piece to Tsume. A second, he held up over his mouth as a defence against the smoke. Tsume quickly mimicked him, and breathing became a little easier.

"I will not leave the child here!" Hiashi was saying, voice a little muffled by the muslin but still understandable. "I have to find him."

Tsume nodded, understanding and agreement in equal measures. "We have to hurry," she said, internally tallying the odds that the kid was even still alive. They dipped lower every second, so time was of the essence. "Where would he be?"

"I sent him to a dojo in the east wing. He was to stay there and practice. He – he must still be there… he _has _to be…"

Tsume just nodded and curled her fist around a bit of his sleeve. "Can't get separated," she said. Hiashi nodded, then turned and ploughed his way through the smoke.

It took too long to find the dojo. They'd had to try three different ways before they found an uncollapsed passage that was not teeming with fire. When they got there, Hiashi threw himself at the door. The lock was a lost cause, as was the handle – both would have heated to the point that touching them was impossible. Instead, Tsume leant her strength and a kunai from her pouch, and between them they managed to tear away a few wooden panes – enough to slide into the room.

The kid was crumpled on the floor of the dojo, still clutching his kunai. He was so close to the door that Hiashi actually stood on him when he darted through the DIY hole. Obviously, Neji had tried to escape when smoke poured in, but had been overcome before he could unlock or break down the door.

Tsume, eyes streaming, continued her assault on the door. They'd never be able to drag the unconscious boy out the little hole they'd squeezed in through – she was still unclear how _Hiashi _had fit – so she tore at the wooden panels with increasing desperation. It was getting hard to breathe.

_No wonder the kid passed out_, she thought, ducking as low as she could to try and find some oxygen. Hiashi scooped up his nephew, slinging him over his shoulder and rushing back to Tsume. By now, she'd managed to widen their escape route by more or less tearing the door off its hinges, and Hiashi pushed her through.

"Gotta get out," she panted, still holding that scrap of his clothing over her mouth. Hiashi had been forced to drop his when he picked up Neji, so he coughed and nodded, fighting the instinctive urge to gasp. There was no air in here: he had to breathe shallowly, or he might pass out too.

Tsume led the way this time, her animal senses letting her avoid the worst of the fires. Hiashi followed, trying not to lose sight of her dirty vest or wild mane. They were unable to get out the way they'd come in: the fire had spread so that their path was blocked. Tsume paused to swear, and ducked into a sunroom. Hiashi knew it was a dead end, but couldn't seem to get enough air into his lungs to speak. The smoke was almost too thick to see through.

Tsume shouted, and he thought maybe she'd been hurt. But it was just anger, frustration at finding no exit.

"Window," he said, and she made a noise of understanding. A second later, one of the antique redwood chairs went sailing through the air, shattering the glass pane keeping them penned inside. Smoke rushed out, air rushed in, and suddenly the fire lapping at their heels roared higher. Tsume rushed back to Hiashi, grabbing his arm.

"Gotta leave _now_," she panted, eyes wild. Hiashi nodded and shouldered her towards the window. She used the cloth she'd been breathing through to protect her hand as she cleared out remaining glass shards still clinging to the window frame and hopped out onto the tulips Hanabi liked so much. Turning back, she held out her arms and Hiashi passed Neji out to her, carefully holding him clear of the broken glass. Then he clambered out himself, took the boy back, and pushed Tsume to make her start moving away from the fire.

The air was still smoky, but clearer out here. That didn't change the fact that they were stuck in a burning compound, so they hurried to the boundary wall. A chakra-fuelled hop later, they were out. They dragged themselves away from the compound. When they were far enough to be out of danger, Hiashi's knees gave out and he fell to the ground, still clutching his nephew's limp form. "Neji," he said, turning the boy until he was cradled like a small child. "Neji, wake up. Please, please be okay. Neji."

Tsume was bent double, hands on knees as she took great gulps of fresh air and coughed out smoke. Somehow, she knew the taste of soot wouldn't leave her for days. She wasn't hurt, though, and eventually she straightened and turned to look back at the Hyuuga complex. It was completely engulfed. Hazy figures armed with buckets and suuiton jutsu were trying to get close, but it was hopeless. The whole thing would burn to the ground.

_With no one in it_, she reminded herself. The most important things that had been within those walls had been saved. Still, the Hyuugas had lost everything – home, heirlooms, wealth. This would be a blow to them.

Something glinted on the grass near her, highlighted by the fire. A hitai-ate. Stumbling over, she bent and lifted it off the ground.

Kumo. But – she looked carefully – a forged symbol. She barked a laugh just as a frantic-looking Korumaru bounded out of the darkness towards her. "That's just bad taste," she said to him, showing him the headband. Her dog didn't seem to understand, too intent on checking that she was okay. Irritated, Tsume waved him away and turned back to Hiashi.

The kid was still pale and limp, and his uncle was shaking all over. Tsume limped closer and sat down next to him, patting him on the shoulder.

"He'll be okay. We should get 'im to the hospital, though. Korumaru, go fetch a medic."

Korumaru narrowed his one remaining eye, keeping himself between the burning complex and his master. "Can I trust you not to do anything dumb?" he rumbled. Tsume picked up a rock and threw it in her familiar's direction.

"Get goin'! Injured kid! Get us medical attention afore I skin you and make you inta a throw rug."

That was apparently enough to convince the dog that she wasn't planning on running back into the burning buildings again, and he stalked away. He'd be back relatively soon, probably with a terrified medic's hand chomped between his teeth, but that would do. Tsume turned her attention back to her fellow Clan Head.

"Neji," he was still saying, again and again. "Neji, wake up, please."

The kid had a little more colour in his face now, and he was still breathing – even if it was a horrible, rasping sound. He shifted a little, frowned, and – finally – opened his eyes.

"U-uncle?" he said, and broke off into coughs that made Tsume wince.

"Calm down, kid," she said, seeing the young teen begin to panic. "You've been breathing in smoke. Damn near suffocated ya. We got a doc comin', you just keep on breathin'. Yer lung'll hurt, but they'll fix ya up soon."

Neji nodded, taking a few gulps of air and managing to make the coughing peter off. He was looking around with wide eyes that made him seem younger than he was, pale irises shifting to Hiashi, the flames, Tsume, the darkness behind them, and back to Hiashi. Of everything around him, it was obviously his uncle that was the most shocking sight. Hiashi's usually pristine muslin clothing was ruined, smeared with soot and torn. His usually-ordered hair was in disarray and had curled horribly from the heat. Worse than all that, though, was the tears he was so nearly shedding, and the terror still stamped on every inch of his features.

"I'm," Neji coughed twice, but wheezed out the last words, the only ones he could think to say, "sorry, Uncle."

Hiashi put a hand on his cheek and pulled so that Neji ended up clutched to his uncle's chest. This was the closest he had ever been to his aloof relative in his living memory, even when he was very young. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Neji registered that Hiashi smelt just like his father had, though his embrace was much more awkward.

"Sorry?" Hiashi repeated, apparently incredulous. "No, no. How can _you_ say… no. _I _put you in that room, _I _made you stay there… I didn't come get you. _I _am so, so sorry, Neji. How could I – I almost lost you. When I found you-"

Neji's chest was twitching in little almost-coughs, no doubt as a response the damage done by the smoke, but that didn't stop him from staring like his uncle had grown a second head.

"You came in to get me?" he said. Somehow, he'd expected that his uncle had sent some Branch member, or maybe that Inuzuka-sama had gone in with her dog and gung-ho attitude. To learn that his uncle had risked his life for some lowly _Branch_ Hyuuga…

"Of course I got you," Hiashi said. There was a bit of a commotion outside their immediate sphere of existence, and all of a sudden men were pulling the genin away, laying him flat on a stretcher to take him to the hospital. The movement made his coughing flare up again, and Neji barely registered Hiashi grasping his hand tightly.

"How could I ever face your father again, if I hadn't?" he said, ignoring the medics trying to make him let go so they could help the boy. "And I would have, too soon. How could I survive letting one of my children die?"

Neji had no reply to that. Hiashi was convinced that he never heard, given how distressed he was and the general chaos around him that was the medics trying to get him to breathe.

But he had. And he didn't forget it.

* * *

Every second seemed to wind him tighter. Kakashi could actually feel the tension, the pressure coiling in each muscle until it was ready to snap. He was sure the enemy was just as impatient as he was, but he had to wait just a little longer.

Tenzou believed they were ready. Still, their plan had an element of risk to it – risk that Kakashi wasn't sure he could bear. They had decided that the squad they suspected were preparing an assassination or abduction would wait until the trek home, when everyone was tired, relaxed and unprotected – at their most vulnerable. Kakashi and Tenzou had come up with a way to catch them, but the first step involved Kakashi actually taking the kids out into the open as _bait_, and he didn't know if he was prepared to do that.

Tenzou sat cross-legged on the ground and watched the shadows thicken, waiting for Kakashi's nerve to harden or break. "You know," he said, scraping boredom-induced patterns in the dirt, "The longer we wait, the darker it'll get. The darker it'll get, the harder to get them and protect Naruto." He paused, then added the afterthought, "And Sasuke, and Sakura."

Kakashi nodded. "Yeah. You're right. Let's do this." He considered. "Are you _sure_ you've got everything set up?"

Tenzou nodded. "Uh-huh. You just make sure you take the path we agreed, don't go too fast, keep moving. I'll take care of everything else. Okay? I'm gonna go get into position."

The older shinobi nodded, so Tenzou turned to leave. He only got a step and a half before Kakashi had hold of his arm again and hissed a warning. "He better not notice," Kakashi said, obviously meaning Naruto. "I don't want a new batch of nightmares over this. He's only just stopped reliving his last abduction."

Tenzou turned away so Kakashi would not see his exasperated expression. He never knew Senpai could be so overzealously protective. _I'm beginning to re-evaluate my belief that parenting was good for him_, he thought, mostly in jest.

"I got it, Senpai," he said aloud, twisted his arm away and vanished into the trees.

As far as plans went, this one was inelegant. Kakashi nervously gathered his kids together and sent them down the decided path, keeping them close by engaging them all in conversation. Naruto was chatty as always, and the other two just seemed delighted to be included, and so were yammering away as well. Even the recalcitrant Sasuke added a few comments. None of them seemed to notice Kakashi's anxiety, or the way he looked for danger in every shadow.

But there was danger, impossible to spot. Six of the shadows were not just twighlight ghosts made by tree branches. One by one, each of those six detached themselves from their hiding spots and crept closer and the noisy bunch of children reached their choke point.

The captain didn't bother to look around as he fixed on the famous Hatake Kakashi. He knew the only other shinobi around were his own, anyway. They were all in place, waiting – waiting –

The moment the first of the squad below set foot in the area they'd selected for ambush, he gave his signal and darted towards them as well. In and out, four to overwhelm and wound Hatake Senior, one to grab junior and one to stab him. The other genin didn't have the training to react in time, and they'd be out of there before Hatake could recover enough to give chase.

Well, that was the plan. But the captain had only gone two steps before the _tree branch_ twisted up and around, catching him squarely in the gut and tossing him backwards. He was caught by a cradle of wood and promptly squashed by every other member of the squad. It was as if the forest had become sentient, picking up and tossing them together like tin soldiers.

Hatake's groups marched on, oblivious, and the captain tried to squirm his way free, to salvage the situation. Only there didn't seem to be a way free. Everywhere he looked, it seemed like there was a mesh of branches, of living wood, and he realised that they had been trapped.

When the cage stopped swinging, it was possible to make out a grinning face through the gloom. A body to match _literally melted out of the tree_ until he was sitting on a branch, examining them in their ANBU-armour-clad man reached up to tousle his own hair and grinned wider at their expressions. "Hiya. Caught you."

"Let us out!" shouted the kunoichi. Tenzou's grin disappeared.

"Why? So you can murder Kakashi-senpai's son? Or blow up the Hyuuga clan? Maybe start a war between Konoha and Kumo?" The sight of their faces all paling made him grin again. "You weren't as sneaky as you think, ninja-chan. Anyway, you guys sit tight. I'll be back. Assuming I can convince Kakashi-senpai not to kill you, you'll all be arrested, interrogated, and eventually traded back to your own villages – when you tell us what they are, of course. But look on the bright side. You're all _way _better off in my cage than on the end of Senpai's blade."

With that parting word, he activated a jutsu that sealed the cage with vines, making it inescapable, and jumped down from the tree. If he hurried, he could get to HQ and get the prisoners relocated before Senpai came back looking for blood.

_Stopped an assassination, stopped a war, got Kakashi-senpai to owe me a favour…_ he thought. _Not bad for a day's work._

* * *

After the events of the last day, it was typical that the one out of place thing Naruto noticed was the chuunin manning the desk when they turned up to report. Not a mission report, but rather a written account of all that had happened that day – but the genin didn't know that. They didn't even realise that as they hadn't completed their fruit picking mission yet, they couldn't be handing in a report.

"Daikoku-sensei! Aren't you on a mission?"

The teacher looked disgruntled. "No. We got an hour down the road before we were attacked by a _puddle_. Barely escaped with our lives, and _then_ the client tells us that he's actually been targeted by a crime lord."

Kakashi made an impressed noise. That was the sort of thing that usually happened to _him_, so he was inexplicably delighted that he had somehow skipped that little C-to-A-ranked adventure.

"What did you do?" Naruto asked. Daikoku shrugged.

"Kotetsu got scratched with a poisoned blade, so we brought him back here and stuck him in the hospital."

"What about the client?" asked Sakura. "Will he still get escorted back to Wave?"

Daikoku's grin turned evil. "Yeah, that's sorted, too. After we all expressed our extreme displeasure, of course."

"How?"

"Oh, I explained the concept of 'royalties' to the old drunk."

"Huh?"

"Well, his story checked out, see? He is actually building a bridge that will – when it's finished – generate a _lot_ of income. So I explained to him that even though he can't afford the price of an A-ranked mission, he should approach the Hokage and make a deal. They nutted it out pretty quick – Konoha will defend the entire bridge operation, builder and all, and in return get fifteen percent of everything it makes his family in the next ten years, as well as half the price of the toll they'll be putting on the bridge for the first year. It was a good deal – for both parties."

Naruto scratched his head and screwed up his face as he tried to process. "Wait… what?" Sasuke made an impatient noise.

"Konoha ninja will protect him, but he'll pay for it later with the profits he makes, rather than now with his own money. Get it, brat?"

"Oh. Not really, but… okay."

Daikoku just smiled. "As for me, I'm going back to the Academy. Too much excitement on that one."

"I know exactly how you feel," Kakashi said, handing him the report.

* * *

Twin1: Okay, I'm ready for you. Bring on the abuse. Tell me how annoyed you are that I've been gone for so long. Rant about the dodged Wave Arc. Complain your little fingers off. But before you dissolve into screaming for my disappearing off the face of the earth, pop on over to Faiyuuhi on DeviantArt. She's in the midst of drawing a Unplanned Paternity doujin. It's really good, and I guarantee if she gets a flood of people begging her for updates, she will draw faster than I write. Go, check it out, leave your comments. ^_^

Oh, and before I forget! Just in case no one remembered him, Daikoku is a real character. He's the chuunin who meets Sasuke on Sasuke's first day at the Academy and promptly starts highlighting all of Itachi's successes and basically making poor chibi-Sasuke feel lower than dirt. So I didn't mind sending him to Wave with no jounin bodyguard. As for Kotetsu and Izumo… (shrugs) Well, they have to take missions _sometime_, right? They can't possibly spend their whole careers guarding doors. Right?


	15. A Bit of Fun

Twin1: I'm back, baby! Okay, sorry about that hiatus involving no updates of ANYTHING. Blame Kishimoto, it's his fault. Chapter 600. WHY? But anyway, after reading many, many heartfelt reviews with tears, begging, pleading and death threats, my muse and I decided to finish the story! (Yay!) We have the rest planned out – should be another, like, five or ten chapters. So look forward to that… if you dare.

Happy Valentine's Day, consider this my gift of love to all my fans. And ransom paid to the ones who wanted to kill me.

EDIT: Sorry for the mention of Rin being dead. That particular scene was written before I decided I needed her alive, and it slipped through my editing process. It's fixed now. Incidentally, this is the second chapter in a row I've had to post one of these notes. Excuse me while I die of embarrassment.

* * *

Chapter Fifteen: A Bit of Fun, in which Time Passes and Life Goes On

(AKA: I'm Sure the Plot's Around Here Somewhere)

* * *

Squad Seven paused within a few moments of one another and, as a team, turned to look up at the ominous storm clouds gathering overhead.

There was a silence, their exercises forgotten. Sakura looked around, hoping for Kakashi-sensei to magically appear and grant a reprieve. No such luck: the man was true to his word, gone for the afternoon.

"We're going to get wet," she commented.

"Hn," Sasuke grunted back, head tilted so that his face was exposed to the sky. "This is going to be a big storm."

Naruto shook the ringing out of his ears and scrambled to his feet. "We should go home for the day, then," he said. Sakura protested instantly.

"But Kakashi-sensei _said_ to stay here until-"

"-Until it was dark or we collapsed, yes, I know," Naruto replied calmly, picking at the sleeve of his warm autumn jacket. "But it's a storm. At the end of September. When it's cold. Trust me, Dad'll be cross if we _don't_ disregard his latest order and take cover. Best get home quick, Sakura, and I'll take the blame if Dad gets mad."

The girl still hesitated, but a rolling volley of thunder overhead made her mind up. "I'll see you guys tomorrow!" she announced, and took off at a quick trot.

There was a silence between the boys for a moment. Sasuke was still watching the clouds carefully: he slowly lowered his gaze and weighed the kunai in his hand as if trying to decide whether or not to abandon his training for the day. After a brief moment of indecision, he stowed the kunai back in his pouch and grabbed Naruto's arm, giving the boy a rough but not entirely unfriendly shove in the direction of the ten year old's home.

"Get moving, brat. I want to get home before it starts really raining."

Naruto's scowl turned to an expression of confusion as Sasuke took several brisk steps – in the wrong direction. "Where-?" Sasuke cut him off with a scoff.

"I know better than to leave you to fend for yourself. I'll walk you home – hurry up!"

The young Hatake just barely caught a protest as it tried to launch itself at the Uchiha, and settled for glaring at the elder boy as he was marched towards home. The nerve of him, acting like Naruto needed an escort! Just like _he_ was so very grown up himself, with all of his twelve years!

The blonde huffed, hating the fact that this little stunt would earn Sasuke so many gold stars with Kakashi that the Uchiha would be swimming in them, but kept pace without fuss, not wanting to discover how Sasuke went about controlling unruly children who raced ahead or dragged their feet. Chances were he'd do something mortifying like Dad did – grabbing his hand and leading him like a toddler, or something.

Bastard.

As if the event had been choreographed by the fates, the heavens opened and torrential, half-frozen rain poured down not a second after the pre-teen duo had stepped onto Naruto's porch. There was a long pause, both boys looking at the heavy, icy downpour, and without a word Naruto unlocked the front door and walked in, leaving it wide open and saying flatly, "Take your shoes off, 'kay?"

Sasuke followed the blonde into his teacher's house almost reverently. He was more than a bit ill at ease, truth be told. He had never been inside Kakashi-sensei's house before, or indeed any house containing a broken family. It was surprisingly… normal. Coats and spare shinobi vests were hung on hooks by the door, some pairs of clearly less-worn shoes were placed neatly on a shoe rack while others (including the sandals that Naruto had just kicked off) were tossed on the floor nearby.

Naruto had disappeared, so Sasuke explored further, somehow fascinated by this place. He knew, somewhere in the back of his mind, that Naruto's home life was different than his had been – _before – _ when he'd had a home, and a family. Somehow, when he'd deigned to spare a thought on the blonde misfit youngling who'd turned up in his class, he'd supposed that he had to have a mother _somewhere_, right? Just one who was a little absent-minded, or busy, because Naruto often came in with a nose smudged with dirt, or a shirt crinkled like it hadn't been ironed since it was purchased.

Now, though, Sasuke knew better. Naruto had said so blatantly, after all, that day on the rooftop when he'd first met Kakashi-sensei. Curiously, Sasuke wandered into the kitchen, looking around at the home a single parent had made. It wasn't as bad as he'd expected – that day's breakfast dishes were still in the sink, but everything else was clean. Everywhere were reminders of Naruto's youth; art and photographs and tiny handprints in unknown substances left behind on the white plaster walls, with very few indicators of the adult who also lived here.

On the fridge, pinned by a magnet, was a photograph that from the height of it had been put there by Naruto rather than Kakashi-sensei. Sasuke glanced around to see if the blonde had returned yet, then bent to examine it.

Kiba and the brat, and a few of their other former classmates, all grinning and gathered around a finger-printed cake bearing the words 'Happy Birthday'. Searching the young faces, he guessed Kiba to be around seven, making Naruto five or so. Kakashi was standing in the background beside a woman that even Sasuke recognised as Kiba's mother, though her given name escaped him.

The Uchiha heir frowned, one slender finger reaching to almost touch the ink faces. Their children were in the same generation, but standing together like that, the difference in their ages seemed glaringly obvious. Why was Kakashi…?

A crash from above and ahead made Sasuke jump, and he was out of the kitchen and halfway up the stairs before he even escaped his previous train of thought.

Once he did, it was totally forgotten, and his only thoughts revolved around what Sensei would do to him if the baby hurt himself on the Uchiha's watch.

"Brat, where are you?" he called, even as his feet guided him towards the most likely candidate, the only open door on the landing.

Pausing in the doorway, he peered in and instantly saw that the blonde idiot hadn't come to harm. A lamp had fallen off the desk, probably as Naruto backed into it, and had made the noise. Naruto himself glared at Sasuke, halfway through changing his clothes. Sasuke smirked, pushing into the room.

"So this is the baby's nursery, eh?" he drawled, looking around.

"It's none of your business, bastard!" Naruto growled. "Get out!"

Sasuke's eyes skipped about the untidy space, noting a surprising number of books and the many, many kunai stuck in the ceiling in a macabre design, before alighting on the bed. Naruto watched a gleam enter the dark eyes that Sakura spent so long sighing over, and cringed.

"What have we here?" Sasuke purred, plucking Oink from his spot on Naruto's pillow – the blonde flushed bright red, instantly wishing that he'd hidden the toy under the bed that morning. The Uchiha sneered, brandishing the toy like a weapon. "Still sleeping with plushies, brat? Heh. Do you have a bottle, too?"

"Give him back." The words were low and either desperate or angry – Sasuke could quite decide. The little boy took a step forwards and held out his hand, shirt only half-on and hair damp from where he'd obviously scrubbed his face clean. Sasuke's smirk widened.

"_Him_?" he mocked. "You call it a _him_? Does it have a name too?"

"Give him back!" Naruto made a lunge, but Sasuke took advantage of his superior height and held the toy out of the way.

"Tell me its name first," he challenged. Blue eyes stared at him with absolute loathing.

"…Oink," Naruto muttered eventually, folding. "Now give him back."

Sasuke laughed, a cruel sound learned from his elder brother, and tossed the toy in Naruto's face. The younger child's arms snapped up automatically to hold the ragged animal.

"Have it, baby. Wouldn't want to part you from your precious Pig." With another derisive sound, the Uchiha stalked out of the room, leaving Naruto alone.

"Oink," the boy corrected mutinously. His hand tightened angrily around the plush as if around the stuck up prick's neck, before he carefully laid his toy back on the pillow where he belonged. "Bastard."

Below, he heard the door open with a slightly-less-than-perfectly-shinobi-calm energy and his father's voice echoing through the house, "Hello? Naruto? You weren't in the training field so you better damn well be here!"

Naruto crept out to the upstairs landing in time to see his father, soaked through and shivering, be met by Sasuke in the kitchen doorway below.

"Sasuke!" Kakashi sounded justifiably surprised to find the Uchiha Heir in his home. "Is Naruto…?"

"Upstairs," Sasuke replied, a superior smirk forming on his lips as he read Kakashi's body language and figured out that he had finally erased the last lingering remnants of the grudge the man had carried against him ever since the genin exam. "I walked him home before it started raining."

"Good." Kakashi looked up as Naruto slunk down the stairs, very much put out. He pouted at his father, hoping that Dad would ask what was wrong, but Kakashi took one look at him, assumed that the child's mood had to do with Sasuke's escorting him home and chose not to bring it up. Instead, the jounin spoke a few approving words to the both of them, thanking Sasuke for seeing the blonde home, praising Naruto for having the sense to leave the training field in face of such a storm, and inviting the Uchiha to stay until the worst was over. Then he excused himself and slipped upstairs to get out of his sodden uniform.

Naruto and Sasuke glared at one another when he was gone.

"I'm not a baby," Naruto announced in a deadly undertone.

"Could have fooled me," Sasuke hissed back.

The weather wailed outside, and Kakashi reappeared. "You better stay put tonight, Sasuke," he said, rubbing a towel over his wet hair.

"No thank you, Sensei," Sasuke said stiffly, glaring at the Brat again. He didn't want to spend one minute more than he had to in Hatake Naruto's company. "I'll go home."

Kakashi had his best Concerned and Serious Parent face on. Genin or not, Uchiha or not, Enemy-of-Naruto or not, Sasuke was still a child with limited frontal lobe activity. This lack of foresight – which he would not develop until mid-twenties, long after his life expectancy – and experience meant that Kakashi would have to look after him.

"Don't be an idiot," he said. "You don't go out in this sort of storm. This sort of storm brings down trees and blows away cattle. Not to mention, the river was flooding when I was coming home – by now, at least a suburb will be under."

Well, when he put it like _that_… Sasuke nodded his consent and allowed himself to be chivvied into the kitchen. He watched his teacher putter about, cobbling together a meal. Naruto, meanwhile, had set himself up with a workbook and pencil, and seemed to be struggling through the infamous parent-assigned homework.

He took a peek over the kid's shoulder and was almost blinded by the rows and rows of numbers, symbols and frustrated squiggles. "What are you doing?" he blurted before he could stop himself. Naruto made a face.

"I'm trying something called 'the quadratic formula'," he said, his tone leaving no doubt about just how much he was enjoying himself. Sasuke just stared. It was mathematics on a level he'd never seen, way beyond the basic stuff taught at the Academy. Only scholars usually extended themselves to algebra.

"Why do you need to learn this?" he asked. Naruto made an unhappy noise.

"Dad, why do I need to learn this?" he echoed.

"You don't," said Kakashi pleasantly. He continued tossing random vegetables into the stirfry as he added, "But the process of taking a series of baby steps to arrive at a logical conclusion – that, you will use the rest of your life. It might even prolong your life. Which is why I am _making_ you learn it."

Naruto's torment only lasted until Kakashi was satisfied with the meal, and before long the three were sitting in awkward silence around the table holding mismatched chopsticks.

Sasuke focused on eating so he didn't have to make small talk. It was a little too bizarre, and uncomfortable enough to make his skin itch. The Hatakes spoke a little, mostly Kakashi asking if this window or that door had been locked against the weather. Sasuke wondered if they were usually this quiet at home, or if their conversation was being stifled by his presence.

It was almost salvation when a shout startled him into spilling milk down his shirt.

"Hatake-san! Hatake-san!"

With a clatter and a squeal, a sopping wet ANBU was flung through the kitchen window. Kakashi sighed and gestured with his chopsticks. "That's what you get for not coming in through the front door. I warned you guys, my kitchen window is not a public walkway."

"…Ow," groaned the ANBU, peeling himself off the tiles. "What did you put in that ward?"

"Something nasty," smiled Kakashi. "What can I do for you, ANBU-kun? Unless you just wanted in out of the rain?"

As the ANBU shook himself out and huffed in annoyance, Sasuke noticed the look on Naruto's face. The little boy had gone completely blank, in a way that _had_ to be hiding some negative emotion. Fear? Anger? A bit of both, perhaps?

"Hatake-san, the Hokage has summoned you. ANBU Squad Four is stranded in a flash-flood – Hawk-san just barely managed to get a message through. Ame-nin are pursuing – you need to come _now_."

"Seriously?" Kakashi broke in. "You're _seriously_ going to go into classified details with two kids sitting _right here_? There're not even hiding, or anything."

The ANBU hesitated, head tilted down in a way that could have accompanied a blush – not that anyone could tell if he was blushing or not. "Sorry, sir."

Kakashi made an unhappy noise. "We'll talk about this later, rookie. You're panicking because of a bit of rain. Go tell Hokage-sama I'm coming." He turned to the genin. "At least Sakura isn't here. Sasuke should be able to keep a secret," he muttered, standing and dumping his half-full bowl in the sink. He reached out and caught a fistful of cloth that coincidentally belonged to the departing ANBU's cloak. "_What_ did I say about my window? Go out the front door. And lock it after!"

The ANBU left sulkily, and Kakashi shut and locked the window over the sink. "Sorry, kids," he said, tapping something on the sill – resetting the wards, Sasuke wondered? "Duty calls." Spotting both boys staring at him, he flicked a hand in their direction. "Eat," he said. "I'm going to go get changed."

He disappeared up the stairs. Naruto looked down at his half-finished dinner and made a half-hearted attempt at another mouthful. It was obviously hard to swallow, so he gave up and took his plates to the sink, beginning the process of scraping the leftovers into a dog bowl and filling the sink to wash up.

"Brat," Sasuke said, coming up behind him and dropping his dishes into the water with a _splash_. "What was that about? Why did Hokage-sama send for Kakashi-sensei?"

Naruto looked at his teammate. "You do know our teacher is a shinobi, right?" he said. "Didn't your father ever go on missions?"

Sasuke scowled. Quite aside from hating anyone referencing his family, he did not appreciate the kid talking to him like he was an idiot. "Your father is a jounin sensei," he said. "He's a full-time teacher, the only missions he should be assigned are D-ranks."

"My father is a _jounin_," Naruto snarked back. "He's not like an Academy sensei, genius. And we are his day job. Ever wonder why he's late all the time? Or why we get days off all the time? He does A- and S-ranked missions full-time and crams us into his free minutes."

"Telling secrets, Naruto?" Kakashi was coming back down the stairs, dressed in the black cotton clothes that ANBU wore under their armour. He reached the kitchen, put his cloak on the table and started to slide into his armoured breastplate. "Well, I guess after Raccoon's performance, it's a little unavoidable. Sasuke, surprise!"

He closed his eye and smiled, pulling on arm guards with a blind ease. Then the cheerfulness faded away and he was Kakashi the Shinobi, already mentally in the ANBU mission zone. When he spoke, it was in the same tone he used to command his A-ranked teammates.

"Sasuke, don't you leave tonight. I don't need to be worrying about you two as well tonight. Naruto, you know the drill." Kakashi was speaking rapidly, buckling together the front and back plate of the armour with impressive dexterity. "I can't afford to leave a dog with you, but Sasuke is here. Don't leave the house while it's raining. If it floods, go upstairs – just leave the furniture, don't try and save anything. We shouldn't lose the roof, but if we do I want you to get into the bathroom, in the bath, and wait it out. I should be back by morning, but if I'm not I need you to go to Tsume-san or Hiashi-san – _if _the rain has stopped. If not, you _wait here_ and Tsume-san will come looking for you when it does."

Sasuke's head spun with the information – though it had been spoken to Naruto, the speech was clearly meant for him as well. What did he mean, 'if he didn't come back'?

Naruto moved forwards to help fasten that one buckle his dad could never reach, and got a hair-ruffle for his trouble. "Sleep well, Pup. Don't stay up too late." The father tugged his cloak's hood up but didn't put on his mask – Sasuke may know he was ANBU, but he didn't have to know _which _ANBU.

"Dad! Wait! What happened to 'you don't go out in this storm'?"

Kakashi turned back and reached to cup Naruto's chin. "Naru-pup, _you_ don't. I'm being sent out to rescue the idiots who _did_."

Sasuke was a little perturbed by how upset his teammate looked. "But you might get hurt," the blonde was saying, holding to his father's shirt. Kakashi was gentle as he extricated his clothing from his son's grip, but unyielding.

"Naruto," he said, and his voice was hard. "This is my job. Now let me go."

Blue eyes dropped, and Naruto nodded. Kakashi patted his head, an affectionate consolation, and swept towards the front door. Sasuke hung back, watching Kakashi open the door, watching the muscles in his teacher's bare arms worked to force the door closed after him. He managed it, and suddenly the genin were alone. Naruto made a visible effort to shake off his worry and trotted to the linen cupboard, pulling out a few towels to soak up the rainwater that had leaked inside with the ANBU and his father's departures.

Sasuke stepped back, letting the blonde get to the puddle. "What will happen," he said, "if he doesn't come back?"

Naruto shook his head and put down his final towel under the window for some reason. "Dunno. Dad wants Tsume-san to look after me, but I reckon Ero-jiji – Jiraiya, my godfather – will take me. Hang on." He unlatched the window and threw it open, ignoring the almost-horizontal rain that blew into the living room. "Heya, ANBU-san," he said, leaning on the frame and seemingly speaking to the bushes below. "Wanna come in? It's a bit cold and wet for stakeout duty, isn't it?"

There was no reply – or none Sasuke heard, but Naruto pouted. "Aw, come on," he said. "I'll feel bad if you drown out there. Hide somewhere inside, if you're so set on protocol."

He pulled his head back in and forced the window closed. Water trickled down his collar, and he shook his head like a dog to get rid of the moisture. He noticed Sasuke staring at him.

"What?" he said. "I didn't want ANBU banging on the door about rookies with pneumonia."

"How did you know there was an ANBU there?" Sasuke demanded. "I couldn't sense anything!"

Naruto blinked. "I dunno. I can just see them."

"You can see them?" Sasuke tried not to be impressed, but it was hard. ANBU were kings of invisibility.

Naruto shrugged. "Eh. I've never had trouble spotting ANBU. Dad says it's cause I spent so much time with them when I was a little kid. There's a couple on the roof, too, but I'm pretty sure they're hiding in the chimney. They'll come inside before they drown, but they won't come out into the open. They never do."

Sasuke looked at the boy, at the sadness on his face and the loneliness in his voice, and wondered what it would be like being all alone in this house. Surrounded but unaccompanied, watched but isolated.

_He still has his father_, piped up the bitter voice in his mind that had never been truly silent since That Night. _He's still luckier than I am._

"It's late for babies," he said, cruel. "Bed time, brat." Of course, that sparked an argument.

"You can't tell me what to do!"

"Actually, since Kakashi-sensei left me in charge, yes I can."

"He didn't leave you in charge! I'm not a baby!"

"Then stop _acting_ like one! Go get ready for bed."

Naruto's defiant scowl raised Sasuke's ire, and he reacted. The hand came up before he could help himself, and he jabbed two fingers at the kid's forehead.

Naruto backpedalled, slapping a hand up to cover the injury. "OW! Bastard, what was _that_ for? Okay, I'm going. Sheesh."

The younger genin stomped off, but Sasuke stood frozen, staring at his own hand. Where had that come from? He'd never done that – to anyone – in his _life_. He'd only ever been on the receiving end of – of –

"Do you want to _inspect _me, Sasuke-sama?" Naruto's sarcasm floated down the stairs, and Sasuke pulled himself out of his daze to walk to the upstairs landing. There was Naruto, looking mulish, in an oversized shirt that was probably his father's. "Pyjamas," he said, tugging at the shirt. "Teeth," he said, pulling back his lips as if Sasuke could tell at a glance whether or not they'd been brushed. "Are you happy now?"

The younger boy was standing there, looking up at his elder teammate. Somehow, that picture made an impression on the Uchiha. It was a familiar scene, only now it was _Sasuke_ who was the elder, the bully. The thought was a shock to Sasuke, with his well-defined 'little brother' complex, and it dawned on him for perhaps the first time that he'd been acting like a spoiled brat. It wasn't Naruto's fault he was on the squad – or that his dad had OCD.

These thoughts were shoved down by the Uchiha's pride, but bubbled in the back of his mind as he followed Naruto into the kid's colourful room.

Oink had been evicted from the bed, lying in a sad crumple between some dirty clothes and a crate of spare kunai. Stooping, Sasuke picked up the ragged toy dog from where it had obviously been lobbed with some force. Naruto tensed up, effectively drying the taunt on Sasuke's lips. The guarded look in the littler boy's eyes made Sasuke's gut clench.

Dammit. He was an Avenger. He wasn't supposed to have this twisted-up feeling inside. He wasn't supposed to care what ten year olds thought of him. The bitter voice told him to suck it up and mock the kid, but the tiny part that was left from Before begged him to reconsider.

He turned the dog around and looked at it, noting the wear that came with love. One of its ears was a different material, as if it had been replaced at one stage, and the end of its tail seemed to have been chewed clean off. He didn't need to focus very hard to feel his sensei's chakra imbued in the toy from long exposure to Kakashi, and suddenly had no doubt as to why Naruto slept with it.

Taking a deep breath, he offered the toy to his teammate, suddenly wanting to make peace with a desperation that surprised him. "…When I'm at home, I sleep under my father's coat," he said. Naruto didn't respond to the bizarre admission, watching the Uchiha with suspicion. Sasuke brandished the toy again. "Here." When the kid still didn't take it, he laid it on the bedspread and shifted from foot to foot, uncomfortable. "I…shouldn't have said that stuff about the toy. I'm…"

"If you say 'sorry' I'm going to assume you're an imposter and attack," Naruto warned. "In fact, I might anyway."

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "I behaved badly, Brat. Don't think it changes things."

The awkwardness of the moment was shattered, but something had changed. Sasuke suddenly felt easy in the young Hatake's presence, in a way he never had before. "If you're not asleep in twenty minutes, I'm coming back with chloroform," he said.

"_Goodnight_, Sasuke."

* * *

Morning in the Hatake household was very different from both the serene family breakfasts of Before and the heartbreaking silence of After in Sasuke's life. While it wasn't a screaming mess of chaos either, it certainly was disorganised. When Sasuke woke early in the morning and wandered downstairs, he was surprised to find Kakashi-sensei half-naked in the kitchen, busily disinfecting a nasty-looking graze on his collar. His mask was on the table, allowing Sasuke his first look at the man's face. Again, he was struck strongly by how _young_ his teacher was, for a parent. In the early morning light, he looked barely older than Itachi.

"Good morning, Sasuke!" The cheerful tone that should have been a criminal offense at five-thirty in the morning jerked Sasuke away from staring like a kid. He _did_ spare a second to be impressed that his sensei was able to pass a bandage around himself at such an awkward angle even when injured.

"Did you sleep well?" the teacher said, using a foot to kick a chair out from the table. Sasuke stumbled into it and stared stupidly at Kakashi for a few more moments, watching the newly-uncovered features rearrange themselves into a smile.

"Are you okay?" he asked. Kakashi blinked, then glanced down at the mostly-bandaged graze.

"Oh, this? Yeah, it's fine. Night job got a little rough, don't worry about it. On the upside, the rain has stopped. It's a bit muddy, but the weather is fine enough for more fun D-ranks!"

"Ugh," Sasuke groaned.

A noise that could only be described as a wail echoed down from upstairs, making Sasuke jump. Kakashi, bizarrely, just seemed amused. The reason he hadn't jumped straight into Uber Protective Death Ninja mode became apparent a moment later, when Naruto clomped down the stairs in pyjamas, the hair on one side of his head wet and sticking straight up. A large dog followed more sedately, looking undeniably smug.

"Da-_ad_," whined Naruto, assaulting the jounin at the table. "Why'd you sic Bull on me?"

"Well, if you got up on time…" Kakashi let the mild statement hang, pulling a shirt on and settling it carefully over his injury before reaching for his mask. Naruto pouted.

"You're mean," he said, collapsing into another chair. He spotted Sasuke and froze, as if he'd forgotten all about the Uchiha spending the night. "…Dad's dogs…" he said, after a moment. "They tend to jump on me in the morning."

"You have dogs, Sensei?" It was a mostly-polite, partially-genuine question. Sasuke had never had a pet, and somehow liked the idea of a dog in this big house. The Hatakes seemed to share a look that held great significance.

"Oh, yes, Sasuke. We have dogs," Kakashi said, then clapped his hand. "Now, eat up. The council has hired you lot for some menial labour."

"What are we going to be doing, Dad?"

"Oh, you'll see."

* * *

"Okay, kids," Kakashi said. A dozen genin looked in his direction from their various positions. Gai's team, for example, were directly before him on the sidewalk, giving the damp wooden planks an energetic and youthful sanding down. Kurenai's squad was avoiding puddles and pinning posters and decorations to the walls skirting windows in front of the shops along this street while Asuma's team argued over how best to decorate the sodden handrails, benches and poles with the ribbons they'd been given. His own team was spread out, having apparently chosen to save time by approaching multiple tasks at once and avoiding fights through the dividing of ranks. Sasuke was creating holes and slamming wooden posts into them at regular intervals while Sakura followed his progress, hanging banners from the poles as they were designed to do. Naruto, the little monkey, was shimmying up sign posts and wrapping fairy lights around them.

It was festival time. Yay. Every genin in the village had been 'hired' by the council to decorate the village in preparation for Konoha's biggest celebration.

Tenth of October. The defeat of the dreaded demon, Kyuubi, by the Yondaime Hokage. Glancing up, one of Sakura's banners caught his eye and his heart momentarily stalled, seeing his sensei looking down at him, flickering back and forth in the wind. Forcing himself to take a deep breath, the jounin tore his eye away, reminding himself to stay calm.

He hated this celebration. Hated it. Not only because it was a terrible, harsh reminder that everyone he'd ever loved (barring his son) had been taken from him brutally, or because everyone always seemed so gods-damned _happy_ at the festival, as if it _wasn't _the anniversary of their Hokage's _suicide_, or even because every Kyuubi Festival that rolled around, he hated himself a little more for feeling, somewhere in the depths of his heart in a place he couldn't ever quite stamp out, a little glad that it had happened – if it hadn't, he wouldn't have Naruto, and Kakashi often thought that if he didn't have his son he'd have followed his father's example to the grave before his twentieth birthday.

Most of all, he hated the festival for the ulcer-inducing fear that permeated every second of it, every moment a tense nightmare – what if someone realised who Naruto was? What if _Naruto_ realised who Naruto was? What if someone got drunk and mistook Hatake Naruto for Uzumaki Naruto, or decided he didn't care who the kid was – that being 'Naruto' at all was an executable offence. What if? What if? What if?

Thankfully, last night's storm had blown itself out, leaving nothing but puddles and leaf litter behind as evidence. That was one less thing to worry about.

"Yes, Kakashi-sensei?" one of Gai's students – the Hyuuga – said, breaking through Kakashi's internal panic-induced seizure. Kakashi shook his head to clear it and willed his heart to stop pounding.

"Oh, yes. Who's finished their tasks?"

"Me, Dad," Naruto said, sliding down the last signpost and landing lightly on his toes. "Fairy lights are up and functioning."

"We're done too," piped up the bossy blonde female on Asuma's team, glaring at her male counterparts.

"Good. You lot need to move on to the next block, and once it's done, you'll be done too. So the faster you work, the sooner you'll be done. You twelve are only responsible as far as Elmer Street: another group is doing Hanson Lane and beyond. Okay?"

A dozen "Yes, Kakashi-sensei"s were mumbled back at him, and Kakashi turned to leave, absently ruffling Naruto's fluffy blonde hair on the way past.

"Da-_ad_," he whined, combing the locks with his fingers as if to righten his hairdo. Kakashi knew for a fact that Naruto didn't even _own_ a brush, though, and so knew it was just posturing to appear 'grown up' to his peers. He was grinning as he slipped back to the rooftop the jounin sensei were lounging on, sipping cups of tea. Kurenai and Asuma were playing go while Gai was in the midst of a thousand-squat set that he had promised to do if he lost the latest 'challenge' he'd issued Kakashi.

"FIVE HUNDRED AND FIFTY-EIGHT! FIVE HUNDRED AND FIFTY-NINE! FIVE HUNDRED AND SIXTY!" Konoha's Green Beast was shouting at the top of his lungs in time with his deep dips to the ground, the exercise one used to build pretty much all leg muscles. "FIVE HUNDRED AND – HELLO, MY RIVAL KAKASHI! YOU ARE BACK FROM CHECKING ON OUR YOUTHFUL STUDENTS! – SIXTY-ONE! FIVE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-TWO!"

"Thank you, Gai. I hadn't realised," Kakashi said pleasantly.

"How go the minions?" the only female asked, glancing up from the board game. Kakashi shrugged, digging in his pockets for his latest novel from his father's library.

"Eh," he said, flicking it open. "I think Inoichi's kid may be about to kill her teammates, but other than that they're getting on pretty well." Asuma winced. "We should be out of here in another hour or so."

"FIVE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-FIVE! FIVE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SIX! FIVE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SEVEN! I WILL FINISH THESE SQUATS BEFORE THE GENIN CALL FOR US, OR I WILL DO TEN THOUSAND PUSH-UPS!"

"I believe you," Kakashi said placidly, turning the page of his book and leaning against the guard rail. And if from this position he could watch the kids omnisciently, what of it? Purely coincidental.

Below, Naruto was busily trying to find the one defective light in a row of fairy lights eight metres long, a box of spare bulbs by his elbow. Sakura, having strung all of her banners, came and sat on the kerb beside him, lifting the other end of the string of lights and beginning to look from that end.

"It's really exciting, isn't it?" she said. Naruto glanced at her, then shrugged. "I can't believe it's time for the festival again – it's my favourite time of the year, you know."

Naruto made a polite, vague noise. Sakura watched him with pretty green eyes, her hands still working the row of lights, searching for the broken link.

"Um, look," she said awkwardly, "My parents… um… we always go to the festival and I was thinking that maybe you and Sensei would like to come with us… or we could meet you there, or… Sasuke-kun's already said he'll meet up with us at the festival, and so I thought we could go as a team, which might be… y'know, fun."

Naruto's hands stilled and he turned to look up at his older teammate, slight confusion tainting his blue eyes. "My dad doesn't go to the festival," he said at length. "I'm too… little…" he gritted the word out, "to go by myself, and ero-jiji isn't in town, so I just won't… go."

The total shock on her face made him break out in giggles, but he quietened before she scolded him, and her smile was bright as she said, "Well, it's decided then! You can come with my family!"

Naruto hesitated. "I'll… I'll ask Dad," he said. Sakura made a noise of triumph as she found the broken bulb and replaced it, before handing the whole line back to Naruto and saying firmly, "_I'll _asked Kakashi-sensei."

And then she left, leaving a confused ten year old frowning in the wake of an aggressively organised female.

* * *

Squad seven was only fifteen minutes late to the memorial service conducted every October tenth to remember those who fell in the battle with Kyuubi – and those who died in the war preceding it. Kakashi was frankly unable to let go of his small tribute to Obito on the day dedicated to remembering him, so the Sandaime had made it a habit to start the ceremony twenty minutes behind schedule, just for him.

He told no one, of course.

It was easy to pick those who had fought Kyuubi – they were all dressed in funeral garb. Kunoichi fisted their widow's weeds while shinobi pretended they didn't know they were supposed to be in uniform. Kakashi was no different, and his son obligingly donned black on this one day of the year as well, which somehow made Kakashi feel a fraction better.

They assembled before the Hokage Tower, falling into formation. Kakashi's task through this service was to keep his three brats in line, and so far things were going well.

Naruto's hair had been combed into something resembling a distant relative of neatness, Sasuke had shucked his traditional clan shirt in favour of a formal kimino and Sakura had disposed of her usual bright and pretty ornaments, going so far as to bind her vivid hair back to sober her appearance.

Then the Hokage appeared on the balcony a storey above them, and the crowd hushed.

"My friends," the old man said, looking down at them, "Today we have gathered to remember. Today, we remember the sacrifice of the dozens of shinobi who fought and died for us – good ninja, brave ninja, loyal and loved…"

Kakashi listened woodenly as Sarutobi once again reminded them of the events of that horrible, terrifying day twelve full years ago, hating every moment, hanging on every word. Once the tale was done, the aged leader began to read from a list in his hand, the name of every shinobi felled in that battle. Kakashi found himself flinching now and again as the name of a close friend was read out, but stood with his comrades like statues, enduring the torment of it all.

He started as something warm touched him, but looked down to see that it was only Naruto's hand, small and adorned with calluses new and old, sliding into his own. The blonde's blue eyes were fixed firmly forward, as if trying to ignore the moment of childishness by making it as discreet as possible.

The sun was climbing to the heavens by the time the Hokage rolled up his scroll and made a few closing remarks. They were dismissed three minutes before noon, and Sakura and Naruto both became animated instantly, moving and squirming after so long standing at attention. Kakashi felt a moment of loss as his son's hand was tugged out of his own, but brushed it aside easily and smiled at his squad.

"Well, you can go," he said lightly. "Have fun at the festival tonight, and stay safe. If you get in any trouble, just speak to one of the chuunin or jounin who'll be everywhere today."

"Naruto, Sasuke, meet me on the red bridge in an hour, okay?" Sakura put in excitedly. Naruto glanced at his father briefly before murmuring his agreement: Sasuke 'hn'ed and turned on his heel to leave. Sakura looked up at her teacher one last time, as if weighing her chances of a positive answer if she asked him to attend again, but backed down upon determining them to be not good.

Kakashi had given Naruto permission to attend the festival with Sakura, Sasuke and the Haruno parents, but he wouldn't partake in a celebration of his sensei's death. He _wouldn't_.

Sakura bounced off home to change in preparation for the merriment that was to follow, and soon the square was emptying of shinobi until only a few scattered groups of twos and threes remained. The Hatake elder looked down at the younger and held out his hand. Naruto took it, and the pair of them made their unerring way towards the Memorial Stone, gleaming a polished black in the sunlight.

When they arrived, they stopped and stood there, a two-person chain linked by hands and silence, and looked at the monument to people who had fallen. After a moment, the father let Naruto's hand drop and dug in his weapon pouch, pulling out a small bottle of Sake, a bottle of water and two sake cups.

Setting the cups on the ledge of the memorial stone, he unstoppered the sake and filled one of them. Then, twisting the cap off the water bottle, he poured a measured amount of alcohol into the water, clear liquid mingling with clear liquid. Setting the sake jar down on the stone ledge and dropping the cork stopper beside it, he re-sealed the water bottle and shook it vigorously before distilling a cupful into the empty sake dish and stowing the rest of the tainted water back in his pouch to be disposed of later, at home.

"Here, Naruto," he said quietly, passing the child the much-diluted cup. Naruto took it quietly, expression uncharacteristically sombre. "Drink to the dead," Kakashi added in a gentle order, lifting the undiluted cup himself. Pulling down his mask, he downed the shot in one. Naruto waited until he did so to copy him, and this year he barely spluttered at all at the unusual, burning taste of the alcohol, scant though it was.

With a swift movement, Kakashi knocked the sake bottle over, watching its contents spill and spread over the Memorial Stone, wetting the names of people he loved dearly.

There was silence for a long while.

Finally, Kakashi shifted, bending to pick up the empty, dripping bottle and relieve Naruto of his cup. "You had better go, or you'll be late to meet Sakura," he said, trying for business-like. Naruto chewed his lip, looking up at his father. The pain in his eyes was purely sympathetic, Kakashi knew – he was sad because Dad was sad. The fact had a sweetly childish simplicity about it, so unlike Kakashi's confused and torn feelings, and the elder smiled a little and rubbed his hand over Naruto's golden head.

"Will you be okay if I go?" the boy asked anxiously. Kakashi nodded.

"I'll be fine," he said. "I'll stay here for a while, and be home by the time you're done at the festival. You be good and mind Sakura and Sasuke, understand? They'll look after you. And stay out of trouble, and be home after the first set of fireworks – they're scheduled for eight thirty, so I want you home no later than nine. Sasuke should walk you home, but if he doesn't, I want you to ask Haruno-san – Sakura's father – to do so, okay? Do you need me to send one of my dogs with you? Maybe that would be a good idea. Pakkun? Or would you like Bull, he's big and scary-"

"Da-_ad_," Naruto said in an exasperated half-growl. "I'm not a baby. I'll be fine, I promise. I don't need one of the dogs to baby-sit me. I'll be home on time, if no-one will walk me home I'll send word for you to come and get me, and stay with the Harunos until then, and I won't follow any signs saying 'free hugs' down dark alleyways. _Okay_?"

Kakashi half-chuckled despite himself. "Yes, okay," he said, ruffling Naruto's hair one last time. "Off you go. Have fun."

With a grin and a salute, Naruto was gone.

* * *

Sakura was thrumming with excitement as she waited for her squad on the red bridge. Her parents were waiting a little way back, talking to one another to pass the time. Sasuke was the first to arrive, two minutes ahead of schedule, still wearing the stiff, formal clothing that his clan had once worn on special occasions. He slid into place beside her silently and stood, waiting.

Finally, the last member of their team arrived, still dressed (curiously enough) in the black clothes of mourning he'd been wearing at the memorial service. Sakura smiled brightly at him.

"Naruto! You made it!" she said. Naruto nodded, his eyes travelling over her dress with the interest of a small child (it was pretty, with many ribbons and sparkles, and Naruto was so little she assumed him to be devoid of any lecherous thoughts). "Come on," the girl said, grabbing his arm and Sasuke's in the same moment. "Come meet my parents! Mom, Dad, this is Uchiha Sasuke and Hatake Naruto. Sasuke-kun, Naruto, these are my parents."

Sasuke bowed shortly and said, "It is an honour to meet you," in a bored monotone, clearly regurgitating manners that had been branded into his mind. Naruto offered a shy smile.

"Hi," he said. "Um, it's nice to meet you… I don't know many civilians, so…"

"Ah, yes, you're the son of one of the higher-ranked shinobi in the village, aren't you?" Sakura's father said, looking him over with renewed interest. "And Sakura's teacher?"

Naruto ducked his head and nodded.

"Well, it's certainly nice to meet the two boys Sakura's told me so much about," the girl's mother said. "Come on: let's head off – we don't want to miss the festival!" The group began to move, the woman chattering all the way. "Usually we're there by nine in the morning – I don't know why we had to wait until now this year."

"Mom," Sakura put in hurriedly, agitation tinging her voice, "I _told_ you already, I had to go to the memorial service!"

"But why?" This apparently was a source of irritation for Haruno-senior, who frowned at her daughter. "It's dreary and terribly long, and you could be doing such fun things at the festival instead-"

"Ima," Sakura's father tried to divert the rant, but he just got an annoyed look and a swat from his wife. Sakura cringed, wishing to disappear forever so she wouldn't have to deal with her mother's inability to accept that she was a kunoichi and _not a kid_.

"-and honestly, why do they keep dragging those names out and dusting them off – it was more than a decade ago, and I think it's well and truly time to let them rest in peace, and besides, you should be having fun and enjoying your holiday instead of wasting it listening to speeches-"

"Haruno-san," Sasuke cut in smoothly, making the woman blink at being interrupted. "If we do not remember those who died to save us, what meaning would this festival hold? The festival does not officially start until one pm for that very reason – it is only civilians and fools who begin early. How disrespectful would it be to forget our mothers, fathers, cousins and comrades who died on the anniversary we are marking, and simply use their suffering as an excuse to skip work and play games? Your daughter is very smart: she knows that if we ever are to move forward, we must look back, and remember."

"My dad lost his teacher today twelve years ago," Naruto piped up. "And his best friend four days ago, thirteen years ago. He says my granddad died in the war, too." Here, Sakura (vastly relieved that her teammates were, in fact, standing up for her and not laughing at her) noticed a tightening in her father's mouth, but didn't call him on it. "So it's good to remember. I don't have any family 'cept for Dad – I'm glad that there's today put aside for us to remember people who… aren't here anymore."

There was a heavy silence for a while, until the group entered into the hubbub and excitement that was the village centre, the festival in full swing. Sakura turned to Naruto, the kid, first. "What do you like to do at the festival?" she asked the younger, thinking vaguely of heading for the children's stalls – throwing darts at water balloons or scooping fish out of water with paper nets. Naruto looked at her in confusion.

"I dunno," he said. "Never been to it before."

Another moment of silence.

"Never?" Sakura's mother looked scandalised. Naruto shrugged.

"My dad says 'I refuse to participate in a festival teeming with fools who want nothing more than to celebrate the suicide of my foster father.' And I can't come by myself, and my godfather's never been in town in October, except once when I was _really_ little, so he _might_ have taken me then, but I don't remember it."

"Oh. Well, you have to try some games, then!" Sakura said, enthused. "Sasuke, come on – we can show him all the games _we_ liked as kids! Mom, Dad, um, how about we meet up later? It'll probably be boring for you, but we'll be fine – we'll stay together and everything!"

Sakura's mother hesitated, but her father nodded. "Okay, sweetheart," he said fondly. "Have fun."

An instant later, the trio had vanished into the crowd.

* * *

Festivals, Naruto was discovering, were _fun_. In the last hour, they'd played eight games, won two stuffed bears, a whistle and a rainbow ball between them. They'd also tried a half-dozen different kinds of food, including fluffy clouds of spun sugar – which would have sent Kakashi into spastic twitches if he knew – and found a good spot on a rooftop to rest for a while.

It was exhilarating, as the sun went down and the energy of the village rose. It seemed like everyone in the world was crushed into Konoha's streets that evening.

"This is fun!" Naruto announced to the rest of the world, then bounced ahead of his teammates so he could beam at them both at once, too excited to sit still all of a sudden. "Isn't this fun?"

The two smiled back at him, and maybe he was imagining it but they seemed to be more sharing in his excitement than looking down on him for it. Then Sasuke spat all over the moment by realising what he was doing and backpedalling into nastiness as quickly as possible. "Che. Sure, if you're a baby. This whole thing is so childish."

The words were fuel to Naruto's quick temper, and Sakura wilted. But he was having such a good time, he couldn't raise the ire to be properly mad. Instead, he rolled his eyes and said, "You know, Sasuke, you put so much effort into being a bastard. If you'd drop the act for a few minutes, you'd actually be a decent guy."

Sasuke was silent for a few steps. "You're not that bad… I guess," he said instead of the myriad of insults that had leapt to mind. "You're okay, for a kid."

Sakura grinned. That was about as close to an 'I like you, I'm sorry I've been a jerk, let's be friends' as boys could manage. The truce had somehow been restored, and she inwardly claimed it as her own victory – if she hadn't insisted on a team outing to the festival, they'd never have had the opportunity to be social and mend bridges. Feeling rather fond of both boys, she tucked an arm under the elbow of each and felt another small thrill when neither shrugged her off.

"Come on!" she announced cheerfully. "Let's go to the Goldfish Bob stand next!"

"Whoa, hang on!" Naruto spluttered with laughter as she tugged him along. "My dad will _kill _me if I bring home any more goldfish!"

"We could always win you a puppy," Sasuke suggested. His finger was elegantly pointed at a balloon-decked stall where several small dogs were scurrying around in a pen marked 'PRIZES'.

"Great idea, Sasuke-kun," said Sakura, giggling at the thought of Naruto coming home with a puppy in tow. Surely their uptight sensei would dislike a pet – especially a pet that could _bite_ his precious baby. As an added bonus, the little cocker spaniel puppies were cute enough to cause aneurisms. "But can we play? Are we allowed?" she added, suddenly realising that there were no shinobi in the line – just children without hitai-ates. Sasuke grunted.

"Naruto can," he said. "He's not wearing his headband, and the sign says the game is for players 'under twelve'."

"I don't think that's what it means," Sakura said. It was fairly obvious that the game was meant for non-shinobi. Sasuke twitched his shoulders.

"But it's what it _says_."

"Awesome. Loop holes for the win!" cheered Naruto, and the trio stepped into line. They chattered amongst themselves for a few minutes, until a shout reached them through the general noise of the crowd.

"Friend of Gai-sensei!"

Naruto stopped dead in the middle of a sentence. Both his teammates looked at him, waiting for an explanation, so he said, "Brace for an assault. Mini-Froggie-san has arrived."

The words were barely out of his mouth when he was – as per his warning – tackle-glomped from behind by a green blur of energy. Naruto screwed up his face in mock-horror for the amusement of his team, then schooled his features back to politeness when his attacker crawled around to face him.

"Hi… Lee-san?" Naruto said, half-guessing the name. The little clone _probably_ wouldn't like being called 'Mini-Froggie-san' to his face. It seemed he'd both miscalculated and guessed correctly: he was enveloped in another hug.

"Honoured Comrade! You have remembered me! Shall we then be Glorious Friends?"

Naruto had to hand it to the teenager, he managed a very accurate Froggie-san impersonation. He levered himself away and forced a smile. "…Sure, Lee-san. Can you please excuse us? We're… um…"

Miraculously, Sasuke came to his rescue. "You just cut the line at the balloon dart stall," he said, crossing his arms. "Let him go so he can play, or you'll cost him his turn."

Lee dropped Naruto like a hot cake. "Oh! I am sorry, my Glorious Friend! I will also play!"

"No shinobi," said the man handling the game. "Under twelves only. You four step out of line."

"Naruto's ten. We're just here to watch him," Sakura said quickly, and the man huffed and grabbed a handful of darts for them.

Lee was almost comical in his Pose of Dismay. Then he paused and appeared to consider. "We will not compete," he said to Naruto. "It is probably for the best, considering our Glorious Friendship. I will cheer for you and show my support! I SHALL ALWAYS LOOK AFTER YOU AND CHEER FOR YOU, MY FRIEND! YOSH!"

Naruto spend several moments just blinking at the green enthusiast, imagining the hell that cheer had painted for his working career. "…I think I'd prefer to be rivals," he said weakly. Lee patted him rather vigorously on the head.

"We cannot be Rivals, Naruto-kun!" he announced as he pulled the blonde into proper gaming position and forced a few darts into his hands. The rest of Team Seven hung back, exchanging smirks and giggles at Naruto's misfortune. "You are Much Younger than I! It would be unwise for us to compete. No, we shall be Glorious Friends instead! Now we will play a vigorous game of Youth!"

Naruto groaned.

* * *

_Officially, _Tenzou was on-duty. Just about every ANBU in the village was. It was a security nightmare, the same nightmare every high-end shinobi had been complaining about since the Kyuubi Festival was founded. At any rate, Tenzou had more important things to do tonight than his job.

He was sitting in his stakeout position in the south-east quadrant of the village. The memorial stone, important enough to be magnetic for drunk vandals. Tenzou was _supposed _to be in the north-east quadrant, patrolling between Hoi Chi Square and that big statue of the tree that probably had some obscure significance. He'd twisted Owl's arm until the old man had agreed to swap with him.

He'd heard a rumour that his Kakashi-senpai had a hard time of it on this day every year. _Officially_, he was here out of concern – and it was true, the need to watch over one's friends was a frowned upon but immovable fact in ANBU. Most of those guys would camp out in hell to keep one another from breaking. But maybe (just maybe) Tenzou was here because he was… well, nosy.

…Seeing the great Hatake Kakashi have a weak moment? Tenzou struggled to picture it. Hence sitting here, getting his butt wet in the grass. It was less fun than he'd imagined, seeing Kakashi-senpai low. One of the strongest shinobi in the village was standing like a lost puppy by the stone, head down. His arms were around himself in an unconscious self-comforting gesture, which was heartbreaking – hugging himself because there was no one left to do it for him. He'd been speaking before, and Tenzou had wished he were anywhere but there, listening to his friend's voice crack again and again.

Poor Kakashi-senpai, he looked like he needed a hug. Tenzou didn't have the guts to do that, though – what would he say, anyway? "No homo, senpai, I just thought you could use a cuddle?"

…Kakashi would take his head off. Best to stay sitting quietly in the grass.

He was nearly startled into flight when someone brushed passed him. A Hyuuga? The man walked sedately to where Kakashi was standing and clasped his hands behind his back. They stood quietly for so long, Tenzou had almost fallen asleep before the Hyuuga spoke.

"It was a cruel thing," he said, "to send children so young into such bloody wars."

"That was a long time ago." Kakashi hadn't moved, hadn't looked at the man who'd joined him.

"And yet I think you still live in its midst," said the Hyuuga – and now Tenzou recognised the clan's leader, Hiashi. "The past is a place to visit, Kakashi-san, but it is only that. You must live in the present and dwell on the future. Think of your son."

"I do. Every day. I think that if I had just – just been different, been better, then he'd have a better life now."

"Or maybe you had to suffer so that he does not." Kakashi shifted, obviously dismissing the idea. Hiashi seemed to change tact. "Who do you come here for?" he asked. "Your teacher? Naruto-kun's mother?"

"Obito."

Hiashi was silent after that little admission, made in a voice so forlorn Tenzou was ready to tear his ears off just so he didn't have to hear it again.

"His teammate, genius," said a female voice. Both at the stone glanced up as Inuzuka Tsume jumped down from the trees edging the field and stalked towards them. "Honestly, if you're going to come out here and try and defuse The Kakashi Bomb, you should at least do your homework."

"And how do you know about it?" Hiashi challenged.

"I threatened the other teammate, Tamanaka," Tsume grinned. Kakashi sighed, eyes still fixed on the memorial.

"Hello, Tsume-san. You know, she would have told you just as easily if you'd asked."

"Probably, but I kinda liked threatening her," Tsume said easily. "Hi, kid. You look miserable."

Kakashi shrugged one shoulder. He was beginning to look, in Tenzou's expert opinion, like he wanted very much to leave but couldn't quite tear himself from the names on the stone.

He probably regretted staying a moment later, when the woman was suddenly right next to him. "Oh, c'mere." Her arms grabbed Kakashi from the side and pulled, forcing him right against her. Tenzou caught a glimpse of Kakashi's single eye widen with alarm at suddenly finding himself pressed against the fearsome woman's bosom. "You can cry, you know. I wore my extra-absorbent vest just for the occasion."

"I… I…" It seemed the jounin didn't know what to say. A stuttering Kakashi-senpai was another thing Tenzou thought he'd never see. "I don't cry. Obito would think it was… weird. Don't bring flowers, either."

"I don't think Kakashi-san is enjoying your embrace, Tsume-san," Hiashi noted.

"Oh, hush, Hiashi." Tsume was familiar enough with Hiashi, Tenzou noted with surprise, to not only be comfortable scolding him, but to address him with no suffix at all. Maybe she was just preternaturally bold – she _was _holding a squirming Kakashi to herself, after all, which was brave by anyone's standards.

"Tsume-san, please," Kakashi said. "I'm okay, please let me go."

"You are getting a hug and that is final," Tsume informed him severely. Kakashi made a noise that was _almost_ a whimper, but stopped trying to escape. Tenzou was fascinated: he'd just seen the impossible. Kakashi-senpai had been defeated.

* * *

"What are you going to do with it?" said Sasuke. Naruto looked at the squirming bundle in his arms and shrugged.

"What do you normally do with a puppy?"

"It _is _awfully cute," said Sakura, leaning around Sasuke to pet the little thing again. "What will you name her?"

"Why don't you name her?" Naruto said as they rounded the final corner before the main market square in the centre of Konoha. Sakura looked surprised, then flattered.

"Well… how about Cupcake?"

She thought it was a perfectly good name for a puppy, but both boys screwed up their noses. "No!" they said in unison.

"Sakura, you'd never be able to _call_ the dog with a name like that," Sasuke said. "It would be too humiliating."

"How about we call it 'Sakura Two'?" said Naruto. He bounced the puppy and dangled it so the others could see. "It looks like a 'Sakura Two' to me."

"Sakura! Kids!"

Sakura's parents were up ahead, waving. They had that weird kind of glow that longstanding couples got when they escaped responsibility and went on a reserved-for-the-young date. "Did you have fun?" the father said as they reached one another.

"Yeah!" said Naruto.

"We won a puppy!" Sakura cheered. The Haruno's faces froze, looked at the dog squirming in Naruto's arms, realised that _Naruto _and not Sakura was holding it, and relaxed in unison.

"Oh, my," said the mother. "It is a sweet little thing. But, won't your father mind you coming back with a dog, dear?"

Naruto grinned. "I doubt it. He might be a bit irritated by how fluffy it is, but that's the worst of it, Haruno-san."

The Haruno matriarch looked dubious, but didn't feel the need to fight this particular fight. It wasn't like it was Sakura bringing home a furry mouth to feed. "Well, we'd better go. We'll miss the fireworks."

They managed to snag a great spot near the river – the Haruno parents wouldn't let them climb the water tower. The fireworks shot into the sky and exploded with fervour enough to please even the least whimsical among the crowd. Naruto smiled up at the sparkling crescendo to what he had already mentally labelled as the Best Day Ever, very glad that he'd been coerced into coming.

"Thank you, Sakura," he said as the last few colours faded. "Thanks for inviting me. And convincing Dad – I don't know how you managed _that_, it was very impressive."

"Have you considered a career as a hostage negotiator?" Sasuke deadpanned, causing his teammates to dissolve into giggles as the comparison.

"Thank you for letting us join you, Haruno-san, Haruno-san," Naruto said, clambering to his feet and bowing to each of Sakura's parents in turn.

"It was great to meet you, Naruto-kun," Sakura's father said.

"Are you headed home already, dear?" the mother put in. Naruto winced.

"Yeah… Dad wanted me home right after the first set of fireworks. He's probably at home with a search-and-rescue kit in one hand and a stopwatch in the other, so I'd better get going." A thought occurred to him, and he made a pained face. "Ugh. I have to get someone to walk me home. Sasuke, please not you."

Sasuke smirked. "Come on, brat. Let's go."

Naruto made a noise like a wounded animal, and Sakura giggled. "Why don't we both walk you home?" she suggested. "That way it's actually 'walking you home' and not 'Naru-chan needs an escort'."

Naruto twitched. "_Never_ call me 'Naru-chan' again," he said. "Ever. Ever."

That had a predictable response, and within a minute the Hatake scion was chasing the Last Uchiha and the cloth merchant's daughter down the street, both of whom were hollering 'Naru-chan, Naru-chan!' in an infuriating chant.

* * *

Anko reversed her out-of-the-window lean and looked across the sticky booth at Asuma. "Did you just see what I thought I saw?" she slurred. Asuma grinned the grin of a happy drunk.

"Looks like Kashi-kun's team's gettin' on… better," said Genma, choosing each word carefully as if it held great meaning. He was a philosophical drunk. Asuma dissolved into girlish giggles, and Gai – who tended to swing between an aggressive drunk and a sleepy drunk – put his head down and started to snore.

"Maybe the kids have been at the moonshine, too," said Kurenai. She seemed sober, though she wasn't. A sensible drunk: the most boring drunk there was.

"We should convince Kakashi to come to the festival one year," said Asuma through another shot of something that glowed. Gai snorted without raising his head.

"It will never happen. My Eternal Rival is too hip and cool to ever – _hic_ – join us on… this… day of… zzz…"

"Is he actually asleep this time?" said Anko.

"He is asleep if he's sleeping," said Genma seriously. "But if he's awake, he's not asleep."

"That is _deep_," Anko replied, blinking as she tried to get her fuzzied brain around Genma's logic. "You should be, like, a theologist or something."

Asuma began to giggle. "This is the best holiday of the year!" he announced.

"Not for the ones working," Kurenai pointed out. "Yuugao, Hayate, that other guy." Each name made Asuma laugh harder.

"I want more booze!" Genma announced.

"Ooh, get a jug of that glowy stuff – the _blue _glowy stuff, not the green glowy stuff!" Anko demanded. This was met with a cheer and Kurenai swayed towards the bar for some more liquid poison. They really did have great fun when they got together and relaxed for an evening, and the festival was the best time of year to do it.

They stayed at that bar until Gai woke up and started a fight with another patron for 'not wearing youthful green!' They took that, or rather the bouncers that surrounded them, as the cue to move along.

* * *

"Tsume-san, please. I think you're embarrassing him."

Tsume didn't let up her embrace but used a spare hand to press down Kakashi's hair so she could glare at Hiashi over it. "If you're gonna try to instate some tag-team parenting, you'd better wise up to the fact that, when dealing with kids, the woman is _always_ right."

_That _made Kakashi restart his squirming. "I'm not a child," he said.

"You are to me, kid. You are to me," Tsume said. "And to Hiashi. Right, Hiashi?"

The Hyuuga's face was perfectly blank, but Tenzou watched him squirm a little with embarrassment. Again, the ANBU wondered what on _earth_ was going on between the two clan heads.

"You are young, Kakashi-san," was all he said on the matter, but that was enough to make his opinion known.

Kakashi groaned, finally levering himself away from Tsume and glaring at the memorial stone. "If I didn't know better, I'd think you had something to do with this, Obito," he muttered accusingly. "Now I have _parents_." Louder, he said, "Look, I appreciate what you're doing, but I'm okay. I'm coping."

"You're repressing," Hiashi said clinically. "Eventually, this is going to come to the surface – probably at the worst possible time."

"Then you'll be in trouble," Tsume said.

Kakashi looked at the pair of them helplessly. "…What do you want me to do?" he asked eventually.

"Get _over_ it," Tsume replied promptly.

"Bury your dead," Hiashi rephrased. Kakashi's hand reached up and began to rub at his temple: a sure sign of an evolving headache.

"That's impossible."

Tsume looked like she wanted to shout or try and shake some sense into him – or maybe hug him again, which would be far worse – but Hiashi put a hand out to check her. "Will you make a promise, then?" he said. "Give me your word that you will come to one of us – or the Hokage, or Jiraiya-sama, or anyone old enough to deal with these problems – if you need help. If it gets too much, if you feel yourself losing control."

Kakashi hesitated. It was obvious even from a distance that he was trying to interpret the hidden meaning behind that promise, and was coming up empty. Still, he nodded his head and said, "…I promise."

"That means proper grownups, not just your little friends," Tsume said with a warning flash of fang. Kakashi sighed.

"We're twenty-six."

Tsume nodded, as if Kakashi had proved her point. "Like I said, not your little friends. Grownups only. Swear."

"Fine, fine."

Before anything else could happen, an animal appeared from the treeline and trotted towards the group, effectively interrupting the conference. Kakashi turned to it instantly with a little _too _much attentiveness, clearly relieved for the distraction.

"Yo, Kakashi." The little brown dog – the one with whose teeth Tenzou was a bit too intimately acquainted – sat up on his haunches to make himself a few inches taller. "Your kid's on the way home. You need to go if you're gonna meet him. You want I can go instead…?"

Kakashi roused himself, pushing away from his company. "No, that's fine. I'll go. I don't want him to know I made you stalk him. Thanks, Pakkun." He glanced at Hiashi and Tsume. "…Bye."

Tenzou found himself part of a trio watching the Hatake and his dog disappear into the night. Once he was out of sight, Hiashi sighed and brushed an invisible crease out of his clothing. "My children are not expected back until after the midnight fireworks. May I buy you a drink at the festival?"

Tsume grunted. "You bet you can. I need it after dealing with that brat."

They left as well, together, and Tenzou found himself left with a goldmine of potential gossip. The respective heads of Inuzuka and Hyuuga going out so informally? It sounded like the setup for a joke. 'A Hyuuga and an Inuzuka walk into a bar…' Time to tell all his friends.

It took him a long moment to realise that 'all his friends' was not a very long list, and the only one living and not in jail wouldn't care at all. "Damnit!" he said. "Why is Kakashi my only buddy? I need to tell someone!"

It was time for some networking.

* * *

Normally, the day after the festival started slowly. Kids slept off sugar rushes while adults nursed hangovers and groaned into their pillows. This particular morning after, however, was buzzing due to a rumour that had spread like wildfire.

It was a sad but true fact of life that shinobi – and shinobi villages – were terrible gossips. It probably came from living such regimented lives, where the slightest irregularity was something to be relished and picked over. Add to that the vast intra-village networks each formed by professional necessity, and a rumour could go from birth to common knowledge in the space of an hour.

The fate of the Hyuuga had been a hot topic for more than a month, ever since the clan had been rendered homeless. Everyone knew that they had been taken in by the other clans indefinitely, everyone knew that the clan head was shacking up with the Inuzuka Head.

So when the rumours of an illicit fling between the two leaders began to spread, it was accepted as fact without struggle. Everyone had something to say about it.

"Did you hear? Hyuuga-sama and Inuzuka-sama are in _love_!"

"Well, of course they're sleeping together. It's sooo obvious."

"Did you hear what she said?"

"Did you see what he did?"

"It's so _romantic_!"

"It's disgraceful."

"I heard they were planning to elope."

"I heard Tsume-san is pregnant."

"I heard they're going to marry their children."

It was getting worse by the minute. When the two at the centre of the scandal ventured out – _together –_ around mid-afternoon, it was amazing that the buzz didn't kill off those with weaker dispositions.

As seasoned shinobi, Tsume and Hiashi were well aware of the eyes watching them sip tea together. Both were privately baffled by the attention, but didn't want to admit it. Neither thought much on it before dismissing the irregularity.

Similarly, Hiashi didn't think twice before refilling Tsume's tea cup for her. He was well-bred, after all, and it would never do for her to wait on herself when he was the one treating her. Add to that that he wasn't entirely sure he trusted rough Tsume to handle the delicate teapot, and it became a natural thing to wait on her.

It was comparable to the way Tsume didn't hesitate to steal one of Hiashi's dango sticks – in her mind, they were friends, and friends shared. Frankly, she lacked the breeding to know better manners. Hiashi let it go with barely an annoyed glance, completely unaware of how they were feeding a theory that would mortify him.

"Now I've got you fer a quiet minute," Tsume said, flashing sharp teeth in a grin, "How d'you reckon Hinata-chan's doin'? She's so timid, I'm a little worried she's being squashed by my lot. D'you think she's okay? I c'n see if I c'n move ya to the Aburame compound or something, where it's not as rough."

Hiashi took his usual long moment to consider an answer. "No," he said eventually, looking for ripples in the surface of his tea. "I believe that she is doing well, even improving. I admit that I was worried when she was first assigned to her squad, with a green jounin and your… _rambunctious_ son," Tsume grinned at the diplomatic wording, sure that her friend would rather say 'hellion', "but I was wrong. She has grown much more confident in the last few months. I thought this latest business with Kumo would upset her, but she seems fine. Kiba-kun has looked after her. He is good for her, I think."

A glowing report for a mother to hear. Tsume beamed unabashedly.

The smile made the group of watching young women on the other side of the garden almost wild to know what was being discussed.

"What are they saying?" hissed one

"They're… they're talking about their kids," another said, squinting to make out the lip movements. Her eyes widened as he recognised a particular phrase. "Hiashi-san just said 'Kiba-kun is good for Hinata-chan'! You were right! They are so _totally_ hooking them up!"

That seemed to seal the deal. The girls dispersed to tell the tale to all their friends, leaving with enough clatter and flurry to make both clan heads watch them go with bemusement.

* * *

"Hanabi! You didn't tell me you were engaged!"

The call echoed through the Academy playground, and Hanabi wheeled to face her on-again-off-again friend Kiki.

"_What?!"_

"It's all over the village that you're engaged to Hatake Naruto-san!" Kiki gushed. "My O-neesan said Hyuuga-sama was going to make the announcement any day! She said your sister was to marry Inuzuka Kiba-san and you Hatake Naruto-san! Oh, I'm so excited."

"Your sister was misinformed," Hanabi informed her friend with all the coldness she could muster.

"Oh, I don't think so," piped up Hanaku, another classmate. "It's all over the village, Hanabi. Everyone knows."

Hanabi looked from face to face, searching for a joke. There was none to be found – even random classmates she barely knew were nodding their agreement. "I… it's not possible," she said. "Father would have told me."

Probably. Unless he was trying to discreetly arrange a way to get her out of the family as soon as possible. Kiki seemed to take her stricken expression as confirmation and giggled. "At least Naruto-san's kind of cute. I mean, he's not Sasuke-san, but he's not bad-looking either."

Thankfully, their sensei appeared to call them back to class and saved Hanabi from answering. Her mind was reeling. She had to stop this, before it was formally announced. Had to. She shouldn't be engaged yet, not until she was at least sixteen – and then it should be to a Hyuuga, not some half-cast Outsider.

_I'll find Neji-niisan after class_, she decided. _He'll help me._

* * *

It was noisy in the Inuzuka compound. Hiashi was struggling over his documents, trying to focus. He, as the Clan Head, was faced with the problem of feeding, clothing and sheltering his destitute family. The other clans had been surprisingly kind, splitting the Hyuuga between them, but that couldn't last. The Hyuuga compound must be rebuilt – and the Hyuuga fortune reamassed. The clan still had money – that which was kept in banks and in the Hokage's coffers – and were still the owners of a significant portion of the civilian section of the village. But so much had been lost. Priceless art and heirlooms, expensive clothes, antique weapons… the total cost was staggering.

Hiashi could feel his blood pressure inching upwards so he paused and closed his eyes, taking a few deep breaths. He reminded himself that no lives had been lost, and that the working Hyuuga were still earning money. They were okay. Everything was okay.

The door opened softly, heralding a visitor to the bedroom/study. "Uncle."

"Father."

Hiashi, already halfway through turning after the first salutation, heard the second and dropped his brush. It clattered onto the table, then into his lap and made a spectacular ink stain on pristine papers and clothes. The Hyuuga man didn't notice, jumping out of his chair and rushing around to face his nephew and youngest daughter.

"Oh gods, what's happened?" he said. Images flashed through his mind, each more alarming than the last as he tried to conceive what could be horrific enough to unite these two. "Are you two alright? Is Hinata – is she hurt?"

Hanabi flashed him a perfect 'don't be stupid' look. "Father, we need to _speak_ with you," she said in her sulky little voice. Hiashi frowned and opened his mouth to ask her what the problem was when they were interrupted. Their hostess stood at the base of the stairs and hollered, her voice reaching every corner of the home.

"DINNER TIME! EVERYONE TO THE TABLE! _NOW_!"

Hiashi hesitated, then stood. "We will discuss this after dinner," he said, looking between his daughter and nephew. He glanced down and realised how messy he was, and sighed. No time to change, but it would be unbearable to turn up looking like he'd been splashing in an ink puddle. Resigning himself to an evening of being overly warm, he lifted an over-robe and pulled it over his clothes, effectively concealing the mess.

"Come," he said to his children, and led them to the dining room.

The Inuzuka family were already there, fighting over dishes. This house belonged to Tsume, so only she and her two children lived there. It was something of a relief: Hiashi didn't think he could cope in a dorm-style room with eight or nine Inuzuka crawling all over the place.

It wasn't far into the meal before Kiba stopped loudly recounting his last training session and turned to the guests.

"Hyuuga-san?"

Hiashi observed the relief of Tsume's face as her son added the polite suffix. Hiding a smile, he said, "Yes, Kiba-kun?"

The genin chewed noisily, gulping down his mouthful in a way that made Hanabi turn up her nose and Hinata look on fondly. "Why d'ya need to build a new compound?" he asked, already chomping on more fish.

"Well, we must live somewhere."

Hiashi thought that answer perfectly mild _and_ polite, but the boy still scowled at him as if he'd been insulting. "I know that!"

"Kiba, don't shout," said Hana, simultaneously shoving an overly bold puppy off the table and swatting the genin upside the head. As uncouth as the action was, it caused Kiba to modulate his behaviour and quieten down. Hiashi glanced at Hinata contemplatively: perhaps he could convince her to emulate Hana and take her sister in hand. Who knew? A sibling's punishment might succeed where his own had failed.

"It's a good point," said Hanabi, sounding as snooty and brattish as ever. "I mean, here we are homeless while the Uchiha compound stands empty."

Ah, damn. This argument again. Hiashi couldn't hold back his sigh as he laid aside his chopsticks and faced off against his daughter – again. "Although it is currently empty, we cannot simply take over the Uchiha compound," he said.

"Why not?"

Hiashi turned back to Kiba, who had asked. "Because it does not belong to us," he replied. "It belongs to Uchiha Sasuke-kun. I will not rob him because he is young and alone. Perhaps once I would have, but…"

"Well, why don't we just _buy_ it?" said Neji, who was very tired of the Inuzuka boys teasing him about his stiff manners and Branch seal.

"Because it would be cheaper to rebuild our own," Hiashi replied, helping himself to some of the unidentifiable rice dish Hana had made. "We still own the land and the foundations, and the few buildings that survived."

The conversation died, allowing an unusual moment of silence to creep in. Hana dug at her rice with her chopsticks, one sharp canine chewing the corner of her mouth. It was obvious she was considering whether or not to speak.

"So," she said, a sparkle of humour in the eyes she glanced around the table with. "I hear there's cause for celebration."

"Why, hun?" said Tsume, refilling her bowl.

"It's all over the village that there's a new alliance being formed between the Hyuuga and Inuzuka."

Hiashi and Tsume blinked at one another. "A new alliance?" Hiashi repeated, perturbed. He hadn't heard such a rumour, but it would explain a few of the knowing grins he'd been receiving from men around the village. Perhaps they thought he was taking advantage of Tsume's gender to work an alliance contract to his advantage? Clearly, these men had never met Tsume – he had a feeling that if he were to ever sign a contract with her, he would be the one on the short end.

Hana was grinning, full of mischief. "Well," she said, drawing out the word, "it's being said that you two are so in love, adore one another to such a degree, that you are determined to unite our families. And, since you are both Clan Heads, you can't marry. The next best is to engage our respective scions."

The three Hyuuga had put on identical looks of horror. Tsume's mouth had fallen open, allowing a trickle of rice to tumble down her chin. Only Kiba was blank. "What's 'scion'?" he asked.

"Heir," Hana supplied. She watched the gears click around in her little brother's head, watched him realise who was the only son of the Inuzuka Head, and who was the Hyuuga Head's eldest daughter.

"WHAT?!" he hollered, jumping to his feet. Hinata turned all shades of red and began to sway. "MA!" Kiba said, turning to Tsume. The shout seemed to unstick her, and she closed her mouth, swallowed what little remained inside, and then turned to her daughter with murder in her eyes.

"Don't kill me, Ma," Hana defended. "Jiro-kun _and_ Taka-san both asked me when the engagement was going to be formally announced during our mission today."

Hiashi reached to take his daughter in his arms as she swooned, holding her upright. "Breathe, Hinata," he said. "Don't faint. It's alright." To Hana, he said in a much harsher tone, "Where did you get this _preposterous _idea?"

"It's all over the village!" Hanabi put in, indignant. "That's what we wanted to talk to you about before dinner!"

"Uncle, you can't marry both your heirs outside the clan," Neji put in. "It's most unwise."

Hiashi wondered if Neji realised that – assuming this _fairytale_ was true – he would be the next in line to lead the clan. Probably not, because chances were he'd jump at the chance to join the Main branch and remove that seal.

Tsume decided to intervene. "Okay, enough. Ain't nobody marryin' anybody for another ten years at least. We'll talk this all over then," she said. "'Cept you, Hana – you better get yer arse in gear and find yerself a man before I do it myself."

Hana made a face: she doubted her ma would make good on her threat.

Hiashi decided to put an end to the familial discord once and for all. "There is to be no betrothal of any kind," he said firmly. "There is no formal alliance between our clans, nor with the Hatake family. Tomorrow, I will make an announcement that I do not intend to engage my children and request that betrothal suits be put off until you are all old enough to accept them yourselves. That should resolve the issue."

The four children at the table looked at one another, the distress slowly leaking off every face to be replaced with a peculiar peace. Hiashi looked around the table and marvelled. He had just professed separation, but it seemed to have had the opposite effect. The young ones were united.

* * *

"So," drawled a voice, "I was thinking a June wedding."

The group froze at the sound, and one by one turned around to see the jounin crouched like a spider on top of the wall. He titled his head and smiled. "Yo."

"…Kakashi." Kurenai was the first to recover and smiled. "We don't often see you this time of day."

"Yeah." Kakashi slithered down the wall and stood to lean against it, terrifyingly casual. "Do you guys see this patch here?" He gestured to his left shoulder. A wet, brown patch had darkened it. "Naruto threw Mr Ukki at me while screaming something about arranged marriages. You guys wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"

Oh, look at that. Wide, innocent looks all around. "No, Kakashi," said Anko, pulling a dango stick through her teeth so her cheeks bulged with all three balls. Kurenai patted her on the back when she started to choke, shifting and accidentally giving Kakashi a clear view to-

"Tenzou. Since when do you hang out here?"

"You're a jerk, never introducing us to your ANBU friend, Kakashi," said Asuma. Kakashi noticed the protective circle his friends had – subconsciously, he was sure – formed around Tenzou, and had to suppress a laugh.

"You're allowed to have friends, Ten," he said. "I'm not mad. I'm not even going to dob you in to the Head of ANBU for this little… I'm going to go with _unauthorised_ jaunt outside HQ."

"Are you on-duty, Tenzou?" Kurenai said, surprised. Most of the rest of the group shared a kind of smiling grimace at her innocence. She was the only one of them who'd had no contact with ANBU at any point in her career.

Anko rescued Tenzou before the embarrassed man had to explain. "You can't just wander around when you're in the corps," she said. "Ever wonder why you never bump into Yuugao or Hayate at the supermarket? You have to apply for leave to go into the village, or, well, anywhere."

"They keep you prisoner?" Kurenai shrieked, jumping to her feet in horror. Kakashi decided to step in.

"They don't keep them in _cages_, Kurenai," he said, putting a hand on her shoulder to stop her from flying off to boycott HQ with a 'free the operatives' sign. "The idea is to keep the village's best weapons ready to use. All of ANBU can be assembled and ready to fight a war in less than a minute. It's pretty easy to get permission for outings, and you can resign at any point as long as you're not on a mission."

The panic in the greener jounin's eyes calmed and she began to look embarrassed too. That was cute, standing next to the oh-so-uncomfortable-and-socially-awkward Tenzou. Kakashi briefly wondered if he'd be able to get the whole lot of them blushing. A photograph of that would be prime post-on-notice-board material. A moment later he dismissed the idea in favour of saying, "So, back to my problems."

"Because we all exist solely to solve them," teased Yuugao.

"No, you seem to exist to _cause_ them, so you can listen to me whine when they happen." Kakashi crossed his arms, trying for an intimidating pose. "I know one of you was the source of these rumours. And _when_ I find out who it was, I shall not hurt you, or scare you, or harm you in any way. Instead, I shall tell Naruto, Kiba-kun and each Hyuuga child who the culprit is."

Kakashi had no intension of following through on his threat – Naruto alone would tear them to pieces – but he enjoyed the uncomfortable look on his friends' faces. Especially Tenzou, the rumourmongerer. Even if Kakashi hadn't sensed him at the memorial stone during the festival, he'd be able to read it now in the ANBU's face.

Still, it was good that the shy Mokkuton user had made some new friends, friends he was apparently willing to sneak out of HQ for. Kakashi was pleased. He smiled, and said, "Well, now that's settled, I'm going to have a nap."

He wandered away, keeping an ear open to hear the conversation restart just before he was out of earshot – congratulating Tenzou on his escape, and assuring him that no one would betray him. With a grin, Kakashi jumped into a tree and pulled a piece of paper, a brush and a tube of ink from his vest. He thought about it for a moment, then dipped his brush into ink. _Dear Rin, _he wrote, _This has been a crazy week. By now, you would have heard the rumours. Don't worry, I'm not auctioning off Naruto's hand in marriage. You see, since his compound was destroyed, Hyuuga Hiashi has been spending a lot of time with Inuzuka Tsume…_

* * *

In a place as dark as his own mind, the constant _drip, drip, drip_ of water that threatened to drive him further into insanity. The cold made old injuries ache.

"This is ridiculous!"

The man shifted, trying not to react as a teenager stormed up to him. "It's not like you to come in like that, Itachi," he said quietly. The teen hesitated, and spoke in a much more controlled manner.

"Madara, it is a total waste of my time to continue searching for the Kyuubi. I will _not_ do it anymore!"

"You will do as you're told."

The younger raised his chin. "No," he said again. The man he'd called 'Madara' sighed inwardly, silently bemoaning how teenagerness made rebels out of the most compliant of boys. But he couldn't very well leave Itachi wandering around without a purpose, he'd get into trouble of some kind.

The trouble was, he'd been increasingly unsure of how to proceed. Kyuubi was gone with his host, and might never return. That great demon fox had slipped through his fingers and disappeared, taking any hopes of completing The Master Plan away with it. How would he do without the Kyuubi's power?

And meanwhile, they lived on in Konoha, happy and oblivious. Marada's fingers clenched around the arm of his chair at the thought. It made him furious, to think that _he _might be happy, might be anything less than absolutely miserable. He didn't deserve to be happy.

A new thought occurred to him, and he paused mid-mental rant. "Oh," he said aloud. "Very well, Itachi. I have a new task for you…"

* * *

Twin1: Yeah, I know that the exam is in June, this is in October, blah, but there's a huge hole in continuity in cannon, what with Naruto being thirteen sometime around the June exam… urgh. I've thought my way around it so many times, and decided I no longer care. The festival came first! So there! Next chapter, we get to the chuunin exam.

…Suspension of disbelief, for the purpose of moving this story forwards.

Twin2: Screw canon, we write fanfic!

Twin1: So, last time I had a super-long chapter, I split it. I got a lot of complaints, so this time I put the whole lot up. Any thoughts? Do you prefer this way, with pages and pages to read? It should tide you over, if nothing else.


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